 |
| : : : D&D part 4 : : : |
| : : : back home : : : |
| Dumb & Dumber -- part 4 "NICK!" Brian screamed at the top of his lungs. "Y'ALL DROVE ALMOST A THIRD OF THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!" "So?" Nick whined. "SO - we don't have enough money to get to Aspen and we don't have enough money to get home!" "Oh." Nick nodded. Brian turned and started down the two lane road. "Where ya goin'!" Nick yelled. "HOME!" Brian called back. "I'm going back to Kentucky to see my momma!" "Awww..." Nick kicked the side of the road, tripped and almost fell over. This made him feel stupid. "WELL..." He yelled after Brian. "EXCUSE ME! I GUESS I FORGOT THAT YA NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE!" Nick sniffed and wiped his nose. � Brian wandered along the side of the road - thumb out in hopes that a car might come by. There hadn't been a car in three hours and one was due soon. Turning, he saw a dot along the horizon. As it grew closer, he could make out the shape of someone on a moped. "Hi, ya!" Nick pulled up next to him, wobbling dangerously. "Whadda think?" Brian thought for a moment. "Where'd y'all get that?" "Traded the van for it. Straight up. This baby gets sixty miles to the gallon." Nick patted the moped lovingly. Brian shook his head. "Nick - just when I think y'all can't get any dumber, y'all go and pull something like this..." Nick hung his head. "... and TOTALLY REDEEM yourself!" Brian finished. Nick beamed as Brian climbed on behind him. They started down the road. "No, Nick - west - go west!" Brian yelled. "Oops." Nick turned around. ---------------------------------------------------------- � "Nunununuuunun..." Brian's teeth were chattering as they putted into Aspen two days later. "We made it!" Nick shivered. "Got a little nippy through the pass, huh?" Brian asked. "Ya." Nick parked the moped at the curb. "Let's find Mary. "Okay..." Brian opened the phone book. "What's her last name?" "Oh..." Nick scrunched his face in thought. "S... sw... swammy, sammy, swanson..." "Look - it's on the briefcase..." Brian pointed. "Right!" Nick yelled. "SAMPSONITE - I was WAY off!" Brian paged through the book. "I'm not seein' it here, Nick!" "She must be unlisted." Nick shook his head sorrowfully. � Later that evening at the campsite, Brian rubbed his hands together. "Sure is cold." "Here." Nick peeled off one of his pairs of gloves. "Take these - my hands were like, ya know, starting to sweat anyway." Brian stared at the gloves. "Y'all had an extra pair of gloves all through the pass and y'all didn't tell me?" "Well, ya? We're in the mountains, ya know." Nick rolled his eyes. Brian leapt for Nick's throat. "I'm gonna kill you!" "NO!" Nick screamed. "Stop - Brian - Brian - YOUR HANDS ARE COLD!" He screamed like a girl. Brian changed his mind and grabbed the briefcase. "Y'all know what I'm gonna do? I'm just gonna throw this in the lake!" "NO!" Nick jumped for his precious briefcase, knocking it from Brian's hand. It fell to the ground and broke open - money spilling everywhere. "Nick - Nick..." Brian pointed as Nick tried to beat the crap out of him. "Look..." Nick turned and stared. "Aw - ya broke it!" ---------------------------------------------------------- � Several hours later - Nick and Brian were staying in the Presidential Suite at the hotel and Nick was the proud owner of several lime green outfits. Brian sniffed and wiped his nose on a hundred dollar bill. "Look - that's so sad." Nick stared at the T.V., which was showing a USWest long distance commercial. "Ya." Nick agreed, before returning to the paper - he was looking at the pictures. "Brian - there she is! It's Mary!" Brian leaned over to see the picture of Mary, Howie winking at her shoulder. "Mary Swanson - SWANSON - I was so close!" Nick smacked himself in the head. "And her brother in law, Howie D. are hos... hos...hos-ting..." "Hosting." Brian filled in, as he read it over Nick's shoulder. "T... th... tuh-heh..." Nick was having trouble with the next word. "The." Brian supplied. "The... ann... annu..." Nick wrinkled his face in concentration. "That's a big one." Brian took over the reading. "Annual. The annual benefit for the Society for the Preservation of the Snowy Owl." "Wow." Nick and Brian looked at each other. "A PARTY!" ---------------------------------------------------------- � Brian and Nick swaggered through the front door of the party hall, Nick in a lime green plaid outfit and Brian in his retro cowboys-R-us A.J. look alike outfit. "Here ya go!" Nick handed a twenty to the doorman. "Here ya go!" He handed another to the bellboy - who hadn't even done anything. "Excuse me!" Howie stopped them at the door. "This is a five hundred dollar a plate dinner, and stuff like that! Good-bye, gentlemen!" "Really?" Brian peeled several bills from the wad in his pocket. "Here's four." "In case we want seconds..." Nick added, accidentally spraying Howie with his mint mouth spray. Howie winked furiously, trying to relieve the stinging. "There she is!" Nick leaned up against the bar. "Why don't you, like, ya know, go over and talk to her -tell her how wonderful I am and, ya, know, stuff like that. I'll just stand here and, ya know, look cool!" "Weeellll..." Brian was hesitant. "PLEEEESE!" "Okay." Brian bounced across the floor to where Mary was standing, looking at the two owls in the cage. "There he is." A.J. - his hair now lime green - pointed Brian out to Howie. "He-llo!" Brian greeted Mary. "Hi - do I know you?" "No, I'm Brian Littrell! I have your briefcase!" "Um..." "The one y'all left at the airport!" Mary's eyes widened. "You HAVE it?" "Yep. My friend, Nick..." Brian pointed to Nick who was trying to show off his butt by leaning against the bar. "... he really likes you. So we drove all the way out here just to give it back to y'all!" "Wow." "And who's this, Mary?" Howie winked and drooled his way next to Mary. "Hi! I'm Howie D. Howwie doin'?" "Just fine, thank yew." Brian replied. His eyes widened at the sight of A.J. who was busy humping the hor'dourves table. "Who's that?" Howie turned. "Oh - that's A.J. Excuse me and stuff like that." He left to pull A.J. down from the table. "So..." Mary started. "When could I get this from you?" Howie returned, holding firmly to A.J.'s shirt collar. "Why don't, like, you take Brian skiing tomorrow and stuff like that, Mary!" "Hey - I like those sunglasses." A.J. commented. "Could I have them?" "Sure!" Brian handed them over. "COOL!" A.J. put them on and grinned. "Well..." Mary started. "Would you like to ski?" "Um... I'm scared of heights..." Brian started. "It's, like, settled then!" Howie drooled. "She'll meet you tomorrow at ten!" Brian headed back to the bar, wondering what he was going to tell Nick. "So - like, what'd she say?" Nick squealed. "Um..." Brian decided to lie. "She'll meet you at the bar at ten." "Wow." Nick shook his head. "I wish I was old enough to drink! Let's celebrate!" He grabbed a bottle of champagne and popped the cork. The cork sailed across the room and killed the owls. A.J. spit his drink across the table in shock, unable to believe what he had just seen. Brian turned and looked at the room. "Wow - this party really died." ---------------------------------------------------------- |
| : : : go to part 5 : : : |