One night I had to close and my duty was to clean the toilets. Low and behold I opened the potty in the mens' facility... there was the biggest turd on God's green earth-- I shit you not! (No pun intended.) This fucker was the size of a log and it would not flush down. I still believe a horse or maybe a gorrilla somehow snuck into the store and dropped a big one. I'm telling you, no human asshole could have been big enough to unleash this atrocity against human kind. I'm still searching for that gorrilla....
But now I've gotten off track. Let me take you back to the real shit. Anyways, this son of a bitch would not flush down. I tried like two times and the brown, chocolatey poop-water flooded onto the floor. If you look today you can still see brown crusty shit stains on the floor from Gigantor the turd. (And don't ask how I came up with that name.) Anyhow, I had to call my homey Eric (or E-Dog, as I call him) and with his strength he chopped it to pieces with a plunger. After about 10 flushes the fucker went down, but not without leaving a dark, chocolate-colored mixture in the toilet water. The whole bowl was black as night. That shit was blacker than Louis Farakhan's ass.
It took me quite some time that night to scrub the shit stains off the floor and the toilet.... like I said before, some of it is still there, trapped in eternal poopy bliss. If you don't believe that this happened, ask Eric or Kelly. Though Kelly is in New York, find her and tell her Matt sent ya! I bet she is still having nightmares about falling into a giant toilet and a monster turd eating her alive. (But that would be another story...) And as for the man or gorrilla who left that little present... I swear by all that is holy that I will find you and shit in your toilet. Hahahaha!!! |
