Rhode Island Ridicule

(COLORADO SPRINGS, CO) Getting in to the practice facility of the defending Puck Bowl champs requires a fingerprint I.D. and a retinal scan. Deep in the heart of NORAD headquarters, the Rhode Island Ridicule are already making plans to get back to the PWFFL championship game at the end of 2003.

The first thing owner Libzie did to make sure none of the players lost their hunger following last year�s championship was to declare that no one was sacred. Everyone, including star receivers Terrell Owens and Hines Ward, has to � in theory � win a spot on the roster this year.

The Ridicule are already thin at WR heading into the August draft, which has Owens already running his mouth in the early days of camp. �I don�t understand why I even have to be here,� he said. �I mean, Coach has got us rolling back and forth on these oversized balls so I can fight for my position? No one�s gonna take my starting job away from me.�

Libzie has her players on a strict workout of balance balls and Pilates for the next few weeks before any real hard drills are scheduled.

The �no-one-is-safe� attitude appears to be working better in the backfield, where a few running backs are pondering whether they have a future with the team. While Tiki Barber�s roster spot appears to be a foregone conclusion, mainstay Jerome Bettis and newly-acquired back Anthony Thomas are trying to avoid injury and make the team. Add Kevan Barlow to the mix, and there could be too many running backs wanting too few carries in Rhode Island.

With Owens and Ward poised for repeat seasons, the word �carry� might be all but lost this year. Quarterbacks Peyton Manning, Tim Couch, and Chad Pennington all have a reputation of being pass-happy, but none of them knows who will be the starter.

�It�s still this big giant secret,� Manning said from his specially-designed compound/dorm room at the Ridicule practice facility. I mean, it could be me, it could be Chad, it could be Tim. Who knows? None of us has really gotten a chance to throw yet, what with this yoga Coach has us doing.�