First Librarian (the Trouty looking one, with the monocle): Where hast thou been, brother?
Second Librarian: cataloging swine (636.401)
Third Librarian: Sister, where thou?
First Librarian: A sailor's wife was looking for a book on chestnuts
"Give me your library card," Quoth I:
"I left it at home, bitch!" the rump-fed ronyon cries
Her husband's to Iraq gone, the fool is in the Navy
And I'll not lend her a book on chestnuts
or how to cook them with gravy
without a card, a card, a card.
Second Librarian: I'll suspend her borrowing priviledges
First Librarian: Thou'rt kind
Third Librarian: And I
First Librarian: I myself have notices of fines so big,
they'll no longer afford fine wines
I the shipman's card
I'll drain him dry as hay:
I'll fine him every night and day
as long as his books are overdue
he won't be able to afford even stew
weary se'nnights nine times nine
shall increase his massive library fine
though his books may not be lost
yet he still shall bear the cost.
Look what I have.
Second Librarian: Show me, show me
First Librarian: Here I have a catalog card
for a book on cooking soup with lard
Third Librarian: A drum! a drum!
Bob the Cow doth come
All: The weird librarians, hand in hand,
hang posters of the sea and land,
In the children's reference section:
Polystyrene figurines
and a stack of magazines. Hush! No talking in the library!
Bob the Cow: So foul and fair a day I have not seen. Why are all these meerkats lurking in the shadows?
Princess Miranda: And what are these? So wither'd and so cardiganed in their attire, that look not like inhabitants o' the earth, and yet are on't? And what on earth are all those meerkats doing and why do they have little headbands on?
Bob the Cow: Speak, if you can, what are you? Oh wait, clearly you can speak, you've just been muttering strange incantations for half an hour.
First (monocled) Librarian: All hail, Bob the Cow! Hail to thee, noble bovine!
Second Librarian: All hail, Bob the Cow! Hail to thee, plump well-aged bovine!
Third Librarian: All hail, Bob the Cow! That shalt be steaks and lard hereafter! Now feel the wrath of our fierce army of Ninja Meerkats!!
As the swarming hoard of Meerkats advanced towards them, waving their little paws in a manner reminiscent of a Hong Kong Kung Fu movie, our heroes started to back away slowly, while attempting to maintain eye contact with the foremost of the Meerkats. But the Meerkats were so many, and our companions, despite their noble natures, only four. They felt at last they were doomed, their adventures ended before they had scare begun, when from the library entrance behind them, they heard hooves. Thinking Zed had come to help them in their extremity, they looked around (a move that almost proved fatal as they lost eyecontact with the Meerkat Generals), but it was not Zed, but a glowing Unicorn, with blue dust in its mane, whose very beauty was enough to make the Meerkat army fall down and worship it... our heroes breathed a sigh of relief, then started to sneeze.
What will happen in chapter six? Is the Army of Ferocious Meerkats forever vanquished? Tune in later to find out...
