"Handling a Problem Roommate"

"The Problem Roommate"
by Jennifer Merritt
Have you ever had a problem roommate? If your answer is yes, then congratulations, you are considered a typical college student.

Even though roommate problems aren’t really that bad (but you never know), they can affect your production in your classes or your job. "Coping with Difficult People," by Robert M. Bramson, is a book I highly recommend that provides effective plans on how to deal with difficult people in any environment. Here is a list of six basic steps for coping with difficult people:

1. Assess the situation.

The book gives a simple test to determine the situation by asking: (1) Has the persona acted different in three similar situations? (2) Am I over reacting? (3) What triggered the negative behavior? and (4) Would an open discussion of the situation be effective? After taking this test, you might realize that your roommate is part of the problem. If this is the case, give Bramson’s book to your roommate.

2. Stop wishing they were different.

I can only say three words: Blaming isn’t changing! College is made up of many different types of people, so wishing your roommate was like the people from your hometown high school isn’t going to help you get along any better.

3. Put some distance between you and the difficult person.

My cousin couldn’t get along with his previous roommate, so I decided to let him live with me until he found somewhere else to go (mistake #1). After about four weeks, he really started to get on my nerves. I even noticed that it affected my attitude toward other people. He used to upset me by leaving the stove on or by serenading the entire neighborhood with music from the "No Limit Family."

I felt like I was his babysitter rather than his roommate. I discovered that going to the library when I was upset gave me time to cool down and assess the situation. Maybe if I had read Bramson’s book first, I probably wouldn’t have put my cousin out after six weeks. Well, you live and you learn.

4. Formulate a coping plan.

Tarana Randall, a friend of mine, said she had a problem with her former roommate paying the electric bill. "One month when the electric bill was due, I turned off the circuit and pretend the electric company had cut off our lights," said Tarana. "Later I told my roommate that the lights weren’t actually turned off, but the incident helped us sit down and discuss the importance of paying bills on time."

5. Implement your strategy.

Timing is everything, and preparation is even more important. Before you put your plan into effect, make sure you’re approaching the difficult person during the right time. Let me break it down even more for you; right timing doesn’t mean . . .when your roommate has just broken up with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend; when your roommate is already mad at you; when your roommate has just lost a loved one; when other people are around (especially your friends).

6. Monitor the progress and modify when necessary.

Changes may be needed as your plan advances. It may be possible that no matter what you do, your attempts at coping will fail to produce many productive results. If you attempts don’t work, then abandon the plan and get as much distance from the difficult person as possible. In other words, ABANDON SHIP!