When I returned home I was happy to see my parents and I was hoping that life would be better once I went back to school. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. My friends all bothered me about not calling them over the summer. I think that is total garbage because I remember when I used to call them, they'd never have time to talk to me. Now they found out I had a boyfriend and suddenly whether I call them or not matters.
Everyday I'd wake up and would just want to stay in bed. I had to keep telling myself, "just one more year of high school�one more year with my phony friends who don't really care about me". Brian and I talked on the phone whenever we could. I slept with his jacket every night. He planned on seeing me for Christmas after he visited his family of course. I was thinking a lot about the future. I had big dreams�I always did, but those were just fantasies. The dreams I was thinking about were the ones you strived for. I was thinking about my career. Ever since I met Brian and I started writing the story about us, I was hooked. I couldn't put the pen down.
I wrote about anything and everything. I wrote every single day. I planned on going to college, hopefully in Florida. Not only was Brian, my grandmother and the four real friends I've ever had there, but I just loved everything about Florida. Stepping out onto the balcony and seeing palm trees blowing from the breeze of the ocean, the endless amount of places to see, and though it may be a hassle, the unpredictable weather. I loved it all and I wanted to be back there so badly.
The months went by slowly and Christmas had just passed. I went to the airport to pick up Brian. I couldn't wait to see him. He stepped off the plane with a rose in his hand. We grinned at each other. His smile was just as I remembered it. Brian pulled me into a hug and kissed me as he handed me the rose.
"That was the longest four months of my life." Brian said. I nodded in agreement. I went with Brian to his hotel and helped him settle in. I would have let him stay at my house, but my parents were set against it. In fact, they didn't have too much faith in my love for Brian. They thought it was only a puppy love.
After I helped Brian unpack we went to my house.
"So this is Brian?" my father asked shaking Brian's hand.
"Hello Mr. Fairfield. It's nice to finally meet you." Brian courteously said.
"Brian, we've heard so many good things about you. Thank you for keeping Alyssa busy in Florida." My mother said.
"Well, I should be thanking her." Brian said looking into my eyes. I blushed a little. We went into the dining room and started to eat dinner.
"So Brian, Alyssa tells us right now you're a singer?" my father asked taking a bite of his steak.
"Yes, sir."
"And when do you plan on going to college?"
"Well, actually I'm not�I had a scholarship to the Cincinnati Bible College, but I turned it down to be in this singing group." Brian said as my father just laughed.
"A dreamer�just like Alyssa." My father said shaking his head. Brian hung his head down. Well that was my cue to leave.
"Well mom, it was a great meal. Come on Brian, I'll go get my bathing suit." I said standing up.
"But honey, you're not staying for dessert?" my mother asked.
"No, I'm sorry but it's getting late and tomorrow's the big New Year's party so we want to make sure we get enough sleep." I said kissing her cheek.
"Make sure you're home by twelve." My father said.
"Dad�" I whined as mom shot him a look.
"Alyssa, be home by two." Mom said.
"Thanks." I said before running up the stairs. I grabbed my bathing suit, ran downstairs and pulled Brian out of the house. We went back to his hotel. Brian and I changed into our bathing suits and walked downstairs to the hotel pool. There was a bunch of people in it. I jumped in as Brian dipped his toe in and shivered.
"Aren't you coming in?" I asked.
"It's cold." He said. I laughed at him as he sat down and put his legs in. I ran my hands up and down his calves as he wrapped them around my waist. Brian leaned down to kiss me and I pulled him into the pool and he surfaced.
"You're going to get it." He said as I swam away as fast as I could. Brian caught up to me and dunked me as soon as I came back up. Brian and I engaged in a beautiful kiss. If there was one kiss that had to be the last kiss of your life, that was it. Brian and I broke from the kiss and looked into each other's eyes.
"How is it that I can love you this much and not be with you for months at a time?" Brian asked.
"I don't know�I've asked myself the same thing."
"And what did you tell yourself?" Brian asked slipping his arm around my waist.
"That you're just so darn cute." I laughed.
"That's true, but Lissy, I don't want to be just a piece of meat to you." Brian smirked.
"No baby, it's not your body that I want, it's your mind." I joked. Brian put on a fake pout.
"But I do want your body." I whispered in his ear. Brian smiled and I kissed him. By this time, everyone had cleared the pool area. There was a Jacuzzi next to the pool. Brian looked at me and smiled. I had memorized almost every expression on Brian's face and I had never seen him smile like that.
"What?" I asked.
"Jacuzzi?"
"Yeah, okay." I said getting out of the pool. Brian jumped out after me and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck as we walked over to the Jacuzzi. We carefully stepped into the deserted, relaxing hot tub. We were practically sitting on top of each other. We started kissing heavily as we explored each other's bodies when Brian suddenly stopped.
"What?" I asked.
"We can't do this." Brian said.
"Why not?" I asked astonished.
"We just can't." he said getting up and walking away.
I sat in the hot water hurt and confused. My thoughts ran wild coming up with ridiculous conclusions as to why Brian didn't want me. I walked back to Brian's room. I heard the shower running. I changed out of my wet bathing suit and put on my dry clothes. I was sitting on the bed when Brian came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Hi." He said sitting on the bed and slipping on his boxers and pants under his towel. He put on his shirt and then got up and sat as close as he could to me.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"For what? Not wanting to have sex with me? It's okay." I said as a tear escaped my eye.
"Lissy�" he said going to touch me.
"No Brian." I said standing up.
"It's just like everything else in my life�you don't take me seriously, just like my parents and my friends."
"Alyssa, I do take you seriously." Brian said coming closer.
"It's not that I don't want to have sex with you."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I want to make love to you." Brian said.
"Well that's what I want too and wouldn't it be that if I love you and you love me?" I asked confused. Brian shook his head a little.
"Are you sure you love me?" Brian asked.
"Yes�are you sure you love me?" I asked. Brian looked as if he was in deep thought. I stood up and walked out the door, not even looking back to see if Brian was following me. I got in my car and drove home. As soon as I got home I laid on my bed and buried my head in my pillow until I fell asleep.
Thunder boomed through my house. I awoke from a sound sleep. My eyes felt heavy from my tears. I got out of bed and looked outside the window. The storm reminded me of when I was in Florida. Brian and I were walking through Universal Studios. Suddenly the rain came pouring down. Brian had on a tank top with a button down shirt over it. He made me stick my head under his shirt to shield me from the rain as we ran to the car. It was really romantic. I left the blanket on my bed and put on a pair of slippers. I walked downstairs and sat outside on the porch.
I noticed someone sitting on a nearby bench. He was drenched. I realized it was Brian. I stood up and ran over to him. He started sneezing.
"How long have you been out here?" I asked.
"I took a cab here right after you left my hotel." Brian sniffled.
"Are you crazy?" I asked pulling him up from the bench and walking him inside of my house. We were both soaked. We went down to the basement. I took off his shirt and threw it in the dryer.
"Take off the rest of your clothes." I said as I handed him a blanket to cover himself and I turned around.
"Okay." He said and I turned back around. He handed me the rest of his clothes and I tossed them in the dryer. As I was putting the dryer on the right setting, I felt his eyes on me.
"I love you." Brian said. I looked over at him.
"You know that I love you, I know I love you, it was stupid of me to say what I did." He said before he sneezed.
"God bless you�but Brian, why did you say it?"
"Because everyone keeps telling me that the only reason I think I love you is because I don't get to see you and I want to get you into bed and I was afraid it was true." Brian said looking down. I walked closer to him.
"But Brian you said you loved me before I left."
"Yeah, I did and I do want you, but I want us to do it for the right reasons." He said.
"Brian, you're 18, I'm going to be 18�we love each other and we both want to give each other something we've never given anyone before." I said.
"Those seem to be good reasons to me." Brian said rubbing my arm.
"You're pretty wet too." He said unbuttoning my pajama top.
Brian wrapped the blanket around both of us and he kissed me softly at first, but then the kiss became more passionate. The next morning, I looked over at Brian lying next to me on the newly carpeted floor of my half furnished basement.
"You're my fairytale." I said.
"Fairytales can come true, it could happen to you�" Brian sang sweetly. I smiled and kissed his lips before getting up.
"Where are you going?"
"We have to get dressed and you have to go back to your hotel before my parents wake up." I said putting my clothes on and handing Brian his. He got dressed and we quietly walked upstairs. I drove Brian back to his hotel and kissed him before he got out of the car.
I couldn't believe what had happened the night before. It was so magical. Of course I had to add that experience to my story.
That night Billy and I gave ourselves completely to each other. No matter what happens in our lives we will always be bonded by that night�we were bonded already, but now more so than ever. "Ashley, last night was beautiful." Billy said the next day. He was so sincere when he said it. His eyes sparkled like little diamonds. They were like a window to his heart.
After I wrote that I wanted to talk to someone about my wonderful experience. I didn't have anyone though�except my cousin. She was the only person who listened to what I had to say and loved hearing my crazy, unrealistic ideas. I called her and told her everything. It felt good to have someone to talk to.
After I got off the phone, I started getting ready for the party. My parents looked at me like I was crazy. I was too happy for their liking. I wasn't really looking forward to the party though. One of my "best friends" was having this big New Year's Eve bash. I wasn't exactly thrilled to be showcasing Brian to my so-called friends, but if I didn't show up, other rumors would start circulating.
I put on a silver skirt with a lavender tank top. My cousin bought it for me and it was definitely flashier than my usual attire. Since it was New Year's Eve and I felt bold, I decided to go for it. I drove to Brian's hotel and he was waiting outside. He looked so handsome with his hair gelled and dressed in a nice blue dress shirt with a pair of black pants. He got in the car and we kissed. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds.
"Are you okay?" Brian asked concerned.
"I'm great�just a little sore, but it was worth it." I said with a smile as Brian held my hand before we drove off.
We got to the party which was packed with drunken teenagers. Brian and I sat on a couch next to people making out.
"Alyssa!" screeched my friend and the host of the party.
"Hi Bridget." I said as she hugged me.
"Oh and this must be Brian�I've heard so much about you. It's about time Alyssa found herself a man." Bridget obnoxiously said.
"Bridget is it? That's funny because I haven't heard anything about you and now I know why." Brian said and I just laughed.
"Alyssa, can I talk to you?" Bridget asked. I walked away with her.
"That's Brian? I thought you said he was well-mannered, not some rude little hick!"
"Well he is well-mannered, just not to snobs like you." I said walking away from her. I pulled Brian off the couch and we left the party.
"Where are we going?" Brian asked.
"You'll see."
We pulled up to a lake that was slightly lit by the sky and small lamps that were attached to a steel pole and stuck in the ground. I grabbed a plaid blanket out of my trunk and placed it on the ground. Brian and I sat on it.
"I go here a lot to think and write and to just get away." I said picking at my fingers.
"It's beautiful." Brian said.
"At midnight, the water shoots up in the middle of the lake and you're supposed to make a wish." I said.
"I know what my wish is going to be."
"What?" I asked.
"To have you with me forever�and to be successful in my music career." Brian said.
"Well, that's my wish too except I want to be successful in my writing career." I smiled. We sat there just talking and taking in the scenery. The water from the lake shot up like a fountain. Brian and I closed our eyes and made our wish.
"Happy New Year!" we both shouted and then kissed. It truly was the perfect moment, but then again every moment was perfect with Brian.
Time went by slowly, but surely. The months passed. Brian's 19th and my 18th birthday had come and gone. I got accepted into the University of Central Florida. My parents agreed to let me go although they gave me a hard time.
"You're only going to college in Florida to be near Brian." Were my father's exact words. My mother was a little better at putting it.
"Remember, there's more to life than your boyfriend." She said in that motherly tone that meant well, but sounds all too annoying.
Over the months I pretty much gave up my friends. All I thought I needed was Brian and my writing. In particularly writing about Brian. I began to expand my writing though. I wrote articles about Brian's singing group, the Backstreet Boys. I also began writing songs. Most of my writing involved Brian. If it wasn't about him directly, it was based on him. He was my inspiration. Brian and I visited each other every chance we had. We'd take turns visiting each other.
It was the end of June 1994 and I was waiting for my grandmother and Brian to pick me up at the airport. I went to baggage claim and got my luggage. I turned around and there he was. I wrapped my arms around Brian and he squeezed me tightly. Our separation was over or so I thought.
"We don't have to be apart anymore." I said. Brian just smiled and looked down as my grandmother came up behind him.
"Grandma!" I screamed.
"Hi baby." She said hugging me.
We went back to my grandmother's house. The whole ride there my grandmother and I talked a mile a minute as Brian just sat in silence.
"Why don't you two go for a walk?" Grandma suggested. She was so supportive of our relationship. Brian and I walked down to the dock. The warm Florida sun was shining just as it did for many summer days Brian and I had shared the previous year. I put my hand in his as he just stared out into the ocean.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing."
"Brian come on, you haven't said a word." Brian looked at me with these sad eyes. His mouth wasn't anywhere near the shape of his usual little smile.
"Lissy, I have something to tell you." He said. Suddenly my stomach tied up in knots and began to twist and turn. When someone says that it can never be good news.
"Starting in September the Backstreet Boys are doing a tour around high schools in the U.S."
"Brian, that's great!" I said hugging him.
"No, but you don't understand�that means that we'll only have this summer and then I leave." Brian said sadly. I tried to be optimistic.
"It'll be okay. Then you'll be back after the tour ends." I smiled and I got Brian to smile back.
"Always forever, right?" I said.
"Right. I'll always love you." Brian said right before he placed a sensual kiss on my lips. I couldn't believe that Brian and I would once again be apart. At least we had the summer. I was also looking forward to when the high school tour was over. I thought Brian and I could have the rest of our lives to devote to one another. I've never been so wrong about anything in my life.
The whole summer was spent on the beach, playing basketball or just hanging out. Sometimes I'd go to see the Backstreet Boys rehearse. I became really close to the rest of the group, especially Brian's cousin. Kevin was like the older brother I always wanted. I went to him for advice or whenever I just wanted to talk.
Brian and I were completely in love. I thought nothing could break that. I was kidding myself though. I loved him too much and too much of anything can only end in disaster. The night before Brian had to leave, we stood on a small wooden bridge that was over a calm, peaceful brook. There was a full moon out with a few clouds in the sky and not a star in sight.
"Give me your hand." Brian said. I did as he asked. He placed a gold ring with a blue heart stone in the center of the band on my left ring finger.
"I'm giving you my heart." Brian said as a few tears flowed out of my eyes.
"Baby, don't cry." Brian said in one of his goofy voices and I began to giggle.
"I love you so much�when you come back, we'll get to spend the rest of our lives together." I said overwhelmed with emotion. Brian nodded and we kissed just as a bolt of lightning struck.
"Our love's electrifying!" Brian laughed just as the rain started to pour. We ran to the car and spent the rest of the night together.
The next day Brian left for the tour and I was left alone. I started college the next week, but I pretty much kept to myself. I got my work done and went home to write. I didn't even try to make friends because I figured it would be just like high school. It was sad that I had such a warped view on people. I thought Brian was perfect though and so far he was, but I created an illusion and that illusion gave Brian no room for mistakes. Brian and I lived for loving each other and by doing that we set ourselves up for what happened in the future.
For the next six months, I saw Brian four times only two days each visit. We had gotten into a fight around Christmas time. It was actually our first real argument. It was mostly my fault. I wanted to spend Christmas with Brian, but he wanted to go home to Kentucky to visit his family. I opted to go with him, but here were his thoughts on that.
"Baby, I'd love for you to meet my family and spend Christmas with us, but I haven't seen them in such a long time�I think they'd want it to just be relatives." Brian had explained but I was offended and blew everything out of proportion.
"Oh so I guess I don't mean that much to you�you don't even want to spend Christmas with me." I said bursting into tears. Brian got angry and hung up the phone. Later on of course he called back and apologized. I apologized too. Looking back now, I was being selfish.
The day that Brian came off of the tour, I was at the end of my finals. I was sitting in the middle of my last final when all I could think about was seeing Brian's face again. I couldn't concentrate on the exam. I got through the test and waited around for my grade. When it was posted, I found my name and I couldn't believe my eyes. A C- was my grade. I've never had lower than a B throughout my entire academic career.
At this point I realized that I was concentrating too much energy on Brian. I figured it would all end that day since Brian would be with me again and I didn't have to miss him so much. I met all of the Backstreet Boys at their manager's office. Brian grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug. We all hung out at Kevin, Brian's and Howie's apartment that they then shared.
Brian and Nick were playing videogames as I watched on, but I began to think about my bad grade. Kevin came over and sat down next to me.
"Hey Alyssa, so how have you been?"
"Well, I'm a lot better now that you guys are back." I said.
"Aww�so how's school been?" Kevin asked.
"It's been good for the most part."
"Did you make any new friends?"
"Uh yeah, a few." I said looking away.
"I just finished finals." I said changing the subject.
"Oh, how'd you do?"
"Okay, except for the one I took today�I completely bombed�I guess I was thinking about Brian coming home too much." I said.
"Alyssa, come inside with me for a second." Kevin said standing up. I followed him into Brian's bedroom.
"Look around this room." Kevin said. I looked around Brian's blue carpeted bedroom. Wildcats hats hung on the door, basketballs in the closet. The walls had a picture of his family and tons of pictures of Brian and I. There were also some birthday and anniversary cards I gave Brian hanging around.
"What?" I asked confused.
"Alyssa, you and Brian are the center of each other's universe. It's beautiful that you love each other so much, but there's a difference between love and dependency." Kevin said.
"Kev, how are we dependant? We make our own money, live in our own apartments�"
"You're dependant on each other for happiness."
"Kevin, you're being ridiculous." I said in serious denial.
"Alyssa, can you honestly tell me that you've smiled over something that doesn't involve Brian?" he asked. Right when I was going to answer back, Kevin spoke again.
"Just think about it okay?" Kevin said walking out. I sat down on Brian's bed as thoughts of nothingness went through my head. There was so much for me to think about that I couldn't get a clear thought. I now know why�the only conclusion that seemed to make sense also seemed to not make any sense at all. That conclusion was for Brian and I to take some time apart. At the time that idea was utterly stupid, all we did was take time apart. What we needed was more time together.
I thought that could solve everything. That's exactly what Brian and I did. Day in and day out we were together. Brian would take me to and from college. I would go with him to record demos, try out at auditions and perform at shows. I spent just about every night at his house. We loved being together. But as it grew closer to our two year anniversary, the little things that people get annoyed with started to show. For instance, I couldn't stand when Brian bit his fingernails and he hated it when I snored, among other things.
We spent so much time together that as individuals we were lacking something. My grades began to slip in each of my classes. I know that the rest of the guys wished that I wasn't always with Brian. I just wondered why Brian and I didn't see it sooner.
Our two year anniversary had come and gone. Brian was disappointed because the Backstreet Boys debuted on the radio, but bombed. I tried to be there for him at that time, but I was trying to get myself off academic probation. I'd study while Brian wanted my sympathy. I needed him to support me and vice versa. We were both suffering. Why we didn't break up months before that is still a mystery to me.
One day while I was trying to finish a term paper, Brian came running in.
"Lissy, I have great news!" Brian said.
"Bri, I have to get this paper done."
"I know and I'm sorry, but the Backstreet Boys are a hit in Europe!" Brian shouted. I jumped up and hugged him.
"That's incredible! Congratulations!" I said.
"We're going to tour there this summer!" he said.
"I'm so proud of you! You really deserve it." I gushed.
"Thank you�we'll have so much fun together visiting all those romantic cities."
"What? You want me to go with you?" I asked.
"Of course." Brian said straight-faced.
"Brian, what about my job and when school starts again?"
"Oh yeah�I guess I wasn't thinking�I'm being selfish." Brian said.
"When do you leave?" I asked.
"Two weeks�I'm going to miss you." He said kissing me.
Those two weeks were quite busy. I was finishing up three papers, taking two exams and I had to work double shifts at my job at Transcontinental Records. Brian had gotten me the job. The Backstreet Boys' manager owned the company.
Brian was extremely busy also, with tour rehearsals, wardrobe fittings, and packing. Brian and I went out to dinner the night before he had to leave.
"Lissy, we have to talk." Brian said. I knew it was coming. I remember how terrified I was. Deep down I knew it was best, but I didn't want to lose such a wonderful man, the man I loved, my best friend.
"Things aren't the way they should be�we spend so much time together�"
"And what's wrong with that?" I asked cutting him off.
"Let me finish�we spend so much time together that I don't know who I am anymore�I think we should use these next few months as a break from each other."
"But Brian-"
"Liss, just please, when I say break I mean completely�we're free to do what we want�we don't have to feel obligated to call�just let's find ourselves again." Brian said gulping. He looked as if he was going to cry, I was already crying.
"Brian, I don't want to lose you."
"You're not�no matter what happens I want you in my life."
"When you get back, I'll be waiting." I said.
"Don't make promises." He said.
"I love you." I said as Brian moved closer to me.
"I love you too." He said hugging me and then we kissed.
We spent the whole night in each other's arms and then we said goodbye.
After Brian and I split, I spent most of my free time in bed. My grandmother tried to get me out of the house but I wouldn't budge. I felt so lost. Who was I if I wasn't Brian's girlfriend? What friends did I have if I didn't have Brian? That's when I realized�why didn't I see it sooner�Kevin tried to tell me�even my parents saw it�there's nothing wrong with loving someone, but I didn't know who I was anymore.
Before I met Brian, I felt like something was missing and Brian filled that void, but a hole formed inside of me and it just got bigger. How could I let my happiness rest on the shoulders of one person? I wasn't being fair to myself or to Brian and I wouldn't let anyone else in my little world. I was so afraid if I paid attention to anyone else, if I turned my head for one second, I'd lose Brian. Well, I lost him anyway and now I had nothing.
One day I woke up and smiled�it had been two months since Brian had left. We talked on the phone twice. I was hurting still, I couldn't tell how he felt. But that day I woke up with a smile�and the smile had nothing to do with Brian�I realized that I was 19 years old�I had my whole life to find love again�it was my time to live. I still loved Brian�but I finally started to think about him less and myself more.
I became a social bug around campus. I was the one putting plans together to hang out. I still wasn't much of a heavy partier though, but I went to the occasional club. Kevin told me Brian has been doing the same. This was good for me. I was heading toward my degree in communications, the only problem was I stopped writing. Well not completely�I still wrote for my classes and internships I had. But as far as my story writing�it was a short lived hobby�well two and a half years worth, but Brian was the inspiration and I didn't have it in me anymore.
Several months had passed and the Backstreet Boys still weren't back home. Turned out that they were an even bigger success than they anticipated. Not only in Europe, but Canada and Asia as well. Even though I had tons of friends now and even dated a few people, I missed the old days. Brian was my first everything and I missed hanging out with him and the rest of the guys. The funny thing was, I didn't care if I was Brian's girlfriend anymore, I just wanted my best friend back.
Brian and I were both doing great for the most part. When we did talk, we didn't mention our relationship. We haven't seen each other in over six months. When Brian had time off he went to Kentucky to visit his family and I went to Georgia to visit my family during the holidays.
One night at about two am, I had just gotten in from a party. The phone in my room rang. I picked it up and was surprised to hear it was Brian.
"Hi, is everything okay?" I asked.
"Yeah�I just found out that I'm coming home tomorrow." Brian said as I smiled.
"Really? That's great�you deserve some time off."
"I'll give you my flight information so you can meet me at the airport, that is if you want to?" Brian said. I thought for a moment and remembered I had something to do.
"Brian, I'd love to, but I�I have classes all afternoon-"
"Well, my flight is at 8pm." He said.
"But I�I�" I began to say again. Why was this so hard for me to say?
"I have a date." I said quickly.
"Oh�oh�okay no problem."
"I could cancel."
"No, Lissy, don't be crazy�go have fun and we'll get together the next day." Brian said.
"Brian�"
"Good night." He said hanging up the phone. I felt so bad. Brian was coming back into my life�my new life though�my old life was him�how was he going to understand that he was going to have to share me now?
The next day all I could think about was Brian and how things will be with him in my life again. I went on my date, but I just wanted to get it over with. I began feeling guilty. I haven't seen Brian in so long and I go on a date with a guy I've known for a couple of weeks instead of picking him up at the airport. The day after Brian got home, one of my good friends begged me to go to this party she was throwing. I told her I couldn't but she insisted, so I told her I'd make an appearance. I drove over to Brian, Kevin and Howie's apartment, but I sat in the car for a good ten minutes. I suddenly felt nervous. I finally got out of the car and walked up the stairs. I rang the doorbell and Howie answered it.
"Alyssa!" he said hugging me.
"Hey D!"
"Come in." he said clearing the doorway. I walked inside and Kevin was sitting in the living room playing his keyboard.
"Hey Kev." I said.
"Oh my God, hey!" he said getting up and hugging me.
"Brian, just jumped in the shower�he must of heard you coming." Kevin laughed. I talked to Kevin and Howie for a little and then Brian came down the stairs. We stared at each other for a couple of minutes with goofy smiles on and then hugged each other. I realized how much I really did miss him. Brian and I went up to his room and we just talked, catching up on things. He showed me pictures from their tour and of all the fans they had.
"Wow, Nick got so tall!" I said.
"Yeah, the little punk is taller than me now!" Brian said.
"Well, that's not hard to be!" I laughed. Brian lightly shoved me.
"I've missed your laugh." He said with a smile.
"And I've missed your smile." I said. Kevin knocked on the door snapping Brian and I out of each other's gaze.
"Bri, we have to be at the studio in an hour." He said as Brian nodded. Kevin left the room again.
"Work doesn't stop for you guys, does it?" I asked.
"Not really�listen what are you doing tonight?" he asked.
"One of my friends wants me to stop by her party�do you want to come with me?" I asked.
"Sure, sounds great�it's good to be back Lissy."
"It's good to have you back." I said hugging him.
Brian and I walked into the party and I was welcomed with hugs from my friends. Brian looked surprised. To him it must have looked like a big change than the way things used to be. I still sat in the corner and talked to just one person all night, but to Brian it looked like I was a party girl now. I hardly got to talk to Brian, everyone kept coming over to me and then I saw someone. Someone I haven't seen in so long, the last person I'd expect to see.
"James?" I asked.
"Oh my God! Alyssa!" James said hugging me.
"What are you doing here?" we both shouted and then laughed.
James was my best friend growing up. I always had a crush on him and I told him the day he moved away. He kissed me and then left my life. We started talking like crazy and I remembered I left Brian standing there.
"Oh Brian, I'm sorry this is James�I've told you about him right?" I asked.
"Yeah, I think you mentioned him." Brian said shaking James' hand.
"Alyssa, I think I'm going to go." Brian said looking behind me, I turned around and James was holding up bunny ears. I laughed and hit him in the stomach. When I turned back around Brian was walking away. I ran after him.
"Brian, don't leave." I said pulling his arm.
"No, I shouldn't be here�I'll talk to you later." Brian said walking away.
The next day I showed up at Brian's apartment. Kevin let me in.
"Is Brian home?" I asked.
"He's been in his room since he came home last night�I think he's writing a song or something, why don't you go up and find out?" Kevin said. I slowly walked up the stairs as I heard a guitar strumming. I opened the door and Brian was humming something to himself.
"Hey." I said startling Brian. He looked up at me and motioned for me to sit down. I looked at a piece of paper on his bed. He was writing a song.
"That's what she said�" I said reading the title. Brian grabbed the paper out of my hand.
"It's just something I wrote to get my feelings out." Brian said.
"Play it for me?" I asked.
"Are you sure you want to hear it?" Brian said as I nodded. Brian situated his guitar and began the song.
By this time I was crying and so was Brian. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he put the guitar down to hold me.
"Brian, I still believe that we'll be together forever�I just thought that you didn't want it anymore." I said. Brian picked up my face in his hands.
"Lissy, I will always want you with me." He said going to kiss me and I let him. Brian and I walked downstairs and Kevin was sitting on the couch. He looked extremely upset.
"Kev, what's wrong?" Brian asked.
"Kristin and I broke up." He said.
"Why?" Brian asked.
"We can't take the separation anymore�we'll be on the road again in a matter of weeks�the album's almost finished and we have to promote it." He said. Brian looked at me and I looked down.
"I have to go." I said running out of the house. Brian followed me to my car.
"Lissy, please�we can make it work." Brian said.
"Brian, the timing isn't right�I'm sorry." I said driving off. It hurt me to turn away from Brian�but our relationship would never make it through. It was too much strain. I felt deep down that a day would come where I could travel with Brian and we could be together�I knew it was meant to be�but I didn't expect it to end up the way it did.