I wake the next morning, and i hate the alarm clock... again. For entirely different reasons. I curse and make to get up, but i'm pulled down by an arm, and turned so i can kiss him. We're both clearly tired. Something about having sex all night, i guess. He pulls back, smiling at me, and he's happier than i've ever seen him.
He plays lightly with bruises and bites on my shoulder, and we just stare at each other, and i reach to smooth his hair down. 'No regrets?'
I look up. 'No.' How could he ever think that? 'I dont regret anything i did with you. It was perfect.' I'm seized with a sort of panic. 'It was, right?'
He pulls me on top of him. 'God, yes.' and he touches my back, making little goosebumps all over my body, which he then kisses, softly. He murmers in my ear. 'I love you'
There it is again. I push myself off him, and move towards the bathroom, my mind whirling. Why is this scaring me so much? The tears are dripping off my face as i look downwards, turning on the faucet. I stare in the mirror, and he appears behind me. Of course, i didnt lock it. Idiot. I look down, anywhere.
He wraps his arms around my waist, and draws me backwards, and i move my spine against his stomach, gently. He's wearing boxers, and he's muttering to me, gently. 'It'll be ok. Sssh.' and he lays his head next to mine, looking directly at our reflections. He raises my head. 'God, we look so perfect together.' I'm naked, and it doesnt matter anymore. 'You see?' He turns me around to him, and embraces me, softly. 'Tell me whats wrong, Syd. Should i not have... should i not have said it again so soon?'
Brown eyes meet green. He kisses my tears from my cheeks. 'Vaughn?' I need reassuring that it's still him. That my guardian angel is still there.
'Yes?' The concern, the love - its him alright.
'I just... This is all so quick. I know that we dont live the lives of normal people, and that we could both be dead this time tomorrow, but, y'know, we have moved fast.' I wipe my own tears away, and i take his hand, placing it over my heart. I look into his eyes, and i say it. 'I love you, i know that. But, this is all so complex. I've only just admitted to my own feelings for you, and i need to know that you'll still be there for me when i go back to SD-6. That this doesnt change the fact that i trust you more than anyone else in my life.'
'You can trust me, you know that, right?' He kisses the side of my head. 'You never need to worry about that'
I laugh, bitterly. 'That's what Danny said. I dont want you to be taken away from me.' The tears are falling again. 'I couldnt breathe if you were gone.'
I run my hands over his flesh, but he stops me, holding them. 'I *know* we dont live the lives of 'normal people', and that it'll be hard, but we have to try. We cant just give up now.'
'I dont want to give up.' And i dont, that i'm sure of. 'But, we cant have a normal relationship, no matter how we feel. If my boss sees me with you, you *will* end up dead. And i cant let that happen.'
He takes my hand, leading me out of the bathroom, back to our bed, tangled as it is. I can smell what we did last night, the room has the aroma of us. Oddly, i'm not repulsed by it, it comforts me, just like he does.
He bends before me, wrapping a sheet around me, on his knees. 'There's no such thing as the perfect relationship. We feel what we feel. And i cannot deny what we did last night. Dont ask me to.'
'I never would.' I still feel him inside me, of course i cant. 'But, we could never be seen in public, never go to the movies, or even have dinner. Is that what you want?' I look at him, begging the truth. Either answer would kill me at this point.
He looks up, sadly. 'It's not what i want. I want to scream to the world that you told me you love me, i want your Father to, y'know, not kill me for 'compromising' you, i want to piss on the CIA rulebook that tells me i cant feel like this about you.'
Take a sledgehammer to my heart, why dont you? He steadies me, i think i might die. He's not finished. 'But i want you. I'll put up with all that crap just to be with you. I cant live without you.' He looks scared at his own admission. 'I'm sorry, but i'm not leaving you.'
I undo the sheet knotted around me, and kiss him, softly this time, not like last night. This is different. This is real. I whisper to him. 'Gently this time' and he removes his boxers again, and reaches to the nightstand, the almost empty box of condoms littered around it.
I lie back on the bed, and he moves over me, gently, like i'll break if he presses too hard. He kisses my jaw, peppering it, and i lick his ear. He's all for it, and i raise to allow him in. He places himself within me, moving slowly in and out, and its all too much. I thought he was perfect last night, but in the clear light of day he's even better.
The small tears trickle from my eyes, dampening the pillow, but i smile, to let him know that it's ok, this is a good sign, because i feel so good. 'Vaughn?'
'Mmm?'
'Never leave me'
'Promise'
**************************
PART 7
The party. Evil English guys house
We walk in together, his arm slung around my waist. I'm wearing this little black dress and my hair is up. Took Vaughn about 5 attempts to get it right. Plus, well, i couldnt keep my hands off him. Fair enough, right?
Him? Well, y'know, i was like *thud* when he came out of the bathroom. Black jeans, this deep green shirt that brings out his eyes, and a leather jacket. Damn my guy looks good in leather.
Techno stuff is blaring from the stereo, and most of the room is dressed the same as us. A security guy appoaches us, and askes for our names. Vaughn replies in that accent of his. 'Mark and Elizabeth Woolard'. The list is checked and, surprise, somehow we're actually on it. Could be because we drugged the actual Woolards outside about 10 minutes ago.
We walk to the buffet and i feed him these cute little hor d'oerves. He's kissing the ends of my fingers, and i'm strongly compelled to screw the mission and leave with him right now. 'Ready my love?'
He slings an arm around me, and spins me so we can kiss, smouldering, hard. I pull back. 'Vaughn... married people dont kiss like that.'
'Who says?'
'Its like the rules'
He shrugs and we make for the access to downstairs. I knock out a few security guards on the way, standard operating procedure. I use a bracelet charged with a security device to open the vault door, and we're in. I pause, this is where we're supposed to say goodbye. Neither of us is moving. I push him slightly. 'You have to go... take care of the security.'
'I'm worried'
'Dont be. Piece of cake. I've done this a million times.' He's scared for me. It would be sweet, but now isnt the time. 'Go, i'll see you back home, ok?'
He moves away, but looks back. Striding back towards me, he kisses me, again, whispering, 'If i never see you again, i loved you, ok?'
I nod, mutely, i think i'll cry otherwise. 'Ok'.
I watch him scurry away, up the stairs, and i have this strange sensation of emptiness. Heck, we havent been apart in nigh on two days straight, of course i feel empty. I turn back to approach the computers set up in the vault.
There's about 20 disks. Not a huge help. And i dont have a huge amount of time until the alarms are bound to go off. I shake my head, and pick up the pile of disks, removing the one currently in the computer itself.
Alarm bells pierce the silence. That would be *the* disk i guess. I pick up to a run exiting the vault, the sound of angry guys following me. Shit. I *hate* this part. The part where i beat people up. Ok, i love it really, adrenal glands pumping and all, but not today. My adrenaline ran out this morning, with him.
2 guards are waiting for me at the exit, i pummel them, easy as pie, and run. I'm good at running. I was on the track team in high school and college. I escape the guards and hail a cab to take me back to our hotel.
He's not back yet, i didnt expect him to be. I'm packing my stuff, and a strange sensation is prickling the back of my neck. I'm ignoring it, it cant mean anything. Besides, i have a flight home at 6am. It's 3 now. Best be away...
PART 8
I'm home, finally, and i throw open the door, unsure whether Francie will be in. I'm tired - again. Crappy jet lag. Sure enough, a chipper Francie emerges into the hall. 'Hey Syd. How was London?' She hugs me, and i repress a smirk.
Instead, i feign indifference. 'Usual'
I remove my jacket and turn towards her. She gasps. Shit, i'm wearing a strapped top arent i? Which means... 'Jeez, Syd, what happened to you?' I'm guessing i must have an expression akin to a deer caught in headlights, because she presses on. 'Syd?'
My heart's pounding. I cant really lie about Vaughn can i? I take her hand and lead her to sit on the sofa, the bug killer will erase our conversation. 'I, uh, had sex with someone' Simple enough, but doesnt do justice to whatever it was i felt that night. What he made me feel.
She looks shocked, but smiles 'I kinda guessed that. Hicky's, bites. So, who is he?'
Ok, what the hell can i say? Think, THINK dammit! 'He's this guy from work. We've known each other for a while. He has the same job as me' Not a lie. I've gone 5 minutes without lying to one of my friends. I laugh inside, bitter. 'And, we, uh, met at the conference and, well...' I trail off, meaningfully. I know for a fact i'm likely to have a goofy smile on my face.
'That's great. What's his name?'
'Michael. Michael Vaughn.' Even his name excites me now.
'Are you going to see him again?'
The million dollar question. And, i dont have an answer. I struggle to be honest, but its hard sometimes. 'I dont know. It's... complicated' Which it is.
Her eyes darken. 'It always is. Does he like you?'
I look down, remembering. 'He told me he loves me.'
She squeals for me. 'Oh my god!!!!! And you didnt tell me.'
'We dont know what we're going to do yet.' The phone rings. Saved by the bell. I reach to pick it up. 'Hello?'
'Sydney?' It's my Father. Sounding not of the happy. Typical.
'Yeah, what is it?'
'Can you meet me? At the warehouse?'
Argh, i hate my life. 'I just got back, and...'
He cuts me off, impatiently, but i catch something in his voice. 'It's important.'
'Um, ok' I hang up. The prickly feeling is back again.
Francie looks up. 'You have to go to work dont you?'
'Yeah.' Damn.
She looks vaguely annoyed, but covers it. 'Ok. But, i want all the details when you get back.'
I laugh. I havent been in a good mood like this for ever. 'Ok.' Moving towards the door, i turn back. 'Dont tell Will. Not yet anyway, ok?'
She grumbles, but acquieses.
*******
I storm into the warehous. My Father looks up. 'Sydney, i-'
'This better be good! I've been working for the last few days, and i'm tired. Cant you ask Vaughn about-'
He cuts me off. 'That's what this is about. Vaughn didnt get out of the estate. He was captured by guards. They want the disk back.'
I think my world's collapsed. He looks at me. 'I talked to Devlin and he says - ' I can tell by his tone.
'They arent going to give back the disk are they?' My gut feels like its been twisted. 'They're going to leave him to die.' No, no, NO!
'It seems to be important, and they cant copy it. So, your orders are- '
'Orders?'
He does look genuinely upset for me, but at this moment, its isnt any comfort to me. 'They want you to give the disk to me. Right now'
I cant believe this. I'm somewhere between suicidally upset and murderously violent, mood wise, and this is not helping me any. 'I thought they were the good guys! They are placing more value on a fucking piece of plastic than on Vaughn. I am *not* going to idly stand by and let them leave the only person i trust to die'
I think i'm crying. I've being doing it a lot lately. He looks at me, confused. Then a look passes over his face. Tone cool, collected, he states simply. 'You slept with him.' Its not a question, he *knows*. 'How could you?'
I take it badly, how could i not? 'What!? It's not like it was something we did to pass the time. We feel something. If you werent made of stone, you'd know what this is like' The words are out before i know what i'm saying. Of course he knows.
'I know full well what this is like. Betraying what you stand for for the person you love. I'm well aware.'
'Dad, i'm sorry.' And i am... at least enough to feel bad. 'But that doesnt excuse what they're doing. You can't expect me to allow him to die.'
'Thats what you orders are'
I'm cold. Its instantaneous, and i'm working myself up for one hell of a monologue. Sadly, Dad gets there first. 'But, i didnt think you'd be following the CIA's orders, even if you and Agent Vaughn werent-' He looks uncomfortable. '-Involved'
A voice disrupts anything i could say back. 'Actually, Miss Bristow, the law requires you to follow your orders' I look up, annoyed. It's Kendall, Special Ops, chain me to a chair guy. Great! Not. 'If you do not hand over the disk, you will have confiscated the property of the US Government. You will be handing the enemy exactly what they want' God, he is really enjoying laboring his point to me. Not a good idea with the foul mood i'm in. He pauses before landing the big hit. 'You'll be a traitor to this country. Just like your mother'
Dad looks angrier than i've ever seen him, and i think he senses that i'm about to commit a serious crime. Time to put the bald guy in his place. I'm fucking tired of being told what to do by this guy. 'First of all, Mr Kendall, i work for the *CIA*. My job dictates primarily that i must serve the country. But, it also dictates that i must save lives. That the safety of my fellow agent depends on the choices i make. *This* is my choice. In case you havent noticed, Vaughn is both an agent and, more importantly, an innocent person.' I consider a moment. 'Besides, technically, the disk is *my* property.'
Kendall is seething. I dont care. 'What?'
Hmm, i've got him now. Except i cant think. It comes to me. The loophole. '*I* stole it. I havent given it to the CIA, or to SD-6. Therefore, it is mine to do with what i please. Saving Vaughn is what it pleases me to do. I dont care about what's on the disk, it doesnt concern me directly. If you want it so bad, come take it off me.' The adrenaline is back, i can feel it pumping. Screw what my father says, emotions get you everywhere.
However, the bald guy steps towards me. Dad restrains him, quite forcefully. Sometimes, i discover my Father does have his uses; other agents are afraid of him. Besides, *i* deserve to be indignant, *not* them. At this exact moment, they are doing God knows what to my Vaughn. The thought is making me burn with some kind of primal protective fury. They can force me into a prison if they want, i wouldnt care.
'If forced to choose between giving back something inconsequental and saving a life. I choose what you seem to take for granted. I am *not* a traitor, and do *not* threaten me again. I will figure this out.'
I storm out, none of this is important anymore.
PART 9
I leave the house a few hours later. There are a few black cars dotted up the road. These assholes are nothing if not predictable. They really expect me to do what i've been told, especially where he's concerned?
I hear a throat clear behind me. 'Hello Weiss.'
'Sydney.' He steps in front of me. I step back, fists clenching.
'Dont tell me you're here to stop me? Because you're going to have to.'
He smiles, sadly. 'That's kinda my job. But, well, me and Vaughn have been best friends since we met. I just wanted to say, the police are watching you. You wont get outta here without my help'
I consider, then nod. 'If you fuck around with me, things will go wrong, i promise. I'm not ready to be told what to do. I have to save Vaughn.'
'Thats why i'm going to help you. Your Dad said you'd need someone.'
My Father? Suppose he's in enough trouble with Kendall at the moment that to help me skip the country himself. 'Fine.'
We walk to his car. I hear engines start behind us. 'Weiss? Maybe i should drive' I indicate, as subtly as possible. 'I know the area better than you.'
'They wont try and stop you.'
I laugh sadly. 'Yeah. They will. It's what they do.'
Right on target, a group of agents exit the bushes by my home, brandishing guns. I moan, and Weiss quips, nervously, 'Well, uh, this could get interesting'
LONDON, UNDERGROUND, EVIL ENGLISH GUYS HOUSE. VAUGHN'S POV
I'm awake. I know that. The throbbing headache thats nullifying my brain is telling me that. I think i must have been here for at least 2 days. During that time, they've 'interrogated' me a couple of times. However, last i heard, it didnt mean torture.
I've been constantly replaying anything in my head. In a cage, crouched down, muscles burning from too many attempts to fight my captors, their knives, their injections. I think i must have told them about Sydney, my main interrogator keeps looking at me like he feels sorry for me.
She's the only thing that keeps me sane in all of this. Replaying everything just to keep sane and focused. The day we met, her sarcasm, paper bags that smelled like her, her indecipherable handwriting scrawled all over them. Watching her pour over maps, specs, and her utter inability to accept complications as a means to stop her. Thats one of the things i love most about her.
Memories of our night, imprinted on my mind. I've never felt anything like it. I've been with other women, but noones ever made me feel like that; so indescribably happy at the barest whisper of a smile, her faint utterances that she loves me, no matter what. Right back at her.
I glance down at my hands. I've been attempting to extract a large chunk of glass from my palm for a while. I guess they must have missed it. Whoever we pissed off. I dont fucos on the pain, i focus on her. The way we looked in that mirror, so perfect. I didnt lie to her about that.
A door screeches open. A tall English guy stands opposite me. I've seen him before, and i know what he can do to me. It's terrifying. This feeling that i dont have a clue what i'm doing anymore. Ever since i met her.
He looks at me, and smiles. 'They're not coming for you'
I'm dead. I knew they wouldnt. Whatever the hell is on this disk, i'm worth less than it. He's not finished with me. He opens the gate to my cell and signals a group of flunkies behind me. 'Do whatever you want. Dont kill him. Not yet.'
Then... pain. Trying not to focus on it, going to a better place. Wherever that may be. With her. Like i always will be. Their feet, their hands, screwing with me. One has a bat, and he lets me know it. I want to scream, but i wont give those bastards the satisfaction. My captor still watches. He's still standing there. I look up, and spit blood. 'Why arent you killing me?'
The man laughs. 'My employer knows the CIA dont have the disk. Which means your girl still does. You're still useful.'
He turns on his heels. 'How long depends on her. And that my employers hunch is true' The men follow him out, and i'm left in damp light again, sweating, wheezing, and tears fall out of my eyes, but i wail quietly. Not becuase of them.
What have you done, Syd? They'll lock her up for this. I knew. I knew the complications, and i still went for it. I've been sated in this hell just by the mere thought of her, comforting me, like she always does. But it isnt real. It's a lie.
She'd sacrifice her freedom for me. She's betraying everything we stand for, and for what? Nothing, because that's what we'd be after the CIA finished with us. Can i let her do that?
Can i?
LATER - CARGO PLANE, SOMEWHERE OVER THE MID-ATLANTIC, SYDNEY'S POV.
The meet is set for 10pm, in London, tomorrow. More plane time. Joy. The entire plane ride, i've been somewhere between telling myself i'm an idiot, and reassuring myself because i'm saving Vaughn, no matter what the price may be to my career with the CIA. Hell, i planned on quitting when i destroyed SD-6 anyway. Thats the only reason i'm here. The only reason i met Vaughn.
I dont care about protocol, and i dont like it if the good of the country depends on some stupid disk, for which someone would destroy the man i love. What was it he said to me? That he wantd to piss on the rulebook that keeps us apart. I'm in that place myself now. After the day i've had. I think i killed someone. One of those CIA guys. Which makes me just as bad as the people who would kill Vaughn. Fleeing for my life, a gun in my hand, and i thought only of Vaughn, because if it were up to me, i would never have had to choose. They made it like this.
They killed Sydney Bristow. She's gone. I'm Elizabeth Woolard now. Again. Because she was free to love Vaughn, like he deserves. I'm not. And i hate the world that keeps us apart. Weiss sits next to me, mute. He's scared of me, but he wont leave. I guess Vaughn commands that in people. I spent my entire life waiting to feel this kind of emotion for another human being. And now i do, they will not take it from me. I swear.
The quiet satisfaction in the voice of Vaughn's captor. Level, like he always expected that i would give up all i loved to save the man i love. Abandoned and alone. With noone to understand how i feel. I miss my Father, i miss Francie, and i miss Will. All of whom i betrayed. For him.
I hear over the com. We're almost there. My hands are shaking, and Weiss clasps one, comfortingly. 'It'll be ok. Kendall will never find you if you dont want him to. You know that.'
I'm welling up. 'But...' I'm thinking how to phrase it. How to make Weiss see that i've thought of nothing but Vaughn for months. That the thought of losing him makes me want to die.
He prods. 'But...?'
A tear drips. I wipe it away. I have to be stone. And i say it. The thought that has been plaguing me since i told Kendall to fuck off. 'What if he doesnt understand? What if he looks at me and sees a traitor. Like my father did with my Mom?'
And that's what scares me. Becoming my mother. I've spent 20 years chasing a lie, to become Laura Bristow. But this is different. I'm becoming Irina Derevko. The woman i despise.
He struggles. He doesnt have Vaughn's ability to make me feel better just by a look. 'He'll understand. And, if he doesnt... would you have been able to live with yourself if you had never even tried to explain?'
Aaah, the question i cant answer. Everything i say makes this wrong, on so many levels. But, i know. 'No. I wouldnt.'
LONDON. VAUGHN
I'm startled out of my reverie by the screech of metal. There he is. Again. He smirks. 'She's agreed to help us. Like we predicted. You're a very lucky man Agent Vaughn.'
The cell door opens, but i dont move. What have you done, my love? He yanks me up, and i grunt in pain. I'm bruised all over. They came back for me. Like they always do. I feel a needle slide into my skin. 'This is so you dont struggle. If you do... well, side effects include blindness, paralysis, even death.'
It feels sweet, whatever it is. I look up, hazy. 'Who are you?'
'You'll never need to know that'
Then... i slip off to a restful sleep.
PART 10
LONDON - SYD'S POV
It's 10.05
The bastards are 5 minutes late. Around the corner, with the car, is Weiss. I've been silent ever since i took my seat on this bench, wathing the road. My mom used to tell me that when you look for something, it never comes. Applicable in both the literal and figurative sense. I was looking and looking for Vaughn to love me, to feel something, and it only comes when i'm not even thinking about it.
I'm waiting, impatiently, a growing feeling of dread growing in my stomach. I hate being kept waiting. I've killed people for less.
A black limo pulls into the parking lot opposite me, and a young man gets out, holding a briefcase. Great, i have to deal with a guy who looks like he should be selling Cookies. He approaches me. 'Miss Bristow, i presume?' I nod, pissed already. Cocky son of a bitch. 'Do you have my disk?'
'Do you have my friend?'
He looks amused. 'Your 'friend'? Yes.' He indicates to someone in the limo and they step out, holding a bruised and beaten up Vaughn, barely concious. 'What the hell did you do to him?'
My voice is low, dangerous, and i swear i've never sounded like that before.I swear, i feel like killing. Noone does this. Not to Vaughn, not to me.
'What i had to, Miss Bristow. It wasnt personal. You took my employers disk, and we had to take care of it. You would have done the same thing'
'Not for a disk' I laugh, sneeringly.
He considers. 'But, didnt you just trade something potentially important for a man? No matter who he is, you took a risk. We did to. We cover all our angles, all our mistakes. The CIA does not, which is why you dont belong with them'
'You offering me a job?'
'You think the CIA will ever have you or Agent Vaughn back? You'd be fugitives. Always.'
He's right, but i'd sooner die. I'm not a bad guy. 'Uh, i think not. I'd rather die' I smile sweetly, and the thug guy jostles Vaughn. My heart leaps, and the rage is bubbling.
'Pity. My employer would have given you nothing but the best' He holds out his hand. 'My disk? I'l presume you're attempts to copy it were futile?' I nod again. No need to piss the guy off. He inserts it into the computer in his case, taps some keys, and looks back to me. 'Yes, we have a deal'
Thug guy approaches and pretty much throws Vaughn into my arms, breathing heavily, looking a little worse for wear. The limo is gone, and i carry him to my waiting Ford, my Father is the front seat, with Weiss. 'What are you doing here?'
'Did you think i'd leave you on your own to deal with this?'
Weiss looks at me. 'If the CIA are after us, or those guys, we'll need help'
Weiss scurries outta the passenger door, and helps me place Vaughn into the back seat. I move around to the other side, and move him, gently, so that his head sits in my lap. He looks so bruised, so defeated, adn i'm helpless. 'Can you drive this thing? He doesnt look so good' Dad starts the engine, and we're away.
The engine starts in reply, and i touch my Vaughn, softly, so i dont hurt him. God, i feel so angry, yet helpless. 'We need to stop nearby. He needs a bed.' Preferably with me in it to protect him. Ok, i know he doesnt need protected, but i want to anyway. 'There's a hotel by the airport, where we stayed before...' Before all this happened. Before me and Vaughn did... whatever this is.
The world isnt moving at a proper speed anymore. There's nothing to me besides the faint rising and falling of his chest, the little grunts he makes in his sleep.
We're all back at the hotel. I know we wont have checked out, Vaughn was supposed to take care of that, and i ask the desk girl to give me a spare key.
Weiss and my father carry him up the stairs, me behind, numb.
A few moments later, i set him onto a soft bed, our bed, and my Dad exits, nervous. He's coming around, but he looks disorientated. I'm bustling around, attempting to locate bandages in the bathroom. I need to ten to him, it's like an obsession.
When i reenter the main room, he's fully awake now, and just watching me. 'They didnt think you'd come.'
'I did.'
He looks confused, delirious. 'They said the CIA said no, they wouldnt trade.'
I turn around from my spot at a window. 'They wont. The CIA doesnt know i'm here. This was for you and me, not for the government.'
He stands, unsteadily. 'You broke protocol?'
It bursts out; rage, frustration. 'Yes! I broke the rules. To save you. To do what noone else was willing to do.'
'You shouldnt have-' Am i really hearing this? Is he really saying what i think he is?
'Why? Let me tell you something. The CIA was willing to leave you to die. I couldnt let them do that.'
He sneers slightly. 'Because i'm your boyfriend?'
'Partly' I'm crying again. I need to stop this. 'Vaughn, i would have saved you anyway, even if we had never... I cared about you long before any of this.'
His expression softens and he moves to embrace me. 'They'll call you a traitor'
'I'm not. I gave them what they wanted. I risked my life to save one of their agents, and they cant overlook that, even in light of whatever the hell is going on between us. Maybe that does make me a traitor, but i only betrayed the CIA, the country, because i couldnt leave you there. Because i couldnt betray you' I look to him, desperately, my voice lowering. 'Do you hate me?'
He laughs. 'No! Christ, i love you, i just... This would never work, you were right about that.'
I back away, absorbing this 'You're breaking up with me?' Please, God, no.
'I think we need to step back. Evaluate'
I explode. 'Fuck you. I risked everything for you. And if you cant deal with that, thats your problem.'
'I'm not trying to hurt you'
'You're making a pretty good attempt at it though. Did none of Sunday night mean anything to you?' I need to know. It could kill me, but i cant leave without knowing.
'Of course it meant something. I dont want to do this, but you never will. I'm just saying what you wont'
I need it. The pain setting in, and i'm growing numb. 'Fine. Tell me you dont love me.'
It settles, he looks over to me. 'What?'
'You heard me. Look at me, Look in my fucking eyes, and tell me flat out that you feel nothing for me, that when you were being tortured you didnt think about me.' Admissions time i think, this is it. Honesty. 'I think about you all the time. i couldnt STOP thinking about you, all the time i was coming here. Tell me that you dont feel a thing. That we can be partners again. Say what i wont!' I'm screeching, but i dont give a shit.
VAUGHN'S POV
Did she just ask me to...? Yes, she did. To do something i cant do. To tell her that when i was being tortured, i wasnt thinking about her, that she wasnt the only thing that sustained me. This is admissions time, isnt it? And i know i cant lie to her.
Silence. I look away. 'I cant'
And, i really cant. I love her, i always will. 'But, we have to...'
SYD'S POV
'We have to what, Vaughn? Pretend? I cant ever go back there. Not after this. I reach into the pocket of my jacket. I throw a small package onto the table in front of him. Copies of a disk. He looks up at me. 'One of the only good things about SD-6. Marshall. The guy can fix anything.' I make for the door. 'Dont contact me again. Ever. The CIA wants something from me, they can come and get me. Not you. You dont mean anything.'
I run, what else can i do? It's what i do.
THE END