Shikata Ga Nai

The sun was a little late in setting in Konan Koku. The skies still were well lighted, with only a few pink and orange clouds, the ones that indicated nighttime would come soon. Amiboshi would smile inside, keeping a solemn face as he noticed a group of young boys running around the grimy streets or pretty little girls helping their mothers hang up the laundry. And he would frown whenever he passed a bar crowded with rich fools who had come to waste their money on women and gambling. Eventually, Soi came to a stop and hopped off gracefully from her horse, leading the white beast aside, tying it to a pole. A puzzled Amiboshi could only wonder why was Soi taking a break so soon and mounted off his horse. He noticed a young prostitute walking towards him, offering bluntly to take the horse. Her chubby little hands took the worn reins from Amiboshi's hands and she lead the horse away slowly. She was a gorgeous little thing. She had long, honey coloured hair brutally bound into a half-done braid. Her body was slender and the cheap kimono she wore with her obi tied to the front made her look abused and disheveled. The obi worn tied to the front was the mark of the prostitute and Amiboshi knew that very well. The girl looked ill and tired, yet she smiled sweetly at her customers and would willingly give in to all customers' ardent desires - but only to those who had the money. Amiboshi never had the money to give himself the privilege of sleeping with a woman. All the money he ever got was from the many brute hours of work, and he would spend it wisely. Besides, he thought, I wouldn't derive any pleasure of treating a woman like she was some kind of toy...Oh but how he had longed for the moment he would have a woman in his arms, and make passionate love to her. Amiboshi tried to shake the thoughts away from his mind, but the ugly, erotic atmosphere that surrounded him along with the loud, jolly crowd in the bar made him sick to his stomach. He noticed a fat, ill-looking man, with white whiskers approach him. He shrunk back as the man pulled him over, rubbing his back affectionately.
"So, lad. You're here for some fun eh? Well, which one will it be?"
He roughly shoved him forward and walked him over to a young girl who was sitting pensively, isolated into a quiet corner.
The man seized the poor girl and shook her, screaming obscenities into her face. She shook her head, refusing to obey him.
"Please kind sir, I am tired...It has been a long day for me. I have served each of my customers faithfully, and I have enough money for the day. So, please. Just let me rest."
"You have a customer you whore! Now I had better see you getting to it, else I'll give you a beating so hard, you won't be able to sit for one week, ya hear?"
Amiboshi felt a rage boiling underneath him. But he still kept his face cool, without a sign showing his anger.
"Sir, Ugh...I don't really want to lay her. I thank you kindly, but I refuse. Besides, I don't have the money." He lied.
"Oh, a wise guy eh? Trying to cheat me now? I'll teach you a thing or two! Now get out of here!"
He threw a punch at the boy but he blocked it quickly and ran away. He would have gotten out if it weren't for Soi. She stood there at the entrance, enjoying her company of men. She laughed out loud, as she made goo-goo eyes at Amiboshi. She was laughing at his inexperience...The man got hold of Amiboshi's shirt and ripped it slightly at the bottom. He slumped the boy against the wall, pushing his tremendous weight on him. Amiboshi yelled in a fit of anger as he tried to free himself. He was able to shove him far away enough so he could squeeze through and run away. Soi pulled him over and whispered into his ear:
"Listen, there will be a time in your life you will have to lay with a woman, so why not now? Give yourself some fun. You don't want to die a virgin now do you?"
"Who said I'm going to die? I promised my brother I'd live! And you may be right Soi...I could lay with a woman and give up my virginity like that, but...you, no matter what you do,...you can never be a virgin again you whore! Now let me go!"
Soi felt a bit hurt, but she ignored the feeling. "Alright." She said simply.
She went over to the owner of the bar and tossed him a coin.
"Hey, here's for the damage that brat over there made."
"Eh. Thanks." He sneered, giving Amiboshi a dirty look.
An upset Amiboshi stood by the door stubbornly with his arms crossed, trying to cover his broken garment and he stuck his pink tongue out at the man.
Soi smacked him playfully. "Come on brat. It's getting late, now let's go. We should arrive at the palace at late night. Ugh! Nakago is going to kill me. We should have been there an hour ago..."
"Hey, it's your fault. You stopped to take the break...not me."
He untied his horse and led him away, grunting and muttering. Soi giggled and gave Amiboshi a warm hug.
"You looked so cute...so innocent back there. A little white ram surrounded by black sheep." Soi commented. Amiboshi blushed and a mischievous smile tugged on his lips. He looked radiant, so beautiful...so pure.
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"Well...I guess that's the last of it." Suboshi sighed to himself as he dusted his hands and wiped them against his already dirty orange garment. He stepped back to take one last look at his room and he carefully flung an old sack filled with his possessions. The room now looked so empty, with the exception of his bed and a few drawers. He smiled wryly. "Good-bye room." He said, but as he turned around, he found Tomo.
"And where are you exactly going at such a late hour?" He smirked.
"I suppose you are going to pay me a visit...Isn't that right?" He offered, raising his thin eyebrow.
"Uh...ya. Like only um like I'm not going to like visit you." Suboshi made an exaggerated imitation of Tomo; hand gestures and all.
"No you faggot... He sniffed, Where else do you think I'd want to go? I'm leaving!"
Tomo was enraged. Suboshi had actually dared to insult him! He pushed the boy against him, twisting his arm.
"You made a very big mistake of telling me that, boy. Then again, I always knew you would be foolish enough to do something like that. I guess I was wrong. I'm going to have to keep a watchful eye on you..."
He pressed his face against Suboshi's.
"Unless,...Tomo offered, of course that is only if you agree to sleep with m-"
"Done!" Suboshi answered. "I'll do anything just to be with Aniki again."
"You read my mind boy...You read my mind." Tomo smiled. But as soon as he let go of Suboshi, he ran off as fast as he could. He ran down the stairs swiftly, gracefully not even bothering to watch his step. If he would have been less careless, he wouldn't have tumbled down and hurt his knee. Suboshi got up and winced and slowly examined his would. He pinched the tender flesh and blood gushed out of the cut. He licked his fingers. Blood. So red, so warm. He never liked that sweet, metallic smell of it, yet he felt relieved seeing his own blood scattered on the floor. Suboshi shrugged the cut. He had gotten worse injuries and this one was nothing compared to previous wounds. He forced himself to get up and ignore his wounded knee. He then turned around to gather a few of his possessions that had fell out of his sack when he fell from the stairs. Unfortunately for him, the strings of his sack were tangled up with the horrid, black railing of the stairs. He went frantic when he noticed Tomo coming downstairs and struggled even harder to untangle his sack from the railing. But just when he was able to get the stubborn ropes off, Tomo caught his arm. Suboshi hit him, trying to drive Tomo away from him, but it was useless. He attacked the young man with his feathers, making them lunge out at him, piercing not only the boy's clothing, but his skin as well.
"If it will make it easier for you, I can use this if you want..." He pulled out what looked like a little white clam and opened it gracefully. Suboshi yelled as he covered his face with both his arms when he felt being pulled away into something...
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"Huh?" Suboshi found himself in bed, fully clothed and his Aniki sleeping right next to him. He let out a relieved sigh seeing it was only a dream. His brother had not left him, and Tomo was not after him. He had aniki with him now, just like he promised...he would never leave him. He smiled in contentment as he snuggled close to his brother. He was so warm, so loving. He just felt so safe being so close to him. He felt Amiboshi's arm sling over his neck, pulling him closer. His warm breath brushed soothingly against his cheek, and the comforting warmth enveloped his body. Then he felt Amiboshi press his mouth against his firmly. Suboshi responded to the kiss passionately, resting his hands firmly on his brother's face, caressing his smooth cheeks, and tracing his brother's facial features with his fingers. Amiboshi gently broke the kiss as he confessed love to him. Suboshi looked up at his brother's eyes. They were not his own. Amiboshi always had a certain calm, serenity to his eyes and they were warm, but his eyes only reflected lust and an ardent desire for him. Suboshi frowned. When he felt Amiboshi's lips on his mouth again, he pushed him away. Suboshi was disgusted. It was true that both of them had kissed before but, this kiss was brute...it was a malicious kiss. There was no love in it; only lust. Amiboshi wrapped his arms around Suboshi's waist and pulled him closer. Suboshi struggled against his brother's firm grip on him. "This is not aniki..." He thought. "This can't be him." He hit the stranger. "You are not aniki!" he yelled. He pushed him off and he got out of bed. In less than an instant, Amiboshi's body transfigured into what looked like Tomo's. He seized Suboshi. As soon as his back hit the bed, he found himself bound in vines. He moaned as he struggled to free himself before Tomo could even lay a hand on him.
"You know Tomo, there was a time when I used to do this...but not anymore...not now that I realize I am worth it; unlike you!" He broke free and attacked Tomo. "No wonder Aniki was dying to leave...I can almost imagine how you and that fucking asshole Nakago must have done to him! Well now you are going to pay!" Tomo pinned Suboshi down in bed, digging his blood red nails into the boy's wrists, piercing his skin, leaving behind small yet deep scars. Suboshi tried to bite Tomo's hand but he hit him so hard, Tomo actually knocked the boy completely out of his illusion. Suboshi panted furiously and small, beadlike droplets of sweat trickled down his brow. He was afraid. He had gotten an ugly cut on his lower lip. He felt the blood slowly ooze down, leaving a trail of the sweet red liquid. He tried picking himself up from the floor but it was utterly useless. He was wounded and completely spent. He closed his eyes for a second but opened them instantly, reminding himself he had to be on guard. His vision was blurry, but he could make out slightly Tomo's figure approaching him. He went into despair as he felt his hand lift his chin up. He then thought he had heard Tomo say something, but he fainted away into a sudden darkness before he could catch Tomo's last words.
+++
The boy awoke in Tomo's bed. Suboshi found him sleeping soundly next to him. Tomo had undressed him and he had taken the pains of wrapping clean bandages around his head and some parts of his chest. Suboshi honestly never understood Tomo. He was strange in many ways. First he had wanted to lay him, then he gave him one hell of a beating, and before you knew it, he treated him with utmost care...What was going on here?! Suboshi forced himself to get up, but his sore ribs prevented him from even moving an inch. He lay back down, grunting, and mumbling curses under his breath. He ran his moist tongue across his lower lip to feel the cut. It was now healed, and all that was left was nothing but a slightly tangible scar. He chewed on his lip nervously as he threw a quick glance at Tomo. He was awake. Yes, the freak was fully awake. His eyes were half opened, still drowsy from his sleep, but alert. Tomo smiled. "Good morning, Suboshi. How are you feeling?"
"Not so...ugh good....Tomo?"
"Huh?"
"What have you done to me?"
Tomo looked at Suboshi quizzically trying to recall last nights' events and then smiled.
"Don't worry. I haven't eh...how could I put it to you? I haven't "touched" you. Heh! What actually made you think I wanted to do that to you?"
Suboshi cast a few annoyed glances at the ceiling and frowned. "Didn't you just offer me to lay with you last night? And didn't you trap me into one of your erotic illusions, trying to fool me? Listen sicko...If you think I am having some kind of affair with my brother...Well, you are wrong. The closest I have gotten with my brother is kissing. I really don't have any other intentions. Ugh...I do love my brother, Tomo, But not "that" way."
Tomo reached to pinch Suboshi's cheek. "I never said anything about you and your brother having any type of affair."
"Oh yeah? Well, why did you assume that in your illusion? I'm sorry to say this again Tomo, but you are sick..."
"Well, so are you!" Tomo stuck his tongue out playfully. Listen kid, don't criticize. You could end up becoming worse than me."
"Tomo?"
"What?"
"I- I wish to thank you...for what you have done." Suboshi forced himself to say.
"You are welcome Suboshi, and feel free to come up to me if you need anything or is something is bothering you."
"Thanks, but I can manage. I don't need you or anybody." Suboshi responded with a dirty look. He pushed the covers aside, not caring if he exposed himself to Tomo's eyes. He got up and walked around the room, picking up his bloody clothes.
"Tomo? Do you have any clothes you can lend me for a while? Mine are a bloody mess."
Tomo groaned. He got up and searched his closet. He pulled out a large, but pretty clean robe. He tossed it over and Suboshi caught it, examining the cloth carefully while muttering a few thanks. He put it on hurriedly. The sleeves were much to long for him, but he did not care. He simply folded them neatly like his mother had showed him. Black! What an ugly color for him!
+++
Yui walked into the washing room. How she hated laundry! Nakago's maid offered to do it for her, but Yui had always hated having other people do her business for her. She just never got used to it. She dropped her pile of dirty clothing and let out a gasp when she noticed a there was someone in there already. Quickly, she gathered them once more in her arms piece by piece then hid behind a wall and stuck her head out gracefully to see who it was.
"Ugh! Stupid blood stains! Why are they so hard to get off?" She heard the boy mutter. She saw him take a scoopful of water and splash it into an orange tunic, then rub the cloth together. She gathered enough courage to go up to him and tap his shoulder.
"What the fuck do you...Oh. I'm sorry."
Yui shrunk back a bit appalled by the young mans' behaviour.
The handsome boy got up to his feet. "I'm sorry miss. May I help you?"
Yui shook her head and shifted the pile of clothes she held in her arms.
"No." She said firmly. "I'm just here to do my laundry."
"Oh. Heh. So am I." He smiled shyly.
"You know...It would dreadfully help if you used soap to remove those stains." Yui pointed out.
He blinked. "Oh...yes soap!" He blushed.
Yui put on a fake smile and nodded, then it slowly turned into a frown. She scowled. "What an idiot!" She whispered.
"I'm sorry, did you say something miss?" He turned his face to Yui as he applied some soap to his orange tunic.
Yui pretended not to hear him and changed the subject.
"So, how did you ever get those nasty stains? She asked while gingerly taking a blouse from the pile and dumping it into the water.
"Oh, you mean these?"
Yui rolled her eyes and let out a sigh indicating annoyance. "I don't see any other clothes stained with blood with the exception of the ones you are holding." She thought.
"Oh, well it's a long story. I don't thing a lovely young lady like you would be interested in listening to it anyway."
"Correction bozo. I would more likely listen to that stupid story than be sitting next to you..." Yui muttered.
The young man let out a groan as he twisted the cloth firmly while the dirty water trickled out. He flung it over his shoulder as he collected his pants and his slippers.
"Listen miss, I'd more than love to keep you company, but my work here is done. Have a nice day." He said as he walked away silently, slamming the door behind him.
"Then if you really do wish to keep me company then why don't you? Because no one loves you, Yui." She thought to herself. She picked up her school skirt and ran her hands over the soft fabric.
"Miaka..." She whispered. She took the cloth, buried her face and wept. She had never felt so alone...
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