Absolute Moron's Guide to Lipreading
1. Find someone whose conversation is interesting enough to spy on. You may want to avoid real estate agents, the elderly, and Bob Saget.
2. Study movements of lips. Keep in mind that they may be trying to conceal their natural mouth positioning to throw you off.
3. Try not to stare too long. Act like you are doing something else, such as playing paddle-ball or drooling.
4. Be prepared to give an excuse as to why you are staring at their lips. Some suggestions are "I am blind," "I no speak Eenglush," and the ever-popular, "I was trying to determine whether you have herpies or not."
5. Look for certain signs other than lip movements. Remember that the whole body is a language tool. Certain things to look for are:
-Glassy, red, or watery eyes (May suggest person is looking for their drug dealer)
-Violently shaking hands or feet (May suggest epilepsy,parkinsons disease, or that the person is choking. Don't rule out violent,shaking anger, too. And it could be that there is an earthquake or that they are holding on to a paint mixer) on second thought, this body clue isn't very useful.
-Wagging finger pointed at you (May suggest you've been found out. Either use prepared speech (step 4), or run away and don't come back.
6. Practice your technique by watching television on "mute." Some shows to avoid; The Elephant Man, Mexican Wrestling (the masks get in the way), Full House (see step 1).