stopped by around mid-morning but Raven brushed her off with quick, one word answers.
Taking the hint, Alicia departed promising to pay her another visit the next day and to call
her if she changed her mind. It was afternoon, one thirty to be exact, by the time she
ventured downstairs. She hadn't bothered to change out of her Sponge Bob Square Pants
PJ'S or take a glance in the mirror. Today, sorrow would be her middle name and would
remain that way until she had healed.
Raven sat at the kitchen table, staring at the polished surface, drifting off with her
thoughts. Inside, she felt as empty as her house; Mrs. Kenzington had gone grocery
shopping and Mr. Kenzington had gone golfing with some of his friends, trying to relax on
his only day off.
Scenes and sounds of the dance constantly tormented her like a CD on repeat. So many
questions she had lingered in her mind; burning for an answer. Why had he lied to her?
Why had he told her he loved her when it was just part of the bet? She sighed.
God, she had probably looked like such a complete fool, spilling her heart out on the night
of the dance. Behind that innocent smile he had been laughing at her, just like Justin. She
had thought she knew Lance but she was no more familiar with him, than she was with a
stranger walking down the streets of New York City.
*"Raven, I made a mistake by taking that bet. But it wasn't a mistake when I fell in love
with you. I'm sorry", he sincerely apologized.*
Did he really mean it? Or was it all part of another joke she was clueless about. She ran a
hand through her disheveled hair and stood up, shuffling to the refrigerator for something
to eat. Her eyes swept over the leftover pizza, the hot dogs, strawberry yogurt and other
food. She shook her head and closed the door and headed to the pantry. Cereal, pasta,
Kraft macaroni and cheese, cookies, chips and popcorn awaited her. She reached for a box
of Honey Nut Cheerios then stopped, her hand flopping to her side. Who was she kidding?
She couldn't eat. She had no appetite.
Raven then headed across the hall into the den and laid down onto the soft, navy blue
couch, snatching a fluffy, ivory pillow to rest her head onto. She brought her knees up to
her chin, wrapped one arm around them and with the other, grabbed the remote to the
Sony TV on the coffee table before her.
The TV turned on at the speed of light and landed on the last channel it had been on. She
was about to turn the channel when the movie showing caught her attention.
"You know, I made that bet before I knew you, Laney. Before I really knew me", Class
President and Ultimate Hottie, Zach Siller, played by Freddie Prinze Jr., sincerely
confessed.
"Well, what were the terms anyway? What did you end up losing?" Former Ugly Duckling
turned Prom Queen, Laney Boggs, played by Rachel Leigh Cook, questioned. Zach
paused.
"My best friend. Before her, I thought we had to have all the answers right now", Zach
replied.
"And they lived happily ever after, in a white house with a picket fence and 2.5 children,
while the rest of the world suffered in reality", she bitterly muttered.
Raven rolled her eyes and flipped the channel to MTV, which was playing Box Car
Racer's, "I Feel So." She cranked the volume up, hoping the video would relieve her of
her thoughts. But there was so no such luck. The more the song played on, the more it
reminded her of what she had loved and lost on that night of Homecoming.
*"Was everything a bet?" she cried, losing her patience. Lance sighed and looked up. The
expression on his face revealed the answer before he spoke.
"Yes."*
She winced, another gut-wrenching memory coming to mind. He had told her to believe
him. Well, how could she believe him when all she had heard was the lies? How could she
trust him again when he had broken her heart beyond belief? She hated him. She hated him
with every chorsome in her body. She gave a short laugh.
No. No matter how much she wanted to, she could never hate him. You could not hate
the sun when it gave you its warmth and light just as much as you couldn't hate the person
you loved. She didn't realize she had been crying until she saw a crystal tear splatter on the
couch, making a dark, wet spot.
She thought she had been cried out. After she had walked home and snuck into the house
to avoid the 20 questions routine, she had locked herself in her room and cried sobs that
wracked her shoulders and stole her breath; making it harder and harder to breathe.
She sat up, sniffling and roughly brushing the tears away. Maybe it was time to call Alicia,
after all. Suddenly, the door bell rang.
{That better be Alicia with a copy of 10 Things I Hate About You and a pint of Chunky
Monkey}, Raven thought.
She took her time heading to the front door and to open it. But she didn't take her time to
speak to the visitor.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Raven immediately growled.
Lance didn't smile or laugh. His face was utterly solemn, those eyes of his gazing into her
soul. He was dressed in a pair of Abercombie and Fitch khakis and a navy blue T-shirt that
had GAP scrawled across the front. His blond locks were perfectly messy; the spiky, bed
head look Raven had grown to love. But despite his well-kept outer appearance, Raven
could tell on the inside, something was wrong. His eyes had lost their sparkle and there
were bags under his eyes, like had been up late, thinking about something.
"I know you don't want anything to do with me but just listen."
"You have one minute", Raven hissed, her eyes flashing.
"I know I can't go back in time and change everything that happened. I know that a
thousand and one apologizes will never make up for everything that I've done to you and I
know a bunch of expensive gifts mean even less. But when I say I love you, it comes
straight from my heart and not my head. The girl I want isn't a part of my crowd and the
girl I need sure as hell isn't Amber. The girl I want is you", Lance disclosed. Raven was
silent for a few minutes. She desperately wanted to believe him but she didn't want to get
hurt again.
"And what does your heart tell you now?" she curiously asked. Lance thought for a
moment.
"It's telling me that deep down, you believe me." Raven harshly laughed.
"Well, I think you're heart is wrong on this one, Pretty Boy. Why should I believe you
after everything out of your mouth was nothing but a lie?" Raven demanded.
"Because maybe, you want be with me too", Lance quietly replied.
"I would NEVER go out with you again if you paid me! Besides, why do you want me? It
looks like you've got everything you wanted; your car, your popularity and your arm
candy", Raven sneered. Lance let out a huff of frustration.
"Will you just shut the hell up for once and actually listen to what I'm saying? I LOVE
YOU! I don't give a flying FUCK about popularity, Amber, Justin or grades. All I care
about is YOU. I'd give up everything I have right now just to have you in my arms again",
Lance exploded.
Raven forced back the itching smile wanting to break onto her face. The words were
music to her ears. But still, after he had diminished her trust, it would take awhile for it
grow back again. She didn't think she could let herself fall for him again. Last time she had
fallen, no one was there to catch her. She didn't want to crash land back to earth for a
second time.
"Lance. I... I don't know. I'm confused right now. Just go", Raven quietly replied.
"What? That's it? After I pour my heart out to you, you're just going to give me the cold
shoulder and act like we never happened?" Lance demanded.
{Ugh, what is his problem? I try to be nice for once and stop the fighting and his damn
ego has to kick in and turn him into an asshole. Who died and made him King?} Raven
thought.
"Do you understand english or would you like me to add another bruise to your
collection?" Raven taunted. Lance's eyes narrowed.
"Raven. You're being ridiculous", Lance replied.
"Oh so just because I can't declare my renewed love for you at this instant means I'm being
ridiculous, huh? Why don't you just leave before you start making an even bigger ass of
yourself", Raven snapped.
"Raven, I-"
"What did you think I was going to do? Leap into your arms like some hopeless romantic
freak of nature? Get a reality check, Lance. This isn't some teen movie where everything
has happy endings. So until you prove to me I can trust you again, then maybe we can
start to be friends."
"Friends? How can I be friends with you when looking at you makes me want you even
more?" Lance softly asked.
Raven sighed and glanced down, suddenly feeling tired and drained. A lock of hair swept
in front of her eyes like a curtain. She felt a shiver jolt her as Lance's reached out and
brushed the lock of hair back and tucked it behind her ear. His fingertips then gently
sliding down her neck, across her shoulder and down her arm.
"I thought I told you not to touch me", Raven replied through gritted teeth as she tried to
remain collected.
"So I see some things haven't changed", Lance observed with a smirk, noting her shiver.
"And some things have; like my feelings towards you", Raven shot back, annoyed he'd
seen right through her.
"I-"
"There's nothing more you could say to change my mind. Go home, Lance. Just go",
Raven urged.
He stood there, silent and then sighed. He turned on his heel and walked towards his Benz
as Raven slammed the door shut. She shuffled back into the TV room, lay down on the
couch and slammed her face into pillow. Seeing him and hearing him say those three
words had stirred up more emotions and shattered hopes that deepened the wound on her
heart. The pillow muffled her sobs as the music video, 'Don't Speak' by No Doubt
provided the soundtrack to her thoughts.
*You and me
We used to be together
Every day together always
I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real,
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me
I can see us dying ... are we?
*~*~*~*
The sun streamed through Raven's window as her Hello Kitty alarm clock shrilly went off.
Raven quickly turned it off, her eyes never leaving her ceiling. It was 6:00 and she had
been awake since 4AM; thinking.
Had she made the right choice? Should she have gotten back together with Lance? She
rubbed her temples, trying to clear the mess in her head. It was Monday and that meant
one thing; school. She threw the covers off and slid out of bed and took a shower. Then
she changed into a pair of baggy, dark jeans that had 4, huge pockets going down each
leg. For a shirt, she chose a black, T-shirt, a little on the tight side that in white letters
said: Misery Loves Company. Her shoes, of course were her beloved Vans. She put on the
usual amount of makeup; black eyeliner, dark eyeshadow and clear lipgloss.
At 6:30 she headed downstairs, messenger bag slung onto her shoulder and grabbed a
banana from the kitchen. She then went outside and waited on the steps, waiting for Alicia
while eating her breakfast. At 6:45, Alicia pulled up, New Found Glory blasting through
the speakers. Raven tossed the peel into a nearby bush and jogged down the steps and into
the car.
"Any word from Lance?" Alicia asked as she sped down the streets and to school.
"Not since Saturday", Raven informed.
"Oh. Look, Raven. It's obvious that you still love the boy. And if I'm not mistaken, he
loves you too. Why don't you put all the shit behind you and be with him?" Alicia advised.
Raven glanced at the window, avoiding Alicia's glances.
"I can't, Lesh. How can you build the future if the past was nothing but lies?"
The two finally made it to school and headed to their first class. School whizzed by and
pretty soon, it was lunch time. Raven headed into the cafeteria with Kerry, Tia and Alicia,
walking straight past the popular table and never looking back. The group sat down at an
unoccupied table, the three friends unsure of what to say.
"Hey, aren't you hungry?" Tia asked with concern, seeing as how Raven wasn't eating.
Raven shook her head.
"No. Don't worry, I had breakfast. I'm just not in the mood for lunch", she explained.
"Well-" Suddenly, Alicia was cut short, staring at the person behind Raven. Raven sighed,
already knowing who it was.
"What do you want, Lance?" she dully asked. Lance gazed down at her and paused;
hesitant to do what he was about to do but quickly brushed it off.
"Follow me", he simply replied. He grabbed her wrist and lead her to the center of the
cafeteria, right in front of the popular table. Raven's eyes uneasily darted to the In Crowd
and back to Lance's face.
"I don't know what the hell you're trying to pull but-"
"I'm not trying to pull anything. You said I had to prove what I said and I'm about to",
Lance interrupted. Raven gave him a puzzled expression.
"Wait here a minute", Lance ordered.
"Lance, what?" But her question was on deaf ears for Lance had already left her side and
now was standing on top of the popular table! The cluster of students gazed up at him,
wondering if he had lost his marbles.
"EVERYONE! CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION FOR JUST A FEW MINUTES!"
Lance shouted. Surprisingly, the volume of the cafeteria went from roaring, to loud to a
hushed whisper, to finally dead silence. Lance flashed everyone a quick smile then hopped
down from the table and over to Raven.
"Lance? What the fuck are you doing?" Raven cried. Everyone gasped as Lance got down
on one knee and held Raven's hand. To both their surprise, she didn't pull away.
"Oh my God, please tell me you're not proposing", Raven hissed, horrified. Lance
chuckled and shook his head 'no'.
"Will you just shut up and listen, cause I have something to say....."
*~*~*~*
-Credits to No Doubt for 'Don't Speak'
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