| Pete and Tim's Real Answers to Cosmo Quizes |
| Tim and I were noticing that the potential Cosmo quiz answers usually either make us sound A) easy or B) homosexual. So we decided to show you our own made-up answers to their little quizes. We'll tabulate sexy scores for you at the end. |
| Quiz: Do you give off a sexy vibe? (I.E.: Are you easy?) |
| Q1: When someone tells you you're sexy, you feel: Tim: Like I'm having a Roni (Just like Vanilla Ice)... Pete: Drugged up and woosy. Q2: You go on a date with a great guy, but he doesn't lay a hand on you the entire night. You think he must: Tim: Not want a piece of the "Unexpected Salami" that is in my pants. Pete: Not be gay. Q3: While walking down the street, a couple of teenage boys start gushing about how hot you are. You deal by: Tim: Telling them, "That's sexual harassment, I don't have to take it!" (Then I flash 'em!) Pete: Asking for a refreshing lemonade, because, hell, I AM hot!! Q4: If you were reincarnated as a feline, you'd probably be: Tim: A Mighty-Morphine Power Ranger "cat" Pete: A frozen cat popsicle, 'cause I'm raw and delicious, baby! RrRrawhrrr! Q5: You bump into your latest obsession at the grocery store. Too bad you haven't washed your hair or brushed your teeth yet. What do you do? Tim: Toss a Rack of Lamb in his basket and shimmy down the aisle so he can get a prime "rear" view. Pete: Grab the noodles and decorate myself as a T.V. Dinner. Q6: You're playing charades Hollywood-style. Which actress could you most easily imitate? Tim: Sherry Louis. Pete: Xuxa. Q7: A few minutes into flirting with a guy at a party, he's most likely to wag his finger at you and say: Tim: Hugs are good, but not down here (while pointing at genitalia). Pete: Please stop. I only like you as a friend. Q8: A typical gym outfit for you is: Tim: A sports bra, itty-bitty biker shorts, and a shirt that reads: I brake for Mark Medina. Pete: A He-Man Mask and a cape (with appropriately tight tights). Q9: The last time you passed by your full-length mirror naked, you thought to yourself: Tim: Damn, I wonder whose house I'm in now? Pete: I wonder if there's any Haagen-Daaz in the Freezer? Q10: In terms of talking dirty to your boyfriend, you: Tim: Mainly I just use the F-word, followed by a cleverly-placed "me." Pete: Huddle in a ball of self-conscious fear. |
| SCORES: Tim is frumpy. He is eager to nail the opposite sex, but lacks the initiative and alcohol. If her dream-date includes driving 45 MPH in the fast lane, Tim's the go-to guy. Otherwise, ladies, watch out. Pete is probably a bit on the retarded side. He has little idea of what sex is and what it requires. If your dream date includes drool, and He-man comics then Pete is your guy. If not, well, leave this mongoloid at home with his nurse. |