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| : : : D&D part 5 : : : |
| : : : back home : : : |
| Dumb & Dumber - part 5 At noon the next day it dawned on Nick that Mary was not going to show up. "Bartender!" He wailed. "Do you want another Mountain Dew, sonny?" "Nnnnoooooo! I want to know where Mary Swanson lives!" "Sure - she has the big place on Riverfront Drive." Scowling - Nick was about to leave the bar, when he noticed a framed newspaper article on the wall. "MAN LANDS ON MOON." "No WAY!" Nick whispered. "Hey everyone!" He shouted in the lobby. "We've, ya know, landed on the MOON!" � Nick decided to go by Mary's house and see if she was sick. As he was hiding in the bushes, trying to get up enough nerve to go to the front door he watched Brian and Mary pull up in the yellow Beemer he and Brian were leasing. They were back from their ski date - it had only taken Brian two hours to get off the ski lift with his eyes closed. Nick scowled. What was Brian doing? Slowly, it dawned on him. BRIAN was cheating. Mary wasn't going to show up at the bar at all! Nick felt really really stupid. ---------------------------------------------------------- "She never showed up!" Brian's mouth dropped open in shock. "That's terrible!" "Ya." Nick glared. Brian thought for a minute. "Wait - maybe she meant ten at night!" Nick's face lit up. "Ya think!" "Yeah! Who would meet someone at a bar at ten in the morning!" Brian snickered. "Ya." Nick agreed. "I just thought she was, like, ya know, a raging alcolic!" "Al-co-HOL-ic." "Ya!" � Nick double-crossed Brian. Guessing correctly that Brian was going to see Mary again, he hurried over to Mary's house first. Mary was watching CNN - an investigative report into who the sickos were that would give a headless Chihuahua to a blind boy. "Hi!" Nick greeted her. "Wanna go get the briefcase!" "Sure!" Mary jumped to her feet. "Let me get my coat!" � Nick paced back and forth in front of the bathroom door in the hotel. Mary was freshening up. This was Nick's one chance to tell Mary how he felt. Mary opened the door. "Mary..." Nick started. "I... I... I... desperately want to make love to a school boy!" Mary's mouth dropped open. "Ummmmm..." Nick ran through what he had just said. "No... that wasn't right! Let me try again!" He smashed the palm of his hand into his forehead several times. "Ow! That hurt!" "Why don't we get the briefcase?" Mary suggested. "Okay..." Nick sighed. A knock sounded at the door. Nick opened it to see Howie standing there with a gun. "No thanks - we have enough towels!" Nick went to shut the door. "Howie?" Mary asked. � "Excuse me, Gunman?" Nick and Mary were both tied up on the bed while Howie chatted on the phone. "Why are you here?" Howie covered the mouthpiece with his hand. "I'm here for my briefcase, actually!" "Oh - well, in that case, Mr. Sampsonite..." "Hey - Nick, we gotta talk!" Brian charged through the door, and saw Nick and Mary on the bed. "Oh - good, y'all found her." He turned to Howie with a gun and screamed. "AAAAAA!" "Sit down and stuff like that!" Howie chirped, waving the gun at Brian's head. Brian sat down on the other side of Mary. Howie opened his briefcase, only to find it full of IOU's - mostly written in red crayon. "What is this!" "Those are as good as money." Brian told him. "Those are IOU's." Nick announced proudly. Brian leaned forward and pulled one out. "See that - that's a Beemer - fifty grand- y'all might want to hang onto that one!" Howie scowled, then winked. "You're gonna die and stuff like that!" "Kill me first!" Brian waved his hand in the air. "No - kill me!" Nick wasn't going to be left out. "No." Brian argued. "I should be killed. I stole your girl. We'all went skiiing, we built a snowman - she touched my leg..." "OK-ay!" Nick hollered. "KILL HIM!" Howie turned and pointed the gun at Brian and fired three times, hitting Brian in the chest. Brian fell off the bed and hit the floor with a thump. Nick began to bawl. "You killed my best friend!" "Get over it and stuff like that." Howie drooled. Brian jumped back to his feet, pulled a gun and began to fire at Howie - missing all six times. "BRIAN!" Nick shouted. "You're, like, alive?" He looked at the holes in the wall behind Howie. "And you're a, ya know, terrible shot!" The FBI agents - including the woman the Brian had met at the gas station charged into the room, guns drawn, and arrested Howie for kidnapping Mary's husband. "Huh?" Nick was confused. Brian beamed. "They found me in the lobby, strapped a bulletproof vest on me and gave me a gun!" "Wow." Nick thought for a moment. "What if he, like, ya know, shot ya in the head?" Brian's eyes widened. "Yeah - what if he'all shot me in the head?" He asked the FBI agent. She shrugged. "That was a risk we were willing to take." ---------------------------------------------------------- � Brian and Nick walked along the side of the highway - kicked out of the hotel and forced to return all their lime green clothes and yellow Beemers. A large bus pulled over to the side of the road. "Excuse me?" A tall blond in a bikini opened the door. "We're on a national tour and we're looking for a couple guys who can grease us up before competitions!" Nick and Brian grinned. "You're in luck!" Brian smiled. "Ya!" Nick added. "There's a town right down that way!" He pointed up the road. "Oh - okay, thanks!" The bus left. Brian glared at Nick. "Yew idiot!" He ran after the bus. The bus pulled over again. "Y'all have to excuse my friend - he's not too bright." Brian panted. Nick smiled. "The town is that way." Brian pointed in the opposite direction. The girl rolled her eyes. "Okay." The bus left. "Wow." Nick commented. "Imagine the two lucky guys that'll get to ride everywhere with those girls." "Yeah." Brian agreed. "Oh well - we'll get our break someday." "You're it." Nick tagged Brian. "Y'all are it." "You're it." "Y'all are it." |