Aum Gung Ganapathaye
Namah
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma-sambuddhassa
Homage to The Blessed One, Accomplished and Fully Enlightened
In the name of
Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Divorce
A Collection of Articles, Notes and References
Reference Chapter 2
(Revised:
References Edited by
Praise the Buddha
What’s in
a name? That which we call a rose
By any
other name would smell as sweet.
- William
Shakespeare
Copyright ©
2002-2010 Praise the Buddha
The following educational writings are
STRICTLY for academic research purposes ONLY.
Should NOT be used for commercial,
political or any other purposes.
(The
following notes are subject to update and revision)
For free
distribution only.
You
may print copies of this work for free distribution.
You may re-format and
redistribute this work for use on computers and computer networks, provided
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Otherwise, all rights reserved.
8 "... Freely you received, freely give”.
- Matthew 10:8 :: New American
Standard Bible (NASB)
1 “But mark this: There
will be terrible times in the last days.
2 People will be lovers of
themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,
disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 without
love, unforgiving, slanderous, without
self-control, brutal, not lovers
of the good,
4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of
pleasure rather than lovers of God—
5 having a
form of godliness but denying
its power. Have nothing
to do with them.
6 They are
the kind who worm their way into homes and gain
control over weak-willed women, who are loaded
down with sins and are swayed by all
kinds of evil desires,
7 always learning but never able
to acknowledge the truth.
8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses,
so also these men oppose the truth--men of
depraved minds, who, as far as
the faith is concerned, are
rejected.
9 But they will not get very far because, as in the
case of those men, their folly will be clear
to everyone.”
- 2 Timothy 3:1-9 ::
New International Version (NIV)
6 As
he saith also in another place, Thou art a
priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec.
- Hebrews 5:6 :: King James
Version (KJV)
Contents
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Reference
ANI. (
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/cms.dll/xml/uncomp/articleshow?msid=45088
Parents' divorce may harm children mentally
ANI [ THURSDAY,
The findings, according to authors, cast doubt on the current
legal presumption that a move by a custodial parent to a destination that the
moving parent believes will improve his or her life will also be in the best
interest of the children that moves with them. The study is the first to
provide direct evidence of the effect of relocation on children after divorce.
Psychologists Sanford L Braver, Bill Fabricius,
and Law Professor Ira Ellman of Arizona State
University conducted their research by dividing 602 college students into
groups on the basis of their divorced parents' move-away status.
One group consisted of those in which neither parent moved more
than an hour's drive from the original family home and the other consisted of
students with at least one parent who had moved more than an hour's drive from
the original family home.
Results show significant negative effects associated with the
long distance (more than an hour's drive) parental moves by the mother or
father, with or without the child, as compared with divorced families in which
neither parent moved away beyond an hour's drive.
"As compared with divorced families in which neither parent
moved, students from families in which one parent moved received less financial
support from their parents, worried more about that support, felt more
hostility in their interpersonal relations, suffered more distress related to
their parents' divorce, perceived their parents less favourably
as sources of emotional support and as role models and rated themselves less favourably on their general physical health, their general
life satisfaction and their personal and emotional adjustment", according
to the study.
However, the researchers concluded, "There is no empirical
basis on which to justify a legal presumption that a move by a custodial parent
to a destination she or he plausibly believes will improve their life will
necessarily confer benefits on the children they take with them."
(Reference:
ANI. (
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Reference
Ahmad, Reme. (
http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/asia/story/0,4386,154377,00.html?
Syariah court 'biased against women'
A seven-year-old divorce case has become a symbol for
women's groups of the prejudice of the Islamic court
By Reme Ahmad
THE high-profile divorce case of a 36-year-old single
mother Aida Melly Tan Mutalib
has brought into the open the common perception among Muslim women that the Syariah court is sexist in its handling of divorce cases.
Photo.
The drawn-out divorce battle between Ms Aida and Mr Khairul has caught the
attention of politicians and women's groups. -- MINGGUAN MALAYSIA
Her seven year battle with the religious courts for a
divorce from her husband, Mr Khairul
Annuar, 42, has now become a powerful symbol for
women's groups who have for years claimed that the Syariah
court and state religious departments are biased against women in such cases.
The Syariah court, at the centre of the storm, has denied
the accusations.
It blames divorcing couples for abusing the court process with claims
and appeals which delay such proceedings.
Registrar of the Selangor Syariah High Court, Mr Abu Bakar Daud, also denied that
divorce cases were not handled with sensitivity.
'In looking for justice, the court has to give the
opportunity to both sides to make claims and appeals,' he was quoted as saying.
He said most divorce cases were settled quickly.
Syariah lawyers, in defence
of the religious courts, also said that the allegations were without basis.
Mr Mohamed Zaidi
Zain, of the Selangor
Association of Syariah Lawyers, said: 'Such an
allegation is unfair to the Syariah court because the legal process to settle the cases
takes time to complete its course.'
He said Ms Aida was also partly to blame because at the
initial stage she declined to use a lawyer as required by the law and the court
had to adjourn hearing her case.
The case has prompted calls by politicians for a revamp of the Syariah
court to stop the injustice against women.
Taking up her case is a Muslim women's group, Sisters in
Islam, which is among several organisations
supporting Ms Aida's quest to get her divorce papers.
'Even ordinary people can see what has
happened. We in the women's groups think this is another case of the religious
authorities being biased and inefficient,' Ms Ruzana Udin, programme coordinator at
Sisters In Islam, told The Straits Times yesterday.
Ms Aida has an eight-year-old daughter by her marriage to
Mr Khairul, an engineer,
who now has three children by another wife.
Despite their estrangement, he has blocked Ms Aida's
divorce confirmation, angering women's groups which accused him of being
unjust.
Ms Aida herself described the act as cruel because she
cannot remarry due to the stalled status of her divorce.
Minister for Women's Affairs and Family Development Shahrizat Abdul Jalil made an
indirect appeal to Mr Khairul
when she said Muslim
men should let their wives go free honourably if they
could no longer live as man-and-wife.
'It is not right to treat the women as enemies to the very
end when they are the mother of your children,' she added.
The case has prompted Selangor
Sultan Sharafuddin Idris
Shah to personally intervene by asking the state legal adviser to help Ms Aida
get her divorce papers.
The ruler made an oblique reference to the case in a
public speech in July that he had received complaints that Syariah court judges were biased against women.
The sultan said there were also claims that they were
rigid in carrying out their duties.
Ms Ruzana, a close friend of Ms
Aida, said the single mother was sad to have become a poster girl for what is
wrong with the religious court.
Although the case looks set to be drawn out further, it
is not the record case being handled by women's groups.
A similar divorce case in Kedah
has been proceeding for 10 years.
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Bedi,
Rahul. (
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/10/13/1065917343008.html?from=storyrhs
Husbands may be beaten but not cowed
By Rahul Bedi
A group that claims men are the
weaker sex is demanding new laws to protect husbands against maltreatment by
their wives.
With a guiding slogan of "Husbands of the world
unite - we have nothing to lose but our wives", the All-India Front Against Atrocities by Wives claims to have 40,000 abused
husbands as members in about 400 branches.
Police officers and judges are said to be among them.
"Women are not the only victims of domestic
violence. Men suffer, too," said Ram Prasad Chugh,
a twice-married activist for husbands' rights and the front's founding head.
A police officer said that of about 6700 cases of marital
harassment cases registered in
"The harassment is no longer one-sided. The
difference now is the steadily increasing number of complaining husbands,"
he said.
Wives are accused of making false allegations against
their husbands, which can take years to sort out in
One wife was arrested recently on charges of hiring men
to beat up her husband the day after their wedding before making off with all
the wedding gifts and jewellery.
But the front has been accused of being "highly
chauvinistic" and of getting involved in domestic squabbles to perpetuate
the view that a woman's place is in the home.
The male-dominated police force has also been accused of
exaggerating instances of "husband-beating", with feminists saying
the concept has little to do with reality.
"A wife retaliating when she is being thrashed by
her husband does not amount to husband-beating," lawyer Malavika Rajkotia said.
"It's merely looking at the issue from a man's point of view."
- Telegraph
(Reference: Bedi, Rahul. (
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Reference
Hagelin, Rebecca. (
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=29108
The losing record of cohabitation
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted:
© 2002 WorldNetDaily.com
Recent figures show that more than half of all couples
who plan to get married live together first. No wonder today's divorce rate is so high.
The numbers are in: A new book entitled, "The Family Portrait" by the Family Research Council reveals
that couples
who cohabit before marriage are 46 percent more likely to divorce once they do
get married than couples who don't live together first. The statistics also show that cohabitators suffer from more depression,
alcoholism, poorer relationships with other family members, and experience less
happiness in general than do married couples. Surprised? You shouldn't be. The bedrock principle of a man and woman
having sex and living together only within the commitment of marriage was clearly stated long ago by a loving
God who knew it would be for the benefit of us and our children.
For those who are quick to dismiss FRC's
stats as religious propaganda, you should know that the organization neither
conducted nor commissioned the studies that reveal what most people
instinctively know, but consistently ignore: A stable family unit is the foundation
for a stable society and for raising stable children. "The Family Portrait" is a
"compilation of data, social research and polling on contemporary American
attitudes regarding marriage and family." The book includes both current data as
well as historical trends on a variety of issues including marriage, child care, unwed
childbearing, divorce and cohabitation. Each fact is carefully documented and
footnoted with the name of the research organization, medical facility, agency
or polling company responsible for the particular
statistic.
Scores of various sources are referenced, providing the most comprehensive data
ever compiled on issues of concern to the family. And the verdict is
overwhelming. As Ken Connor, president of the Family Research Council put it, "The crisis in marriage and family
is real, and its implications for
Creating sound, stable families is so obviously the
answer to saving our society from a litany of social ills and heartbreak that
it's almost astounding in its simplicity. Yet, Americans, it seems, would rather have the government
throw billions and billions of dollars in continued ill-attempts to fix what
are at the
core moral and personal problems, than we would to proclaim the truth
and accept the personal responsibility necessary to be a part of the stable
family units we all crave. Government policy endorses the broken family through
handouts and endless programs, and levies penalty taxes against individuals who
contribute to the stability of our society through marriage. Add that to the endless barrage of
Commitment. Love. Integrity. Faithfulness. These are clear virtues upon which we
must stand, both as individuals and as a nation. It's time for us to reach back
for the sake of the future and restate those timeless values upon which our
families and nation will rise and fall. There are right and wrong choices. When
individuals make the right choices regarding making a commitment to marriage
and to their families, they and society are better for it.
Still not convinced? As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. Here are a few more
"snapshots" from "The Family Portrait":
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rebecca Hagelin is the former
vice president of communications for WorldNetDaily.
Her weekly column for WorldNetDaily, "Heart
Beat," appears every Tuesday and is characterized by its discussion of
current social issues through the lens of the personal experiences and
reflections of the author.
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Reference
Prager, Dennis. (
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=29632
Conservatives need to be more compassionate on divorce
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted:
© 2002 Creators Syndicate, Inc.
Most Americans believe that for the past generation,
I believe conservatives are wrong here.
By way of illustration, allow me a story:
Before having a daily radio show, I moderated for 10
years a very popular show in
One night, the topic I chose was divorce – what is your
and your religion's view of divorce? The Protestant minister spoke against
divorce and noted that "people get divorced too quickly." The priest then said virtually
the same thing, and the rabbi did, too (on virtually no issue was there ever
such uniformity of views and rhetoric).
After each spoke, I asked the minister if he knew anyone
well who had divorced. "Well," he said, "as it happens, my
brother is getting a divorce right now."
"And do you feel that he is getting divorced too
quickly?" I asked.
"No," the pastor responded. He explained that
his brother and sister-in-law had tried counseling for many years to no avail, and that their home was a deeply troubled one.
I then asked the priest if he knew anyone well who had
divorced. He responded that his mother had divorced many years ago.
"Do you feel that she divorced too quickly?" I
asked.
"Not at all," he said, adding that for all
intents and purposes, the divorce liberated her from a toxic man and relationship.
I then asked the rabbi if he knew anyone well who had
divorced.
And, sure enough, his parents had divorced many years
earlier, and he was convinced that it enabled him and his mother to become happier people because the home was so depressed.
This scenario is typical. Whenever people say, "People get
divorced too easily," I ask them about people they know well who divorced,
and I usually get the same response.
Now, of course, many divorced people should have stayed
together (just as there are couples who stay together who should get divorced). But conservatives look foolish when
they say that except for spousal beating no one should get divorced and that the divorce rates necessarily exemplify
a society in moral decline.
First, a truly bad marriage is akin to life imprisonment, and innocent people do not deserve
such a punishment.
Second, it only takes one person to divorce. Assuming that all divorced people
sought their divorce is as untrue as it is unfair.
Third, when there are no children involved, a divorce's social costs to
society are minimal and therefore unworthy of our attention. Furthermore, as a
rule, it is far better for society to have people marry and divorce than never
to marry. When
people marry, they begin to grow up, and society needs grownups.
Fourth, regarding children and divorce, the effects of
divorce usually depend on what happens after a couple divorces. By far, the worst consequence of divorce is the
large number of fathers who voluntarily or involuntarily (because of selfish ex-wives or feminized laws) leave the lives of their children. When both parents stay thoroughly
involved in their children's lives, sharing physical as well as legal custody,
the adverse effects of divorce can be minimized, and depending on how bad
things were prior to the divorce, a child's life can actually improve.
Let me be as clear as language allows. I believe that most marriages should
never come apart; that every good marriage has periods of alienation and anger;
that people must ride these tough waves and try to improve their marriage. I
even believe that it is wrong to automatically divorce when one's spouse has an
extramarital affair.
But I would not lump divorce statistics with crime and
out-of-wedlock births as a barometer of social pathology. There are simply too many exceptions to
the rule that people get divorced too easily. Like the clergy on my show, I
feel that almost every divorced person I know deserves sympathy more than
contempt.
If conservatives want to enter the divorce arena, we
should change divorce laws to ensure joint physical custody whenever feasible
and that people first seek counseling with professionals committed to the welfare of children
rather than attorneys
devoted to ruining the other spouse's life.
Divorce is a good example of where conservatives can show
their compassion. Let's vigorously promote marriage but have no more knee-jerk
condemnations of divorce. It is these condemnations, more than divorces, that are made too easily.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dennis Prager, one of America's
most respected and popular nationally syndicated radio talk-show hosts, is the
author of several books and a frequent guest on television shows such as Larry
King Live, Politically Incorrect, The Late Late Show
on CBS, Rivera Live, The Early Show on CBS, Fox Family Network, The O'Reilly
Factor and Hannity & Colmes.
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Personal Review
If divorce rates are alarmingly high, then what is the need for this
fancy show, “marriage” in the first place?
It is better not to get married at all. Also, a lot of money in these
poor economic times need not be wasted for this temporary marriage functions.
12 “And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be
married to another, she committeth adultery.”
- Mark
So why go against the scriptures?
The sentence,
Furthermore, as a rule, it is far better for society to
have people marry and divorce than never to marry.
Is objectionable. It goes against the scriptures.
A male and female get together. They understand each other,
(compatibility of their attitudes, ways, behavior etc )
over a certain period of time. Then they marry. After a certain period of
married life, having divorce for “ir-repairable
differences” as reason, what is that? Marriage, a fun?
Live with somebody for a while. After some dispute, then go and live with
someone else. Moving from one person to another. Moving from man to man. Moving from woman
to woman.
Mediocre reasons for divorce will not be there. Man and
woman will fear divorce, if they marry after good understanding of each other.
Of course, nowadays two people rarely marry without consent or mutual
understanding. Marriage will not be fun any more. Extra-marital relation will
be something truly “dangerous”. A fear that will make a man
and woman to re-consider petty disputes. Nowadays, that fear is absent,
due to freedom, due to arrogance, due to ego, whether it be
for man or woman. The social surroundings of laxity in moral values, (“this
couple divorced”, that couple divorced”, “that couple going to divorce” “all
are divorcing” “So we also divorce…” type of attitude) also plays a part.
I believe that most marriages should never come apart;
that every good marriage has periods of alienation and anger; that people must
ride these tough waves and try to improve their marriage. I even believe that
it is wrong to automatically divorce when one's spouse has an extramarital
affair.
Fear is a vital requirement. Excessive religious upbringing
forces fear of the Lord onto the young. Without fear, of anything, naturally
brings about deviation in moral values. Today the words “God-fearing” is just
empty words only. An addendum in many matrimonial
advertisements, to give a show of “religiousness”.
When people marry, they begin to grow up, and society needs grownups.
1 At the same time came the
disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of
heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set
him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little
children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of
heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of
heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.
6 But whoso shall offend
one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were
hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in
the depth of the sea.
- Matthew
18:1-6 :: King James Version (KJV)
You remain a celibate, to prevent “growing up” in the wrong
manner!
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Reference
Divorce: The wait is not over yet. (
http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/asia/story/0,4386,154421,00.html?
Divorce: The wait is not over yet
KUALA LUMPUR - Thirty-six year-old Aida Melly Tan Mutalib's joy in
getting divorce papers last month after a seven-year wait may be shortlived.
In a new twist, the Syariah
High Court in Shah Alam has kept her papers in
abeyance after her estranged husband, Mr Khairul Anuar, 42, filed an
appeal against its ruling on Oct 22.
''She has not been divorced officially yet,'' the judge
said.
Ms Aida told the Malay daily she would check with the Selangor Religious Department which issued her the divorce
certificate on Oct 25.
Ms Aida, a senior publications officer, sought a divorce
in 1996 after she discovered that her husband had married another woman
secretly.
Although she was granted a divorce in 1998, it was
suspended when her husband filed for a stay of the order.
The divorce papers were issued only after the religious
court declared the stay of the divorce order as null and void on Oct 22.
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Reference
Indian school for daughters-in-law
restoring family values. (
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_692420.html?menu=news.weirdworld.rockyrelationships
Ananova:
Indian school for daughters-in-law restoring family values
A school in
So far more than 4,000 women have successfully completed
the three-month course at the Manju Sanskar Centre in
Asian News International reports the course is aimed at
restoring family values and reducing rising divorce rates.
Ayaldas Hemnani, chief
trainer, said: "Nowadays
there is so much materialism and egoism that one doesn't see beyond oneself.
"We thought of imparting value-based education to
young women so that they may present an ideal picture of a true daughter-in law
who can take care of the families which they marry into."
Student Jyoti Bhavrani, 22, who is due to marry shortly, said: "We
have been taught all kinds of values ranging from correct behaviour
before marriage and the one that follows it so that we make our lives and those
around us almost heaven-like."
Susheela Dayaramani,
whose daughter-in-law passed out of the school, said: "I am very happy
with my daughter-in-law.
"We are happy with whatever she has learned
including how to take care of elders and youngsters in the family. She has won
everyone over by her amiability."
Story filed:
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Key Points
…how to become perfect daughters-in-law to try and reduce soaring divorce rates.
"Nowadays there is so much materialism and egoism
that one doesn't see beyond oneself.
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Reference
Malaysian government tells couples to call each other
'darling'. (
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_611753.html?menu=news.weirdworld.rockyrelationships
Ananova:
Malaysian government tells couples to call each other
'darling'
Family development minister Shahrizat
Abdul Jalil says the move would deepen people's
relationships.
She says she wants people to call their partners by
"affectionate names".
The minister told The Straits Times: "Those who have
not tried it may feel shy in the beginning."
Ms Jalil said using terms of
affection would help couples who'd started taking each other for granted.
The number of marriages in
Story filed:
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Reference
Men complain about wives at women-only police station. (
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_688802.html?menu=news.weirdworld.rockyrelationships
Ananova:
Men complain about wives at women-only police station
An Indian police station which is only staffed by women
officers is being overwhelmed by men who say they are being mistreated by their wives.
The
Most of the men say they are being forced to do household chores such as washing and cooking.
The police station is intended as a place for women
seeking refuge from their husbands.
It's believed the men are coming to the station because
they think
women police officers will be more sympathetic than their male colleagues.
Inspector D Jayalakshmi said:
"We are not encouraging men to lodge their complaints here since the
station has been opened specifically to hear the grievances of harassed women
whose number is growing alarmingly. We are more concerned with the problems of
the women who are coming in large numbers."
The men moan their wives are spending their salaries
"irrationally" and show no interest in taking care of children.
The paper says there are no records of men arriving to
lodge complaints at the police station, which was opened in 1994, until late
last year.
A police official pointed out no case of women beating up
their husbands had been recorded so far.
However, faced with a rush of complaints from men,
officers are now counselling wives to make peace with
their husbands. Housewives are being advised to "to make adjustments" while working couples are asked to
share responsibilities.
Story filed:
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“Thou belongest
to That Which Is
Undying, and not merely
to time alone,” murmured the
Sphinx, breaking its muteness at last. “Thou art
eternal, and not merely of the vanishing flesh. The soul
in man cannot be killed, cannot
die. It waits, shroud-wrapped, in thy heart, as I waited,
sand-wrapped, in thy world. Know
thyself, O mortal! For there is One within
thee, as in all men, that comes and stands at the bar and bears
witness that there IS a God!”
(Reference: Brunton, Paul. (1962) A Search in Secret
Amen