Chapter One
Alex's point of view.
I looked around the cramped, cluttered room. Cardboard boxes and trash bags decorated the sad, dark room.
"I better get this going," I spoke barely above a whisper and let out a long, exasperated sigh.
My life was hell. Hell, hell HELL. Everything good in it was thrown in the garbage disposal along with the leftovers of my dinner that night, that terrible night. The worst night of my life... or my life then. My life now is all bad. There�s no need to complicate it further and distribute it into categories of bad and worse nights.
I stared down at the many boxes scattered around. I had boxed and labeled everything a few days ago. It was a very hard process. Emotionally and physically.
And despite everything, every problem and emotion, that whirl windeed around me, suffocating me, I could only think of one thing. She was gone. Actually gone. The boxes symbolized that. The boxes were stuffed with my belongings. I was running away from it. I always did. I�m good at it. And this time, nobody is going to get to me. Nothing will cause me pain.
It�s not like I had anything left, anyway. After all, Emily was what kept me together. She was the person who told me to calm down. The person who told me it�d be okay.
I clung to her teddy bear, Fickle. Out of everything she left me I cherished Fickle most. Childish? Very much so. But you don't know me. You don't understand me. No one does. I love things not for their value, but for their meaning, and emotional importance to me. I hadn't let go of Fickle since I got him. He was her. He smelled like her. He binded those memories of her together and kept them within him.
I felt like crying. But I wasn't going to. No. I'm strong. I feel alone in this world. But that could be fun ... right? There is no way you can disappoint someone who isn't there.
As soon as I dragged myself to the boxes I picked up. All of Em's books. She loved her books. She told me they took her to a different place. A better one. I've always admired the thrill she found in reading. I personally couldn�t get into books. I've always admired Emily. She had so much love and passion. But that passion is gone. That love is gone. Emily is gone.Good will.
Of course I didn't want to give them away. Who would? That's throwing her away. What other choices do I have? I can't keep them. I can, actually, but I don't want to. Avoid pain, don't fix it. Not a good thing to say, this I know. Screw good things. As previously explained, the dictionary of my new life declares the word good to be abstract, far away, and rare.
I miss her. I miss her with all of my heart. No, with all of my organs, including my skin. I'd have done anything to keep her with me. But that's selfish. I feel as if I can't live without her, which sure is pathetic.
I had to let go of her, all of her... just not Fickle. I tightly closed my eyes, fearing that tears would fall. Crying is for whimps. I'm not a whimp. I can make it. Because I only need myself. I only need Alex. And nobody needs me. That's my life, and that's how I like it.
I was back in her room. I was frustrated. Sad. Selfishly angry with her for just leaving me. I tried to pick up a heavy box but couldn't.
"God damn it," I cursed before trying again, unsuccessfully.
I tried once more and fell backwards. That was it. It was over. All attempts to not cry, worthless. I am not strong, I'm weak. I can't do it. I can't. I broke down into sobs as I kicked boxes and threw things.
"Why?" I asked the ceiling, "God why why why why?"
I stumbled and fell again and my sobs died down as I did my best to control my breathing. For all I know I fell asleep two minutes later. I can't remember. This night was nothing special. Every night ended like this. Tears.
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Chapter Two