Guilty Yet Innocent
Chapter Four
     Toby takes CJ's hand in both of his and brings it to his lips, brushing them against her knuckles. "CJ, I can't let you go now. I've known you too long not to have you in my life, and you know it. You're in trouble now, and I need you to talk to me. You need to talk to me." She looks at him with tears in her eyes and downs another glass of scotch before speaking. "Toby, I'm sorry I left you to go to California." Toby sighs. "CJ, that was fifteen years ago." She nods. "I know, but I'm still sorry. I wanted to stay, but I knew it would be bad for both of us if I did." Toby nods. That is what he thought then, too, but he stops suddenly as if just understanding what she said. "You wanted to stay? Why?" She looks away from him, trying to get her emotions under control. "I loved you." Loved. Does that mean she doesn't love him still? "You loved me?"
      She nods. "I loved you the first time I saw you, when you walked across the room to talk to me and forgot your name. You were brilliant, and you couldn't remember your name. But people would have talked about us, spread rumors, ruined both of our lives, so I didn't try to take it any further. And, I wasn't sure you wanted it to go any further." He smiles and shakes his head. "You don't get it, do you?" She shakes her head, not trusting herself with words. "No one hase ever made me forget my name like that. I was in love with you the moment you started arguing with Jim Whats-his-name. The way your eyes flashed when you yelled at him, and the way the anger faded the second you looked away from him...I loved you. I didn't want to ruin your reputation by asking for anything more, but I've always loved you." CJ smiles. "Always?" He nods and pulls her into a hug. She wraps her arms around him, rests her head on his shoulder, and lets herself cry. "I love you, too, Toby."
***
     CJ rolls over in bed and picks up the phone, ignoring the indignany grunts of the sleeping man beside her. "CJ Cregg." She knows it's him before he can say anything. "Toby, it's six o'clock in the morning!" He sighs. "I forgot about the time difference. I'm sorry, I'll call back later." He hangs up before she can reply, so she sits up and dials his number. Shrugging off the arm of her sleeping companion, she heads into the bathroom with the phone. "Hello?" A woman answered Toby's phone. "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number." The woman laughs. "Who are you looking for?" CJ holds her breath after telling the woman she's looking for Toby Zeigler. The woman laughs into Toby's phone. "Hang on a second." She hears the phone being passes and hearts the rustle of the sheets as he sits up. CJ listens as the woman calls Toby "Pokey." After a few seconds, Toby's voice greets CJ. "Hey, CJ."
      "Toby, you can't call me at six o'clock in the morning, wake me up, and then not talk to me!" He laughs. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you something. I'm getting married!" CJ has to struggle to catch her breath. She feels as if someone has punched her in the stomach. "You're what?" He laughs uncomfortable. Knowing that this was the reaction he would get from his best friend didn't make hims any more comfortable on the phone with her. "Yeah, Andi said yes." CJ tries to ignore the tears streaming down her face and pretends to be happy for Toby. "Congratulations, Toby. Good for you!" She can tell by the way he's breathing that he has piced up on her tears, but she can't also tell that Andrea's still sitting beside him in bed. CJ sighs. "Listen, Toby, I should go. Michael's mad because I answered the phone so early. But, call me later and fill me in on all the details, okay, Pokey?" She hangs up before he can answer, angry with herself for her reaction and for calling him "Poley." She walks over to Michael's side of the bed and kisses him hard on the mouth. "Michael, wake up. I need you."
Chapter Five
Chapter Three
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