As some of you know, I used to dabble in alternative bands in the mid 80's thru the 90's. Here's the first of some of the semi-true adventures on "the road"...

Band Journal Entry: 4/13/91

JT's underware was stolen. All of it. he pulled open the rusty door on the old vintage '56 Maytag expecting to retrieve his freashly scrubbed briefs, only to be greeted by a puff of hot air and an empty dryer.

His astonishment was understandable. After all, these were not your glamorous Marky Mark shorts. These were REAL jockeys: waistband all streched out and lifeless, trim around the legs torn and hanging like some kind of pathetic fringe, and all of it tinted witha grayish hue from being thrown in too many times with the tie-dyes. We're not talking about goods that are easy to fence!

Thus, it doesn't take a criminologist to figure out the whole affair has "Wacko" written all over it. After all, there's just not a lot of people who can fill JT's shorts! He's a tall guy. On the average sick-o, JT's underwear would hang around the knee region. You add to that the above mentioned fringe, and you have something that looks like David Lynch's version of a 1920's flapper (remember when you were a little kid and run across a pair of your dad's underwear and think to yourself "Geez, putting these on would be like trying to wear a bathtub!") Perhaps you're getting the picture...

Okay, this is probably more than you ever wanted to know about JT's underwear. The point is that this town's getting a little heavy. We can handle the riots, the drive-by shootings, the car jackings, But it's the man's shorts for Chrisakes! Something has to be sacred, and were drawing the line at the briefs.

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Copywrite1999 Michael Avila & Pseudopod Corp. Celeberty voices impersonated.