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| : : : D&D part 1 : : : |
| : : : back home : : : |
| : : : onto part 2 : : : |
| Dumb & Dumber Nick Carter pulled the black limo into the circular driveway. He jumped out of the car and banged on the front door of the mega house. "Hang on just one minute." A beautiful red haired woman opened the door. Nick's jaw dropped. He had found true love. Yes, she wasn't blond, but that could be fixed. Nick clutched his chest and collapsed against the brick wall. He patted his chest rapidly to make sure he was still there. It dawned on him that he might have bad breath. He pulled his mint spray from his suit pocket. Tsssst tssssssst. Nick pressed the button twice - sending the mist off to the side of his head. He smacked his lips. "Ahhhh. Much better." "Hi. I'm ready." The red head appeared again. � "What's your name?" Nick leaned back so he could watch her talk. "Mary. Mary Swanson." "I'm NICK." Nick introduced himself. He inspected her luggage and made a deduction. "Flying somewhere, huh?" "Aspen." Mary answered, twisting the black gloves in her hand. "Oh, California!" Nick noticed her hands. "A little nervous about the flight?" "Yeah - that's it." Mary nodded. Nick turned completely around in his seat. "Don't worry, Mary - statistically - you're more likely to die on the WAY to the airport than on the plane!" Two cars crashed into each other as Nick sped through a red light. "The worst is when you get caught under a, ya know, a gas truck." Nick added. A large fire started in the street behind them. "I have a cousin... well, I HAD a cousin..." "Nick." Mary interrupted. "Yes?" "Could you watch the road?" "Sure." Nick turned around. "Can never be too careful - there's a lot of, ya know, BAD drivers out there." � "Well..." Nick took Mary's bag out of the trunk and set in on the sidewalk at the airport. "This is good-bye." "Yes - well, good-bye!" Mary was beginning to think Nick was a little strange. "C'mon!" Nick beamed. "How 'bout a hug!" "Um.." Mary started too late - Nick gave her a big hug. Nick sniffed. "I hate good-byes." He released Mary. Mary opened her mouth. "No." Nick stopped her. "Just go." Mary shrugged and left. Nick got back in the limo. He could see Mary walking along the concourse. He stretched his arm out. "Good-bye, my love!" He sang. THUMP! He smashed into the car in front of him. The airbag opened. Mary looked out the window to see Nick, squished behind the airbag - waving at her. She smiled, set her briefcase down next to the escalators and left. "No!" Nick shouted. "Mary - wait!" He wrestled his way from behind the airbag and ran into the airport. � ---------------------------------------------------------- � "There she is." Tall, dark and wearing leather - Kevin peered along the airport concourse. He popped another ulcer pill. "Go get it." "Got it." A.J. - hardly noticeable in his plaid pants and hot pink ruffled shirt - which matched his hair - started toward the briefcase. Just as he was about to grab it, Nick slid in front of him, grabbed the suitcase and kept right on going into the wall. SMACK! Nick jumped to his feet and took off running after Mary. "What the heck!" A.J. pulled his sunglasses off for a better look. "GET IT, YOU MORON!" Kevin yelled. "Oh... right!" A.J. started after the briefcase. Nick ran up to the gate. "Um, sir, you can't go in there..." The attendant started. "It's okay!" Nick turned and flashed his ID. "I'm a limo driver!" He ran up the jetway - out the open end and plummeted to the pavement, where he bounced once and lay still. � ---------------------------------------------------------- � Nick and Brian pulled up to their apartment at the same time - Nick in a cab, and Brian in his sheepdog van. "Hey, Frick, how'd your day go?" Nick asked. "Okay. I got fired again." Brian shrugged, still wearing his sheepdog outfit. "What about yew?" "Me too." Nick nodded. "Really?" Brian exclaimed. "Y'all are one pathetic loser!" "Yeah." Nick agreed. "I fell off the jetway again." He added as an afterthought. � ---------------------------------------------------------- � A.J. pulled the black LTD up to the curb in front of the apartments. "This is it." "Are you sure he has the briefcase?" Kevin asked for the twentieth time. "Dude - I'm sure! I saw him! Even had my glasses off!" Kevin pulled his gun from his leather jacket. "Okay...." � ---------------------------------------------------------- � "Wanna beer?" Nick asked on his way to the kitchen. "Hi ya, Tyk!" He added, waving at the dog in the kennel. "Sure." Brian was sprawled on the couch, staring at the ant farm along the far wall. "What's with the briefcase, man?" Nick handed Brian his beer. "It's a love memo." "Memento." Brian corrected. "Who from?" "The most beautiful girl..." Nick sat down so he was eye level with Brian. "I drove her to the airport - sparks flew. Then she walked away and left me forever. She left her briefcase next to the escalator." "What's in it?" Brian drained his beer in one swallow. "Man!" Nick yelled. "What kind of lowlife do you think I am - like I'd go messing in someone's personal stuff?" "Is it locked?" "Ya." Nick thumped the top of the briefcase. "Really well." THUMP THUMP! Someone knocked at the door. Brian got up and peered through the peephole. "AAAAAA!" "What?" Nick looked and saw A.J. peering through the other side - Kevin in the background loading his gun. Brian grabbed Nick and dragged him away from the door. "Did y'all pay the GAS BILL?" "Um..." Nick scrunched his face up in thought. "Bail?" Brian asked. "Like, YA!" Nick confirmed. They grabbed the briefcase and escaped through the kitchen window. � ---------------------------------------------------------- � "I say we trash the place." Kevin glared, angry that even though he had broken in - Nick and Brian weren't there, and worst of all, the briefcase wasn't there. "You know, send them a message." A.J. peered at the worm farm. "I don't think they're gonna get that message, Kevin." "Wait." Kevin paused. "I have a better idea." He bent over to look at Tyk. "Yo Quiero Taco Bell..." � ---------------------------------------------------------- � Nick marched along the street, a large sombrero on his head, and a twenty-four pack of beer in his arms. He noticed a porno magazine in the stand outside the store. Setting his beer down he bought a copy - and the door shut before he could get his wallet out. "Aw man!" Nick yelled. A little old woman on a motorized cart zipped by. "Excuse me!" Nick called. "Could you watch my stuff while I go break a dollar?" "Sure." The woman nodded. "Thanks!" Nick grinned. "While senior citizens are slow and dangerous behind the wheel - they are good for something!" He ran off to break his dollar. |