There are three specific internal voices that control the way we think.  These voices are "child", "parent", and "adult".  The "child" voice is defensive, emotional, whining, negative, and non-verbal.  The "parent" voice is authoritative, directive, judgmental, evaluative, demanding, and punitive.  The "adult" voice is non-judgmental, factual, and positive.   When these voices are used externally, they create a cause and effect situation in communication.  Many children from poverty are forced to be their own parents.  In many cases, they never develop the "adult" voice.  The adult voice is considered the voice of negotiation.  Without the use of the adult voice, we are left with parent and child voices.  If an educator speaks to a child in the "parent" voice, the child has a choice (that usually is not conscious) to either reply inappropriately in the 'parent' voice or feel extremely out of control and reply in the "child" voice.  In most cases the consequences of using a "parent' voice reply are much better than the fear of being out of control and the memory of being helpless.  If an educator uses the "adult" voice to negotiate with the child, the child from poverty will not feel threatened and will have an opportunity to make the right choice.  The educator who uses the 'adult" voice is presenting a "win-win" situation.  Some examples of the adult voice are:
"What are the choices in this situation?"
"I am comfortable (uncomfortable) with this."
"These are the consequences of that choice/action."
If an educator can remember not to respond emotionally and to use the "adult' voice in the classroom, she will find there are fewer conflicts to resolve.