 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Benjamin Allen Tolman
The newest member of our family! |
|
|
|
This is the hardest part of our story.... |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Ben joined our family in October 2005. He was 6 weeks and 5 days early, born by cecerean after 5 1/2 weeks of bedrest. I had to be taken to Portland on an hour and a half ambulance ride after they could not stop my labor. I was scared!
I was scared that my husband wouldn't make it, it was 3:30AM when I was transported, and I was afraid he was too tired and may get in an accident. Or I was afraid he wouldn't make it time, or I would have the baby on the interstate! I was afraid for the health of our unborn child. Then when I found out little Ben was breech and I needed a cecerean, I was horrified! That has always been my biggest fear! |
|
|
|
|
|
I refused to let them take me into surgery without hugging my children. In my mind I was saying goodby, just in case. My in-laws were staying with us just for the weekend and were bringing the children up to Portland. When they finally arrived I barely had anytime with them before they started to prep me for surgery. An "unplanned" cecerean. I was completely unprepared and had no idea what to expect! This was my first c-section. |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
So after vomiting on the operating table and having the worse experience of my life instead of the wonderful magical birth I had dreamed of. Ben was born and taken from the room with me barely getting a glimps of his purple body. He ended up staying in the NICU for 13 days. It was very scary and very emotional for all of us. But I felt especially lonely and depressed. My baby was sick, I felt like a failure because he came out too early. I wasn't able to keep him inside longer. I felt as if I failed bedrest and now my precious son was in the NICU.
But he was a fighter and a tough little boy! In the beginning we were told he would be in the hospital for four weeks. But he kept making strides and progressing everyday! I also felt very lonely. My family was an hour and half away and I was alone in Portland. I was staying at the Ronald Mcdonald house and everyone was very kind. Nathan, his mom, and our children would come up and visit whenever they could. It was always so nice to see them and so hard when they had to go home. It was the hardes at meal times though. I usually cried while I ate all alone. Then I would feel selfish because I was feeling sorry for myself when there were other parents with babies and children much more sick than Ben was. But he was MY baby! The day he came home with us was one of the greatest days of my life! |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
"Hey Ben, I'm your daddy!" |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Big brother and big sister come to visit! |
|
|
|
|
|
Now for the good part of the story... Click here! |
|