Aum Gung Ganapathaye
Namah
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma-sambuddhassa
Homage to The Blessed One, Accomplished and Fully Enlightened
In the name of
Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Divorce
A Collection of Articles, Notes and References
Chapter 1
(Revised:
By
Praise the Buddha
What’s in
a name? That which we call a rose
By any
other name would smell as sweet.
- William
Shakespeare
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2002-2010 Praise the Buddha
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8 "... Freely you received, freely give”.
- Matthew 10:8 :: New American
Standard Bible (NASB)
1 “But mark this: There
will be terrible times in the last days.
2 People will be lovers of
themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,
disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 without
love, unforgiving, slanderous, without
self-control, brutal, not lovers
of the good,
4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of
pleasure rather than lovers of God—
5 having a
form of godliness but denying
its power. Have
nothing to do with them.
6 They are
the kind who worm their way into homes and gain
control over weak-willed women, who are loaded
down with sins and are swayed by all
kinds of evil desires,
7 always learning but never able
to acknowledge the truth.
8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses,
so also these men oppose the truth--men of
depraved minds, who, as far as
the faith is concerned, are
rejected.
9 But they will not get very far because, as in the
case of those men, their folly will be clear
to everyone.”
- 2 Timothy 3:1-9 ::
New International Version (NIV)
6 As
he saith also in another place, Thou art a
priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec.
- Hebrews 5:6 :: King James
Version (KJV)
Contents
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Diary Notes
On a Divorcee
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Diary Notes
28
But
I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
-
Matthew
Man or woman,
you marry only once in your lifetime.
For a man, only a woman.
For a woman, only a man.
If your husband or wife die, or divorce, you will not
remarry.
You remain chaste or pure till you die.
27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt
not commit adultery:
-
Matthew
31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of
divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
-
Matthew 5:31-32 :: King James Version (KJV)
fornication
n.
Sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other.
Word History: The word fornication had a
lowly beginning suitable to what has long been the low moral status of the act to which it refers. The Latin word fornix, from which fornicti, the
ancestor of fornication, is derived, meant “a vault, an arch.” The term also referred to a vaulted cellar or similar place where
prostitutes plied their trade. This sense of fornix in Late Latin
yielded the verb fornicr, “to commit fornication,” from
which is derived fornicti, “whoredom, fornication.” Our word is first recorded in Middle
English about
1303.
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English
Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin
Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
If they [the unmarried and widows] have not continency, let them marry. --1 Cor.
vii. 9 (Rev. Ver. ).
9 But if they have not self-control (restraint of their
passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with ungratified
desire].
- 1
Corinthians 7:9 :: Amplified Bible (AMP)
Chastity is either abstinence or continence: abstinence is that of virgins or widows; continence, that of married persons.
- Jer. Taylor.
12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth
adultery.
- Mark
A person, man or woman, before marriage remains celibate
If a person has developed sufficient will power (by means
of fasting) to withstand the “pleasures of the flesh”, then he or she should remain celibate until he or she
die. Dedicated to the Lord.
6 As he saith
also in another place, Thou art a priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec.
-
Hebrews 5:6 :: King James Version (KJV)
Small modifications, or relaxation
of the above concepts are permitted depending on the environment.
On a Divorcee
One could get single if the partner dies due to accident, illness
or whatever.
We are not considering this category.
A more common one nowadays is separation. The spouse
whether man or woman is still alive. Such a category we analyze in detail.
Any form of legal marriage, the coming together of the
sexes, involves certain sacrifices from both sides. The man and woman get
together frequently to get to know each other. Their mutual interests, their
differences etc. To understand whether they are mutually
compatible. In the case of a love relationship, based on beauty, money
or whatever, one side will be naturally obliging too much for achieving his or
her carnal objective.
A divorced man or woman.
A family man or woman.
A typical difference is in their mental outlook towards
life. A good family man or woman fears the divorce condition. What could happen
to the future of the children? What will their state be? How will they grow up?
Their mental outlook, the way they are brought up etc.
Also refer ANI. (
Such thoughts hold a family man or woman from taking the
extreme step of separation. In times of differences or conflicts or house
disputes, this factor plays a vital part. However fierce the fighting is,
because of the children’s welfare, both sides bring forth suitable sacrifices
on their ideologies. The children, their welfare come first. An amicable
solution to the personal disputes between the husband and wife are thus brought
about, through discussion, with the help of relatives, friends etc, if
necessary, thereby avoiding the “fatal” separation.
In the case of divorced state, one is actually used to the
other partner. In certain cases, after getting tired of the partner, the other
leaves searching for a new one. Tired state could be “sexually used up”,
“financially deprived” etc.
The mental attitude of stability in a relationship gets
removed, in the case of divorced people. Divorced once, divorced twice,
divorced thrice, …They all show the inability to make suitable personal
sacrifices
for a stable long term relationship. Just flirting around for short-term, with
no ideals, goals etc. A total failure. This factor, one should always bear in
mind, if ever one gets enchanted with a divorcee, whether the divorcee is a man
or a woman. For no separation is the fault of one person alone. There are
faults on both sides, which were not settled amicably, in a balanced manner.
The normal expectation of society is to learn from one’s
mistakes. The people who are divorced once, rarely go back to cross-examine
their own past life or relationship, to find where actually they went wrong. They hold on to their fictitious
arrogance that they are completely right. All the
fault is with the other partner. With such an outlook, they try to go into a second new
relationship with
no change to their mistakes. According to divorce statistics, there is a high
rate of second divorce, for those who were divorced once before.
For a young couple getting married today the statistical
probability of their staying together for life is at least 60 percent. And it
may be higher, since the statistics include all marriages and divorces, and it
is established that second and third marriages are more divorce-prone than first
marriages.
(Reference: Blackenhorn,
David. (January
2001) Propositions.)
Why? For they never learned from their past
mistakes.
Never corrected themselves. Their mental outlook.
Mental perception.
The environment also plays a vital role. Say a society with
a high percentage of divorce rate. “That friend
divorced”. “This friend divorced”. “One by one the friends are divorcing”. It
naturally affects one’s outlook, especially those who are not serious with
their own life. The sternness with which one holds on to family values could
get diluted. Such scenarios call for more understanding, verbal chatting or
discussion with one’s own partner. The revival of the bonds between the husband
and the wife, so they each know where they stand, their goals etc.
Frequent divorces brings about a different outlook to life. A perception where you need a partner only for sex, nothing else.
A perception that will be slowly accepted by society as
legal. For cooling one’s temperaments. No
goals, ideals have a place there. Just sex. That is
all. Within the cover-up of marriage, as a form of legal
prostitution. For to indulge in prostitution, visiting prostitutes etc.
to satisfy oneself, is not commonly accepted in society.
The way a person, whether man or woman, is brought up from
childhood also plays a vital part. One who is brought up with ideals, with
traditional values naturally aims to uphold such values in later life.
One, to whom such values are not instilled from childhood,
the attitude, “who cares about morality?” prevails. The parents of such a person ought to
blame themselves for improper parenting, NOT on the grown up tree. For when a tree was young, it was easy to
control, to tame, to teach. Then there are also parents who try to cover-up
their own past mistakes in improper parenting. Just push the “abnormal” son or
daughter into some decent family by some means. On the assumption that, that
family will take care or look after their spoiled progeny. As if some sort of
“orphanage” or charitable institution to dump spoiled ones or “destitute” men
or women. “I don’t have anyone in this world” type of spoiled
people. Without
self correction, a spoiled person will always remain spoiled. Naturally it will be difficult for the
spoiled person to cope up with the family pressures, sacrifices etc. The
spoiled person falls back to his or her old spoiled ways or habits again. In effect, recidivism. Using the “new”
social values of relaxed morality as an excuse.
Ayaldas Hemnani,
chief trainer, said: "Nowadays there is so much materialism and egoism that one
doesn't see beyond oneself.
"We thought of imparting value-based education to
young women so that they may present an ideal picture of a true daughter-in law
who can take care of the families which they marry into."
(Reference: Indian
school for daughters-in-law restoring family values. (
In improper parenting also, the environment plays a role in
the form of fashion. Social work, clubs etc for spending leisure time for both
the parents. Dance, party etc. “Big mouth” being a common
scenario. “I know so and so”. “I come from such and such family”. “Our
car is such and such”. “We have such and such estate”. To retain such
fictitious standards, status etc, an artificial type of lifestyle is also
incorporated along. A “high profile” life based on “showing off” of wealth, even if the wealth is borrowed money! Show, show, everywhere
show. Act as a big man or big woman. Naturally, good parenting, instilling of
moral values in children etc are all pushed away, to give place to “fashion”. One’s social status.
A growing-up child always looks up to his or her father or
mother as the ideal model. If the father is a frequent smoker, a beer-drinker,
then that is taken for granted by the child. Based on such a concept, a good
parent ought not to smoke at home or before his child. Nor drink. For unknowingly he creates a trend, an impression, an acceptance of
bad values before his own child. The child uses that acceptance of bad
values or bad habit as a measuring scale on morality.
What point in verbally telling one’s child whether son or
daughter in doing something, while personally doing the contrary?
What point in preaching not to tell lies but in turn tell
lies?
What point in teaching not to drink while in turn drink
bottles and bottles of beer?
If a parent teaches his son or daughter “chastity”, are
they personally chaste? Do they ensure not to have idle chat with other women
or men before their children?
If the parents preach “brahmacharya”
or celibacy, then do the parents sleep separately and live without sex, thereby
enforcing “brahmacharya” or celibacy in their own
life?
If one teach something, then one
should first follow one’s own words. Use oneself as a model. An
example.
Is it lack of that “model” concept in one’s own parents
that lead many a child to “anything is acceptable” sort of behavior?
“Anything is acceptable” also mean there is no do’s or dont’s. No moral values.
In short, morality starts in home itself. What point in
complaining that the society is immoral, while one’s own house-hold lacks
control? To bring the house-hold values under control, naturally forces one to
control himself or herself first. Without controlling
oneself, what point in controlling others?
Psychologists stress the importance of parents as role models, especially fathers for their sons and mothers for their daughters.
(Reference: Samenow, Stanton E. (January 1984) Inside
the Criminal Mind.
Some defilements or immorality are hereditary in nature. In
short, some of the mental defilements or impurities of the son or daughter were
the left-overs of their parents, who left the
impurities as it is, unclean in their youth. Those same left-overs in turn could be those from their own parents, the
grand-parents, left unclean in their youth.
Imagine you are in a rural setup and you go out with a
bucket to collect water from a nearby pond. You collect a bucket of impure water. A bowl of water removed from the bucket still
contains a part of impurity. A cup of water removed from the bowl still contains small amounts of
the impurity of the “grand-parent”, the bucket of water or even the pond.
A stop can be done only by cleaning that impurity off.
Somewhere the indulging in the mental impurity or defilement have
to be stopped.
Instead of mental defilements, if we substitute hereditary
diseases, the same meaning holds. Transmission through
generations of bodily impurities.
Written
around
Revised
around
Refer the concepts given in Stalking and the Spy Devices (the real life case of how a group of families used the services of a divorced sex worker and advanced spy devices to hunt, to trap and try to seduce an overseas Indian returnee, for the sake of their own wayward daughters, using the condition of divorce as an exit point). Also know well the rampant increase in divorce levels in society. Now ponder, isn’t divorce a clever exit point for those men and women who covertly monitor the intimate privacy of others, get seduced and devise ways to indulge in the forbidden fruit – JUST for the taste of it and THEN throw away after that temporary “satisfaction”; after getting used with it until boredom sets in, then throw away to search for another?
There can be many cases where one of the partners will be
completely unaware that his or her spouse married or is in love only for the
sake of tasting…for the other person is only intoxicated with either the
physical constituency, the body shape or behavior or even money or fame…Once
that is achieved, just walks away from the relationship with society providing
divorce as the exit point…Some innocent women especially of India and other
third world countries could even commit suicide – hanging herself, taking
poison etc to escape social pressures, at such insolent taste-and-go attitude
of men…for there many simple women in third world countries ignorant of these
modern amusement devices. When some man approaches them as well as their family
for their hand in marriage, they just permit, on the ASSUMPTION that the man
sincerely loves and will take care of them for life…little do they know the
true nature of the modern beast. The precautionary advice is just don’t believe completely in any man or woman who approaches
for sexual relationship. Try to know their past…in detail, from as many sources
as possible… and then decide yourself. For in modern times, no man or woman
will reveal their past completely…they will hide or mask many things just to
get certain things done. Refer the notes on Stalking
and Spy
Devices on how a group of predators made use of lies and
deceit in trying to manipulate a victim. These are the days of rampant AIDS and promiscuity. You
just have to be very careful with romantic concepts…
If social acceptance of divorce factor “it is
everywhere…why should you be burdened?...Oh! that sinking ship…I better get off now! …” could aid the
intoxication-satisfaction process, then why not ban divorce??
As long as the other partner is physically alive and in
sound state of mind, divorce is not allowed…nor allowed to remarry. A condition
applicable especially to those modern promiscuous men and women who think
marriage is a pastime…just go in to enjoy and walk away when you feel bored. In
these days of AIDS, unfortunately such a bad habit only helps more transmission
of the disease through “legal” means. Moreover in any relationship, especially
marriage, there are lot of storms, tempests…which require tremendous amount of
sacrifices from both sides…to ensure that their boat of togetherness stay in
one-piece until their last days… Once tied the knot, marriage is not something
to run away from, at the slightest difference in opinion…you just have to hold
on…and social laws have to be there which shows to those men and women who sit
on the fence with thoughts on walk away or not, that there is no way. And
behind you is a blank wall. You can only go forward…by continuing the marriage
relationship by settling your own petty differences…between the “once-loving”
partners. You just have to re-love your spouse again…
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
- Mignon mclaughlin
For the guiding logic is, man or woman is NOT blind…you
can’t just marry someone…marriage is NOT like a temporary affair where one gets
intoxicated by the size of the boneless flesh whether for the man (the male
organ; refer the notes on Stalking
on the role of
emission devices - an enjoyment or amusement tool for modern women (also for
men)) or the woman (the breasts) and then goes in to satisfy the disturbed
mind…you marry only after the required courtship, background checking,
understanding each other as well as undergoing all the other supporting factors
like knowing their respective families etc. No one forces you to marry. So once
the knot is tied after careful consideration, WHY THEN DIVORCE?? If you did not
want, then you should have withdrawn from going any further in the
relationship…no marriage there…from the very start itself…
This banning of divorce becomes a major social requirement
along with the introduction of public caning or whipping or flogging.
Cleanliness in public places etc in currently enforced in
Written around
Revised around
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“Thou belongest
to That Which Is
Undying, and not merely
to time alone,” murmured the
Sphinx, breaking its muteness at last. “Thou art
eternal, and not merely of the vanishing flesh. The soul
in man cannot be killed, cannot
die. It waits, shroud-wrapped, in thy heart, as I waited,
sand-wrapped, in thy world. Know
thyself, O mortal! For there is One within
thee, as in all men, that comes and stands at the bar and bears
witness that there IS a God!”
(Reference: Brunton, Paul. (1962) A Search in Secret
Amen