Visit Esther Wen-Li's webpage HERE!

Mid-2000...
We're entering an age of signs and wonders :-) Hannah is learning to communicate via sign language quite well. She took me by the hand to her highchair the other night and signed, "Eat, Banana, Please"!!! She signs "Cookie" when she wants that too (unfortunately, she pushes her dinner away, grunts emphatically, and signs, "Cookie, Cookie, Cookie", and then to top it off, very very enthusiastically signs, "Please" (it's all I can do to make her finish her stupid dinner before breaking down and giving her the whole bag of cookies!). She's learning to read too. When I ask her "what book is this?" She will say and sign "moon" (for "Goodnight Moon"), or shrug her shoulders for "Where's My Sneaker?" If I point to the words "Foot" and "Book" (for Seuss's "The Foot Book") she will either raise her foot, or sign book (accordingly). She will also "Moo" when asked "What word is this?" (pointing to Moo in "Mr. Brown Can Moo"). She will drum on anything in sight (including herself) when asked about the book "Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb [drum ditty drum ditty drum drum drum]". How fun, don't you think?? She *loves* music and will stand by the basement door "grooving to the beat" when David and his band are playing down there, and she enjoys dancing to her daddy's guitar playing. She holds her little "light" out for "This Little Light of Mine", and signs "baby" when singing "He's got the little bitty baby in His Hands" Still her only verbal communication remains "Moo" (for either "Moo" or "Moon"), and a variety of animal sounds (her 3 favorite and definitely distinct being elephant, cow, and a grunting hedgehog). Well, her other favorite "word" is "Uh, uh, uh" which means "serve me now you lowly peasant"... but we're working on eliminating that one![Back to Top]

Hannah in China

Hannah's first day home

Hannah and sister, Rachel

Hannah with apple

"Fish Face!"

"Peek-a-boo!"

December 4, 2000... "Ah-ah dada"
Many know of our constant heartfelt prayers for Hannah and the length of time it has taken her to form a deeper bond with us. First let me tell you God *is* answering those prayers: in His time. Over the past 6 months, she went from a happily detached baby, to an angry detached baby, to a happily semi-attached baby, and is definitely on the move toward a deeper and more appropriate attachment. We have worked diligently with her (though it's not really like work, it's more like really aggressive and determined, purposeful and directed love), and she is finally showing signs that she understand we are hers forever, she is ours forever, home is a safe place to be, and love really is worth fighting for. 6 months ago she avoided gazing into people's eyes, now she is happy to let us really "behold" her, to interact deeply with loving eye-contact. 6 months ago, she saw us only as another set of "nannies" and did not differentiate between us and the next set of arms, now she not only recognizes us, she prefers us. 6 months ago she had no use for people, she was far too content to play on her own, and now she has a very healthy balance of playing on her own and actively desiring someone to play with or read to her. 6 months ago, if you could sit her on your lap long enough to read anything to her, she would sit ram-rod straight, then, as if overnight, I recently found her leaning back, snuggling against me as I read to her, content, at rest, and happy with her lot. 6 months ago she knew no English, and now she can make the noises of several animals (cow: "Mboo" is my all-time favorite, though elephant runs a close second as she makes the noise while doing the sign for it at the same time!), and says "Book" (without the "k") while signing. She knows many other signs: Tree, Turtle, More, Cookie, Cup, Water, Eat, Drink, Apple, Green, Red, Yellow, Moon, and others. She is able to follow simple commands, and shows pride in her accomplishments. 6 months ago she couldn't eat solid foods, sit, stand, crawl, walk, or lay on her stomach. She does all of the above now with great enthusiasm. She prefers holding hands to walk, but is venturing steps holding only one hand, and will walk unassisted for short distances. Her great unassisted walking adventure was a distance of about 20' down the hallway. She went *very* slowly, each step very deliberate and calculated, but she was very determined and very proud when she tuckered out and sat down :*) This morning, my "had to call Greg at work" moment was this: Hannah was playing sweetly in her playpen, I was 3' away in the kitchen. I heard her making little noises every so often to one or another of her toys, and then I heard silence, then very sweetly, almost reverentially, "Ah-ah dada, ah-ah dada". This I had to see. I turned around quietly so as not to disturb the moment, from the distance peeked over the playpen rail, and this is what I saw: Hannah, cradling a baby doll in her lap, sweetly and soothingly cooing to her. Then, she leans over and kisses the baby on the face, pats her gently, and covers her with a blanket. My heart almost stops. I want to capture everything there is about the moment. Tears spring to my eyes, silent shouts of praise go up to God, and everything in me wants to go scoop her up and smother her with kisses.... but I don't want to break that blessed moment between a mother and her baby... even though the "mother" is 14 months old, and the baby is "only" a doll.

Martha Hackenberger
12/4/00 -- 6 months to the day since we brought our precious "mother" home [Back to Top]

Dear Family and Friends! Holiday Season 2000 Another year come and gone. Another year filled to overflowing:
*trying to find creative ways to consume all that Y2K "bomb shelter" stock (never before have we ever been so well prepared for those postal canned-good drives!)
*Rachel is going to Covenant College in Lookout Mountain GA (too far away from home by my standards). She is still playing cello, enjoying academics from a Christian perspective and having a social life 24/7! We are glad she has this opportunity, but boy, do we miss her.
*David, 16 years old, plays drums in his own band, Ipacak. They recorded their own music cd and have sold many! They are very popular! His band wrote a never-good-bye song for Rachel's going away party. It is one of our favorites (lyrics and music). Visit them at http://www.Ipacak.com. He played for the church's youth worship band, and for the inner-city missions trip this summer that he and Rachel served on. He got his braces off, yea!
*Daniel, 14 years old, 9th grade and in high school, joined the marching band so life will never be the same. Practice consumes everyday after school 'til late evening, and weekends are consumed by competitions and football games. I kept thinking, "we only have to hang on till Thanksgiving" when he announced he's going to join the winter band....
*both boys tower over me in height! I'm feeling quite short these days.
*Greg's job moved from 45 minutes away to12 minutes away! We can see each other at lunch, or walk the local track, and he's now able get home a lot earlier! He gave banjo lessons this year, and plays guitar for the children's ministry at church once a month.
*Greg and I took a really big trip this year, one that has changed our lives forever! May 31 we went to Philadelphia Intnl Airport and boarded a plane for Detroit (doesn't sound very impressive, hang on). After a 5 hour layover, we boarded yet another plane for Beijing China. There we spent 3 days touring, getting a taste of China's endearing beauty, rich culture, and her long history. The morning of June 4, we boarded yet another plane and flew to Hefei, in the Anhui Province. Arriving in our hotel around 1, we were told to assemble ourselves (us and 10 other families) in the lobby on the fourth floor. There, we all paced wondering when we would be allowed in the room....And then our facilitator told us, "The Babies are here". What a heart stopping moment! We will always remember being handed our precious baby, Hannah Adriel LingQuan (pronounced Ling Chwen). Such a beautiful baby, so full of hope and promise. She is so sweet, gentle, happy, pretty, and silly! We are so blessed to have another child, to have the gift of adopting a child in need of a "forever family". Don't get me wrong. Hannah was not unloved before we got her. We believe she was loved by her parents: rather than aborting her they carried her to term, and they left her in a public marketplace where she would be found quickly and brought to safety offering her hope and a future. The nanny that carried our precious Hannah had trouble giving her to me. I was glad to know it was a struggle for her for then I knew Hannah had been cared for all those months we waited for her. You see, Hannah was born in a country at a time when policy dictates only 1 child per family (2 in rare instances). It is not a dislike for girls that drives them to abort or abandon them. It is the Government policy for population purposes that dictates only one child per family, and economically it is the males that grow to take care of the parents in their old age. So often with great grief and deep sorrow these baby girls are carefully placed in a public location. For reasons beyond our ability to fully comprehend, it is illegal to simply take your child to the orphanage (probably linked to stiff fines and debilitating penalties for breaking the law), and so these baby girls are "found abandoned" and brought to safety. But, only about 70% get adopted out to "forever families". The rest are not so fortunate. There are simply not enough people adopting. Not a day goes by that we are not completely awed by Hannah's sweet presence in our lives. It is hard to fathom how one mother's total devastation is another mother's complete joy. The silliest comment we get is "She is so lucky". Well, maybe, but really WE are the lucky ones. From Hefei we flew to Guangzhou where the US Consulate is so we could get Hannah's exit visa. We left Guangzhou June 9, and flew to Hong Kong, spent the night, and from there flew through Tokyo Japan, and Minneapolis MN (where we were detained at the airport because AirForce One was on the runway for quite some time. Try being excited about that after some 30 odd hours with no sleep and a new baby!), and finally on to Philadelphia PA, arriving home June 10th to a wonderful welcoming committee. What a rich blessing to be together again as a whole family, to see Rachel and Hannah together at last, and to watch my manly sons playing tenderly with their baby sister. We are glad to be home again finding little sneakers on the piano, rubber duckies in the tub, little undershirts hanging on the line, tiny utensils in the dishdrainer, Cheerios in shirtsleeves, and rocking a freshly bathed baby to sleep, swaddling her in a soft pink blanket, and placing her in a crib, where all night long we listen through the baby monitor to her breathing and sometimes laughing in her sleep!
This Holiday Season, the whole picture of Christmas has become three dimensional as we see through the eyes of adoption all that God sacrificed on our behalf in order that we might be called His sons and daughters, with all the rights and privileges, all the blessings and benefits, for time and all eternity, defining a true "forever family". We pray this year that not only will God bless you and your family, but that we all will remember to pray for those, both near and far, waiting for a forever family: whether physical or spiritual. And, as we look at all God has given us we would be moved to say, "Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!" (2 Corinthians 9:15).

With love, The Hackenfamily: Greg, Martha, Rachel, David, Daniel, Hannah & Mikki the dog, who adores the baby but is jealous when David plays with her! [Back to Top]

October 24, 2000...

Thanksgiving was a precious time, I cried off and on all day. The blessings of family are too precious to fully understand. Every morning Hannah and I start out the day, she (on my lap facing me), to my query "Hannah, what do we need to do before we start our day?", folds her hands and waits for prayer. We pray thanking God for good night's sleep, for warm beds, and happy homes. We thank God for loving us and giving us all good things. And, we ask Him to help us do what makes Him happy. When I say "Amen" Hannah smiles, laughs, and often claps. For every meal we ask and answer the same question "Hannah, what do we need to do first? Pray, thanking God, the One who gave us this good food", and she folds her chubby hands, and waits, this time over a plate of turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, green beans, and applesauce, and I am struck by the thought of her "First Thanksgiving Feast". My Little Pilgrim who travelled half way around the world to come to America, who devours the lovingly prepared meal with great gusto and enthusiasm, who wears her green beans as well as any lady would don a finest fur, who squeals with delight over each tasty morsel, who eats as one truly thankful, this one sets before me the enormity of the holiday (aka: Holy-Day). My mind wanders to the verse, "And a little child shall lead them", and I feel led by this child to gush praise and thanksgiving. . . not just on this occasion, but every day. The tears I fought spill out my eyes, and slide down my cheeks. And I remember with full force my abandoned response as I watched my new daughter lay sleeping in the tiny hotel crib our first night together in China, "I grab my heart with one hand, and with the other stifle a gasp! I'm so happy, I just can't stand it!"

Hope your Thanksgiving Celebrations were every bit as memorable.
Every Blessing
(Aunt)Martha/Mom

August 2, 2000...

It will be 2 months on August 4th that our laughing, smiling, flapping daughter was placed in our arms. We stand in awe that she so far shows no ill effects from having been institutionalized. She is behind developmentally, but with love and attention she is indeed catching up. She has become quite mobile in her walker, and is mastering frontward (the gears seemed to be stuck before in backward and sideways). She's getting the hang of chasing the dog.... Her eyes, her whole face lights when she's asked with great drama, "Hannah, can I pick you" --and here's where the lights come on! -- "up??" Seems she never tires of that one! As of 2 days ago, she couldn't sit by herself without support. She had no sense of balance, and the few seconds she did balance seemed "pure luck", for once her weight shifted, down she went (laughing all the way). But yesterday evening, apparently she learned in her sleep, she sat unassisted for over a half hour. Even then she didn't fall, I picked her up. She started to list at one point, but shifted her leg and regained her own balance! Go figure! She has 3 razor sharp teeth and is obviously working on more judging by the amount of chomping and grinding she does. (Word of advice: if you're putting a piece of banana in her mouth, pull out quick, for once the jaws of death catch you, they don't let go very easily.... it seems they think the shrieks of pain are part of the game....) She continues to eat, sleep, and nap well (she sleeps with her blankie, and a plush Asian baby-doll from her Aunt Sandy). Her waking hours remain pleasant and happy. Her favorite "toy": a helium balloon (sends her into hysterical laughter for some reason)! She also loves a silver rattle from her Grandpa & Grandma (it's smooth and cool against the gums). She loves the dog, the dog loves her and is very patient trying to extricate her fur and flesh from the stronghold of a 10 month old. They enjoy kissing each other (not always a sanitary experience if you ask me). Hannah loves her sister Rachel, who holds her, feeds her, changes her, dresses her, reads to her, and plays with her. Hannah loves her brother David who scoops her up from her sleep times, and brings her cuddly to me. He also plays with her (in a more masculine way than Rachel: he cradles Hannah and plays "The Davidnator" --named after some Leviathan Ride at an amusement park that involves being elevated and then suddenly "dropped". She loves it!). And Hannah loves her brother Daniel who plays "Belllly Button" and circles her tummy with his index finger and pokes her tummy. She giggles with anticipation before he ever touches her! Of course she adores her mom and dad, and to be sure: the feeling is mutual! We are acutely aware that this child is a direct product of God's Grace, a living answer to the thousands of prayers prayed for her from around the world. And we are humbled to be a part of watching God's grace unfold before our very eyes. Thank you to all who prayed, to all who continue to pray as she progresses in her development, as she makes her way here in America as a "foreigner", as she endures the stares and questions of inquiring strangers (most nice, some not so nice), and most importantly, as she grows to love the One Whose Grace brought her here in the first place.

Blessings,
~~Martha & Greg Hackenberger [Back to Top]

June 20, 2000...
Hannah is amazing. She has dark smiley eyes, wispy dark hair (thin and short). She is NOT tiny!! She is lovingly dubbed, "Chunky Monkey". She weighs 17.6 lbs, and is 27 3/4" long. She is 9 months old today (6/20), and wears 12 month clothing. She laughs uproariously (no lie!), and is very sociable. She is sweet, gentle, snuggly, kissable, happy, content, and was healthy until we introduced her to American germs. She's improving now though (I guess the first American Cold is inevitable eventually). She is definitely behind developmentally, but we all expect that, don't we? She does not crawl or show any inclination to bear weight on her legs in any position. When she came to us, she didn't know how to reach for things, or to hold toys. She is now doing both. She is very verbally interactive ("growling", grunting, babbling, laughing). She recognizes her favorite play song that I sing to her. She didn't roll over when we got her. She's almost able to get both ways now. She couldn't sit on her own (still can't, but is showing some signs of improved balance --nothing colossal). She sleeps through the night! :-) Hannah loves sticking her feet outside her crib and cradle, loves her doggy (feeling's mutual), laughs if you put TCBYogurt on her lips (I guess the cold sensation amuses her!), eats well, plays well, and is very patient. Hannah is a marvelous gift from God for which we are very grateful.

Our first formal step toward adoption through Bethany Christian Services was 3/2/99, my husband's birthday, when we attended an adoption orientation meeting. Through a variety of circumstances, including prayer, our hearts settled on adopting from China. It has been a long, arduous adventure, riddled by a host of setbacks and disappointments (none having to do with Bethany, all having to do with my own inability to read directions and having to wait on things out of my control--which is what this process seems to be full of)! Through all things we have seen the faithfulness of God, felt the comfort of His enduring presence, and come to see Him more clearly as a Loving Heavenly Father who sacrificed everything that we might become His sons and daughters. Poetry has been a way of expressing the hidden thoughts and varying emotions that have accompanied me throughout this journey. Each poem is signed, "For God's Grace" which many mistake for our daughter's name. It rather was the cry of my heart, acknowledging it is His Grace that both saves and keeps us, His Grace that lavishes us with every good gift. We did end up naming our daughter "Hannah" which in Hebrew means, "God's Grace". I wrote each of these poems for Hannah, sometimes with tears coursing down my face, always with hope for the future.
~~Martha D. Hackenberger

The Bracelet

This scarlet cord around my wrist
Symbolically it stands
With sev'ral precious meanings
Throughout the woven strands.
Three different colors make the string:
There's reds! ~not one but two.
Each stand for someone special:
One me, the other you.
The interwoven golden threads
Throughout this scarlet cord
Remind us there's a Greater Love
(They represent the Lord).
He long ago, before we were,
Before all time and space
Intricately entwined our lives
In His great love and grace.
The little knots on either end
Show we are far apart,
And also show the certain grip
You have upon my heart!
The tie that binds the cord, His seal
Upon our hearts and lives
Reminding us we're in His grip
Until that time arrives
When we will come to get you,
We'll no longer wait the day
When you will come to live with us
We'll bring you home to stay!
But now we wait impatiently
The timing of the Lord
When you, our daughter will
Come home, 'til then
I'll wear this cord.

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
7/12/99
[Back to Top]

You!

You are so much more than paper shuffling, legal forms,
official documents medical exams,
and financial declarations.
So much more than fingerprint blots,
police clearance letters, Immigration & Naturalization approvals,
and Passport photos.
You are so much more than countless days of waiting,
floor pacing, nail biting. So much more than wondering,
guessing, hoping, crying, praying.
You are so much more!
Like:
Cheery sunshine, toothless smiles, hot hugs, and sticky kisses,
endless story times, silly songs, and sleepless nights,
pretty flowers, singing birds and wide-eyed wonder,
crawling, toddling, walking, running, mud pies,
skipping, lemonade stands, hopping, butterfly catching,
jumping, giggling.
First days of school, pony rides, and holidays,
cookie-baking, friendships, hot cocoa,
talks late into the night.
Growing pains and broken hearts.
Too soon young lady
~emerging in beauty, grace and character.
My precious daughter.
All God's glory, love, and splendor
tucked inside my heart.

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's grace
7-29-99

Eyes of Faith

With faithless eyes I see you there
perhaps alone, it's dark, you're scared.
I wonder what you think and what you dream
if you ever see a smiling face or pleasant scene.
With faithless heart my anxious thoughts border on insane.
I wonder what you're doing, my thoughts multiply in vain.
Yet with longing faith I see you there
embraced by Love and guarded soundly by Heaven's Care.
With eyes of childlike faith you see:
the angels~ heaven's messengers smiling, laughing,
playing with you joyfully.
Oh Gracious Father, keep her well and safe
entertain her every waking thought and bless her sleep
with visions of your dear face.
Whisper in her ear Lord, by us both so loved is she.
Place within her tender heart a longing for eternity and me.
Wise Lord in all Your mercy,
I ask You to keep her strong
and shortly~~ every shortly
send us to bring our daughter home.
Until then, help me see her, as long as we must wait,
not with eyes of doubt and fear,
but full of hope and faith.

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
8-29-99

Of Providence and Daughters

With every twist and turn of fate,
every moment that we wait,
fear my life entwines, embraces,
'til my heart fails and mind races.
When will we go bring her here?
When will my arms hug her near?
Who will this dear really be?
Will she look at all like me?
When can I rock her in the night?
Cradle her and hold her tight?
Questions mount and doubts arise
'til in prayer I close my eyes:
And there I know that I can rest
because I know He knows what's best!
God works in love to do His will,
to bless us by His power and skill,
to bless us though we are distressing!
to grant us grace and joyous blessing.
The hearts of kings are in His Hand,
that's all we need to understand!
In wisdom follow His design,
embrace His will 'til it is mine.
Believe He knows just what we need,
~that surely He will intercede.
He will guide our footsteps near
to the child that He holds dear,
the rest we leave with Him alone
and trust He'll bring our daughter home.

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
8-31-99

Scarlet Cord

This scarlet cord, a symbol of
the love connecting me and you.
Visible sign of invisible love,
love deep and sure and strong and true.
Your form, though shadowed in my mind
still sweet, the tears course down my face.
This woven cord to pacify.
My arms await you to embrace.
This three-fold cord wrapped 'round my wrist
declares each day for you I wait.
I see it there and I recall
we're bound by Love immense and great.
You seem so far away yet I
with hope will wear this scarlet cord,
and wait impatiently with joy
the perfect timing of the Lord.

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
7-12-99
[Back to Top]

The Thought of You

The thought of you so far away
intensifies my longing soul
to have you here close by my side.
Without you, there's an empty hole.
An empty hole immense and deep
too deep to plumb, too wide to span
The only consolation found
in knowing there's a Sovereign Plan.
A Sovereign Plan of love and grace,
that holds us fast though sorrows come
and works all things out for our good
still, while I wait to bring you home.
To bring you home--my great desire!
To hold you dear--my true reward!
Until that time the void remains
as we wait upon the Lord.
The Lord who made the stars that shine
on you and me, though we're apart
He made the ocean deep and wide
(so like the hollow of my heart).
My heart though hollow, full of grief,
ebbing, flowing as the sea
will not quiet, calm, or settle,
'til you're safely here with me.
Here with me--I want you dearly!
Here with me! Then, we can rest.
I know that I must leave this to Him
Knowing that He knows what's best.
He knows what's best for us, His children.
Love us always, strong and true.
This is my only hope and lifeline
as I wait so long for you.
For you I'd wait a thousand lifetimes.
For your smile--a thousand years!
When you come my heart will burst
and I will cry a thousand tears.
A thousand tears will hold the thoughts
of all the prayers I long to pray
And God will heal the mem'ry of
the thought of you so far away.

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
9-15-99

Journal Entry:
His Care

I already love you so very much
and yet
you are so far away.
Across the ocean, beyond the horizon,
somewhere
yet unknown.
Sweet Providence of God!
He knows it's you I write.
It's you He watches faithfully
not as some "unknown"
but as a member of my family
still so far from home.
And Providentially He weaves
the cord that binds our paths
secure.
Intricately designing each detail
to the "nth" degree
of unutterable
perfection.
It seems at times that waiting
is all there is, no more.
Just countless hours of
apparent inactivity.
But He is busy on our behalf:
doing all that needs be done
behind the scenes:
ruling governments, guiding thoughts,
changing minds, shepherding hearts,
orchestrating, choreographing, conducting
delicate affairs with grace
and Sovereign skill
And so to Him I leave your care
still while I'm here
and you are
there.

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
9-20-99
[Back to Top]

Angel's Unaware

Hurry! Heaven's Messenger,
quickly speed your way
from Heaven's Throne,
His glory make known
before the break of day!
Ten thousand times ten thousand,
bring truth from above
to tender hearts
in forsaken parts
dispel the gloom with love.
In the shadows of the night
by her crib stand fast!
Close by her hover.
With love, her cover
'til all the dark is past.
Be busy in the silence.
All God's will be done.
Whisper in her ear
that Heaven is near
and she is not alone.
In future recollections
of her time while there
might she sure recall
she was loved after all
by angels unaware!

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
11-1-99

"For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." (Ps 91:11)
"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing so some people have entertained angels unaware." (Hebrews 13:2)

Merry Christmas, Daughter!

Dear Daughter,
Though you do not know it, you are waiting.
Day in, day out, you live your life routinely
without a clue that plans are set in motion
and many things are converging
even now
that will culminate on one very special day
and Providence will reach a hand into our lives
and draw us together,
and we will be a "Forever Family".
What a celebration there will be!!
Our story parallels the Story of Christmas!
Before Christ entered our world,
in hopelessness we waited, not knowing,
just living our lives routinely,
unaware
that God had set in motion, plans
so enormous, converging down through the ages,
that culminated on One very Special Day.
And Providence reached a Hand into our lives
and drew us to Him,
so we will be a "Forever Family".
What Celebration!
Yet now
we wait
and look forward to that day
when we are no longer separated.
No longer separated from one another.
No longer separated from our Heavenly Father.
Especially now, sweet child,
while we are still so far apart,
as I sing of our "Emmanuel, God with us"
I think of you there
and me here,
and rejoice He indeed is with us
both
even as we wait separately
for the time we can celebrate together!
Dear Daughter,
Merry Christmas
with much love,
Mom

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
11-30-99

Quan Ling--my Oriental Pearl

You were conceived in my heart,
It was there that you grew.
For many long months
I tenderly carried you.

Nestled deeply inside me
safe, warm, and secure,
I cherished the thought of you
and came to love you more.

My daughter, my dearest one,
God's gracious gift from above,
though not born of my flesh,
you were born in my love.

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
4/2/00

Psalm 68:6 "God sets the lonely in families..."

"Adopted!"

He left His Home and traveled far
To seek and save what once was lost
His Heart resolve set on that thing
Regardless of the precious cost.

Leaving all that He held dear
To find, what He held dearer still
To provide a Home, a Family
That was His good, His perfect Will.

Orphaned ones without a home
In love and compassion He sought.
Those with no future, with no hope
Those, into His family He brought.

At great toll and oblation
He brought us home gladly, by grace
Claimed us, Adopted us fully
So we can enjoy His embrace.

"Sons and daughters" He calls us!
Of His family we are a part!
Born in His Love, born from His Grace,
Born out of our Father's Own Heart!

Dear daughter, sweet example
Unknowing, you've certainly shown
His Infinite Love and great Mercy
In ways we would never have known.

~Martha Hackenberger
For God's Grace
April 4, 2000

[Back to Top]

Home

6/24/00 Martha Hackenberger
For my daughter Hannah who traveled a long way to come home.

You are so beautiful!
Looking at you takes my breath away
and fills my heart with awe and wonder...
So peacefully sleeping,
here,
beside me,
your foot poked through the crib rail,
your dolly in your arms,
your breathing sweet and rhythmic.
And I wonder HOW?
HOW I came to be so blessed?
HOW you came to be here, with me?
HOW all things worked together to make this NOW,
this sacred moment?

I am acutely aware of the pain,
the pain that made this very thing possible:
the sacrifices
the heartaches,
the tears,
the secret longings,
the silent hopes,
the unspoken dreams...
... acutely aware how all those things,
converged with all the prayers I prayed
and brought you
HOME.

~For Hannah Adriel LingChwen
Birth date: 9/20/99 Tongling, Anhui, PRC
Found: 9/24/99 People's Market
Referral date: 3/29/00
Forever Family Day: 6/4/00

Grace Sleeps
7/31/00 ~For Hannah Adriel LingChwen, who traveled half way around the world in order to come home.

Every day I am profoundly aware that this treasure is indeed a Gift from God. She is undeniably a direct product of God's Grace:
~ the grace that planted the adoption seed in our hearts in January of 1999, remarkably, the same time she was being conceived.
~the grace that saw us through mounds of tedious paperwork and months of impatient waiting.
~the same grace that led a mother not to abort, but rather to carry to term a baby she would then lovingly yet secretly place in a public location where that daughter would be found quickly, brought to safety, and given a future hope.
~the grace that, unknown to us at the time (12/30/99), officially assigned to us our Chosen Child: a 3 month old baby girl.
~the grace that brought us that information on 3/29/00, my niece Sarah's birthday!
~the grace that foreordained travel to fall between our daughter Rachel's Sr. Prom and her HS graduation.
~the grace that moved the hearts of so many strangers, family, and friends to be part of Hannah's Story through the donation of funds, clothes, supplies, prayers, love, service, meals, hope, comfort , and encouragement.
~the grace that brought her from half way around the world to a Covenant Family who loved her dearly even before we knew her, even before she knew us.
~and ultimately, the grace that first adopted us and taught us how to love.
It is this profound grace that amazes me
each time she giggles, smiles, snuggles,
each time her face lights up with delight.
No moment too small escapes the recognition of that grace,
whether rocking her in the middle of the night,
awake again perhaps by fear
or just the need for human connection,
or watching her devour bananas with a passion,
or listening to her breathe or sigh unaware
that she is being diligently watched
even as she sleeps.
And I am humbled that I might be a part of this unfolding mystery of grace:
~the grace that cares for orphans
~the grace that rescues those who are scattered
~the grace that gathers at an appointed time and gives the
homeless homes.
~the grace that,
though I am so unworthy,
has blessed me beyond my wildest imagination
with still more grace, reminding me
it's not the first time
grace slept in a cradle.

Forever More
a song for Hannah Adriel LingChwen Hackenberger

"I love you
I've loved you
before you were born,
before I knew you
you were in my heart.
And I travelled the ocean
to bring you home,
to call you mine
forever more.

I love you
I've loved you,
a perfect design!
Conceived in my heart
I carried you there,
and the longing consumed me,
for you my child
my precious one
were always mine.

Let all doubts
fall away
you can know for sure
before you were born
you were in my heart
and I love you
I've loved you
and brought you home
to call you mine
forever more.

And I love you
I've loved you,
And you're home now
And you are mine
Forever More."

Martha Hackenberger
10/12/00

"Angel!"
To Hannah on the event of your 13 "monthaversary".
With love from your mama.
"Every good and perfect gift comes from above..." James 1:17

I asked God for a baby
through all the tears I shed.
When I asked God for a baby,
this is what He said,

I'm giving you an angel
dressed sweetly in disguise
tender and so gentle,
with big brown eyes.
She'll love to laugh and giggle
and walk while holding hands,
she'll teeter when she sits up,
and wobble when she stands.

I asked God for a baby
through all the tears I shed.
When I asked God for a baby,
this is what He said,

I'm giving you an angel
with 10 fingers and 10 toes.
She'll love to wiggle all of them
but cannot find her nose.
She'll touch her hair and clap hands too,
go down for naps with drama,
wake up charming, cute and she'll
call Everybody 'mama'.

I asked God for a baby
through all the tears I shed.
But He gave to me an angel
when He gave me you instead.

I thank God for you, angel,
for that is what you seem.
You grace my every waking hour
and bless my every dream.
I thank God for my angel
through all the tears I shed
for you, my darling angel,
He gave to me instead."

--Martha Hackenberger
10/20/00

The Tale of Two Mothers

She walks amid the early
morning mist and rain
fighting tears, denying
the magnitude of pain.
The chill black of night hides
the tears that line her face
as she wonders how exactly,
to leave without a trace.
She bundles her baby with
what cloth she can spare
looking to heaven for a
hint someone cares.
For a very brief moment,
the clouds drift apart
the moon lights the path
as pain grips her heart.

A world away in early
morning mist and rain
a longing woman, waiting,
stifles cries of pain.
The soft lights in the nursery
catch the tears she cries
as she wonders if she'll ever
hold a child that life denies.
She pulls a wrap about her
in the chill air of the morn,
not knowing in that moment,
her daughter had been born.
For a very brief moment,
the clouds drift apart,
the moon lights the room,
as hope fills her heart.

It all collides in myst'ry
the paradox is this:
how one mother's devastation
should be another's bliss.

For a very brief moment
the clouds drift apart
and two mothers in the early morn
share one heart.

11/15/00
-- Martha Hackenberger

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