Absolute Moron's Guide to Being a Guest on Letterman
Lately, along with the 2000 presidential elections, the issue of properly guesting on T.V. shows has arisen. Well, most politicians don't have a clue on how to be funny and win the hearts of their people. So here's Pete and Tim's answer.
1. Buy a goofy tie. Kids love goofy ties.
2. Compliment Letterman on his excellent toupee (he loves toupee jokes!)
3. Whale on the sax.
4. Tell everyone how fat Oprah is... No, better scratch that.
5. Suck up to Paul Schaeffer. Tell Schaeffer that he's better than the Beatles (he OWNS the mind of the public).
6. Remember; only old people vote, so... Do an ultra funny version of "Who's on First!"
7. Make sure to promise stuff, like free rides on Air Force 1 and hamsicles for everyone!
8. Tell Letterman his show's inferior to the Conan O'Brien show (trust us, you'll have the peoples' confidence here).
9. Tell Al Roaker to "blow you."