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�Road To Nowhere� Chapter 18: Regrets �Courtney, we have to talk,� Dan said sitting down next to her. �About what?� Courtney asked innocently. �I need to know if you feel anything for me,� Dan said. Courtney struggled with her answer. �No,� she said simply. �Courtney! I know you feel something! Or else you wouldn�t have kissed me! And now you�re going to sit here and lie to yourself and say that you don�t have any feelings for me? Is that fair, Courtney? Is it?� Dan was outraged at Courtney�s lack of enthusiasm. �You think you know me? You think you have any idea what it�s like to be me? Newsflash! You don�t! And if I say that I don�t feel anything, then I sure as hell don�t feel anything!� Courtney screamed back at him. �I never said that I knew what it�s like to be you! But you had to have felt something! I�m just trying to be nice to you,� Dan was trying not to scream. It wasn�t working. �What do you want from me?� Courtney asked, red in the face. �I want you to be happy. I want us to work this out,� Dan replied smiling. �Dan, I am happy. There�s nothing to work out,� Courtney said defeated. �So then there is no �us�?� Dan asked sympathetically. �No, there is no �us�,� Courtney�s heart broke as she heard the words come out of her mouth. There was silence as they sat there staring at each other. Dan had thought he could work this out with Courtney and maybe they could be more than friends. Courtney wanted to be with Dan, but she couldn�t let him know that. They were both devastated that they couldn�t find a way to get over themselves or each other for that matter. �Well I guess I better go,� Dan said quietly. �Yeah,� Courtney let out a sigh. She watched as he got up and disappeared around a corner. She sighed again. �Why me?� * * * * Fighting back tears, Courtney stepped into her and Dan�s English classroom. She saw Dan sitting in his seat. Not making eye contact, she sat in hers. She couldn�t go on like this. She did care for Dan and he already knew it. Why couldn�t she admit it? Courtney pulled out a sheet of notebook paper from her binder. In her bubbly handwriting, she wrote Dan a note. �Dan, I didn�t mean what I�ve said to you. You might think that I�ve lied to you the whole time you have known me, but I�ve lied to myself too. You are the best thing that has happened to me. I want us to be together, I really do. I just need time. Please understand. I�m really sorry. Courtney,� she wrote and slipped him the paper. He read through it and wrote something of his own. The paper landed right back on Courtney�s desk. She unfolded it, her heart racing. She scanned through it, and then read it word for word. �Courtney, I�ve given you time. You have lied to me. I know it�s not like you to say �sorry� but I just can't accept your apology. I�ve tried to understand, but it hurts. I thought you were the best thing that had happened to me too. I must have been wrong. You don�t know how much pain you�ve put me through. Work out your problems and maybe one day we can be together. Dan,� Courtney�s eyes filled with tears that couldn�t fall. She thought she had made it all better. She hadn�t. She didn�t know what to do now. He was right. She had to get over herself in order to do anything else. His words hurt because they were all true. Why did love hurt so badly? * * * * �It didn�t work,� Courtney said to Matt. �It never would�ve worked anyway.� �Oh Court, cheer up. You�ll figure it out. You always do,� Matt hugged his best friend. �Hey, why don�t we go get pizza or something?� �Nah, I just want to be alone. Thanks anyway though,� Courtney said unlocking her car. �No problem. I�ll call you later,� Matt said helping her in. �Feel better, Court.� �Thanks,� Courtney said as she drove home. Courtney went up to her room and sat on her bed. �I gotta make this work,� she thought to herself. �How can I make this work?� The phone rang shattering her thoughts. Her hand trembled over the receiver. Did she really want to answer it? Curiosity got the better of her and she picked it up. �Hello?� she tried to sound cool as she spoke. �Courtney?� a voice replied. Courtney�s heart soared. �Dan?� �We need to talk,� Dan replied. �Meet me in half an hour in front of my house.� �You�re not going to make me feel like an idiot are you?� Courtney asked skeptical. �No. Just meet me in thirty minutes. Bye,� Dan hung up the phone. �What in the world?� Courtney said out loud as she hung up the phone. �What is this about?� * * * *
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