10: "Is it true that you screwed a goat?"
9: "No offense.. or anything, but I think you're girlfriend's ugly."
8: "Look.. all I'm trying to say is that I wanted to paint your testicles.. is that too much to ask?!"
7: "Ever since I've known you, you've said s*#t 1,231 times.. and I am HIGHLY offended.. WAAAH!!"
6: "I think those biker shorts look super on you, Rufus."
5: "All I did was have sex with your mother.. it wasn't like she hated it or anything.."
4: "Next time I'll be raped by the inmates, and YOU can run like a sissy bastard."
3: "Have you ever had an inch INSIDE your anus?"
2: "You're always playing with yourself.. wanna play with ME too??"
1: "No, I did not cheat on you. They're all lying. They're all just trying to bring what WE have down. The a**holes.""
The 10 Greatest Pharmaceutical Medications With the Worst Symptoms
(of which I made up in my head)
10: Percertic-- Relieves the exhaustion of running long races, but it causes severe incontinence.
9: Bradypin-- Allows you to be incredibly aggressive and determined, but induces a stuttering problem
8: Testicall-- Allows you to have your testicles talk... but as a result your testicles have a REALLY BIG MOUTH.
7: Terinia-- Helps to heal severe cuts, but causes priopism
6: Distantil-- Makes you attractive to the ladies... but in a minimum of 400 miles away. (I am currently taking Distantil)
5: Polasol- *for men only* -Reduces your weight, but the fat is excreted urogenitally.
4: Mertina-- Prevents blindness, even though it causes severe.. blindness
3: Viagrow-- INCREASES the size of your member, but causes severe and inherant impotency
2: Conanol--Increases your height, but makes your appearance disproportionate and incredibly pale and inhuman-like
1: Stupidosol-- Causes diahhrea, nausea, dry mouth, anal bleeding, baldness, ulcers, scurvy, severe warts in.. every area, distorted perception, poison ivy, severe facial contusions, and rashes... and it is prescribed for social anxiety.
The 10 Most Common Misconceptions in Commercials Today
10: Cereal: Two grown men usually won't eat cereal when a perfectly good 'erotic dancing for women in underwear' class is in great view with a high-powered telescope right across the street.
9: SUV's: I have NEVER seen one scale a mountain. The owners are usually too scared to dirty the vehicle or scratch it with the rugged, yet tempered conditions of the outdoors.
8: Viagra: In these commercials you see the couples DANCING.. I don't think they're dancing when they use viagra.
7: Online Car Insurance: Who the f*#& lets their dog drive a g*#damned trucK??
6: Coke: Life does NOT taste good when drinking.. only the cola itself.. and to be honest.. coke doesn't taste that good anyway..haha..
5: Deodorant: Tom Green probably would have been eaten by those tigers in REAL LIFE..
4: Christian Childrens Charity: The children that appear in that video in reality live in New Jersey.
3: Reading Promotion: Reading a book will NOT take you into another world. It will, in reality, bore you to death.
2: Burger King: NOT ALL black people move their heads to the tempo of a really stereotypical R&B beat while eating a whopper and smiling. People know when they're being patronized.
1: Pepsi: If you look real closely, two pepsi bottles (one real and one a neon sign) shoot liquid from the tip of the bottle, indicating a subtle, falic nature with the direction and course of the commercial. the saddest thing is.. no one (not even me) gives a flying f*@&.