Shikata Ga Nai

Nakago had called for him? Well, this certainly was something new. Never, never had Nakago given so much as damn about him, so what the fuck could he want now? Suboshi thought to himself quietly, but the expression he wore was not at all quiet. It was loud, it was passionate. It portrayed anger. The boy was just so engrossed in his thoughts, he did not notice a kitchen maid running towards him. Poor girl, if only Suboshi would have seen the expression written on her face when it was too late to stop and she ran into him, accidentally. The heavy porcelain tray she had been carrying now lay shattered into tiny bits of the glossy substance. The maid screamed and shook her head, simultaneously pricking her fingers against the sharp edges of the broken teacups. Ruined! It was completely ruined! A startled Suboshi could only wince and cover his face with both his arms as the maid tossed a cup at his direction and demanded he help her clean up the mess. She picked herself up from the floor and dusted herself and then offered a bruised hand to the still trembling Suboshi. He took it graciously and pulled himself up, nearly throwing the maid to the floor once more.
"Thank you." He muttered quietly as he scratched his neck. "Although, he continued, I'm afraid I won't be able to help-"
"Sure you will, you pampered palace brat! You certainly have much more time on your hands than I or any of those maids who work along with me will ever get! Now I had better see you get both your knees on that floor and see your quick little hands help me pick every last piece you see scattered on that floor!"
Suboshi looked down and behind him and let out an astonished gasp of seeing just so many broken bits of china. Gods! Of all days! He cursed under his breath and slowly descended, folding his legs backwards and maybe once in a while cast a few dirty glances at that bad tempered maid. He slammed his hand brutally to the floor and the tiny pieces stuck to his skin, piercing his pale flesh. He let out a little cry but caught himself when the maid looked up to him. He silently pulled the few pieces of china and gathered them neatly on his palm, accommodating them to the center and admitting their lovely shades of blue and orange. The maid hit him sharply, causing them to bounce playfully on his palm.
"You can admire their secret beauty later, but now do what you have to do." She frowned at him sternly.
He smiled sheepishly and continued picking the little bits and scraps of the shattered china. A few kitchen boys poked at Suboshi accusingly and whispered behind his back, snickering foolishly.
"Hey slave! You had better come and clean after me too!" Hollered the elder one as he kicked him, then taking a handful of the pieces of china and tossing it at him
Suboshi just ignored them and continued cleaning up reluctantly. The maid finally "noticed" the boys and shooed them. Suboshi noticed her hand was about to make contact with what seemed to be the tray's pointy handles and opened his jaw to warn her.
'Too late.' He thought as she let out a single shriek of pain.
"Are you okay?" He asked concerningly. He gently unfolded her long fingers one by one, loosening the tight fist she had made to cover the ugly cut on her palm. He has able to peer through just a slit at the savage cut before she shut it tight once more and hit him.
"Oh look whose talking! Since when is Mr. High and mighty so concerned about other people's pain and struggles? Ugh! I only wished we would get as much so even the attention!" She got off the floor and walked away, pressuring the cut and wrapping it about her apron. Suboshi followed her into a tiny room where he saw her soak her hand in fresh water. Suboshi just lay back, heaving himself over so he could sit on top of a large wooden crate and watch the girl. He noticed so many things about her just looking down upon her not as a maid, but as a human being. A girl who had dreams, hopes and fears; just like him...Beauty would have been hers if only so many years of worry and fear wouldn't have made themselves visible through the deep wrinkles on her oily brow. She had a very blunt look to her features. Her red-brown hair was chopped short, and her long bangs were unevenly scattered, all brushed away to one side. She was one of those people you could easily mistake for a boy. Her hands were cracked and dry, a bit callused from all the constant friction and rubbing. Her nails were long, yet uneven. And boy, she had the most horrendous habit of biting her nails when she was nervous, a habit, he guessed, she never broke. She had thin moist lips that maybe once in a while would spread across her face, forming a quiet, sad smile. Suboshi silently watched her drying her hands with her stained apron and slowly loosen the firm knot that held it in place. Her quick and dexterous fingers moved ever so gracefully as she loosened the ugly knot on her apron. She hung the ill-looking threadbare cloth on a little hook by the kitchen door and dusted her hands. She noticed Suboshi siting there dumbfounded and a frown took over her serene features. She opened her mouth to throw a sharp comment to the boy but quickly shut it. She stared at Suboshi rudely, scanning the boys' appearance. Finally, she spoke.
"So skinny, what are you looking at?" The mean young woman spoke hoarsely.
Suboshi realized the comment was directed to him but refused to answer the girls' brute retort. He had nothing to do with this girl anyway, not after she had treated him like if he were some piece of shit and he walked away, simply saying:
"Oh nothing, I was just looking at your horrendously ugly face."
"Wow...You haven't changed one bit, Shunkaku. I'm not surprised at all, having known you and your loser friends for ten long years."
The girl said nothing more. She just stuck her pink tongue at him and slipped outside cursing softly.
Suboshi froze and spun around instantly. "Eri?" He whispered her name softly, saying it over and over again. He ran out the door, calling out her name.
"Eriiii! Eri chaaan!"
Erika turned around swiftly and her heavy skirts swished beautifully. She smiled her sad smile and simply said: "Who would have ever thought we would both someday end up in the same goddamn place?" Suboshi then saw her quiet smile slowly fade away into that ugly scowl she wore. It was not a scowl at all...It was the face both his mother and father had wore for such a long time after going through so much pain, loss and sorrow. It was that same expression he had seen his brother wear whenever he was upset with him, or whenever he was tired. In short, It was the face of a wounded soldier, a soldier who was tired of fighting, tired of war, tired of life's cruel tricks on him. It was the face of surrender...
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Suboshi knocked on Nakago's door timidly, barely even drumming his fingers against the rough wood as he choked back a frustrated sigh. He pressed his cheek against the door and breathed in deeply, listening to the soothing murmurs of the quiet whispers of people talking. He waited impatiently, pacing back and fourth then slumping his back furiously against the rocky, uneven walls; still damp and cold from the horrid weather outside. He let his back slide slowly, gently, not caring if his clothes came in contact with the grimy ugliness of the walls until his feet could support his weight no longer and he slumped hard against the floor. He buried his face with the aid of his hands, moaning quietly to himself. Finally after what seemed like hours to him, he heard the door open and the rustling of dresses accompanied by a few shrill, timid laughs. He looked up. Women, no doubt...What else could match the nervous laughter and the joyous, almost erotic swishing of transparent silk of their garments? He stood up quickly but he immediately had to duck down for fresh air when the passionate odor of the vivid perfume engulfed his nostrils. He felt almost dizzy, semi drugged when he entered Nakago's door. One of the women wrapped her long shawl around him and pulled him over, running her articulate hands on his face, flirting with him and taking joy as she watched him blush and try to struggle free from her clutches. Eventually, Nakago shoved the prostitute away, pulling Suboshi over...shawl and all! He slammed the door behind him, dismissing the women from his chamber. Nakago smirked grimly and slid the shawl of Suboshi's neck, tearing it in two then throwing it back in his face.
"Don't give me that face Suboshi...Trying to deny your past. Everyone and I perfectly know you have led the idle life of a prostitute. You may not practice it frequently now, but you have gone through prostitution, so you are no one to look down on any of those women, because you too...are one of them."
"I never denied anything, sir." Suboshi mumbled grimly, finding the painful truth in every word that Nakago had tauntingly hurled at him. Nakago grunted and walked closer to Suboshi.
"But that is not why I have called you here today. You see, there is a very serious matter I need to discuss with you."
He took the younger boy's face into his hands, tilting it upwards slightly. Suboshi felt his face get warm and he closed his eyes. He knew what Nakago was going to do with him...He let out a small sigh and he forced himself to wrap his arms around Nakago's broad shoulders. He felt menacing tears at the corners of his eyes as he forced his head up and pressed his thin lips firmly on Nakago's.
He felt ashamed. Suboshi's cheeks glowed furiously just seeing he was unwillingly entertaining Nakago. The same feelings when he first made love swept molestingly through his mind and coursed all over his body. But he would go through it again and again if that is what his destiny was...Shikata Ga Nai. Destiny was something he could not change and it had to be endured like all hardships he and his brother were forced to face. Suboshi broke into a mass of tears as Nakago returned the kiss. Suboshi felt so unclean, so unpure…just like when he was first touched. He shut his eyes firmly, trying to stop his tears. Nakago's kiss was brute and demanding. But the worst part was that it reminded him he had nothing to give. He had given the thing that made him desirable and what had been a part of what he was worth away to some stranger who had abused him. Anger melted into his eyes. There was nothing he could do now…Nothing but watch an episode of his life repeat over again. He tilted his head slightly and pressed harder, opening his mouth on Nakago's demand, letting him flavor the kiss. Nakago broke this kiss gently and looked down at Suboshi with his hard blue eyes smiling gently at the boy as he ran his rough hand through his hair.
"Tomo has just told me the other day you tried to run away...Is that true?" He whispered lustily pulling Suboshi closer to him. Suboshi nodded sadly. He felt Nakago's warm breath against his flushed face and his hand slowly begin to encircle his waist as vomitive feelings ran through his confused mind. Suboshi closed his eyes when he felt Nakago's soft lips brush against his cheek and then make their way to his mouth.
"But don't you love me, Suboshi? Don't you want to peruse your training as a soldier? Do you want to see glory bestowed once more in Kutou and see the enemy defeated?" Nakago said in between whispers while kissing the boy.
Suboshi pulled away sharply, angry the way Nakago was treating him...Like if he were a-
"Prostitute." Nakago addressed him smiling wryly. Suboshi looked up at Nakago immediately amazed that the gorgeous blonde had read his thoughts.
"But you are one, Suboshi. You are a prostitute, I and many others have the right to take what is owed."
Suboshi felt hurt by this, and pulled away from Nakago's grip, taking a few steps backwards, only to find his back pressed to the wall.
"I didn't do it for the money...I did it for my brother." He sniffed.
"But I do suppose that is what your brother least wanted you to become." Nakago raised his voice, causing the trembling boy to cower as each word fell out of his pale lips.
"Now, I am never, ever to hear again that you have attempted to run away. As far as you are concerned, Seiryuu owns you, and you can't take the matter into your own hands making foolish decisions as such."
Nakago turned around swiftly, groaning loudly while clasping his hands together.
"You are dismissed."
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