 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
JOKES
As
usual.....Sardarjis are in
Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman.
He opens the batting against
From
Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji's bat and
just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps.
Sardarji is again unmoved.
Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the
Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to
wicket-keeper. Sardarji doesn't move a muscle.
Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again
doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time,
the umpire shouts "No Ball!"
Sardarji walks upto the umpire and tells him, "So you discovered it now?
You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his
hand!"
**
The doctor told the sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300
days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, the sardarji called the
doctor to report he had lost the weight,but he had a
problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
**
Two sardarjis walked toward each other on a country road. One carried a burlap
bag over his shoulder.
"Hey Bhai," first sardarji drawled, "what's
in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply. "If I guess how many, can I have
one?"
"You can have both of them." "OK," first sardarji said.
"Five."
**
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parents achievements
to each other.
Santa Singh : 'Have you ever heard of the
Banta Singh : 'Yes, I have'
Santa Singh : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta Singh : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of
Santa Singh : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta Singh : 'Well, my father killed it.'
**
2 Sardarji's got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the
parliament. They take 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of
their car and set off.
One asks the other "What happens if the bombs blast off now" The
other says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"
Sardar at Sea
Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a 'around
the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to
a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, " Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being
angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice
their life so that rest of us can be saved." All of them moved towards the
Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted
"Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said
"Hellulaja" and dived into the sea. After that no one came forward
for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a
Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted,
" Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal, wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di
fateh, Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman, jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar,
Jai baba nanak di, Jai jawan jai kissan ".................... and finally yelled at the top of his voice,
"Bharat mata ki jai", And Kicked the pakistani standing next to him
in the sea.
Sardar in CAPITAL
There was a couple honeymooning in Mumbai when they saw a sadar filling out a form.
Curiously, they go over to him and ask, "What are you doing?" The
sardar replies, "I just had son, so I am filling out his birth
certificate."
THE NEXT DAY....
The couple continued their honeymoon and went to
The sadar replies,"My son's birth certificate." Confused the couple
asks, "Weren't you doing that yesterday in Mumbai?"
Sadar says, "yes, but I am following the directions. they
say to FILL IN CAPITAL
Santa & Banta
Santa and Banta r two friends and Santa singh has very good job. Banta singh is
jobless and one day asks Santa for some good Job.
Santa singh says , OK next time we will apply together
and they do. On interview day, santa singh says, first i will go inside and
answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, i would give u the
all answers and questions. So u go and then answer
there. U will get the Job.
So, Santa goes in.
EMPLOYER When we got independence?
SANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER Good. Who is our PM?
SANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER OK. What's
SANTA(He was not to reply last one so he says) Good
Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.
Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to
Banta Singh.
Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions.
He goes in Now.
EMPLOYER When were u born?
BANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER What???? Who is your father?
BANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER Are u Mad Mr. Banta?
BANTA Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.
Scene: Trench warfare on
Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts, "Oye Abdul!"
A guy gets up from other trench, "Kya hai be"
Kartar Singh shoots!! BANG. The guy is shot dead!
Kartar Singh shouts again, "Oye Karim"
2 guys stand up, "Kya hai saala"
BANG BANG both khalaas are gone
Kartar Singh shouts again,"Oye Mustafa!"
2 more, BANG-BANG! dono khalaas!
Pakis get worried, they think: Saala Sardarji log, when did they get so smart?
They decide to try the trick themselves.
"Abe Gurdev Singh"
silence
"Oye Gurdev Singh!!"
silence
"O bhai, Gurdev Singh!"
This time some one says, "Gurdev Singh ko kaun
bula raha hai re?"
Paki gets up, "Main"
BANG! He goes!
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey
is missing; what are you thanking God for?" The sardarji replied "I
am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would have been missing too."
Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. -What happened ?- asked Surjit. -Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . - -How come ?--Well, yesterday, the one-day
match between India and England was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that
India would win, but I lost the bet.- - But thats only Rs. 500, where did the
rest go ?- - Yaar, I bet on the highlights too -
Englishmen, American and Sardarji
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie
detector. The Englishman says: -I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer-. BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. -Ok-, he says, -10
bottles-. And the machine is silent. The American says: -I think I can eat 15
hamburgers-. BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
-Allright, 8 hamburgers-. And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: -I
think...-, BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
Another Banta Singh episode
Banta singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how
he did his exam. For that he replied - Exam was okay, but for the past tense of
THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK
!!!-
Banta Singh again
Banta singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area.The
judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. -They should not put
up such misleading notices, - said Banta singh. -It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE.-
Sardarji in
This sardarji goes to the see
Sardarji and Suicide?
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along
some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks -kyon bhai, ye sab
kyon leke baithe ho?- Sardarji replies -Saali train
late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun-
Sardarji on train
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy
sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees
, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep,
the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji
was woken up, and he went home. On reaching home, he went to wash his face, and
suddenly sreamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife - What's the matter?- Replied he -The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees
and woken up someone else
7 Ways to Catch the LION.
1.
2. Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to
higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired
soon. Now you can trap it easily.
3. Schrodinger Method: At any given moment, there is a positive probability
that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.
4. Inverse Transformation Method: We place a spherical cage in the forest and
enter it. Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in
and we are out.
5. Thermodynamic Procedure: We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows
every thing to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with it.
6. Integration Differention Method: Integrate the forest over the entire area.
The lion is some where in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY
w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.
7. The Banta's Method: DON'T EVEN TRY. YOU'LL GET CAUGHT BY THE LION.
Santa Singh was
walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.
It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an
ass.)
Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne
waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).
Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long
conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she
hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked
her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the
phone."
"I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car
in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his
defence.
"They should nto put up such misleading notices,"said Banta
Singh." It said , FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The
Hindustan Times to place an advertisement announcing his father's death.
"The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him.
"Main to lut jaoonga - I 'll be
ruined," exclaimed the haryanavi. "My father was 182 cms
tall."
Two
Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo
kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe
pata ?
Sardarji 1 :
Nahe pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan
aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .
Rajsi
complained to his friend about his wife ' My wife never agrees with anything I
say. And we have been married for six years .'
Mrs Rajsi intervened, ' Not six we have been
married for seven years ! '
A
Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' . One day his wife
fed up of this answered : ' Bye
Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'.
That ended the husband's witticisms.
Teacher : If we breath oxygen in
the daytime, what do we breath at night?
Pupil :Nitrogen?
Mrs
Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband . She sent it to her husband by parcel post along
with a note. The note said : ' The buttons of
the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage .
You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater .
Avtar
& Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on
the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor.
One day when the lift was not working , Kartar invited
Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25thfloor to
find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read
: ' How did you enjoy your dinner ? '
Not to be outdone , Avtar
wrote under it , ' Sorry , I could not make it . '
Banta showed his plam to
a palmist . He examined the lines
on Banta's hand & said,'A beautiful girl will come into your life, but be
very careful.'
'Why should I
have to be careful?' asked Banta. 'She should be careful of her life. I
drive a Redline bus!'
Santa Singh & Banta Singh had strong
reservations against the Mandal Commission's recommendations. They
found an ingenious way to get round them. Santa Singh's daughter, Manjeet
married Banta Singh's son, Diljit. They named their grandson Mandal
Jeet.
Banta
Singh went to eat in ramshackle
hotel. To his surprise the waiter who came to serve him happened to be one of
his classmate at school. Banta called him and said
'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this?'
'Not
at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed if I ate my meal
here. I only work in this place.'
'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta
Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its
destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.'
'Why did you call me beta?'
demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.'
'I called you beta because
I brought you up,' replied the liftman.
Santa Singh got his promotion and become
an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his
status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates. One
morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa
Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please
income.'
The
collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his
pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will
take your word that you bought your ticket.'
'That is very
kind of you,' replied Banta Singh, 'but if I don't find it, I want to
know where to get off.'
Santa Singh :
'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.
The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny.
And even if you make a hole at the top, how will
the lassi stay
in the glass when the bottom is open?'
Sardarji
( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
Doctor : 'What's
your problem?'
Sardarji : 'I keep forgetting
things.'
Doctor : 'Since when do you
have this problem?'
Sardarji :
'What problem?'
Banta
owned a large factory. He issued orders that only married men
would be employed. When his friend Santa asked him the reason, Banta replied,
'Married men are more obedient.'
Sardar's View
One day two sardars met and started chatting. The main topic of
the conversation was about how others view sardars. They felt that sardars are
being ridiculed too much by others. They wanted to teach others a good lesson.
Soon they had a plan for that. Said one Sardar to the other,
"We two will go to beach tomorrow morning. We should keep on
staring at the sea. People in anxiety will crowd behind us but we should not
turn to see them. Finally in the night or so we will turn and say "Hey
Fools! What you think of sardars?". That will be
a good lesson. What do you feel?".
The other one was simply overwhelmed. He said "that's really great!"
and hugged him. Next day the two sardars went to the beach and did according to
the plan. Soon they heard murmuring behind them and were happy. Time passed by
and the noise from behind was increasing more. The two smiled at each other but
didn't turn. It became late night and the sardars decided to turn to see the
crowd. The sardars were shocked not because the crowd was more than expected
BUT ALL IN THE CROWD WERE SARDARS!!!
|
Questions and Answers |
|
Q: Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
Q: Why do sardars have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: How can you tell when a sardar sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Q: Why can't sardars dial 911?
A: They can not find the eleven on the phone.
Q: How do you get a sardar on the roof?
A: Tell him the drinks are on the house.
Q: What do smart sardars and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them.
Q: Why does it take longer to build a sardar snowman as opposed to a regular
one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: How do you measure a surd's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear!
Q: How do you keep a Surd busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Q: A surd going to
A: Tell him the seats that are going to
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SURD THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: How do you make a surd laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the surd doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the surd stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do surds work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had already written on the
overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.
Q: Why did god give surds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you confuse a surd?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you keep a surd in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you keep a surd busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Why can't surds make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How did the surd try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A: Because below 18 was not allowed !!!
Q: What's the difference between a surd and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why do men like surd jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: What does a surd say when you ask his if his blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you get when U offer a surd a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call a surd in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a surd in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you see when you look into a surd's eyes?
A: The back of his head.
Q: What do a surd and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you
until they go down on you.
Q: What do you do when a surd throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why did the surd take his typewriter to the doctor ??
A: He thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.
Q: Why are surds hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't surds put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: Whats the difference between a Surd and a Supermarket Trolley?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or
twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.
Q: Guy asked his surd wife "how did you get the car in the living
room"?
A: She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
Q: SOMEONE ASKED IF A SURD BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."
Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
A: Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"
Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A: Because below 18 was not allowed.
Q: How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.
Q: What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
Q: Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
A: The back of his head.
Q: What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
A: Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
Q: What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
A: Just-one Singh.
Q: Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
Q: Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Q: Why can't Sardar dial 911?
A: They cannot find the eleven on the phone.
Q: How do you get Sardar on the roof?
A: Tell him the drinks are on the house.
Q: What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them.
Q: Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular
one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
SURD: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's
SURD: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I
have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different
answer."
Two surds observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes
with a coat hanger:
Surd#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Surd#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and
the top is down!
Did you hear about the surd that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on him.
|
Restrooms!! |
|
A surd was driving down the highway to
|
Examination
time |
|
One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws
them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well.
His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed,
approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the
instructions yaar," he says, " it says here,
'Answer the following questions in brief'.".
|
Tyson and
Sardar.. |
|
One rainy day Sardar singh was travelling by his new FERRARI car.
He was not a very good driver and so, did not have complete control on it. Mike
tyson was also riding his bike on the same road . At a
speed breaker sardar's car came in contact with tyson's bike
. Tyson got very angry.
He dragged sardar out of the car and threw him a few yards away from the car.
Tyson then drew a small circle around sardar and shouted "
Hey !! It's not easy for you to damage my bike and get away . Now i will be thrashing your car. You should stay
inside this circle and watch me smash your car. If you come out of the circle,
I will kill you immediately".
Then tyson turned towards the car and he smashad its side indicators. Then he
looked at sardar . Sardar looked at tyson
sarcastically. Tyson's anger grew and he smashed the window panes and then
again looked at sardar. Sardar grinned at tyson. Tyson was confused. Tyson
could now not at all control his anger and he broke the side doors and tore
away the seats of the car. Then he again looked at Sardar. Sardar was laughing
so hard that he could hardly stand. This time Tyson came to Sardar and he told " oh ! what is this ? I am
spoiling your expensive car and you are so happy about it
?" Sardar replied " Every time you
turned towards the car I was out of the circle and you did not notice it . I
have fooled you. You are a fool .."
|
Sign of a
Sardar |
|
You should be sure the person is Sardar when he
