When Willow woke up she could feel Spike's fingers dancing across her arms. His touch felt nice against her skin. Cool against warmth. She knew she had to make a decision soon and possibly change her fate.
Taking a chance, she glanced up and saw Spike's eyes fixated on the wall. He had almost a frown on his face. Willow knew he was thinking. Glancing away she decided to speak up. “Spike?”
“Hmm.”
“How long have you been awake?”
“A bit.”
“What…um…what are you thinking about?”
“It's still early, pet. Why don't you try and get some more sleep.”
“Not sleepy.”
“I hate the Slayer, but maybe the bitch was right. It's what I was thinking about.”
Willow wrinkled her nose in confusion and lifted her head to look at him. “What are you talking about?”
“Maybe I am nothing,” he said refusing to meet her eyes.
“You can't actually believe that!”
“I haven't been a man, a human, in over a century.”
“Spike…”
Ignoring her, he continued. “With this chip, I'm not exactly much of a demon anymore either.”
As Willow listened to him, she realized he actually believed what he was saying. She knew that there was nothing she could say that would make a difference. Nothing that would convince him otherwise. Taking a deep breath, she knew what she had to do. Leaning forward she pressed her lips against his.
After the initial shock wore off, Spike opened his mouth, deepening their kiss. As he felt her try to pull away, he let out a low warning growl and held her head to his.
After a few moments of hesitation, Willow gave in to him. She quit trying to pull away and just enjoyed it. The way he tasted. His scent. Willow tried to put all of her emotions into that one kiss. She lost herself in him. Concentrating solely on the kiss, she never felt his hands slide down her back. She never felt herself being flipped underneath him until he pulled away. Looking up into his eyes, she realized she was on her back. The only sounds in the room were their panting.
“Why did you kiss me?” he asked.
“Well…because…because I couldn't express what I wanted to in words. I wanted you to know that the stuff she said…she was wrong.” Hearing silence, Willow turned her head from him. “Sorry,” she mumbled.
Spike placed two fingers along her chin, turning her face back to him. “Please don't be sorry,” he pleaded.
Willow stared into his eyes. “What are you thinking about now?”
“Kissing you again,” he replied honestly.
She squirmed her way out from under him. “We can't keep doing this. We can't…I have all these thoughts floating around in my head and…”
“You missed the part where you tell me, you don't want to kiss me.”
“No, I didn't. I just can't say it.”
“Why not?” he asked her seriously. He wanted to hear the words.
“Because, I…” Willow jumped up from her bed. “Look, I just…I have to focus. I think Giles wants an answer tonight.”
“So?” Spike shrugged.
“So? SO? So I have to make one decision that could completely change my life!”
Spike could hear the panic and anxiety rising in her voice. He rose from the bed and walked over to her, placing his arms around her. “Everything will work out, pet.” They seemed to get lost in each other. As their faces moved closer together, their lips met in a sweet, gentle, tender kiss. As Spike pulled away, he saw Willow's eyes were still closed. His lips drifted down her neck, kissing and tasting her skin. Hearing a soft moan from her mouth, he quickly stopped and apologized. “That wasn't intentional. I just…”
“I know,” she said quickly. “Me too.”
“Right, then. Maybe I should go back to sleep and let you do whatever it is you do.” Neither one of them actually moved away from the other.
“Would you just hold me?” she asked in a gentle voice.
Spike cocked his head to the side as if to study her. “Always.”
“Even if it ends up being for eternity?”
“Forever, luv.”
At sundown, Willow and Spike walked to the Magic Box in complete silence. She thought about the afternoon she had spent with Spike. They had sat on the couch watching television for most of the afternoon. They sat close but not too close in a comfortable silence. It seemed as if they were close friends when the truth was, they weren't much more than mere acquaintances.
Spike kept glancing at her as they walked through the night. “You're quiet tonight,” he remarked.
“Yeah…lots of thoughts.”
“About your decision?”
“Yeah. I'm so afraid I'm gonna disappoint someone.”
“Who would you disappoint?”
“Well, if I say no…Giles. But if I choose you, my friends.”
“You wouldn't be choosing me though. You'd be choosing to kill the demon.” When all he heard was silence, Spike grabbed Willow's hand and led her into the alley. Gently, he pushed her against the wall. “That last part was a bit of a question, luv. I expect an answer.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “This is still about the demon, right?”
Willow finally looked up into his eyes, but stubbornly refused to answer the question. “What do you want from me?” she asked with anger in her voice.
He took a step back. “Want from you? I don't want a bloody thing from you.” Spike took an unneeded breath. “Tell the Watcher I might be by later,” he said coldly.
She saw him start to walk off. “Spike!” she called out but he never turned around.
“Stay away from me, Witch,” he growled.
Willow watched him leave into the darkness until she couldn't see him anymore. She didn't know what she did to make him angry. Wiping away her tears, she quickly made her way to Giles' home.
Spike wandered through the streets of Sunnydale. He didn't know why he was angry or even why he left her in the alley. <Why can't she just make a decision? Why can't she choose to be bound to me?> The only thing he could think of was…her. The way she felt in his arms when he was holding her. The kisses they had shared. The way she made him feel when they were together. Knowing at least an hour had passed, he made his way to the Watcher's flat.
Opening the door, the first person he saw was Willow. He smelled the salt and knew she had been crying. He pushed back the urge of running to her and offering her comfort. “Hello, luv.”
“Spike,” she said with no emotion.
“Where's everyone at?”
“Buffy and Xander left ten minutes ago to patrol. Giles is in his study.”
“And what are you doing?”
“Researching,” she told him without looking up.
Giles entered the room and could practically feel the tension between them. “Spike, you're here.”
Willow stood up. “Yep. He's here which means I'm leaving.”
“Willow…Spike…I'd like to talk to both of you.”
They both moved to the couch and sat at opposite sides. Giles took his place in a leather chair in front of them. “Have you come to a decision, Willow?”
“I did, up until tonight. Now…I won't be bound to him.” She stood up. “You two can chat about it all you want. I'm going home.”
“Spike will walk you.”
“No, he really won't. I don't want him to.” Without another word, she picked up her bag and left.
“What happened tonight?” Giles questioned.
Spike looked out the door that Willow had just walked out of. He then glanced at Giles. “I fucked up, mate.” Pulling out a cigarette, he left without saying another word.
Standing in front of her house, he realized he had been chain smoking. Dropping the cigarette to the ground, he crushed it with the heel of his boot. Taking an unneeded breath, he walked up the pathway and let himself into her home.
Spike watched her for a moment from his place at her bedroom doorway. Being here felt right to him. Walking into the room, he kicked off his boots and placed his duster on the chair. Once he climbed into the bed, his eyes met hers. Her eyes were filled with surprise.
“Hey,” he whispered.
Ignoring him, she turned over so only her back was facing him.
The demon in him flared at her display of defiance. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her body flush against him. “I won't be ignored,” he growled. He heard nothing but silence, so her continued. “You asked me what I wanted from you, so here it is. I wanna know why the decision for you to be bound to me was so difficult to make.” His voice got gentler, softer. “I wanna know why you won't choose me.”
Willow flipped over and glared at him. “Choose you? CHOOSE YOU! I did choose you and you left me in an alley. An alley! A place where anything could have attacked me or killed me and you left me there!”
Spike had lost his embrace on her when she had turned to him. She was right. He had just left her there. He reached out his arms to try to hold her. “Luv…”
“No. Why are you here? Thought I was supposed to stay away from you,” she spat out.
“I couldn't stay away from you,” he told her wrapping his arms around her and pulling her body to his. “Couldn't stay away,” he whispered softly. As he pulled her body to him, her face rested in the crook of his neck. He closed his eyes for a moment enjoying the sensation of her.
All Willow knew was that he came back. He was here with her. He wanted to be here. Realizing he had pulled her into his arms, she also realized how close her lips were to his skin. Without thinking, she placed her lips against his neck and lightly kissed him.
Spike's eyes flew open when he realized that she had kissed him. His body froze for a half second before he started to crave the touch again.
Willow pulled back slightly after realizing what she had done. “I didn't mean to,” she whispered. “Sorry,” she said even softer.
He knew she regretted it but the question was why? “Please don't be sorry, luv.” He hesitated before saying something else. “Do it again?” he asked with almost pleading in his voice.
“Are you sure?”
“Only if you want to,” he said softly. “I want you to.”
Willow felt his arms around her waist loosen a bit, letting her choose what she wanted to do. Taking a deep breath, she slid one hand slowly up his arm and across the other side of his neck, tangling it in his hair and kept her other arm wedged between them. Returning her lips on his neck once again, she placed a series of kisses along his neck, nervous and waiting for him to push her away.
Feeling her stop once again, he tightened his embrace on her. “You ok?”
“I'm waiting.”
“For what?” he asked curiously.
“For you to push me away. To tell me it was a mistake.”
“Look at me,” he pleaded.
Willow shook her head. “No.”
“Look at me,” he growled. He watched as she raised her eyes to him. “I will never say that to you. Being here, being with you…it just feels right. Everything in my body tells me that this is where I belong.” Seeing her blush, she quickly tucked her head back into the crook of his neck. “And my demon agrees, luv.” He could feel her smile against his skin.
Willow raised her body from the bed a bit, using her free arm. She gently pushed him back until he was laying flat on his back. Glancing at the place on his neck where his pulse point would normally be, she let her lips slowly descend upon his skin. Gently she started to nibble at the desired point, listening to him purr.
Spike couldn't believe the sensations his cold dead body was feeling at that exact moment. He felt like he was on fire from one single kiss. He had to touch her, to feel her. Slowly, Spike slid his hands up the back of her shirt, letting his hands glide over her back, over her soft skin. At that very moment, he wanted to be doing a lot more than kissing her, but he kept to his word. When his hands grazed her skin, he felt her freeze for a moment but then felt her melt into him. The nibbles turned into kisses which turned into something more. He could feel her taking his skin between her lips and sucking gently. He couldn't help but to moan out loud. Keeping his hands on her back, he pressed her body to his, letting her fall in between his legs. He felt alive.
Willow stayed that way for a few minutes. Nipping and tasting his skin, losing herself in him. As she pulled away from him, she wondered what he was thinking.
Spike let his hands leave her skin, only to catch her face as she started to back up. Their eyes locked, emotions stirring in them both. “No regrets, luv,” he whispered. He grazed the side of her face with the pad of his thumb.
“No regrets,” she whispered back.
Bringing her face to his, their lips came together in a sweet tender kiss. Their tongues dancing together instead of battling for dominance. Their lips melting together. As she pulled away, her body remained where it was. Willow lay her head upon his chest. “Spike?”
He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head. “Yeah.”
“Would you mind…I mean can I…”
“Out with it, pet.”
“Can I touch you? I don't mean naughty touching or anything, just…well, can I? I mean would you mind?” After she heard the silence, she felt like she had made a mistake. “Never mind,” she said quickly. “I just…”
“You just surprised me a bit, that's all. You can touch me anywhere and anytime you please, pet.”
“Ok,” she replied shyly. Gathering up her courage, she slid her hand up the front of his shirt, gliding it along his skin. She heard Spike take a sharp intake of breath, which was followed by a low purring noise. She looked up at him, noticing he had a content look on his face. “You're purring,” she stated.
“Yeah…well…it's…”
“I like it when you purr.”
He studied her for a moment. That one statement carried so many different meanings. All of them were directed towards his demon. She didn't shy away from him. She could accept him as is. “Pet, when did you make your decision about being bound to me?”
Willow tried to play the innocent role. “Hmm?”
“Willow,” he said sternly. “The truth.”
“Awhile.”
“Did you know when we went to see Gabriel?”
“Maybe…yes…well no.”
“Which one is it?”
“I had an idea but I didn't know for sure.” Willow paused for a moment. “Are you mad at me for not telling you?”
He looked down at her. “Pet, look at us. Look at where we are. How could I possibly be mad at you?”
“I should have told you.”
“Why didn't you? I mean you do have a reason, right?”
“You were coming to me or I was going to you and it felt so right. I finally felt…and…I didn't want you to leave.”
“You thought I would leave?”
“I didn't want to lose you. I mean not that I have you or anything or…I think I'm just gonna sleep now.”
Spike couldn't help but to smirk. She was cute when she babbled. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “Do I have you, Red?”
She looked up at him, confusion in her eyes. “I don't understand.”
“Are you mine to have?” he whispered. Seeing her open her mouth to answer, he quickly put a finger over her lips to silence her. “Don't answer, just think about it.” Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close until they both fell asleep.