archive4

10. Why in God's name did I come to the preppiest fucking school in all of Colorado? was I out of my frikken mind?

9. Frat boys, they can't spell "omega" but dammit, they'll drink to it.

8.College bands that have songs in an "ocean theme"

7. That person in your dorm that you have to follow to thier room someday because you dont' know if it's a male or female.

6. preppy asshole guys that use girls and then discard them like a 3 month old used condom that they found under thier bed.

5. Those really really happy green peacers in the plaza....get behind me!! Back! BACK!

4.The jocks who get to register BEFORE the honor students...priorities people.

3. the girls in the dorm next to you who giggle like banshees at 2 in the morning, regardless of what fucking day it is.

2. That professor that reminds you of mr. mackee on South Park....mmmmkay?

1.Parents who send you a care package with chocolate mint creme oreos.....what? God Damn it!

College People

Archive four

10. Care bears with rabies attacking picnicers.

9. Having a pet fish named "Assface"

8.The sound that the lady makes in that Tales from the Crypt movie when she gets her arm ripped off,("That's me givin' you the finger, asshole!")

7. Playing the music at the beginning of the game "Dracula: Resurrection" really really loud.

6.90 mile an hour drives to get far far away from College. With bungee cords, of course.

5. Two words: Bat Crotch.

4.Kids that go to Poudre School District...ha ha ha, sucks to be you.

3. That book about the Brain cell that tells everyone else that they are stupid, it's funny because it's true.

2. Jumping on your roommates bag of chips and making it explode all over the room.....priceless.

1.Having a good hearty laugh at a funeral, it doesn't get much better than that.

I think this is funny, so shut up.

10. Your parents change your old bedroom into a nursery for your loser sister who couldn't keep her legs closed and now is pregnant and worthless.(not that she wasn't worthless before.)

9. They wait until you're 200 miles away to finish that road construction that made your life a living hell for the last four years.

8. Your friends back home decide that now is a good time to buy a hot tub.

7. You can't warn the underclassmen to stay away from your freak ex-boyfriends.

6. The drama team does a great play but they fuck it up because you're not there to lend your acting talents to it.

5. Getting emails from friends about kids you dont' know that now go to your school, and think that you should care who's talking about who.

4. Everyone you know gets to enjoy "fine dining" while you eat in the residence halls.

3. The place you used to work just now thinks that maybe you were a valuable employee.

2. All your weird friends are becoming normal and GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!.......Scott!!!

1.All the crappy people that made life suck while you lived there are gone too, but they only come back when you do too.

Stuff that happens while you're in college

10. First of all what the Fuck kind of name is "Avril"? Seroiusly? It sounds like April and av...av...I don't know, "Av munch.

9. "Skater Boy" not "Sk8er Boi". I'm not going to college to be an English major so 3rd grade spelling drop outs can dumb up the rest of the country.

8. Want to make things uncomplicated? Kill Yourself.

7. "I never claimed to be punk" you say...neither did the Dead Kennedy's you fuck.

6. Your voice could bring a moose in heat from about a three mile radius.

5. Maybe there's a reason you shouldn't write your own songs...mainly because they suck.

4. Want to make a fashion statement? Forgiet the shirt and tie, try a bourka...it would be good for all of us.

3. Your first video was in the Mall? What are you, like twelve. You bitch.

2. Do you even know the rest of the people in your "band"? Do you Avril? They know you, and I bet they hate you too.

1. You run from your own fans huh? You know what that means right? Yep, Lesbian.

Avril Lavigne

10. Arbor Day-the only reason there aren't greeting cards for this holiday is because you have to cut down trees to make them.

9. Columbus Day-should be changed to confused Italian day, or Confuse an Italian Day, because the last time I checked I wasn't living in fucking India.

8. Groundhog Day-Only in America do we trust a big rodent named Punxatoni Phil to determine how long our seasons are...christ.

7. 4th of July-give rednecks illegal explosives-God Bless America.

6. Thanksgiving-Despite the fact it's a "family" holiday, I think we could improve it by reversing the role of the turkey, and have them kill a few people.

5. Halloween-hey, how did this get on the list? this is the only good holiday and it's associated with evil? Go figure.

4. New Years Eve- one year closer to death, wait, maybe that's a good thing.

3. St. Patrick's Day- only on this day can you get sick, punched in the face and disgrace a whole race of people at once.

2. Valentine's Day- who is the sadistic fuck who came up with this piece of shit day? Guess it wouldn't be so bad if I had a boyfriend who didn't boycott the day for no reason. fucker.

1. Christmas- you know Santa spelled different is Satan. what a fat enabler.

Fucking Holidays