Yeah so, this is the NEW (EDITED) news page. The other one was getting rather crowded and I couldn't be bothered to delete any of it so I thought,"Why not start all over?" and so I did. You can still view the other news here in case you want to see how the last few months of my life were wasted.
July 16, 2001
I have really not updated the news page in a long while, as hopefully you've noticed. I've also added two new pages to my already impressive line up: a chee chee page and a quotes page. So far the feedback on the quotes page has been very encouraging and I'll continue to update it as need be. (Yuss Gram, I've done away with the horrid background. Are you happy?!)
In other news, I watched the 100 Greatest Pop Songs on MTV which frankly SUCKED! I mean, hULO they put one of the Backstreet Boys songs before Imagine, I mean FS! See just the memory of it agitates me beyond proper grammar. I shouldn't watch those things because I know what'll happen but still I ask for it..
Aherm, well you know last week I got a semi-sunburn.
I know I had other news to write, but now I really can't remember....
Oo I got a purple lava lamp! It's uHh really groovy and stuff..ya know SwiRLy...
I noticed Erin [Durst] got her entry in Randy's guestbook. I must admit it was a little normal, especially for her. At least I hope it was you, Erin?! I mean, there can't be TWO Erins that love the guy so much! That would be just wrong.
Rooby broke her phone yesterday. Read more about it on the quotes page or Tom's guestbook.
Speaking of Tom's guestbook, we should really boycott the little bastard. He took down our entire guestbook!!! That's about 8 pages full of our wonderful grafitti! :( And he didn't even ask. That's what hurts the most... -SNIFF- Tom how could you??!
My dad has a fake mushroom out by the grapevine....no one knows why... or where he got it...
July 17, 2001
I updated the Lout Gallery today. Now Vivienne's and Scott's (aka Wayne) masterpieces are up.
July Something or Other
Don't remember the date but I remember what happened on this date which is what counts right?? Anyway, this is THE day I found out Paul McCartney was engaged to Heather Mills. :( In the words of our beloved Randy, "Major Boo Boo Face." I knew it was going to happen all along: he's been taken in by her malicious intentions! I mean helO no one could love Paul like me fs! She's in it for the money, I tell you. He's bound to get his heart broken sooner or later...methinks sooner cos frankly I don't think the old chap's got many more laters coming to him.
August 2, 2001
Omg r00by what a nutty entry! lmfao Hey, I don't know what you're whining about anyway girlfriend. Kiran sounds k*wl! tEHE
And my dad called me cutie pie today. :| I'm sorry, it DOES deserve the kermit face dammit.
In case you didn't notice, I'm also updating the news today. Josh made me realise how uninformed I'm leaving my viewers (yuss, all ten thousand of them) by not updating this page as often as I should. Actually, no, I've just got a screaming headache and I don't feel like doing anything else so I'm going to sit here on my lazy behind until it's time to go to work and I don't care if I do get fat cos it's too late to care OK????? HA! :| Ok, it is nearing THAT time of month. Wait, I'm sure you didn't need to know that. Backspace please. No, it's too late. I'm too lazy damnit. :)
Today is the day on which I attempt to communicate the infamous MISTER FAN mystery. Ok, so there's this fan at work. Follow so far?? It mists, costing you approximately $8.99 IF you don't have an employees discount like I do (helO, I shouldn't brag. God only knows how much longer I'll retain even THAT minute privilege.). Ok, so it mists, right? The name on it says "Mister Fan." My question to you is, do they call it "Mister Fan" because it mists or because it's a mister as opposed to a missus? Aha, very mind-boggling, is it not??!
Omg yuss, I almost forgot: the ONE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED growled at me yesterday. :| NOT a good sign, ok? It seemed to be a friendly growl as well. So much worse for me y'see. :( I think I'd better stop laughing at him cos "Mummy, I done a bad thing!"
Methinks while I'm sitting here tossing away the hours, I'll probably update the quotes page. You might notice a few new ones, notably from Gavin (Erin's little mate :|) and from d00d, aka Dom. But we call him d00d and so can you, if you're lucky enough to be a l0ut helo.
Also, I'd like to inquire if anyone's found the jumping toaster yet? Please leave your answers in the guestbook if you so choose. Yuss, because you know, there IS a jumping toaster somewhere on my website. tEHE
September 2, 2001
Yuss, it has been a full month since I last updated. Many apologies. But, y'see, I've been sick. They wouldn't even allow any visitors in to see me; how did you think I was going to sneak a laptop in eh?! I mean, I may be creative, talented, beautiful, charming, etc. (ok, I AM all of the above, no may be about it) but even I am unfairly hampered by the confining aspect of padded walls! I did all in my power; however, I got no freedom until I faked sanity. :( Yuss, I am, in fact, still recovering. Geez, that's the last time I talk to strangers even if they do have a little poodle with a Mr. T shirt on twirling hot bologna.
September 5, 2001
-sob sob- I had, in fact, had a whole load of news for you. I even spent my precious minutes typing it, only to realise (thanx to d00d) that it didn't save because I was out of disk space. :( Not to fear, though. I cannot be stopped in my mission to enlighten the whole world as to the adventures of this 18 year old prodigy.
As I was saying, during my confinement I discovered my true self. I am in fact...[insert emphatic drum roll here, please](minus the beard, minus the drumming ability, minus a few millions, but hey, I have the star earring now, ok?)...Ringo Starr!! I mean, what else is my life but the plotline of HELP! in which I run around accompanied by three people with whom I share a house, chased by a guy with a BoInGy nose who is determined to make me give his ring back or else be offered in a sacrifice to his god?! Helo, the coincidences are uncanny! To further confirm this, I just got my ears pierced and what are the studs but little stars?! Uh-huh, y'see it's a sign from the potatoes...and I do NOT want any emails saying that the plotline of HELP! is just the story of an ordinary relationship nowadays and therefore I really have nothing more in common with Ringo Starr besides a crummy star earring because I just won't hear it, ok?! I know what I know..
Ok, well I'm just sitting here and I'm looking at this pair of plugs Matthew brought from God-knows-where and proceeded to dump into my possession and the box says that it has registered the colour yellow as a trademark!!? :-s They can't DO that, can they? -shudder- Well, maybe. I mean McDonald's colours are red and yellow, but you can't very well CLAIM to own a colour as a trademark?
I bought a Beatles book today. :) I am pleased with the pictures of Paul's beard, but I'm thinking they could easily have included more shots of it. It's not that hard is it? No, I didn't think so. The whole world is conspiring to throw me into a bad mood!
Ok, this is the paragraph that I dedicate to the incident which freaked me out the most. Picture it, I'm sitting here at the computer (where else I ask you?) and Dad comes in with a paper plate over the top of which he has taped some kinda plastic stuff. He pauses beside me, and with a gleeful look on his face, triumphantly announces,"Lookit that, Chris! None of the peas roll out!" Needless to say, I have not quite felt the same since..
I was walking outside and being in my own little world as I usually am, I was rather disturbed by the sound of a soft "THUD." Turning around, I saw it was an acorn! Can you imagine the surprise, man?! Someone was looking to KILL ME with an acorn!
Ok, I realise I sound a little stressed today but I'm really not. It's just this pants are too tight or SOMETHING
So, yesterday I was typing my news, like I said, the one that got lost. And I'm listening to the music and thinking,"Man, this radio station SUCKS," after which I realise that no music is playing.
I realise life is like a pair of sweaty gym socks: it's wet, and it stinks! And if you leave it in your locker for a long time, it's dry, but it stinks even worse!
Why does it always seem to be my luck that I find ROTTING FOOD?
I sound really peevish.
The random Shakespeare quote of the moment is: "I must go look to my twigs." :D
Yuss, and I am one of those special people now that own a "Complete Works of Shakespeare" book, thanks to today's shopping expenditure.
I am not going to be able to sleep until I know whether they say "I dig a PYGMY"or "I dig a PONY." Foolish but true.
I've got something I would like to share..[Sweet Loretta Fat thought she was a cleaner but she was a frying pan.]
And in fact it WAS pygmy. :) [I dig a Pygmy by Charles Hawtrey and the Deaf Aids..Phase One in which Doris gets her oats.]
September 18, 2001
I realised how many times I used tEHE on here. :/
Yuss, it's been a while since I last updated, only because I really haven't been in the mood to carry on in the normal, rambling, nonsensical mood that's prevalent here usually. There's not much I really want to say about the whole tragedy except obviously the whole world is mourning with one another, and that fills me with hope. Everything else upsets me too much to go into great detail, so I won't even attempt to explain what's been going on in my head this last week. My sympathies are extended to the families of the victims and everyone who's been hurt by these terrible happenings (and I know the number extends beyond those who were in close proximity to the targeted areas). I only hope that (however impossible it may seem) that we as a nation and as humans, regardless of nationality, religion, etc., can grow closer together to prevent anything of this sort from happening again and further crippling the human race.
That said...in other news I've progessed in "War & Peace." It appears Tolstoy was an advocate of potato worship as well. Just get a gawk at this tasty tidbits:
In one of his many drawn-out speaches that Tolstoy sees it necessary to enhamper the book with, the Emperor Aleksandr says the following. "....blah blah blah (this is not the important part)...I shall let my beard grow down to here and go and eat potatoes (!!!!this is the important part!!!) with the meanest of my peasants rather than..." and thus continues the exceedingly boring speach.
Obviously even the Emperor himself sees what kind of paradise eating potatoes is. And again we have another example of the merit of potatoes.
"Pierre had not eaten all day and the smell of potatoes (!!!!) seemed exceedingly pleasant to him..... "'These potatoes are grand!' he repeated...Pierre thought that he had never tasted anything so delicious."
There's even an eerie comment made about one of his characters seeming ROUND that makes one think there's a hidden message about potatoes.
" ...his first impression of him as something round was fully confirmed..." and then he goes on to describe his ROUNDNESS in greater detail of which I will mercifully spare you.
Perhaps Tolstoy was trying to tell us (however discreetly) that potatoes may not be more important than war and peace itself, but a changeless deity of which he was fully aware. Who knows?! But still, I was struck by the meaningful way the subject of potatoes were approached and had to grant it at least a little space on my news page in case someone else has had a similar experience.
Likewise, whenever I see potatoes written on the family shopping list, I'm always seized by this unconquerable desire to write the simple word "rule" next to it...
In other news, I'm saddened to report that I have reasons to believe that Gump is going to be taking the long flush soon to a better water system. -sniff- No, even that tone won't do. Y'know I'M SAD HERE!
Mother has taken to the annoying habit of calling me "PRINCESS" on every possible occasion. :\
:/ sad :\ happy ©2001 Roobya
January 15, 2002--First Entry of the New Year!
Ruby just pointed out to me that the fact that I've not updated since September was just 'helo.' Of course, I have nothing really to say, but that's not stopped me before, so onward I march.
Perhaps the most news worthy thing is that after only six months I completed the torture known as 'reading War and Peace' and I've come out of it alive, I'm proud to report. That is NOT something I'm going to do again this side of hell.
Yus, Gump did bite the dust eventually, and I got another fish, named Wag Waan, however he looks like he's on the way out as well and I'm asking myself what kind of horrible person I must be, as no Beta fish can survive long under my care?? SniF
Montague (my computer) died a bit back in December, which might partially contribute to the fact that I've not updated in ages, and which might not. By the power of my great Uncle the technician, Montague is now up and running but his eyes are a bit blurry yet, and his cheeks swollen. No doubt a bit of bed rest with do him worlds of good.
At work my boss rode around the store on a scooter, crashed into an oil burner and cut herself. That definitely deserves a spot here, as it's probably one of the last things I'd ever have imagined to see. :)
A middle-aged man told me he admires my finger nails cos they're always different colours. :/
There was this weird evergreen type reindeer thing at work that we put lights in the antlers of, and some poor, unsuspecting fool actually bought it. Maybe the person was a chia pet lover.
Omg yus, George Harrison died since I last updated. *sniF* It totally upset me since you all know how much of a Beatles fan I am..but at least it gave me the opportunity to collect some memorial editions of magazines I wouldn't ordinarily buy, but that I'm buying now because they have George's face plastered on the front of em and a few measly lines dedicated to his life smushed in between the ads for tampons and moist towelettes!
Josh (snck) continues to take over the quotes page. How or why this phenomenon is occuring is a mystery to us all, but the only probable reason is that Josh is both pretty damn funny AND weird. :) What a combo.
No one has signed my guestbook in ages with the possible exception of Ms Rubya Dubya. :( I must draw more weirdoes to this site...in order to inform everyone of my crusade against carrots.
Ruby's guestbook is possibly the most funny one that I know of as existing yet. Tom's is COMPLETELY gone for which I want to wish the little bastard many nights skinny dipping in a pool of mud with salty earthworms.
I'm getting pretty bored of writing and I have nothing else really to say (shocking, isn't it?), but at least I've updated a wee bit so you're not completely in the dark as to my new adventures and exploits.
February 17, 2002
It's been at least a month since any further updates, and so I'll try to fill you in as much as possible on my exciting, ever-changing life. *insert josh face here*
Well, I've redecorated my room, kinda, which deserves some kind of mention at least. I went shopping at this odd lots (ha I almost typed 'louts') store and furnished my pad with eccentric little frogs and snails and turtles. BUT the thing I'm the most proud of is this dark cross I bought. It's easily over twelve inches high and reminds me so much of a cemetery marker that I HAD to buy it. It looks well groovy.
In my possession now is a stuffed talking cucumber. He's called Larry the Cucumber (yus, it IS the infamous, Jesus-loving cucumber that we speak of), and he looks like a cucumber (as is to be hoped, I'd guess) but he's got this velcro patch on his back and when you open it and turn him inside out, it's no longer Larry but ..*drumroll* Larry Boy with his amazing suction ears! He says six different phrases, I think, but in order to pique your curiosity I'll not post them here in the public for all to see. So if you really wanna know, you're going to have to email me...mwahaha!....... I dunno what possessed me really, to buy that weird looking cucumber. But he was on clearance yanno, and just yearning for a good home, so how could I say no??
I've found myself with a sudden fixation for arrows. You know on cardboard boxes where it'll have an arrow pointing upwards and saying "THIS END UP"? Well, that's the kind of arrow I speak of. I have three dozen or so under my power already, and since I work at a hardware store (God, why must I always remind myself of that??), I have ready access to as many of the li'l beauties as my door can hold, which is where I'm putting them, by the way. What I do is cut them down to size, and then kinda tack them up on the backside of my door in a bit of a bizarre mural. However, I think it's going a bit too far because I'll never look at boxes the same way, I swear! Every box I see, I'm checking it for good-looking arrows and words. It's going to be a problem in the long run, I know. I'll henceforth be known as the cardboard mutilator. :-s
Yesterday some old guy said to me,"And look here's Chrissy..looking about 15 years old." Ok, I could have died right then and there yanno? Why can't I age properly?? I'm stuck in this void of ...looking 15 which even Spears herself has been able to edge out of. All I can say is, why me God, why me???
Ok, I finished whatever book I was reading last time I posted (Candide, perhaps?) and another one after that (Dracula) and the first two books of the trilogy surrounding the Tsepesh family. I'm on the third book now, but I'm getting rather disappointed. I mean, helo! you don't touch the story of Dracula and mutilate it so! That's what bad films are for! It's just so wrong..and I was enjoying the first two books too, because the main character (father to Van Helsing actually, can you believe that??) had a really groovy name: Arkady Tsepesh..they called him Kasha for short. It remind me of Mary's nickname from War and Peace: Masha (for obvious reasons) but the very thought of that book makes me sick.
I have a gnome, named Heddwyn. He's part of my bizarre furniture in my pad.
I'm thinking of performing surgery on my hair, unassisted, along the lines of dying it black with red streaks. I'll let you know if this ever comes to be.
UPDATE!!
December 2, 2002
Can it actually have been that long since I last updated the news??! It's almost a year now. So many things have changed. Yet so many have stayed the same. So many people have wandered out of my life and into the grander spectrum of the huge football stadium that is the World. (Yes, that was meant for you, Josh, if the case should ever be that you read my website again. E-mail me, damnit.I've been saying that forever, haven't I? "E-mail me, damnit." And you have, only with great prodding on my part, and the threat of a nasty piece of broccoli being sent to your house. Oh, the price one must pay for a bit of your wisdom laden typings.)
I guess I'm still pretty weird, although I've normalised a bit. I've lost interest in the cardboard mural. It still seems like a good idea, but I have no time for it anymore. Or else I'm just too lazy.
I did dye my hair black last February, and it has stayed varying shades of the same since. But the red streaks didn't turn out so well, as those used to the tools of the trade can tell you. For highlights like that I'd have to be salon-bound. And who can be bothered, I say?
I have my drivers license now, after a brief rendevous with some slightly mangled traffic cones. Too bad the picture taking people used the photo of me which they took for my i.d. card. Cos it doesn't look a bit like me now.
I had a brief episode this summer with an eyebrow ring. That lasted about four months. It was removed when I discovered I couldn't open my eye right one morning. Let me tell you, it was not a pretty sight. Especially not for me. Y'see, the doctors gave me this antibiotic right? And guess who was allergic to it and whose skin swelled up like a bad piece of cotton candy? Yes, that's right. Who else but me?
At work, my boss made another swamp cat. Or animal. We're not quite sure what it was yet.
I have not killed any fish since I last updated. In fact, the authorities have regained their trust in me so much, that I now have two more: Shag and Slag. Oh, but wait..I must retract my statement. One fish has died in my custody..that of the unfortunate Skandalf. But..but..he was sick before I got him.. I swear!
My boss said I'm good at fluffing.
I woke up last night thinking that there was a bug flapping at the back of my neck, and that this was the second night in a row that I woke up thinking such. Maybe this means I'm being invaded by Dracula, or more simply that I need to clean my room..
In the space between now and when I last wrote, I had a birthday.
On which I sat at home and wrote. And cried.
You remember that Potato Lover's Month sign that they had at the supermarket ages ago? Well, apparently every day is Potato Lover's Month, because the sign is still there. (actually only the part I didn't STEAL)
I got a sign for my birthday (February 7 is my birthday but I actually received this sign on Easter, which was sometime in April, but it was really meant to be for my birthday) that says CLOSET. Woo. My aunt was disturbed by how much emotion I betrayed upon opening my present. You think they'd have gotten used to me by now.
I have seen the Amish people. I think this is the closest I'll ever come to a concrete theory.
Oh, as of July 3, I have myself a man,Brandon. And he's probably not too happy that I've written about him alllllllll the way down here in the updates, but yanno, I just wanted to make sure you read all the way down, love! I know he's not going to be content with a small mention but what more can I say? My world's changed because of him, and is going to change even more.
On Saturday I saw Secara.
Randy's updated his webpage since I last wrote. And it's only gotten better. See him in his many outfits. My browser is now playing music. Thank you, Randy.
Yes, it's that time again..time to sign Randy's guestbook!
I'm slowly running out of things to say.
I got an email from Vivienne today. Yay Vivi!
In July I procured an '87 Ford Bronco II who I named Cheyenne, complete with a lucky garden gnome buckled into the back seat in the effort to keep the snow from sending me swerving. Oh, and a toliet brush hanging from the clothing rack on the back left side. Who knew?
I got a raise at work. Now I mix paint, cut keys, answer the phone, and put up with the old bat's bullshit for a whopping $7 an hour. Woo.
I realise this news update is sounding very dull in comparison with my more hyper, earlier entries. Many apologies. The carrots have gotten to me in many forms (mainly the form of a shriveled, ugly old woman who snifs at me) and is draining me of my strength.
Merry Christmas. Notice my placement of the period. It was intentional.
UPDATE ONCE MORE!!
November 15, 2004
I know it's been awhile since I updated, and unfortunately, I'm not making an exception now for a good reason. The truth is, this site has been pretty inactive for the last almost three years. I've moved away from home, and have not updated my computer yet, so it's at great cost that I attempt this, at 12 midnight, when I've been awake for almost 24 hours, just to tell whoever's reading this, and not appreciating my light-hearted, happy website, that I've removed all material possibly offensive to real people and if I should have missed anything, for fuck's sake, there IS an email address down at the bottom of the main page. I'm not inaccessible y'know, and certainly open to feedback. Maybe when I'm not so agitated I'll come back and do a real update, but for now, that's how it stands. -Chrissy
