THOUGHTS
WARNING! Thoughts with this weird picture beside it are not really all that funny, in fact they are so not funny, they might be hazardous to your health.
On all of those shows on TV when the kids are about to go to school, the bus driver always honks for them. That's always bothered me. I've never had a bus driver who has honked for me. I know they just probably do that on the shows for the sake of the story, but all I'm asking for here is a little honkage!
Did you know that burnt fish and pancakes smell exactly the same? They do.
My New Year's resolution is to not make a New Years resolution this year.......... Oh, I really screwed that one up.
So I said, "Yeah, well what are you going to do about it?!" and he said "Hey man, I'm just trying to get my groceries to my car." People who can drive think they just rule the world or something.
Nothin' says lovin' like like a bowl of cottage cheese.
I had this really funny thought about Y2K and I was going to post it up, but then I realized, in a few days it will be out of date and useless, thus not very funny. In fact talking about it like this kind of makes this thought useless, so I might just as well put the Y2K one up... wait, I forgot it. But it was funny. Trust me.
I tried. I really tried this time. But did anyone appreciate all my hard work? NO! How many life-sized models of David Letterman made out of mashed potatoes do you seethese days? No appreciation at all.
You know, there's a lot of important things in life. But I don't think much compares to that very special bond that is formed between a boy and his tuba. That, my friends, is almost magical.
One time i was sleeping and when all of a sudden I was awakened by the sounds of a shotgun, then these cows started running by my window going "Mooo!". At first I was a little worried, but then I saw someone press there face against my window. That's when I realized "Oh, crazy Uncle Karl's been drinking again."
Saying "Hey." to start up a conversation is much better then saying "Hey, I just farted."
You know, people are always telling you "Don't drink the gasoline. It's not good for you." Like they ever drank it before. Do you think they even know someone who's done it? Probably not. It's not so bad. The cartoon characters that circle around your head are actually pretty cool.
A lot of people tell me I ramble on and on about stuff but I don't think that's really true, I mean just because I like to make myself clear on a lot of things doesn't mean I ramble. Because I don't really think that being explanatory is rambling. Well, maybe it is a form of rambling. Or maybe more like 50% normal and 50% rambling. Actually... I'm not really sure. Maybe it is just rambling, but not a bad rambling. You know, it serves a purpose and everything so people can better understand me. Sometimes people are just too judgemental. It's not like that if they keep telling me I ramble it will help. Not that I do ramble. Well, I don't think I do. Do you think I ramble? I don't think so. Wait... no, I don't. I'm pretty sure. I hate it when people say I ramble because I don't.
I don't condone violence in any way, except if there's a really good reason, like if someone looks at you weird.
They all said I couldn't do it. Everyone told me I just didn't have it in me. But look at me now. Look at me now, Mom! I'm the Booger Flicking Champion of the World! How you like that?! I'm on top of the world and there's nothing anyone can do about it!
I stared into her eyes, she stared right back into mine. I said, "Babe, I know you want me." She said, "Who are you?" Oh yeah, just give me a few weeks. I'm wearin' her down.
You can make fun of my mom, you can make fun of my dad, you can make fun of my sister, you can even make fun of my friends, but if you ever think about making fun of my dog, Spike, then I'm tellin' ya, heads are gonna roll, baby. Heads are gonna roll.
Teachers can be so rude sometimes. They think they're SO smart and they can just boss you around for every little thing. I mean, hey, I'm trying to sleep here.
10 years ago my dad gave me the greatest advice I've ever recieved. I'll never forget sitting at the kitchen table when he looked at me, his eyes filled with knowledge and wisdom as he said, "Hey! I said don't stick the grapes up your nose!"
Listen kids, taking a dump in the urinal may sound like a cool and exciting adventure at first, but in the end all that you get is shame, shame, shame!
I enjoy watching those Strongest Man competitions and I've always wondered what would drive them to be so determined and to push there bodies that far. Then it came to me like a hammer hitting my head: a big piece of ham. And sometimes kids, if you look really hard, you can see the expressions on their faces screaming "HAAAAM!!!"
English is a stupid language. So is Latin and Spanish. In fact, I hate all languages. If I ruled the world I think I'd just eliminate them all and then our main source of communication would be just pushing people down.
One day at work I'm going to be making a Flurry and then, just for the heck of it, I'm going to stick my hand in there and get it all messed up. And then when people come up to me they'll look at my hand in horror and go "What happened to your hand?" and then real calmy I can reply, "Oh, you know, a Flurry machine." and then walk away while they're just like "Wha-?"