Pete and Tim's Page for Jerks and Their Mothers
(Morons' Guide to Civil Disobedience)
Okay, so you begged your mom for more allowance, but she just won't give in. Or you really, really want that girl to like you, but she just won't dammit! Or maybe you feel like the government is impeding on your right... your right to party! Well, follow these short steps, and you too can stage a civil protest.
1. Find a cause. There are lots of causes out there, such as the Silicone-Breast-Implant-Removal-Society, or SBIRS (try sounding it out), and the Radioactive Gun Coalition. Just find a happy little spot where you belong in this screwed beyond all recognition society.
2. Dress up like a Hippie. Fashion is key to any good protest. Just find a pink furry boa or a velvet vest and make sure it's not very "establishment." If you have trouble figuring out how to not look "establishment," just dress up like that idiot Jessie from MTV.
3. Get Lots of People on your Side. This is an absolute must. You may have noticed that Yugoslavia has no government. That's because some guy got all of his countrymen to see that oppression sucks. One way you might be able to do the same thing is by starting a rock band. Granted, you'd have to be the most successful rock band ever, but everybody likes Rock 'n Roll, right? Of course they do. So start practicing those beautiful 3-chord melodies.
4. Protest, dammit! There are lots of ways to protest. However, the only one with Pete and Tim's Seal of Approval (TM) is setting yourself on fire. That's right; just like that wacky Buddhist monk on the picture, setting yourself on fire is absolutely guaranteed to get somebody's attention. In fact, it was rumored that after he saw the burning monk picture, President Kennedy remarked, "Hell, that's gotta hurt," and returned to his morning coffee.
Well, that's really all there is to it. Just keep these 4 simple points in mind, and remember; practice makes perfect! By the way, there's a Circle-K sale on lighter fluid if anyone's interested.