stub008

From: [email protected]

ur pc suck i need help on this thing well n-e ways help me
i need a new burner kauze urs suck ight help meeh u mothafuqer...

(You really need to try very hard to make this many spelling errors and "babygirl" has quite a mouth on her! Well, then, i guess we need to mail her a new CD burner then...)

Welcome to the daily hail of stupid people that e-mail technical support people. I know, because I was one of them at Musicmatch, makers of a MP3 player software program. You wouldn't believe the anger we've recieved from this little unobtrusive program! Typical of me, I kept an ongoing collection of the cream of the crop. And, as usual, spelling mistakes galore and profanity abounds in all these mental giants. Here's a small quick sampling...

(Note: The domain names of the letters have been "x'ed" out to protect the dumbass. But, the spelling is intact. My comments are in italics.)

From: [email protected]

Rip off! I down loaded to get the free up graded version of music Matchbox and it stincks! How get the old vertsion back? PLease don't ask why because you know!!!!!!

(How nice of the man to brake down all the three syllable words to just two. And I don't know who music Matchbox is, we're MusicMatch... but, according to him, I already know all this...)

From: unknown

There is a hole in my monitor and i am afriad that musicmatchbox has put in a webcamera and you guys are watching me right now. Can you see me waving? Is that why you have a veiwing square? If so how can i see other peoples? and is that where i speak to for my cumpotetr problems??????What time do i staat? I canot find times in help files.

(wow. This person is actually living in a public city without any restrictions. Makes you feel very afraid. Ah, and that magical monitor that sucks up your soul...I swear up and down, this is not a joke.)

From: [email protected]

When I try to download free mp3 Musicmast, all i got was a picture inside the screen showing the planet earth and a piece of paper going to my file on the right of the screen. As the piece of paper was going into my file a red spark (like a red astrik) whould show up. Can you help me?

(yes I can. Do you still have the box the computer came in? Great! Then pack it up and give it to someone with a clue cause you're too stupid to own an electronic device. Do you think this is her first download experience ever? Should we tell her about the spying soul-sucking monitor?)

And now a collection of the worst of brain cell misfires:

...Please reply soon if i cant get assistance I will have to cancel my order. Which i did today already...

...you prick, save your patronising i'll take it further as i don't have tijme for airheads...

...sorry, but your Musikmatch for Linix is only a wine emulation with shit. Sorry for my bad english...

...I'm musicmatch DISK JORKY downtown. I want to get program but i have no money. I'm very sorry...

...dick full while accessing C:/program files/musicmatch. help...

...can u fuck off with these billshit e-mails... (BILLshit?)

...I'M SORRY BUT I DO NOT HAVE GIRLFRIENDS OR ANT FRIENDS AT ALL BECAUSE I HAVE C.P. AND NO ONE WANTS TO BE SEEN WITH A HANDICAPPED PERSON OK...

...the icon to go to musicbox is like a blue thingamabob with a yellow dot and he said his is a wheely looking thing...

...FRIENDS MUSICMATCH, I AM FANATIC. SEND FREE CD. I AM VERY REGARDS...

...I spent over $40.00 for a kick to the balls as far as I'm concerned...

...I am called Tomas Coins! and i write so that they say like me! To me more soon possible?...

...(translated from french: "Va te faire enculer salope j'encule ta grand mere" ) Will make you fuck up the ass bitch I fuck up the ass you large mother... (so thats what it looks like in french!)

...I don't have writable CD drive. Do you offer this service?...

...I need to know how to get songs on a blank CD without a scanner...

...don't send me stuf im done with music i like games more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

...i kan not inglish sorry...