and her son, Nicholas. Motherhood is one of the
best things that has ever happened to her.
Being a mom to these two great kids is
the most rewarding calling she has ever been given.
Satina's motto is: "The only person who can give your children a happy mother is you!"
However, the hardest thing for me was breast feeding! I received all sorts of unsolicited advice from everyone, close family and friends to perfect strangers, but no one ever mentioned how hard breastfeeding could be. I just assumed that it would be natural and wonderful. My first issue was my son would not latch on. He was losing weight drastically and we had to feed him with a plastic tube taped to our finger! I felt like such a failure and would cry myself to sleep. I would cry, �What is wrong with me, I can�t even feed my own baby?!� But I knew of the benefits and I was determined to get it. So after a couple weeks of struggling, it finally clicked with both of us and it was beautiful! I loved nursing. It was my quiet time with my baby. No one else in the world existed except the two of us. Now, I had already dealt with engorged breasts and leaking, other things no one told me about! But then the mastitis! Not once, not twice, but four times in the ten months I was nursing my son! That was the worst I had ever felt. I went to my doctor who referred me to a lactation specialist and she told me to do the craziest thing. To put a cold cabbage leaf on my breast! Crazy, but it really helped! I weaned my son when he was ten months old. It was almost too easy. He didn�t seem to mind or miss me at all. That was hard for me. It sounds funny to say this, but it hurt my feelings that he was okay with not nursing anymore. As easy as it was, I was expecting him to want me and have a hard time. It was so wonderful and I ended up missing it. That is when I experienced my first episode of �BABY BLUES�, besided the depression over not being about to breastfeed right away. I actually didn�t realize that it was baby blues because of major issues going on with my extended family that was really stressing me out. Because of that, I neglected my own needs and paid for it.
When our son was 18 months old we decided that it was time to try again. We got pregnant and had a miscarriage at about 13 weeks. Then immediately got pregnant with our daughter. Once again the first two trimesters went perfectly and the third one was hard. I was put on bed rest again, this time at 28 weeks and our daughter was born at 36 weeks. She had breathing problems and apnea. She had to be on a heart lung monitor for the first 8 months of her life and it was very stressful. Breastfeeding was much easier this time and once again I loved it. She gained weight and grew wonderfully in spite of her health problems. I loved nursing her so much and she loved it too! She refused to ever take a bottle. I remembered how I felt when I weaned my son and couldn�t let her go. So I nursed her until she was 15 months old. When she could walk up to me, pull on my shirt asking for it, I knew it was time to stop. So I weaned her and that is when I suffered a severe case of Post Partum Depression. My family, my husband, my health, and faith were all tried. I was lucky in that I was able to get professional help and had the support of a wonderful husband, family, and friends. Because I was able to get the proper medical treatment and learned how to control myself and function through adaptation and coping skills, I learned that, truly, the only person who can give my children a happy mother is me!
I now have two beautiful children and feel like I have been on a lifelong journey to motherhood. I liken my journey to climbing a treacherous mountain. It was a difficult climb, sometimes scary, and I even wondered if I would make it at times. But I am here at the top able to look down at all I have overcome and I have learned so much from my climb that I can look over to the next mountain without any fear. I conquered this one, I can conquer that one too!
I am still learning and no one, especially me, is perfect. But I have learned a lot on my journey. It has been a very hard one at times and I would like to make it easier on other moms. I want other moms to know they are not alone, to know there is help, and to realize their potential to be great mothers! Because even though you have depression, that does not mean you cannot be a great mom and a happy person!
