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| Tim and I were anxious to use "The Passive Man's Guide to Seduction" in our reviews, but we realized that passivity is not our forte (little squigly mark over the "e", --Ed). Because of this fact, we called People magazine's "Inoffensive Man of the Year," Tom Hanks, to do our review for us. Take it away, Tom. Tom Hanks: Thanks, Pete. Hello, readers. You might remember me from such films as "Filthy Vaginas from Venus 6," and "Slappin Skins with Anne Boelyne," but I have grown greatly, both in my acting talent and maturity. Sadly, this has brought a severe dearth of pun-tang. It seems a nice guy like me just can't get a vixen any more. That's why I love this book! As soon as I read Franklin Parlamis's account of a nice young man in lust for the third time, I knew exactly what it would take to score major Pun-ditty. I learned to slick my hair back, buy pants 2 sizes tighter than usual, and always, ALWAYS show off the chest toupee (Cue another squiggly thing over e --Ed.) I loved this book more than I loved Roxie, Thumper, and Thighsqueesha (I like 'em exotic sometimes). I loved it more than them because of the pictures, which pleasure me night after night, even when those hot skanks are but a distant memory. Just remember: You don't have to be "Big," to score ladies, and you don't need to "Castaway" your wallet to get your "Gump" on. Just follow Franklin Parlamis's tantilizing tricks, and you'll have some tricks of your own! --Tom Hanks |
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