THOUGHTS
WARNING! Thoughts with this eight ball beside it are not really all that funny, in fact they are so not funny, they might be hazardous to your health.
Women can be so diseaving. I had my heart broken last week. When my baby told me she needed to tell me something on the Jerry Springer Show, why I thought she was going to propose. Instead, it turns out she was having an affair with my best friend. Whoda thunk?
I tried to apply for a job as a waiter the other day. The guy just looked at me weird and said, "Sir, I don't think you're qualified for this job." I said back, "I just want a waiting job." the guy just stared at me looking for an excuse for a while and said there were no open positions. What a jerk. It's not like Hooters has any room to picky about who they employ...
Do you know what's worse than breaking your leg? No, it wasn't a question, I mean, everyone knows breaking two legs is worse... seriously, this stuff is horrible.
You know what's worse than breaking two legs? These stupid thoughts.
Kill all the ants! Too many ants=world domination. Do your part in insuring Earth a pleasant future, Kill an ant today.
"Oh, you didn't know about the sangalonglongs?" "Oh no Mr. Looloo, don't hurt me." "I got game now!" "Booya!"......... I, don't know anymore. I just... I didn't know what to write down... I apologize.
I love it when people tell me wrestling is fake, like I had no idea before they enlightened me with their knowledge. "Did you know there are springs under the ring?" "No!" Yeah, and when they punch a guy, you know that noise? It's just them stomping their foot on the ground." "You don't say? I... I had no idea. Thank you. Thank you for telling me this. I feel so betrayed." .... stupid people. By the way, Hogan sucks, the picture just amuses me.
I bet you're all wondering, what does A&W Rootbeer stand for? Well I found out. It stands for Awesome Wootbeer. See, it's awesome and it's wootbeer. Awesome wootbeer.
People don't understand the hardwork it takes to be real lazy, nor do they appreciate it. Someday I will explain why it takes a lot of work but right now I think I'll take a mid-afternoon nap. *sigh* nothing like a hard day's work.
There's this song I've been hearing from cars. It goes "THUMP THUMP THUMP". I gotta get that CD, man. Like, everyone listens to it. It's awesome.
Babies have it great. All they gotta do all day is sleep, crawl around, Protect the city from the sinister clutches of evil. Boy, I sure do love reading about the crazy adventures of Super Baby.
Sometimes I can actually feel myself getting lazier........ yeah, there it goes. A nice steady pace.
I got kicked out of a bingo hall recently. Come on, who knew it wasn't fair game to trip the elderly?
Someday I hope to be as famous as the Great Larry Kasenski. He's a guy who used to live on my street. He was pretty cool.
I really wish I could just buy an edjucation. That'd be great. There'd be this store and you could just walk right in there and buy it. "Yeah, I'd like a high school diploma and a degree from, oh, I dunno, Yale." "Sorry sir, but we're all out of Yale degrees." "Do you have any Michigan State?" "Yeah, they're 50% off." "Um, I think I'll just take a Harvard."
I'm going to do the rest of this tomorrow. I'm just way too lazy right now.
Dave's a jerk, he's always saying funny things and I have to steal the material from him. What a rotton friend.
I've never liked ice too much because I am always slipping on it. Of course if you slip on ice while a bunch of people are around you have to act like the person nearest to you tripped you or something. "Oh geez, what was that all about? This guy's crazy over here. Did you see that? The nut case tripped me.... he did."
I don't think I could handle being a super hero. Sure, you get all of those neat super powers, but it's still a lot of work. How much sleep do you think Clark Kent and Peter Parker get? I'd probably get a foolish sidekick like Robin and make him do all of the work for me. He'd be getting beaten up and crying for help while I'd be playing with my super strength and x-ray vision and who knows what else. "No Robin, you're doing fine. Just keep up with those left jabs. You'll get em."
I don't care what the commercial says. There's just no way you can fall in love with a shampoo.
Luke and Bo from "The Dukes of Hazard" are always so friggin happy all the time. What the heck do they actually have to be chipper about anyways? They're car's doors don't even work for crying out loud.
Maria was sick today. I made a song for her. It went a little something like this: "Maria. She likes to vomit. Sometimes it's corn. Or green beans. A few times apple pie. Maria. She's a vomiting machine. Do da. Do da. Do da."
Me and Dave are going to start our own hip hop group with a little bit o flava, boyee. We like to call ourselves Paprika and Italian Seasoning. Peace out.