James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above..."
Click on link for photo:
Esther and Hannah in Chinese Airport
Esther and Rachel Eating Noodles
Rachel and Esther Playing With Panda Puppet
Esther Riding Mom "Piggy-back"
Daddy's Joys: Esther and Hannah
"Expecting the Unexpected" [on adopting an older second child]
it's always hard to answer that "how's it going" question....
you're told to expect the unexpected, but somehow the unexpected tends to
be more "unexpected" than we imagined....
For all the efforts we make not to have any expectations (to "expect the
unexpected")we base our expectations on previous experience (ours or
others'), we build up ideas in our heads of what it might be like
(somewhere between really hard and really easy), and we make decisions
based on the information we're given at referral (which may or may not be
reality-- more likely not), and well, that just sets the scene for all
sorts of "what's going on here?" when reality steps in.
Fortunately we are already expecting the unexpected, (even if it was a
different unexpected than what we got!), so we don't get too distracted,
just kind of stunned for a minute (ya know, the "deer in the headlights"
thing).... and then come out blinking and saying, "well, okay then!" We
make some adjustments (some minor, some major)
and start praying a whole new way.... not only for the child's
adjustments, but also our own, and for a bit of sanity.
We have a time of mourning and grieving for the things we unexpectedly
lost (our first daughter's independent personality is now mightily
impacted by another different, stronger, strange personality--and not
always to happy ends; the loss of our ideals of a "happy family" from day
one, or even week one, or hopefully month one, or certainly by year one
when the new child comes along; the loss of the comfortable family
dynamic we had worked so hard to establish; the loss of peaceful meal
times, happy bed times; and the personalized list goes on sometimes
leading new second time parents to ask or whisper --at least for awhile,
"what have I done!?").
We also mourn and grieve for all this new little girl has lost: her
knowledge of hope and trust, her knowledge of stability and permanence,
the loss of all that is familiar to her, how all that impacts her, and
how that all impacts us...
but slowly we begin to celebrate the milestones: the first "mommy" and
"daddy", the first "I love you", the first hugs (given and received), the
first glimpse into who this new child *really* is: she is more than fear
and anger, she is more than sorrow and despair, she is more than all
we've seen so far! There are glimpses of kindness and caring, tenderness
and compassion and you begin to realize the "unexpected" is bringing
grace in unexpected ways. And laughter comes at unexpected moments. And
a whole new host of long awaited "unexpecteds" come: those things we
didn't dare expect but secretly hoped for in the depths of our hearts,
yet even these are unexpectedly and blessedly different.
And the Bible verse, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in
the morning" takes on new dimensions. Night is redefined to include the
longest period of time in history, and joy, we realize doesn't always
come traipsing in with bells on. Sometimes, joy comes unexpectedly.
We're somewhere in the night, realigning our "expected unexpecteds",
sometimes catching glimpses of unexpected grace, but still, expectantly
longing for the morning!
~Martha Hackenberger 6/05/02
"Mother's Day"
We were scheduled to meet our daughter on Monday May 13, and I was hoping it would be early in the morning so it would technically still be Mother's Day in the USA. But it was not to be. Sunday May 12, after a flight in to Xi'an, we boarded the bus and were headed to our hotel when our CTS Guide told us that we would not be meeting our daughter on Monday after all, but rather, our daughter was already waiting for us in the lobby of our hotel! Imagine our surprise, and my delight to know that we would be receiving our daughter on Mother's Day after all! The memories of that long awaited time are still etched in my heart!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mother's Day
I have an image in my head
I never will forget
A little girl all dressed in red
The moment that we met!
Her jet black hair was braided,
Her sandals they were blue
She looked so shy and frightened
Yet brave and hopeful too.
I thought I'd greet her gently,
But my resolution floundered
And then compelled by love and joy
I threw my arms around her!
She stood so straight and solemn
But I noticed right away,
That though she didn't hug me back,
She didn't pull away!
I savored every second
That I held her close to me
Then I softly spoke her native tongue,
(I love you) "Wah Ai Ni!"
The moment came for us to go
We had so much to do,
And then we watched her bravely say
Goodbye to all she knew.
Goodbye to those who cared for her
She gave one last embrace,
And walked with us up to our room
Where tears slid down her face.
We let her know as best we could
That crying was all right.
We hoped that she would feel our love,
We prayed with all our might!
Then, business for the day was done
and bedtime came at last.
She took her bright red outfit off
And then she packed it, FAST!
A simple act which gave me hope.
It said, "I'm here to stay!"
What better gift could I have wished
Than THIS on Mother's Day!?
And soon we sat in bed to pray
That God would heal all sorrows.
Then laying down, and sleeping deep,
All dreamed of bright tomorrows.
Martha Hackenberger 6/14/02
"Countdown to YOU!"
We count the months
until we come
to see your face,
We count the weeks
that slowly pass
until you're home
We count the days
that seem so long
and wonder when
We count the hours
passing by.
We hope, and pray,
We count the seconds
all the while
to when, you're ours,
And when we see you
face to face,
we'll know that Love
has met God's Grace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Esther Grace, we are looking forward to seeing you shortly, praying God will give us all a glimpse into His eternal love in that moment when we both meet face to face. So many hugs to give you, with much love.
(5/6/02 Martha Hackenberger)
From letter of Aug. 19, 2001...
"Somewhere"
August 21, 2001
Somewhere half way around the world
a little girl is sleeping
while through the day so far away
a mother's heart is weeping.
For
Somewhere half way around the world
a little girl is waking
as the mother longs in sighs and songs
at all the time it's taking.
For
Somewhere half way around the world
a little girl is playing
while the longing grows, the mother knows
it's for this child she's praying.
Oh little girl, around the world
from home so very far
You should be right here with me
dear, precious, little Star.
Martha Hackenberger
For our little Star, Esther Grace: keep shining, we're coming as fast as
we can.
"Esther's Song"
11/01/01
There's a little girl who's waiting
In the Public Market Square,
Straining to hear her mother's voice
(Her mother left her there).
She's four and all alone now
As the voices fade away.
Still listening for her mother's voice,
She longs to hear her say,
She senses that the sun is gone,
And the day has turned to night.
As tears stream down her sweet round face,
She prays with all her might:
"Dear Mama please come back for me
I waited all day long.
I'm scared, and hungry, all alone,
I'm listening for your song:"
There's a little girl who's waiting
She's six, and how she's grown.
She's hoping daily in her heart
For a family of her own.
And half way 'round the world I heard
For Esther Grace Wen Li, from her Mama who is longing to sing the song.
DOB: 8/10/95 SN: Visually Impaired
DTC: 11/15/01
Agency: Bethany Christian Services
Visit sister Hannah's webpage! She, too, is from China!!
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