Here it is. The entire month of June for the year 1999. Don't you just feel like a part of my life? Doesn't it make you all warm & fuzzy inside to know that I'm sharing a part of myself with you? I know it does. Read on.

Wednesday the 30th of June: Well, 'ow should I start this lit-le bit o' 'istory? (That was my attempt at writing an English accent.) Mike called me on Monday night, the night of his 18th birthday, to see what I was up for. I had asked him earlier to go shopping for CDs with me, not realizing that that's perhaps the dumbest thing one could do on one's birthday. I was supposed to be at his house at 7:30, but he wanted me to stop by the comic book shop in the next town over to pick up a comic he had ordered. Realizing that the shop was far out of my way, he retracted his statement. I headed over there, strangley excited, thinking that everything was somehow going to be different now that he was older. It wasn't, of course, but that's not really a bad thing, since I hate change. Mike was obviously still wanting me to have gone to pick up his comic before I came as a surprise, since he mentioned it a few times, but being the insensitive fool that I am, I didn't realize that he still wanted it while I was on the phone with him. So, I gave him the card that I had bought for him earlier in the week. It had seemed all wrong when I bought it, but I suppose it was very Katie-like in the end. We just hung out around his kitchen table, exploring the wonders of Radiohead's officially whacked-out (Whoa, did I just say "whacked-out"?) official website, John Fishman's whacked-out (Whoa, there it is again!) concert attire, & the whacked-out (Don't say anything about how dumb I am, Mike.) blue-instead-of-purple grapes on the lamp hanging above the table. He left to make a trip to his room, so I just sat at the kitchen table, lost in some daydream, as I usually am. Mike came out & said, "So, are you coming back or not?", so I got up & went back to his room. He always acts as if I should know to follow him there, but I don't think you just assume that you're allowed go to people's rooms. What if he didn't want me to see his Superman underwear laying everywhere? Oh, wait. Mike doesn't like Superman. Batman, then. Upon reaching his room, Mike showed me a new comic-ish drawing he did, & I have to tell you that his drawing never ceases to amaze me. I have a good bit of drawing ability that I don't really let anyone see, but I like to draw things that I see. Mike, however, uses his imagination to create these insanely fabulous pencil drawings. So, I admired that & complained about the fact that the chick's feet were hidden behind some bags while Mike wrestled with his CD player. We listened to his new Radiohead for a while as we discussed things that I can't seem to remember. I can see myself sitting in his armchair & him sitting on his bed, but my darn memory seems to be failing me. I really love the armchair, by the way. I think I'd like to spend my entire life there, & I think I could since his little refrigerator is a few feet away, but it's usually full of Kleenexs, so that might bother me after a while. We left for a newly discovered used CD shop a bit later in my Blazer. The new CAKE song, Let Me Go, came on the radio, so I mentioned something about needing to pick it up sometime. Once again, I don't remember what was said in the car. Maybe Mike can help me out here. I just know that I proved to Mike that I'm a terrible driver when he's in the car, & I kept going over all of the thousands of CDs I wanted to get in my mind. Oh, I do remember one weird thing. Mike had a little hole in the knee of his pants that he kept sticking his finger thru & moving it around until I noticed & laughed. Things took a turn for the worst after that. I got yelled at by the birthday boy when I pulled into the store's parking lot & used my turn signal to indicate that I was turning like the good driver that I am. He told me never to do that again, but I used it again to pull into a parking spot without thinking, causing Mike to think that I had done it purposely to piss him off. I didn't, of course, but you just can't argue with the boy. I swear he's going to beat his wife when he gets older. As soon as we walked into the store, the guys working there started to close everything. I scoured the CDs, finding some old Collective Soul that I didn't have yet. I picked that up & was surprised to see the new CAKE CD nearby. I grabbed that, too, & moved on. Mike called me over to give him some Toad the Wet Sprocket advice, & I noticed some Tool, so I made a mental note to come back to it. I saw the old Better Than Ezra CD, Deluxe, & it reminded me that Richard is always telling me that BTE's other album, Friction, Baby (yeah, that feels good, haha), is one of his favourites, so I found it & picked it up, too. Mike told me that the guys obviously wanted us to leave, so we bought our stuff & headed out. On the way there, we had talked about stopping at one of Mike's friend's to play a game of Risk, so he drove us there. I had been to Jonathan's once before with Mike to pick up some comic books, but he wasn't home before, so I had never really met him. I felt really, really weird, a complete stranger showing up unnannounced at their house. Jonathan & his parents were so nice & relaxed, though. They were just finishing dinner, so they offered us some pasta. I was in no way hungry, as usual, but Mike went to get me a plate of pasta anyway, saying that Jonathan's parents were fabulous cooks. I sat at their table, singing, "La la lala" in my head as I waited & studying a painting of some well-crafted trees. Jonathan's mom asked if I wanted something to drink, so I said, "Sure," & paused as she began reciting their available drinks. When she was finshed, I said, "Sprite. It's my favourite pop in the entire world." Jonathan said, "Join the club." I found like kind of odd for some reason. Like, I didn't know him in any way, but he was just really friendly. I followed Mike, Jonathan, & his mom into the kitchen where she handed us cans & Mike got us ice. I was really happy with the way Mike acted around them. I don't know what I'm trying to say. He was really different with them then he is at his house or mine. I think Jonathan knew more about me than I know about myself, & I found out that I actually had talked to him before. He was the friend of Mike's who let me borrow his Corel paint program for this site, so I had talked with him online before when I had a question. I wish I could remember his screen name. We talked a little about my computer getting hit by lightening & the virus that got my hard drive a while back. As we sat eating our pasta, we discussed MP3s & the fabulous cheating of the music industry. It was very cool talking to someone who knew so much more about computer junk than I do, because I don't meet many people who do. Jonathan & I talked about my incredibly fast modem that doesn't work anywhere near its full potential, because I live in the country, & his incredibly slow modem that actually works faster than mine, because he lives in the city. Talking to him, I actually felt like I was talking to Mike, because they're such clones of each other, but Jonathan was a lot more open, I felt. Plus, he had incredibly long eyelashes that I couldn't help but stare at the entire time I was talking with him. We started our game of Risk with Jonathan's dad, & since I had never played it before, they all had to explain the whole thing to me. I still had no idea what I was doing when they were finished, but I just decided to watch & learn as I went. I'm glad that Joanthan's dad was helping me out, but it was a terribly good game. I had no strategy since I didn't know what I was doing, so I was able to just do what I wanted. I liked how on-edge Mike was around Jonathan's dad during the game. They were both really into the game, it seemed, but Jonathan left to go to the kitchen. I didn't notice that he was gone until he yelled in to me, "Katie, have you ever held a hedhehog?" I told him that I had & asked if he had one. He said he did, so I went out to the kitchen to find him. He was off in the corner, way in the back, by his hedgehog's cage. I went over to see it, & he gave me some leather gloves so I could hold it. I asked him some questions about it, & we put it in a different box to take it back to where we were playing our game. It kept chewing on the towel in its box, & I couldn't stop watching it. Jonathan came over to stand by me & watch it as Mike & Jonathan's dad took countries from each other. Jonathan's dad had to take a phone call, so Jonathan & Mike started telling me about their plan to become millionaires. They were just the cutest. I love how you appreciate your friends more when you're around other people. Or maybe that's just me. I just liked listening to Jonathan's stories & watching Mike laugh at them from across the table. Oh, Lord. That sounds like a scene from a really terrible romantic comedy, doesn't it? Well, maybe not a terrible one. Perhaps Sliding Doors, if that can be considered comedy, which it most assuredly cannot. You know the scene where Helen goes out to dinner with James & his friends, & he smiles at her from across the table while some really weird music plays? Well, OK, it really wasn't like that in any way. Nevermind. So, after a long game that basically got us no where, Jonathan's dad went to bed, & Mike took the entire North American continent in his absence. We realized how useless the 3-player game had become & how late I was going to get home, so we got up to leave. Jonathan followed us to my Blazer & asked whose it was. When I said, "Mine," he asked how old I was, seeming a bit surprised to learn that I'm 17. He also commented that it was better than Mike's Tempo, so was forced to admit to myself that I had to marry him at that point. It was a lovely night, espeically after we heard The Orb's Little Fluffy Clouds on the way home. Maybe CD shopping on your birthday isn't so stupid, after all.

Oh, don't you just hate it when you're absolutely in love with something, so you share it with other people, & they turn out to hate it? I'm terribly passionate about my Black Lab CD, so I gave it to Mike, hoping to convert him to a Lab fan. It didn't work. Even with strict instructions to listen to it with the lights out, as you all know that CDs are always better in the dark, he wasn't the least bit appreciative. He said it was too messy or something, a comment that I can't seem to deal with. I think if there was one song I could spend the rest of my life listening to, it would be BL's Time Ago. Oh, I better not say that. It's a thought, though. Paul Durham has such a hot voice. I swear he's singing She Loves Me about me. Oh, & Ten Million Years. Definitely written with me in mind. Go get that CD, darn it. All of you.

So, it seems that one of the characters in my past has come back into my life. Well, not really my life, but Mike's life, therefore, my life. He began a new job at Tim Horton's, wearing one of those cutie uniforms. Oh, speaking of that, I saw it in his room the other day, & well...yeah. I have to go see him at work, for sure. Anyway, Stephanie, my sworn enemy for a short time, started working there the same exact day as Mike, so it seems that I'll be hearing about her again. Hahaha. (That was evil, in case you couldn't tell.)

Now, for a rather long set of lyrics provided by the lovely Black Lab. (I will make you love them. Don't think I won't. (it's such a simple thing. i never feel this way. i have nightmares i have dreams of you gone. there is something in you i want today. so hide the bones away beneath the yellow lines. you're scared of what you lose or what you might gain this time. i love you more than i should. i would wrap my heart in bands of rosewood. i love you more than i should. i would stay beside you here ten million years. you see yourself in the mirror. you see yourself at night. you see yourself in the gutter, baby you see yourself like a star shining bright. i love you more than i should. i would stay beside you here ten million years. every minute every hour every second you take me over. every night of every day i wait i take i know i take but i love you more than i should. i would stay inside you here ten million years.) Yes. Beautiful.

Monday the 28th of June: Before I start in, I need to wish Mike a happy birthday, since he is officially 18 years old today. He plans to spend the day buying multiple packs of cigarettes & going to a number of strip clubs where he will oogle naked woman for hours on end. Happy birthday!

I'd also like to mention that a few days ago, I wrote about how terrible it is that there's a store called SAVE - ON - SMOKES DISCOUNT TOBACCO PRODUCTS. Well, a few days later, Tracey e-mailed me to tell me that it was not a single store but a chain of them. In fact, a horrible injustice has been committed to provide the white trash community of Ohio with cheap tobacco. Our favourite childhood frozen yogurt haven, Yogurt Oasis, was taken over. That's just sick. Sick, I say.

Oh, has anyone seen the commercials for that new movie American Pie? I think it looks terribly fun. The other night, I was watching Saturday Night Live, & an ad for it came on. I was so excited about the background music. They were playing my favourite James song (yes, James is a band), Laid, during it. Now I definitely have to go see the movie. Yay, James!

Now, it's time for some work stories. I swear, Subway is such an inspiration to me, because everyone there is so stupid. (Yes, even you, Bethany. Hahaha. That was evil, in case you couldn't tell.) For some reason, I always end up talking about sex with the girls who work there, most likely because they're all nymphos, but that's beside the point. In case you don't know me, you have to understand that I have a bit of an obsession with people from other countries like Canada & England. Well, one of the other workers, Nicole, was talking about a Canadian guy she was with last summer, & I said, "Oh, I love Canadians!" She said, "Oh, I know. I love the way they talk." I had to agree with her, since that's my prime motivation for liking them. Then, she asked me if I've ever slept with one. I didn't want to have to explain that I'm the only person on the entire face of the earth who's actually considering waiting until I'm married but no one will believe me, because I appear to be completely unwholesome, so I simply said, "No". She went off on how good they are in bed & whatnot. I thought it was a nice generalization. So, to plug the entire country of Canada, let me just tell you that I've heard from a very reliable source that Canadians are good in bed. There you have it.

About a week ago, I was in my favourite silverchair chat (which has recently changed to an interface that's not nearly as Katie-friendly) when I began talking to someone by the name of "mrpants". I was completely put off by the fact that his name was capitalized in no way, but I soon forgot that when I learned that he was a 19 year-old from England, the country that I was meant to have been born in. He explained that he was actually wearing no pants, a fact that I found somewhat weird considering his name implied that he was, perhaps, made of pants. We began chatting about the usual, & I discovered that his name is Richard. I asked if I could call him "Dick", a common nickname for people named Richard. He told me that not many call him that, but I could if I wanted. I began thinking about that, & I asked why there wasn't a name that people shortened to "Penis". I asked Richard, but he didn't know why (even though he has to be one of the most intelligent people I've met online, & I would never purposely try to make him sound unintelligent. Is that better, Richard? No need to be hyper-sensitive, my dear.) Well, at work on Saturday night, Nicole invited her friend/lover, Matt, to come to see her at work, because Bethany & I wanted to meet him. Nicole is quite confused about her feelings for Matt, but she talks about him non-stop, so we all know exactly how she feels. Well, Bethany & I were discussing my move toward vegetarianism, & I told her that I met someone who was helping me along, Richard. Then, I just had to tell the "Penis" story, because I knew she would get a kick out of it. She did, & I explained to her that just once, I would love to meet someone for the first time & ask them if I can call them "Penis". She wanted me to ask Matt so badly when he came, knowing that nothing embarrasses me, so I agreed. When Matt came, however, I was too taken by him to ask. Nicole is kind of...umm...yeah. I expected Matt to be kind of...umm...yeah, too, naturally. He wasn't. So, I didn't ask him, but Bethany & Nicole kept prodding me to. They had built it up too much & we were all laughing hysterically, so I just couldn't do it. Matt finally got too curious, so he just told me to ask him. I did & wanted to know what he would have said. He said, "Depends on what night you're coming over." So there you go. You no longer have to wonder.

To prove once again how extremely dumb I am, another work story: It was kind of busy on Saturday night, & a rather disgusting man came in. He was wearing a black T-shirt with dancing red & green jalapeño peppers on it. He also had one of those straw hats that are commonly associated with Australians. I kind of laughed at his weird appearance, but I just smiled & took his order. He asked for a pizza sub with everything on it, so I began making it for him. He said something, but I couldn't understand him, so I asked him to repeat himself. He did, & I still couldn't hear what he was saying, so Nicole had to tell me what he said. He was just telling me that he wanted his Subway stamps, so I just kept smiling & told him that I would give them to him. It was then that I realized that he was Australian. Knowing that completely changed my opinion of him, being the sick person that I am. I kept asking him questions to get him to talk, because I'm infatuated with foreign accents. He was like, the nicest guy, & the fact that he was Australian made it even better. I forgot to give him his stamps, however, so he probably hates me. Good story, Katie. Yeah. Terribly interesting.

Finally: Today, this couple came into Subway. They were in their late 30's, I would guess, & they were so obviously in love. They kind of freaked me out, because they kept hanging all over each other, but they had all these cute inside jokes that made me like them for being so weird. Plus, they both got Hawaiian Punch with their meals, & since my refraining from pop consumption has led me to drink nothing but that while I'm working, so I had to love them more. You know, I decided on my second day of work that I was going to marry the first person who ordered what I like to get. So, here's the secret, folks: A Vegi Max (Subway's version of a veggie burger, but it actually tastes really, really, good, even to non-vegetarians) on wheat with lettuce, onion, pickles, green peppers, mayonnaise, & our salt/pepper mix. That's perfect. (I also really like the roasted chicken with the same toppings, but don't tell Richard.) People order the chicken or the Vegi Max all of the time, but no one ever puts the right toppings on. Also, when people get the really meaty sandwiches with pepperoni & whatnot on them, I just want to beat them over the head. Today, when I was giddy for some reason, I told a woman that she was slowly killing herself, but that got no reaction from her. OK, onto a new day. (Maybe everthing's changed, and maybe I stayed the same. What does it matter to me now, anyway?)

Tuesday the 22nd of June: Last night, I came home from work late & decided to stay up to watch David Letterman for a while. He announced that Elvis Costello would be performing, so I had to wait up for that. I just everything about Elvis. I think it's the fact that he's such a geek. I mean, seriously, the man could not be any more 12 years-old if he tried. I totally go for that, though. He looks friendly. Friendly is really all that matters to me. I hate people who look unapproachable. People say that I look stuck-up, though, so I suppose that puts me in the unapproachable catagory. I hate that. I'm so totally not stuck-up. (Stop laughing.) There's this chick that I work with, & she looks so mean that I didn't think I'd ever be able to talk to her, but we have so much in common that it's not even funny. I still don't think she's particularly nice, but we definitely get along. I mentioned something about wanting to see the Dave Matthews Band when they were here last weekend, & she said, "Oh, I know. I wanted to go to that so badly." I was impressed. Then, when she turned on some stupid Top 40 station, I was disappointed when she said that she loved Pearl Jam's wonderful-but-totally-overplayed Last Kiss. I thought she probably only knew that song, but when I said that I was into PJ, she said, "Oh, you know that song Yellow Ledbetter?" So, we started talking about that, & I found out that she really does listen to good stuff. I love when appearances are deceiving.

While we're on the topic of me loving things, let's talk about my county fair. It starts today, but we had to bring our pigs in yesterday. (Yes, we've been over this, haven't we? Hick, I am one.) The goth kids who showed pigs are gone, though. I know, it's hard to believe. No more JNCOs covered in mud. No more chains & long hair. I'm sure gonna miss them. The goth kids where the only reason I went to fair. They were hot, let me tell you. I made a friend yesterday, though. We had to bring our pigs down to the other end of the barn to have them weighed. While this guy was trying to keep mine in one area, he asked me to stand by him to block off an open space. I did, & he just started randomly talking about himself as we waited. I love how that happens at the fair. Everyone just kind of forgets that we don't know each other, & we all just hang out. Dang, country people are just too nice. I don't why I'm talking about this. My life has become really boring, obviously, but I'm still happier than I've been in quite a while. Oh, that's something I hate. I'm just a really happy person. I mean, I smile non-stop. Some of the people I work with, however, don't seem to like their jobs very much. As soon as you stop enjoying it, I think you should just quit. That's why I don't understand people who go into professions just for money & stuff. You can't put your everything in a job if you don't like it, & if you're not putting everything into it, then the people you serve aren't getting what they deserve. Come to my Subway. I'll treat you right. (That is, if I can ever figure out how to work the dang cash register.) Speaking of that, realized last night at Subway that everyone I was working with was over 25. I started thinking about how sick it is that those people made working at Subway their career. My Lord, talk about no ambition. How could you ever not care about yourself enough to not want something better than a job at Subway? (Not that it's not a fine establishment.) A lot of the people who work there don't really seem to care about themselves, though. I never, ever leave the house without taking a shower. It's a thing with me. Curly hair just doesn't look good when it's been slept on, & I refuse to let myself look bad. Tracey always says that she wears more comfortable clothes on the days that she's sick, but when I feel terrible, I tend to make myself look better. I swear, I want to become some sort of consultant who can just walk up to people, tell them they look terrible, & make them over. Anyone can be attractive. Yes, even you can.

Not to tell another Subway story or anything...but I'm going to. (That made no sense, I realize.) Last night, the two old chicks who work there were giving each other sex advice while I sat back & pretended to be interested. Their best advice to me was to try to sleep around before I get married. I thought that was rather odd. I've been hearing for years that saving yourself is the thing to do, but Subway workers obviously think differently. They kept saying, "I always wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. I should have never saved myself for my husband." I'm like, "Thanks, guys. Great advice." I mean, come on. Like anyone would really ever have sex with any of them anyway. I'd say they're pretty lucky that their husbands even went to bed with them. OK, that was mean. Sorry, Subway chicks.

Final thought: Sign up for my freaking updates list, kiddies. I want more members. Go home & scroll down 'til you see the big, scary, Listbot button.

Saturday the 19th of June: I'm happy. I don't know why. I just am. I've done nothing but sit around all day, & I plan to do the same thing all night. Speaking of nights, I went over to Mike's last night. (Clever lead-in, wasn't it?) We had been planning to go to see Austin Powers for like, a week, but nothing seemed to work out until yesterday. We attempted to bring Heath along with us, but he had to get up early for his job at Odd Lots, so he couldn't come. Isn't it cool that he works there? I mean, I never could, just because of all the white trash that enters that store daily, but I admire people who can. OK, so I drove over to Mike's, looking crappier than usual (not that I ever look bad), because I didn't have time to take a shower after he called. I walked into his house, where I was immediately directed to the TV room by his little sister. Mike's friend, Charlie, was coming with us, too, so when he got there, Mike & I headed for the kitchen. Mike went back to his room to get something, so Charlie & I were left alone. I really don't know Charlie. I've had a locker by him for 6 years now, but the most I've ever talked to him was either some time in middle school when we used to just have random conversations in the three minutes between classes or this year when he listened to the Beatles CDs that I lent to Mike & wanted to talk about them one day before school. I'm sure he thinks I'm terribly quiet since I just never have anything to say to him, & I really don't think that I'm the type of person that Mike & Charlie just sit around discussing every night. (I should be, however.) Therefore, Charlie doesn't know me. I know some random information about him that Mike spits out from time to time, so I could tell you, for instance, that his grades do not reflect his intelligence level, which is a darn shame, but that's about it. Therefore, I don't know Charlie. So, there we were, not knowing each other, alone in Mike's kitchen. He turned around to look at me, & said, "So, how's your summer going?" I said, "Well, I'm actually working, if you can believe that, so it's been different." I paused. I said, "How's yours?" He said, "Well, I have to go to summer school, so that sucks." He paused. We really had nothing more to say. I contemplated turning into one of those stupid, bubbly girls who always says something really dumb just to keep the conversation going, but I realized that Charlie deals with 100 of them on a daily basis, so I just quietly admired my legs in my black pants. (Haha. What else was there to do?) Charlie looked like he was desperately trying to think of something to say but failed, so he just sat down & waited. Mike finally came back, so we left. I wasn't sure whether I should assume my position as girlfriend-stand-in-but-not-really & sit in the front, or actually play my part as friend-but-not-as-good-a-friend-as-Charlie & sit in the back, so I chose the back, being the extremely passive person that I am when it comes to things like that. (I hope I really didn't think about it that much at the time, though.) As we were preparing to leave, Mike had to go back into the house, so Charlie & I were left alone again. (Don't you just know that I'm going to say something like, "So we made wild, passionate love while we waited"? I'm not.) So, while we waited, Charlie said, "Sooo...you're working at Subway?" I don't remember what I said, because I was thinking about how Charlie was doing exactly what he should have done in the situation we were in. He brought up something that we had already discussed, knowing that we would be able to talk about it some more, & it was a completely safe topic. I love human nature. We drove to the theater, listening to one of my favourite Doors songs, People Are Strange, & some other random music that I can't recall. Mike & Charlie were talking about things, but I couldn't hear a whole lot, so I just sat back & enjoyed the...umm...back seat. They started talking about getting jobs, so they asked me how many subs I made every day, so I exaggerated as I always do & told them 4 or 5 hundred, & they seemed to believe me. I mean, it was obvious that that number was far-fetched, but I think I could have easily convinced them that it was an accurate number if I wanted to. I love men. At one point, Mike said, "Show Katie your hair", so Charlie lifted his hat & revealed his new platinum, silvery-blond hair. I loved it, of course. I'm a sucker for blondes (& brunettes, & redheads, of course). As we approached the theatre, they started talking about the people who hang around the door & made fun of them. When we walked past them, Mike said, "No soliciting" in that funny way of his. You see, he doesn't want to actually have to confront the idiots, but he also wants to tell them that he basically wants them dead. I do it, too. Except I usually say "Whore" or "Slut" as I walk past people. I love to go places with guys to see how chicks react to them. Like, I was the first one to get my ticket, so I got to stand back & watch the ticket girl check out Mike & Charlie. I don't think she was really into either one of them, but I really don't think Mike & Charlie are the type of people you like when you first meet them. It's OK, dudes. Mike went into the bathroom (like he wants you to know that), so Charlie & I were left alone yet again. I just stood admiring the movie posters & whatnot, so Charlie got a drink & went to play a video game. Mike came back, so we went into the theatre. Someone's purse was in my seat, & let me tell you, there's nothing like getting a purse up your...umm...butt to start out a movie. We noticed quickly that the place was full of kids. Not 17 year-old kids like ourselves, but like 10-13 year-old kids. Man, that's annoying. They were annoying. Let me just say now that the movie was great, though. I was one of the few who saw the original in the theatre before it got famous, so I like it more automatically, but the second was definitely not disappointing. I just love Mike. I thought that Mini-Me dude was going to drive me crazy, just because I'm terribly prejudiced toward short people for some odd reason, but as soon as he tried to nibble on his kitten's ear, I liked him. I also loved how the Scotsman, Fat Bastard, called him "the baby". Man, speaking of him, everyone in the theatre freaked out during the part where he's naked. Geez, people. I mean, it was seriously disgusting, but it's not real, & you're a freak if you pretend to throw up during that scene. I also loved all the fat people who got so disgusted during that part. Umm...do you not realize that you look like that naked, too? (Sorry about that. I can't control what my hands type. Really.) I think I liked the original better, because everything wasn't so overdone. The creators of the movie obviously knew what the kids would like, so they just threw in about 10 times more of that stuff the second time around. It was incredibly clever, don't get me wrong, & it was definitely written better than the first, but "Oh, behave!" & "Do I make you horny, baby?" are just really commonplace at this point. (By the way, do I make you horny, baby, do I? Nah, nevermind.) The scene where Felicity pulls things out of the bag was fabulously crafted, & all of the dick jokes were so well-written (if a dick joke can ever be written well). I was really mad toward the end, though. Dr. Evil was talking about his moon units, & he said something like, "We have moon unit alpha & moon unit zappa." I thought it was funny, but I was obviously the only person in the entire theatre who got it. I leaned over to Mike & said, "Get it? Frank Zappa's daughter? Moonunit Zappa?" He just looked at me. He was my only hope, & even he was lost. Dang it. So, it was a good movie. I laughed a lot.

On the way home, Mike & Charlie were asking me if I liked the old or new one better, & I told them how it makes me mad that everyone has jumped on the Austin Powers bandwagon & how I was the only one in the theatre the first time I saw it. I didn't mean that literally, since I had a friend with me (I think Tracey), but Charlie was like, "Oh, that must have been cool," so I couldn't just go & burst him bubble, could I? He's such a cutie, though. He was talking about having to go to summer school, & he said that he had fun going out to buy pencils & a notebook. Haha. When we got back to Mike's house, Charlie said his good-byes & got in his car, so I was forced to either get in my car & go home, as well, or wait around until Mike decided to invite me in. I was in no mood to go home just yet, so I opted for choice number two. Mike's good about realizing that I'm going nowhere, so we went inside. Mike handed me an orange popsicle, & it was one of those good ones that has all of the gooey stuff around it, but that ended up being a bad thing, since I dropped ice chunks all over the floor. Not a good way to make a positive impression, I've found. Mike brought me some new comics, so I sat down to read them while he went into the TV room. His mom & sisters started talking about something, & my job came up somehow, so I got to explain the joys of Subway for the 800th time that day. They're lucky that I love to talk about myself. I really love comics, & that sort of depresses me. Why is it that the smartest people are the ones who like them? I suppose it's because they're actually deep. Who would have guessed? After sitting around reading & watching Mike play video games for a while, we went to his room to explore. He informed me upon reaching his room that I had orange popsicle on my white shirt, so I had to obsess over that the rest of the night. He showed me a painting he's working on, & I admired his ever-expanding comic book collection. He picked out some more comics for me to read, so we went to the living room. I began reading as he sat & pointed things out to me until his older sister's friend, Rebecca, & what I presumed to be her boyfriend, Nathan, showed up. They talked a while, & then Rebecca & Mike went to the kitchen to talk to Eileen, his sister. I sat on the couch, trying to concentrate on the comic, but I couldn't help overhearing Mike's mom & Nathan talking. The conversation went a little something like this:

Mike's mom: So, you're Nathan?
Nathan: Yeah.
Mike's mom: It's a good name.
Nathan: I know.
- pause -
Nathan: My mom & dad picked it out of the Bible.
- pause -
Nathan: Nathan was a prophet.
- pause -
Nathan: I'm not a prophet. Far from it...
- Mike's mom & Nathan laugh nervously -

It was great. I loved the sheer uncomfortableness of it. I asked Mike for a piece of paper after they left, so I could write it down, & he questioned me, so I told him it was for "my story". I think his mom was seriously worried that I was actually writing him notes to meet me some place later or something, especially when I would only let Mike read it. I don't think the fact that he read it, laughed, & handed it right back to me helped at all, either. As soon as that episode was done, I joined his family in a game of Trivial Pursuit. I mean, is that the perfect thing to do on a Friday night or what? It's so typical of his family, though, or at least what I perceive them to be. I love them, in fact. I'm really only used to playing the Disney version of TP where I'm guaranteed to get my questions all right, & we always play in teams to ensure that you'll never be left looking like an idiot, but I had no such luck with Mike's family. If I was the type of person who got embarrassed, I would probably have been humiliated. I swear, I got exactly one of my questions right. It was a football question, too. It couldn't have been something that would lead them to believe that I'm really not an idiot, after all. It was about off-sides penalties. So sad. It didn't help that I didn't know where Mt. Everest is, either. I felt inept. At a 12:45 or so, we decided to give into the fact that we're all idiots (especially me), so I got up to leave. I always have a good feeling when I leave there. It's a completely different environment than my house. I have a good feeling when I'm at my house, too, but it's a different good feeling. I swear it's Mike. You know, in the movie The Talented Mr. Ripley (Don't worry. It's not just you. No one else has heard of it, either), Gwenyth Paltrow's character describes Ripley as "a guy, who when he's focused on you, you feel like the sun is shining on you, & you're in a place you want to be forever." That's how I felt, sitting with Mike on his couch, listening to him sing Pink Floyd & Cracker, reading Trivial Pursuit questions that I would never in a hundred years know the answers to. It's disgusting, I know, but it's the undeniable, sick, sick truth. Ahh, once again, I've said too much. (Tying yourself to me, stitch up my emptiness, 'cause you're the death of me. So precious, loving the thrill.)

Tuesday the 15th of June: I'm a working girl now. Hard idea to grasp, isn't it? Even to myself, I seem like one of the least likely people to go out & get a job, but I did. Bethany, my cousin, started working at a Subway in the town next to us, & she told me to apply, too. I did, but no one called for a while, so I was content wasting my summer. The owner called & scheduled an interview with me yesterday, though. It was the coolest interview I've ever had. The woman told me I had some of the nicest handwriting she's seen, told me that I'm involved in a lot of stuff, & then basically told me her entire life story. I don't know at what point in the conversation I made some sort of impression on her, but she liked me, so I had my first day of training today. Training, by the way, consists of watching videos of people making subs & some woman saying, "First in, first out. F.I.F.O. rotation" a couple million times. Then, I watched Bethany make subs for an hour. It was the easiest money I've ever made in my life. It's definitely going to interfere with my tanning, soap operas (not that I do those things), & golf lessons, though. Plus, I actually have to wake up before 10 every morning. Oh, the horror.

Yesterday, I took my mom to the doctor, & I saw something horrid. A little boy was following his mom into the office, & he was disgusting. I mean, grotesque. He was carrying a freshly peeled banana, & he downed the entire thing with one bite. Then, as they left the building, he spit onto the sidewalk. If he had been extremely hot, I think I would have just looked the other way, but he was dressed so badly that I had to assume that his mom had been hit in the head with gigantic paint cans before dressing him. I realize that isn't something to get your panties in a twist about, but it left me with a bad feeling. People have to realize that their kids are a direct reflection of themselves. Therefore, if your friends are dumb (and you know they are), you can rest assured that it's all their parents' fault. Isn't that comforting?

As I was sitting in the Kroger parking lot yesterday for reasons that we will never know, I noticed something that I never had before. There's a store in the little shopping center called SAVE - ON - SMOKES DISCOUNT TOBACCO PRODUCTS. Wow. I mean, obviously, it's a store for white trash. I think everyone realizes that. Therefore, why would anyone shop there? And by entering the store, aren't you blatantly acknowledging your white trash-dom? And most importantly, who founds a store like that? Does anyone say as a child, "When I grow up, I want to make cheap tobacco products available for white trash such as myself so that we will no longer be repressed by the high prices forced on us by those who are unfamiliar with our struggles as white trash Americans!"? No. It's just sick, I tell you. Sick.

Don't you wish everyone came equipped with a big sign that told about their future? Like, you meet some random dude. You think, "He looks okay now, but what about in ten years?" So, a sign pops up off of him that says, "In ten years: Bald. Cancer. Homosexual. Lives with mother. Unemployed. Looking for job as bed-maker at nearby motel. Likes to wear woman's clothes & dance around his room while listening to *NSync. Has pet goats that he sometimes likes to have sex with," etc. Yeah, that would be nice. I mean, I know that the guys I plan to marry look good now, but what happens when they get old & ugly? Then, there are those 3 or 4 guys who I actually like based on the fact that they're decent people. Can you imagine!?

Ohh, yesterday when I was at the doctor's office with Mom, I sat reading the Rolling Stone with Mike Myers as Austin Powers on the cover. First off, I read a fabulous article about the Columbine shootings that explained so much to me, & I totally recommend it to everyone, but that's not what I want to talk about. I read an interview with Rufus Wainwright, that wonderful piano-playing dude. He's openly gay, & he was talking about trying to find true love & whatnot, & he totally reminded me of myself (except for the fact that he's gay, of course). He said, "I want...someone who can't keep their hands off me, basically, and who wants to win me." That's exactly what I've been trying to say. Yes, Rufus Wainwright rocks. He actually almost rocks as much as Eustacia Vye in Thomas Hardy's book The Return of the Native. Thomas said about her, "To be loved to madness--such was her great desire. Love was to her the one cordial which could drive away the eating loneliness of her days. And she seemed to long for the abstraction called passionate love more than for any particular lover." Yes. Exactly. Now that's all I'm going to say about that.

Not to keep bringing up this stupid magazine, but Rolling Stone also did an interview with Mike Myers, & I this weird thought. I was looking at the picture of Mike as Dr. Evil, in all his pinky-sucking glory, which led me to thoughts of the movie 54, in which Mike plays Studio 54 owner Steve Rubell. In one scene of the movie, Mike says to a young bartender, "I want to suck your cock." Now, I just thought it would be hilarious if Mike said that to someone in Austin Powers, dressed as Dr. Evil while sucking on his pinky. Man, that would amuse me too much.

OK, I think that's it. Wow, I had stuff to say. Yay! (Life is bigger. It's bigger than you, and you are not me. The lengths that I will go to, the distance in your eyes. Oh, no, I've said too much. I set it up. That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight. Losing my religion.)

Sunday the 13th of June: So, I mentioned the other day that I went see pound, Buckcherry, & Fuel, right? Well, I got my pictures back on Friday night. I was anticipating the last picture, the one of Brett Scallions & me together. I went thru the usual pre-concert photos & the one of me in the bathroom of Mekka, until I got to the actual band pictures. I was kind of disappointed at how far away they looked, even though we were so close to the stage. I looked at the first 14 or whatever of pound & Buckcherry, happy that they were pretty clear & all, & smiled when I got to the ones of Fuel. The stupid strobe lights made some of them really light, but I have a few that are really great. I was totally impressed with the pictures of me with pound. The guys look great, & well...what can I say about myself? I was ready to look at the final picture, the most important one of the entire roll, & it was freaking there. I thought that I was on my last picture when my sister took it, but I just assumed that somehow my camera or the roll of film would realize how much I wanted that picture. (Don't read anything in rest of this paragraph, Tracey. Seriously. Nothing.) It's times like those that I think God seriously has something against me, but I tried to forget it as I looked through my silverchair pictures. Did I tell you that I met Ben from silverchair? No, I know I didn't. I can't seem to make myself write a review of that concert for some reason, but let me just tell you that it was amazing, & I met Ben. So, I flipped to those pictures, mad that I hadn't brought my camera inside with me. I found the ones of Tracey & me, Tracey & Heath, & Heath & me, smiled, & looked for Ben. I saw the first picture, one of me waiting to talk to him & have him sign one of my CDs. Then, Tracey had taken another of him signing my stuff, but the top of his head was cut off. That picture wasn't that great anyway, so I continued on. I stopped to see the one I took of Tracey & Ben. Tracey was smiling a whole lot, but we had been rained on ten minutes before, so she didn't look all the great. (It wasn't your fault, dude. Stop reading this. I told you not to.) Ben is looking really dazed, not smiling like he always does. (I credit that to the fact that he had just met me & was still blinded by my beauty.) I went to the one of Heath & Ben that I had taken. It was perfect. Ben is actually smiling normally & Heath has his mouth open, looking happy. It's like the cutest picture I've ever seen. I got to the one of Ben & me, then. I was too excited by that time. Ben has his eyes & nose all crinkled up, & he's smiling like crazy. I'm holding my CD & smiling like crazy, too. Then, I looked to the top of the picture to see if my hair was flattened by the rain, & noticed that the top of my head was cut off. I looked beside me & noticed that the top of Ben's was cut off, too! I was mad. Not just a little mad. Freaking mad. I know that it wasn't Tracey's fault (OK, it was), but umm...it's Ben. My Ben. The Ben that I have loved & dreamed of meeting for quite a few years. His head is cut off. Not in the one of him with Tracey. Not in the one with him & Heath. The one with me, the only person out of the three of us who actually cares at all about him. Ha. How typical. Oh, well, right? One of the weird things I noticed in the picture is how stupid people look at silverchair concerts. Heath was talking as we drove up there about how he was planning to wear one of his Billy Corgan shirts, but then he decided not to since that's something he doesn't wear on a normal day. I was wearing a very Katie-looking polyester shirt, & Tracey was wearing one of her normal shirts, but everyone else was dressed like freaks. In the backgrounds of all of my pictures, there are girls dressed in whore-ish clothes & waaaaaaay too much black eyeliner. Now, maybe that's how they look on a normal day, but if that's true, that's disgusting. It's now wonder Ben was in love with me...or something.

OK, Tracey, you may now continue reading. I was supposed to go see the new Austin Powers last night with my boys, but we went to Blockbuster & rented Can't Hardly Wait (for the 800th time)& Great Expectations instead. In GE, there's this scene where Finn (Ethan Hawke) & Estella (stupid Gwenyth Paltrow) have their first kiss. It's not just any first kiss, though. Estella just goes ahead & sticks her tongue in Finn's freaking mouth while he's getting a drink from a fountain. Now, I remember my first kiss, & it was absolutely nothing like that. What's the deal with movies & creating moments like that? Geez...Another thing about that movie was this one scene that Gwenyth completely ruined. She & Finn are on his bed, umm...talking about life...& it's like, "Oh, yay. They're finally, umm...talking about life." It's passionate; it's nice. Then, Gwenyth says, "I want you in me." "I want you in me?" Come on. If I ever say that to a guy in the middle of, umm...talking about life, I hope he slaps me & never talks to me again. Yeah, that's romantic, Gwenyth.

The local radio station that I refuse to listen to on account of the fact that it used to try so hard to be like every other station has suddenly gotten good. I don't know when it happened. It kind of makes me mad, because they're playing Beck & the Beastie Boys, but I just heard two different Collective Soul songs in an hour, so I'm feeling good. Ohh, now they're doing new Orgy. That Stitches song is great, I must say. (Reach, reach out to me. Can't you see I need you to save me? Yeah, reach, reach out to me. Can't you see I need you to hold me?)

Thursday the 10th of June: You know, I've felt uninspired for a while. I could do my usual thing of writing the events of every day of this week no matter how unimportant & insignificant they were, but I don't want to do that. I'm big on remembering things. I love to look back on the events of my life to see how I handled them, how I've grown, what good & bad things I've gone thru. While talking about life with Mike recently, however, he said something that kind of changed me, I suppose. He said something about how you can't record every day, because you shouldn't remember every day. I don't think he was talking about me or this page specifically, but he really made me think. I want to record every day. I wish my entire life was being taped so that I can see it 20 years from now. When I'm sitting on my back porch with my husband when I'm 50, I want him to casually mention how he'd like to pop a tape in our VCR (not that they'll exist 50 years from now) & see what happened to me on Thursday the 10th of June of 1999 before he falls asleep. I went to see Fuel in concert on Tuesday night. I'm inspired now. Mike just came over & we watched L.A. Confidential and True Romance. I'm even more inspired for some reason. I don't know what it is about him or if I should even say this, but Mike makes me feel really loved. Wow, I definitely shouldn't have said that. Bethany will jump all over that one for sure. It's strange how I refuse to erase it, though. I must have actually wanted to say that to Mike. I must not have been able to. In fact, I say very little to him that I would actually like to say. I say a little of what I want to on here, but you all don't care about him...or me, for that matter. I assume that he doesn't actually read it, even though he's told me time & again that he does. He said something tonite about how I wrote on here about how Heath does things just to be with me but Mike doesn't, so Mike brought up the fact that he went to see At First Sight in the theatre with my friends & me. So, I suppose I'm supposed to retract that statement. I'm not completely sure I should, though. Mike does things with me, but...in a different way. In fact, even though Heath & Mike are so alike, I like them individually for extremely different reasons. Hmm...OK, I'm done with that topic.

I started golf lessons the other day, even though I'm totally not the type of person who would ever enjoy golf. I do, though. I ripped the skin off of my fingers, which hurts a little (OK, a WHOLE lot), but I'm good. Tracey asked about the lessons last night while I was eating dinner with her family, & as I tried to relay some of the day's events to her, Gladys kept asking a ton of annoying questions. Now, Gladys is probably the nicest person I know (don't ask me what happened to Tracey), but man, she knows how to spoil a story. She also kept telling Tracey that she should take lessons, too, but I think Tracey's learned to tune her out a little too well. I hate when parents do that, encourage their kids to do the things other kids are doing. My mom does it all of the time, but I hope I'll never do that to my kids. Encourage individualism.

Wow, I feel totally empowered by not writing every even of every day. I'm sure that I'm going to have to eventually write down the fact that I told Mike that I was taking bath to get all wet & slippery so I could roll around on my waterbed & watch X-rated movies until he came over tonite, though. Wow, if I felt like putting Mike in a really bad position, I would just write that & not explain its basis at all. Hmm...good night. (S-L-A-P. Is that how you spell kiss in your dictionary? C-O-L-D, pronounced as "care". S-H-I-T. Is that how you spelled me in your dictionary? Four-eyed fool, you led 'round everywhere.) XTC is so cool.

Saturday the 5th of June: I'm officially out of school now. Well, not for ever. Just for the summer. Tracey & I sang School's Out before we left the school. I got an f-ing "B" on my Spanish exam. I mean, I'm going to get an "A" in the class no matter what, but I still wanted an "A" on that exam really badly. There's going to be a rather large curve, however, so I may just end up with a better grade. Right before we left, Tracey & I went to our English teacher's room to pick up the research papers that took the place of our English exam. When I handed in my rough draft, SATAN gave me a "C", just because I wrote the paper on how the Internet is negatively affecting the music industry what with so much free music available online. She didn't understand a word that I wrote, so she told me that she couldn't give me a better grade until she was able to understand it. I was really happy with my paper, & anyone who has ever been on the Internet a day in their life could understand it, but I made a few changes to make her a bit happier. I was unwilling to compromise the integrity of it by explaining all the terms, so I expected to get another "C", but I didn't mind that at all. She gave me an "A", though. I was surprised, but rather grateful. I needed that "A" to get an "A" in the class for the year, so I suppose I should stop calling her SATAN now. Nah...

Tracey & I hung out on Thursday night to celebrate, but it just wasn't good. I don't know what the heck is up with us. I think our biggest problem is that we're both smart enough to think that we're right at all times. We got into a stupid fight on Wednesday on how angles are measured in the unit circle in Trig. I swear that she was claiming that you measure from the 90 degree mark, so I was telling her that she was wrong, but she swears that I was the one claiming that, so she was telling me that I was wrong. We just kind of left it alone so we wouldn't get in a fight. On Friday night, though, we went out to rent As Good As It Gets. I didn't really feel like going anywhere since I was sick of driving, but I wanted to see the movie, so we got it. I thought everything was fine. I mentioned something about our little almost fight the day before, & she somehow got all mad again, telling me that I was still wrong. I had her explain her thoughts on the unit circle again, & she seemed to have completely changed her story. This time, she was saying the exact thing I had said the day before. Trying to keep things under control, I lied & told her that we must have been completely misunderstanding each other before since we obviously thought the same thing. She wouldn't let me calm her, though. She started yelling at me, telling me that I was changing my story to make myself not look like an idiot. I was mad, then, & yelled, too. Then, Gladys butted in & said that our fighting was annoying her to try to lighten things up. I yelled at her, saying, "We don't care!" She just laughed, not realizing that I was serious. I felt bad then, but I was still mad at Tracey. We just watched the movie, hoping that it would somehow make things better. It didn't. Well, it did at first. After it was over & we had talked about it a little, we went into the kitchen to eat some chicken. Tracey said something about how we should just spend the night at our own houses since we were obviously still kind of tense. I said, "Yeah, it's late. I was going to go home three hours ago when we were fighting, but I'm glad I stayed to see the movie." She kind of laughed & said, "You were going to go home?" I said, "Yeah, I was mad & wanted to get out of here." She said, "Well, that's really stupid." I couldn't believe her. It didn't make me mad or anything, but I was just in disbelief that she would say something so dumb. I just acted like it was OK, though, & I went home. Ha.

Yesterday, my sister & her friend, Katie, invited Heath & me to go to the mall with them to see a movie. They really only invited me so I would drive them, & they really only invited Heath so I would have a reason to want to go, but that was OK with me. When I called Heath, he told me that he wanted to go with us, but that was before he knew we wanted to see Notting Hill. Since that's a total chick movie, I thought he would change his mind, but he said that that sounded fine. So, he drove over, & we left. Heath told me about watching Simon Birch the night before with his mom, & since that seems like a total chick movie, too, I knew things would be fine. That's one of the reasons that it's safe to invite Heath with you anywhere. No matter where you're going or what you're doing, Heath will probably like it. With Mike, on the other hand, you can only call him if you're going to do something that you know he'll like, because he doesn't just do things to spend time with you like Heath does. He does, however, talk about life like no one I've ever talked about life with, though, so I suppose I have to continue to love him with a passion. A few minutes after the movie started, Heath leaned over & said, "Is that a curtain or a wall under the movie screen?" I told him that I had checked once but couldn't remember, so he just sat back. Then, a few seconds later, he leaned back over & said, "I really want to know." So, he just got up in front of a movie theatre of people & walked up to the screen. He felt around for a little while as Joanie, Katie & I cracked up. Heath is so funny with the way he just does things. Like, when we walked up to buy our tickets, he asked the ticket lady how her day had been, but she just ignored him. Later, he walked up to the guy who took our tickets, looked at the guy's name tag, & said, "Hey, Scott." People just have no idea what to say to him. Such a fun person. I loved the movie. I don't know what to say about it. It was totally unbelieveable, but it was also really great. William (Hugh Grant) had this fantastic "flatmate" named Spike who completely killed Heath & me. He reminded us of one of the guys from Trainspotting, the movie that we always somehow end up discussing when we're together. He was going out on this date, so he had William help him pick out the right t-shirt to wear. He first came downstairs in one that said "I love blood" & had some sort of weird plastic thing glued to the center with a ring of blood around it. Then, he came down in another that I can't seem to remember. (Joanie's working on thinking of it at the moment.) Finally, he put one on that said "You are the most beautiful woman in the entire world", surrounded by hearts. William said that it was fine, so Spike started walking back upstairs. As he turned, though, the back of his shirt said "FANCY A FUCK?" I thought Heath was going to die laughing. I wouldn't mind seeing it again. Even Heath loved it. Just the fact that William said "bugger" a lot made it all worthwhile. Julia Roberts' smiling got a little old, though. We went over to Chi-Chi's for a little dinner, then. In the parking lot, there were two low riders parked next to each other in the back of the parking lot at an angle so that their beds touched each other. It was really just too funny. I mean, they were really gay-looking trucks, but obviously their owners thought they were cool. Stupid white trash. Heath & I talked about his band while Joanie & Katie did who knows what the whole time. Right before we got seated, Heath went to the bathroom, but before we ordered, he got up to go again & said, "OK, I'm going to pretend to go to the bathroom. One of you tell the waitress that it's my birthday." We started laughing, so none of us could do it. We got no free fried ice cream. In fact, we got no fried ice cream at all, but it was still terribly fun. It's so weird that I started talking about Heath on Friday the 18th of December just as someone who shares my love of Eve 6, but all of the sudden, I hang out with him. I don't know how that happened. I'm not sure how Mike feels about it, either. I think he's actually trying to make me jealous of the relationship he has with Heath. Like, he just announced the other night that Heath was taking him some place tonight. I'm not jealous. Now, if Mike was a chick, I might be, but I can't really see Heath being interested in Mike. Ha.

Today, I took my mom to Kroger for some crap. She only needed a few things, so she went in by herself. I sat out in the car & watched people walk by. I was first disgusted by some girl wearing a bikini & flirting with the cart boys, but then I noticed something more disturbing. A man walked by wearing a shirt that said something like "St. Ives Beach". Now, that's nothing, but I noticed it, because it was one of those made to look like it was a Tommy shirt. I really hate those. I still kind of ignored it, though. I couldn't help but be disgusted, however, when I saw a woman wearing one that said "Puerto Rico". What are these people thinking?! I mean, it's bad enough to be caught wearing anything designed by Tommy Hilfiger, but when you buy a Tommy knock-off, you should just be shot. I wish I could stand by all Tommy knock-off booths with a gun & shoot each & every person who even so much as glances at one of those shirts. Idiots. (Held my eyes closed for too long.)

Wednesday the 2nd of June: Well, tomorrow is my last day of school. I'm not sure what I should do to celebrate. I couldn't be happier to be done. This had to be the worst school year I've ever had. I've been neglecting my writing, hoping that by staying away from the computer, I'll study for exams instead, but it didn't work. I didn't study a bit, & they all seemed incredibly easy. Mike organized a study group last night at Tracey's house, but instead of studying, Mike & I sat & talked about Concrete Blond (it's a band) & random other things while Tracey sat & studied. She was supremely pissed at me by the end of the night for ignoring her, but I really didn't do it on purpose. I'm used to being with her or with Mike, so I just kind of did what I do with Mike when I'm alone with him, since she actually wanted to study instead of have fun. Well, since I've missed some days, I think I'll do the usual run-down.

I went to Tracey's on Friday as usual, & we decided that Long John Silver's sounded really good. Now, we despise sea food, but we felt like chicken & hush puppies, so I drove us to the nearest one. When we got there, we realized that it was closed down. We were mad. We wanted our hush puppies. However, something good came out of the closing-down. I made my first visit to Kentucky Fried Chicken. Now, that may not sound exciting to you, but for me, it was a giant step in my life. Ahh, the joys of small-town life.

On Saturday afternoon when I got home from Tracey's, Mike had called, so I called him back & made plans to see The Matrix again with him & his neighbor, Jason. I swear, Jason either hates me or is scared of me. Whenever I'm around Mike at the same time he is, he walks away from us or just stands there without saying anything. Rather upsetting. I suppose him going to the movie with us was a step in the right direction, though. Mike drove my Blazer there, & Jason just sat in the back quietly while we sat up front & sang along to CD101. I'm a total pants person, but it was hot, so I had decided to wear shorts. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. It was freezing in the theatre, so I sat there, rubbing my bare legs & shivering while Mike laughed & said, "Chilly?" The movie was even more fabulous the second time, mostly just because I understood so much more of it. I love how at the end, when you're totally amazed by what you just watched, they play that Rage Against the Machine song during the credits. I know that the song is cool itself, but it sounds so much cooler with the movie. It's strange how that happens. It's also strange how music can create a mood. Something semi-sweet can become totally romantic just by adding a song like Mazzy Star's Fade Into You. (I adore that song, by the way.) We saw Heath at the theatre, & he promised to come over later to listen to some records, but we doubted that he would. When we got back to Mike's, I was just going to leave, but I somehow felt compelled to stay, so I read one of his comic books while he consumed some fat...err...a hamburger. Then, I followed him to his back porch where we sat & talked about life. It was nice. Actually, I think it's the best time I've ever had with him. There aren't many guys who are willing to just sit & talk, you know. I suppose that's why I hang out with Mike & not those other guys. He finally kicked me out, so I went home & slept. Sleep is good. In fact, I need some now. (I want to hold the hand inside you. I want to take the breath that's true. I look to you and I see nothing. I look to you to see the truth.)

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