Sarah (Venusiline): My tax dollars at work.
> "Oh no! This horrible!" Alpha wailed.
> Venusiline agreed "My brother Plutonius and his Death Empire are here. That is Night-Slash, > one of his four generals. They are here to take over Earth."
Sam: You know, it is possible that they're just here for the soup.
> "What shall we do Venusiline?" Alpha asked.
Neal: The Conga! (Music starts up as all conga around the couch.)
> "There is no alternative. We must find the Nine Chosen Ones of the 21st Century. The > Power-Destiny must begin and we must awaken the Power-Destined!" Venusiline exclaimed.
Jake: Ask Gennai, he can help you.
Sam: Power-Destined, not Digi-Destined.
> Alpha agreed. But something on the monitor caught his attention. "Venusiline look."
Neal (Alpha): I can save 25% on Flobees if I call within the next five minutes.
Sarah: What are Flobees?
Neal: I don't know, I read it somewhere.
> Venusiline looked and saw a handsome and strongly built young man
Jake: Did we mention he was handsome? He's handsome.
> charging at Night-Slash.
> Ryan had had enough.
Sam: So have we.
> He wasn?t going to stand by and let others get hurt.
Neal: So sit down then.
> He had then charged at the ninja (Night-Slash).
Sarah: In case we're too stupid to figure it out.
> He let out a might roar
Jake: Mew.
> and leaped into the air. Night-Slash turned at the sound in turn to see Ryan. Ryan extended > his leg, launching a powerful kick into Night-Slash?s chest. Night-Slash doubled over, > bumping into the bladed monster.
Neal: Getting shredded in the process and died.
> Ryan turns his attention to the creatures (the Evilates)
Jake: Again, in case the audience is too stupid to figure it out.
> and attacked them as well. Ryan used all of his karate > skills against the Evilates, knocking each one to the ground as the other students got away. But Night-Slash was on his feet once more and threw two shurikens (ninja stars)
Sarah: Oh good grief. Hey, author, we're not that dumb! We can figure it out for ourselves!
> at Ryan. Ryan jumped over one and dodged the other, but the Evilates tackled him and held him > tight. He couldn?t move.
> Night-Slash was impressed by his skills, and angry at the kick he received. "So, you dare to deny me and my men, little boy?"
Sam: The term 'man' must be used very loosely here.
> Night-Slash asked cockily.
> Ryan stood brave. "Who are you? What do you think you?re doing?" he yelled.
> "I am Night-Slash, General to the forces of the Death Empire and servant to the all-powerful King Plutonius."
> "Death Empire? King Plutonius? What?!" Ryan was confused.
Sarah: He said 'I am Night-Slash, General to the forces of the Death Empire and servant to the all-powerful King Plutonius.'
> Night-Slash just laughed. "That really isn?t any point in telling you, because your life is > about to end."
All: Please!
> He turned to the monster, "Bladeon, take care of him."
All: Please!
> Bladeon, the monster nodded and extended a hand.
Neal (Bladeon): Give me five, brother!
> His hand was so large it wrapped around Ryan?s entire neck. He left Ryan in the air.
> Ryan started struggling, but couldn?t get free. Bladeon extended his other hand?s claws and > tightened the grip around Ryan, causing him to choke. Finally, just as Bladeon was about to > impale him, Ryan let out a loud yell. Instantly, Ryan?s body began to emit red energy.
Sam: Don't tell me he's going Super Saiyan.
Sarah: No, he's just flaming on.
Sam: So now he thinks he's the Human Torch.
> Bladeon, still gripping Ryan, was too stunned to attack. Night-Slash and the Evilates backed > away. Night-Slash?s eyes widen. "Can it be?" he asked himself.
Jake: The man of my dreams!
Sarah (reaching over and hitting him in the back of the head): That was sick.
Jake: Thank you.
> Venusiline and Alpha had been watching the entire scene and was staring at Ryan as the red > energy exploded from his body. The monitor closed in on Ryan?s face and a red symbol appeared > upon his > forehead. The symbol resembled the shape of a
Sam: Middle finger.
> flame.
> Venusiline?s eyes widen. "The Power-Destined Symbol of Fire!" she cried, "He is one of the Nine > Chosen Ones. Alpha, bring him here immediately."
> Alpha did as he was told and started pressing buttons on the computer console.
Sarah: Not any particular buttons, just buttons in general.
> Night-Slash quickly pulled out his katana blade (sword)
Neal: My sword's better.
> and charged toward Ryan. But before he could strike, Ryan disappeared in a blaze of red light.
> "No!" Night-Slash snarled, "Venusiline has got him!"
Jake (Night-Slash, whining): She gets all the good ones!
> Ryan couldn?t see anything in front of his face.
Sarah: Hey Einstein, try opening your eyes.
> All he saw red light and it felt like he had no body.
Sam: I thought he had that Sabrina person.
> But instantly, the light vanished and he was in a different place. There were computers and > technological devices anywhere in the strange room in was in.
Neal: Alas, the author has come under siege from the Department of Redundancy Department.
> Then he saw the robot (Alpha 7) and Venusiline.
(Sarah begins to open her mouth but decides against saying anything.)
> He was confused just as ever.
> "Greetings, young one." Venusiline replied.
> "Salutations, human" Alpha greeted.
Jake: David Yost returns to Power Rangers, though in a slightly different roll.
> Ryan was stunned. "Who are you?
Neal: I'm Batman!
Jake: I'm your worst nightmare.
Sarah: I am the terror that flaps in the night!
Sam: I'm hungry.
> What am I doing here?"
> "I am Venusiline," Venusiline introduced herself, "a being from a distant galaxy called Power Empyreal."
Sam: So she's from the Sailor Moon world?
Sarah: First of all, that's Power Empyreal, not Silver Imperium. And second, since when do you watch Sailor Moon?
(Sam is silent.)
> "And I?m Alpha 7." Alpha replied.
Jake: Alpha 007, license to annoy.
> Ryan was a little relived. Somehow deep inside, he knew these two meant no harm to him.
Neal (Bugs Bunny): He don't know them vewy well, do he?
> "Listen, thanks for saving me. But those things are stay out there, hurting people" he > exclaimed urgently.
> "We know," Venusiline answered, "so we have brought you here so you may stop them and protect > your city and the world, Ryan Li."
Sam: No relation to Billy or Jimmy Li.
> Ryan was even more confused.
Jake: Join the club.
> "How did you know my name and did you say that I?m going to... save the world."
> Venusiline knew Ryan still didn?t understand. "Just watch the monitor and your question shall be answered Ryan."
Neal (Zordon): Behold the Viewing Globe. (All stare at him.)
> Alpha hit a few more switches
Sarah: Hey, what did those switches ever do to you?
> and the monitor hummed to life.
> The image that was displayed showed a man in dark, gloomy garments. "This is my brother, > King Plutonius, ruler of the evil Death Empire." she explained.
Jake: To recap what we already know.
> A new image showed the Evilates and an army of hideous monsters. Venusiline continued. "His > empire had come here to spread their evil in our Solar System."
> The last image showed Night-Slash along with two other men and a woman. "With the aid of his > four generals, he plans to first conquer Earth." she concluded.
Neal: Never mind trying to get the other eight planets in the Solar System.
> Ryan was puzzled. "What does this have to do with me?"
> "We have brought you here for you are one of the Nine Chosen Ones destined to carry out the > Power-Destiny, the divine mission to protect Earth. As said in the Power-Prophecy." Alpha > explained.
> "A prophecy?" Ryan asked.
> Venusiline recited the prophecy to Ryan.
> "Within each century,
Sam: Oh no! We're back at the beginning! (All scream in terror.)
> If doom should strike the world,
> Nine Chosen Ones shall be brought forth...
> Nine young people born
Neal: Well which is it, born or brought forth?
> and given the Power-Destiny.
Sarah: Whoever thought up that prophecy should be shot.
> They will be given the most divine power,
> The power to fight to protect the world and humanity,
> And to vanquish the forces of evil...
> They are the Power-Destined."
> Ryan was getting a clearer understanding, but wasn?t sure to believe it.
Sam: Well we don't get it and we don't believe it.
> "So you?re saying a > group teenagers called the Power-Destined are brought together in each century to protect the > world from evil forces. And I am one of them for this century."
> "Not just one of them, you are their leader." Alpha cried excitedly.
All: We're doomed.
> "Leader?" Ryan asked. "But how can I do this. I can?t go battling evil forces. Do even know for > sure I destined to do this."
Jake (Venusiline): I don't know, let me ask even.
> Venusiline nodded. "You gained the Power-Destined Symbol of Fire
Neal: It's his crest.
Sarah: How many times must I tell you, it's Power-Destined not Digi-Destined.
> as you attempt to fight the one called Night-Slash, as you can see."
Ryan gazed at the monitor as he saw the image of himself lifted by the throat by the Bladeon monster. He then saw his body emitting red energy and a close-up of his face as his forehead gained a flaming symbol.
Jake: To recap what happened thirty seconds ago.
> Ryan was stunned and rubbed his forehead. "As you can see," Venusiline continued, "you are > destined to fight the forces of evil as the Power-Destined of Fire."
> Venusiline?s eyes began to blaze with white light as a red glow appeared before Ryan. Ryan > shielded his eyes, waiting for the light to clear. When he opened his eyes, he saw a strange > object, floating before him. The object resembled a pair of headphones with an antenna at the > right side and a small microphone on the left side. Both sides displayed the number 1.
All: ...
Sarah: I guess this is the morpher for this series.
> "What is that?" Ryan asked.
> "This you?re A.C.M. Power MIC." Alpha explained, "When you speak the activation phrase into the > microphone, the antenna emits energy to morph you into a powerful warrior, a member of the Power
> Rangers A.C.M."
> "A.C.M.?" Ryan asked.
Sam: Any Canadian Man?
Neal: A Crazy Martian?
Sarah: Argentina Cabinet Member?
Jake: Ass-Choking Monkey?
> "It stands for ?Aviator Combat Morphs?" Alpha explained.
All: Oh.
> "As a Power Ranger," Venusiline continued, "you small gain access to incredible power and > capabilities. These are only to be used to fulfill your mission. Now Ryan, reach out and except > your destiny."
> Ryan cautiously reached out to the A.C.M. Power MIC. He held it and Alpha motioned for him to put > it on.
Jake: Why am I hearing Genesis' Land Of Confusion?
Neal: Because that's what this is, confusing.
> "Now say ?Red Ranger, A.C.M. # 1.?" Venusiline instructed.
Sarah: So now they're combining elements from the Zeo and Turbo series.
Sam: Can we say "weird."
> Ryan wasn?t sure, put deep down he knew they speak the truth and he had to trust them.
> "Red Ranger, A.C.M. # 1!" he cried.
> Instantly in a blaze of red light, the Power-Destined Symbol of Fire appeared on Ryan?s forehand > and his body was engulfed in fire.
Neal: Burning him to death.
> Somehow the fire didn?t hurt him.
Neal: Rats.
> When the flames cleared, he > was wearing a red and white skin-tight uniform with white gloves and boots. The symbol on his > forehead flashed and a red helmet appeared around his head and the A.C.M. Power MIC becomes > part of his helmet. He wore a white belt that had a pouch at both his right and left hip. The > right pouch held a small red dagger and the other held a small red pistol. On the chest of the > uniform was a winged chest-plate, displaying the number 1. > Ryan studied his new attire. He was awestruck. Was he really destined to be a superhero?
Sam: One more time, people!
All: We're doomed.
"You are now the Red A.C.M. Ranger, leader of the soon to be Power Rangers: Aviator Combat Morphs." Venusiline smiled.
> Meanwhile, Night-Slash and the Bladeon monster moved their attack to the city.
Sarah: Where were they before?
> Sabrina, letting her curiosity get the best of her had followed. She watches as the two > horrible warriors
Jake: But enough about Cell and Akuma.
> terrorize the city.
> "This can?t happened." Sabrina whispered to herself as she tried to stay out of sight. > "Something has to be done." > "What do you plan to do about it?" a voice asked.
Neal (Sabrina): Well nothing really, I'm just pointing it out.
> Sabrina turns around and was staring into the face of an Evilate.
Sam: Hey, the mindless foot soldiers aren't suppose to talk.
> She let out a blood-curdling scream.
Sarah: God, this makes me sick!
Neal: Huh, what do you mean?
Sam: Yeah, what makes you sick?
Sarah: I mean the fact that the author is portraying females like a bunch of worthless dummies who can't do anything without the male hero's help, that all we're here to do is look good and make the male characters look like heros.
(Jake leaves as Sarah continues.)
Hey author, I got news for you!We're more than just breast and legs! We can do stuff too! Females can do some stuff better than worthless males.
Neal: Hey!
Sarah: Sorry. Where was I? Oh, yeah. This is the twenty-first century, Mr. author! The era of damsels in distress is over! And if you think you can just
(A blast of water knocks Sarah into the far wall. Jake appears holding a garden hose.)
Sam: Uh... Jake, where did you get the hose?
Jake: I found it over there under a sign that says 'Use in case of constant ranting.'
Sarah (groaning): What hit me?
Sam: You started burning up, Jake had to cool you down. That's all you need to know.
(Sarah returns to her seat.)
> Ryan had removed the helmet
All: Gyah!
> to get a better look at the monitor as the evil terrorists continued > striking the city. Then the monitor focused on another image.
Sarah (Venusiline): Alpha, how did your porn pictures get on the screen.
Jake (Alpha 7): Um...
> It was Sabrina being held by the > Evilates.
Neal: So why doesn't she use her magic to escape?
Jake: Wrong Sabrina.
Neal: Oh.
> "That?s Sabrina!" he cried.
> "She is in danger," Alpha explained, "you must save her."
Sam: No, let's just let her die.
Sarah: Boy, Sam, that was dark.
Sam: Sorry, it was meant to be sarcastic.
> "But how would I know what to do?" Ryan asked, still unsure of what was happening to his life.
Jake: Let's see, you started your first day of high school, you met up with a stereotypical ninja and a walking cuisinart, been rescued by Miss China 2000 and a robot that's tied with Wheelie as the "Most Annoying Robot in a Series" award, and just saw your girlfriend get kidnapped. What's there to be unsure of?
> "You are the now the Red A.C.M. Ranger." Venusiline smiled, "You will know what to do when > looking into your heart. You must believe in yourself, Ryan Li."
Neal: Oh just admit you don't know.
Sarah (Venusiline): Damn, found me out.
> Ryan looked at Alpha and Venusiline. He felt he could trust them and he wanted to save Sabrina.
"Okay," he smiled, "Let?s do it!"
Neal: And Rachel comes in and beats him up for stealing her line.
> "Oh, somebody help me!"
Sarah: Grrrr.
Jake: Careful, Sarah, I still have the hose.
(Sara shuts up.)
> Sabrina struggled to get away from the Evilates. Night-Slash was just > laughing at her.
> "Nobody can save you now, little girl." he replied wickedly.
All (cynically): Wanna bet?
> "Oh, please someone help me." Sabrina yelled again. She then looked up at the sound of a > horrible laugh and came face-to-face with the Bladeon monster.
Neal (Bladeon): Give Uncle Scrotor a smooch.
> Sabrina screamed in fear as the monster hoisted her in the air, ready to slice her to parts. > His grip around her neck was always knocking her out.
Jake: So this isn't the first time she got kidnapped by monsters.
Neal: Actually, I heard she also starred in a Godzilla movie and was reccomended for an episode of Walker: Texas Ranger. Both rolls were victums.
> "Soon your kind will cease to exist!" the Bladeon cried,
Sarah: Hey wait a minute, isn't King Plutonius human?
(All think about it for a moment.)
> "Once King Plutonius takes control of this galaxy, he will destroy you humans all!"
> "Let her go!" a voice ordered.
> "What?"
Jake: He said 'let her go.'
> Night-Slash, Bladeon and the Evilates looked up to a building and saw the silhouette of > a figure dressed in red.
Sam: Little Red Ridinghood's back and she's pissed.
Sarah (Little Red Ridinghood): If that wolf shows his snout in front of me again, I'll whoop his @$$ to kingdom come.
> "I said let her go, now!" It was Ryan, ready to take them on.
> "And who might you be?" Bladeon snapped.
Neal: Nah, we already did that.
> Sabrina looked up weakly at the figure who was her best friend,
Jake: So she already knows his secret identity. Swell.
> but passed out suddenly. > Ryan gasped. He had enough of this. > "Protected by justice, I am the warrior of fire and leader of the Earth?s defenders. I am the > Red A.C.M. Ranger!" Ryan cried.
Sam: ...
Neal: ...
Sarah: ...
Jake: ...
All: ...
Neal: Okay, this has officially crossed the line into the 'ridiculous zone.'
Sam: This is getting dangerously moonie.
Sarah: If he says "in the name of the moon, I will punish you," I am taking Neal's sword and drilling it through the screen.
Jake: I think we need to take a break.
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