| "You're like a little alien with three antennae. When you get there, the mothership will come home. I had four antennae up there with my baton didn't I?" - Professor Conley "These are beautiful problems. I just love partial derivative problems; they are so beautiful." - Professor Cunningham "I'm delirious. It must be the Sudafed." - Professor Cunningham "I had all these parents standing in the back of the room taking notes and it was making me kind of paranoid. Then there was this one father who wanted to stay after class." - Professor Cunningham "I phrased it in a way I didn't understand." - Professor Macinko "What are you? A social, tree-hugging, lefty, bleeding-heart libral? No, I'm serious." - Professor Macinko "They wheel 90-year old Grampa down to the boat, pump him up on steroids and he keeps going." - Professor Macinko "Do you say 'I just got bread without the yeast'? No, you've got a mess." - Professor Macinko "No, you've got matza." - Monique and myself "You can't see through the metal box unless you're superman." Professor Marti "I don't think a container of waste paper has ever been stolen. They always steal containers of booze, cigarettes, or electronics. Entire containers! They steal!" - Professor Marti "It's like the pens and pencils that multiply on my desk. The longshoremen, they steal things in bigger and bigger numbers." - Professor Marti "If a cruise ship calls in Jamaica and comes back to 'Amurica' it's searched. And you know what they're looking for. In Jamaica they call it ganga." - Professor Marti "Don't for God's sake write down every frikken word." - Professor Cain "What's a little kid in Kansas going to do with a piece of the lobster fishery out here? He's going to sell it to Carl." - Professor Macinko "Tell me how you can get a large catch history." - Professor Macinko "Lie?" - student "Right, exactly how it goes. We call it cheating, too." - Professor Macinko "I just love babies. I'm going to be 40, getting too old--well, on the cusp anyway--to have babies. Now every time I see a baby I get a little funny feeling right inside here." - Professor Cunningham "I used to be the coolest mom. I've lost my cool status." - Professor Cunningham "To hell with the rhinoceroses, we're fine." - Professor Cain "The guy comes down off his tractor and says, 'damn you pointy-head scientist! I've been driving this tractor for 50 years and I can tell you that the goddamn earth is flat.'" - Professor Macinko "It's like taxes. It's your civic duty to lie." - Professor Macinko "I'm not picking on you, well, not really." - Professor Macinko "We're not talking about seedy nights in Bankok." - Professor Mather "Bugsy hooks up all the time, not fish but..." - Professor Mather "Jigging uses a tiny bit of metal with a hook. It's like a wet dream for a mackerel." - Professor Mather "I don't think it looks like a horse at-all. It looks to me like a parrot." - Professor Mather "All those barmy countries beating the hoo doo out of eachother." - Professor Mather "So whatever a friggelty is, it's prankling." - Professor Vaughn "I used to make the people who got the puzzles wrong buy me beer." - Professor Vaughn "St. Patrick's Day is coming, but not soon enough... Ok, back to the real world." - Professor Vaughn "It's very difficult to tell my mother she's an idiot. I will tell her that she's challenged, however." - Professor Gordon "I have this old 1988 Toyota pick-up, nicknamed Pepe." - Professor Gordon "I'm getting all sorts of spam from do I want a bigger penis to new morgages. I'm so tired of it. I keep telling them yes, and they send me nothing." Professor Sue Fisher Vaughn |