| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is ******* speaking-- how may I help you?" "Hello. I'm looking for some books on witchcraft?" "Okay... we've got a whole section on that, sir." "I'm looking for Santeria." "We don't have anything on that." "Candomble too." "Cannibals?" "No, Candomble." "Oh... we don't have that, either. Mainly Wiccan and sorcery in general." "Can you put those on hold for me?" "Well there are about 100+ Occult books. You'd have to pick some out." "Just put them all on hold. I'll send somebody for them." "You'll send someone for them???" *CLICK* "Hello? Hello? (Matt... I think this retarded guy just hung up on me.) Hello? (I guess so...)" |
| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is ******* speaking-- how may I help you?" "Hello. I just called." "Ummm... okay." "I have some books on hold." "Ummm.... okay." "My name is Millard Lloyd Heiston (Mi-lod Lod See-ston)" "Okay...." "Okay." *CLICK* "Hello? Hello? (Matt... I think that sonofabitch hung up on me again!) Hello?" |
| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is ******* speaking-- how may I help you?" "Hello. I just called." "I'm aware." "I have some books on hold." "Right." "My name is Millard Lloyd Heiston." "I know who you are, Millard." "Could you tell me how much my books will cost?" "It's like 30 books." "Yeah... can you tell me how much they cost." *pause* "About $350." "They cost $350?" "Something like that." "That's a lot." "Yep." *CLICK* "Hello? Hello? Damnit...." |
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| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is ******* speaking-- how may I help you?" "Hello. I sent someone to buy a book today." "Is this Millard?" "My name is Millard Lloyd Heiston." "Right... well I sent them home with the Necronomicon." "Yes... I would like to know if this is fictionalized (fig-jen-ah-lozzed)" "If it's what?" "If it is a fictionalized modernized version of the Necronomicon." "Umm.... well this version is re-edited by the author, Simon. The original version was written by a Mad Monk." "Right... so is it fiction?" "I don't know, Millard." "I mean... is this the real one?" "The story says that the original Necronomicon has been lost. That's all I know." "But is it true?" "I don't know." "But is it fiction?" "(Christ...) It's in the non-fiction section. That's all I know, Millard." *CLICK* "Hello? I swear to God..." |
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| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is ******* speaking-- how may I help you?" "Hello. I have a Wicca book." "Okay... hold on. (BETH!!!! There's a phone call for you!!) One second..." "This is Beth, how can I help you?" "My name is Millard Lloyd Heiston." "(Matt... I'm going to kill you.) Hi. How can I help you?" "I need you to look up some Wicca books for me." "Alright... what's the title?" "Which one?" "The title of the book." "The first one?" "Sure." "Mrs. Ravenwolf- Silver Broomstick." *FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER* "I've got another one." "Millard... exactly how many books do you have to look up?" "Fourty-three." "Millard... I'm tying up the phone lines. I don't have time to look up 43 books right now." "You're just discriminating against me because of my religion. You hate Wiccans." "Millard.... I'm not..." *CLICK* "Hello? You've got to be kidding me..." |
| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is Matt speaking-- how may I help you?" *CLICK* "The retard hung up on me..." |
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| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is Matt speaking-- how may I help you?" *CLICK* "He won't talk to me!!" |
| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is Matt speaking-- how may I help you?" *CLICK* "Forget it... you pick up the phone next time." |
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| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is Matt speaking-- how may I help you?" *CLICK* "Stop hanging up on me!!! Stop hanging up on me!!." |
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| "Thank you for calling Books-A-Million, this is Leigh speaking-- how may I help you?" "Hi. I'm looking for some books. My name is Millard Lloyd Heiston." "Millard... you've abused your phone privilages. You're not allowed to call here anymore because you keep hanging up and bothering our associates." "You're prejudiced because I'm a Wiccan." "Millard, I don't rightly care what you are." *CLICK* |
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