A Column I Hoped I Wouldn't Have To Write

 

Words can't express how much I didn't want to write about the stuff I'm bringing up in this column, but I think I need to after receiving this email:

 

Well here's me, a regular female gamer with an avid passion for the one and only CYBERPUNK.  My character is Sky and she is as vicious as any guy in the gang but twice as hard. Basically she is me in a strange twisted year 2020 kinda way.  Anyway I love her.  The thing that really bugs me is that no matter how hard I appear my characters (in any game, not just Cyberpunk) always ends up being shagged by one of the male PCs or NPCs.  Sky is not so unfortunate but she has had had her fair share of the problem.  Anyway, that's my major grievance.

 

I was understandably disturbed by that, and fired back:

 

     ...You don't specifically say whether Sky (or you) gives her consent to these encounters, but from the way you make it sound it's not something you want happening to your character.  If that's the case, and it really bothers you, talk to the male players in your group and tell them to stop with the sex already.  After all, they're certainly not going to do it on their own if they think you don't have a problem with it.  And if you bring it up, and they still don't stop, then maybe you should think about finding a different gaming group. There are plenty of groups out there that will respect your character and treat her right; the best message you could send to a group that doesn't understand, would be to walk away.  I firmly believe that everyone, male or female, has a right to feel welcome in an RPG group, and having a character essentially be sexually assaulted no matter what you do isn't my idea of a fun, welcoming environment.  It's just not cool.  Don't let them get away with it just because you didn't speak up...

 

So at the moment I'm more than a little annoyed at the segment of the gaming community that would cause a fellow gamer chick to email me about this.  I hoped I wouldn't have to write about the sad subject of in-game rapes because I hoped that gamers more respectful than that.  I see now that I was wrong, and I have to discuss this after all.  I'll try to keep it brief.

 

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NO GOOD REASON I CAN THINK TO PUT A RAPE INTO AN RPG.  I can understand sexual abuse being part of a character's background, and I could POSSIBLY forgive a rape being included as a plot point and roleplayed tactfully by two players who agreed on the situation out-of-character, trusted one another, were mature enough to deal with the subject realistically, and understood that no OOC harm was meant, but even that is pushing the limits a bit for my tastes.  And no matter what, there is NO excuse for a female PC being raped without the player's knowledge and against her will.

 

Male players*: For crying out loud, do not rape a female gamer's character.  This seems to me like the most obvious, boneheaded piece of advice I could possibly give, but as the above email proves, there are still people out there who just don't get it.  I shudder to think of how many potentially great female gamers have been driven away from the hobby because of bad experiences like that.  What do you think it's going to do, impress her?  Of course not.  She's going to be offended and hurt and horrified.  It disgusts me, and I have a feeling most people out there (at least those who are intelligent enough to DESERVE the name of gamer) will agree.  And in the event that I'm preaching to the converted, well, it's your duty to let players who don't understand this concept know that we don't do that kind of thing in RPGs.  Don't stand by and laugh, or try to ignore it.  It's not going to go away if you're nice about this.  Doing nothing is as good as giving these people a license to continue.  Voice your digust, and let your feelings be known.

 

Female players: It's certainly not your fault if a player is cruel and perverted enough to rape your character or make any other kind of  inappropriate overtures.  The line between in-game sexual abuse of a character and the "real thing" is fine and frequently crossed, and you should treat it as such.  Be absolutely unflinching on this issue, and don't tolerate it in the slightest.  Speak up and let the other members of your group know what you think.  And if they're misguided enough to disrespect your feelings on this issue, find a different group.  There's no reason you should hang out with losers like that.

 

That's about all I can really say about this subject.  I have such strong feelings about abuse like this that I tend to get very emotional when discussing it and not express myself articulately beyond saying that this should NOT happen to anyone.  If you'd like to read more, I recommend this excellent article on rape in RPGs.  We like to think it doesn't happen, but it does.  And there's absolutely no reason why we should keep quiet and let it continue.  I didn't want to write this column.  But now I'm glad I did, if only because I hope it will start some discussion about a horrible social problem that will do anything but go away if we just ignore it.

 

 

*Men, and male characters, can and do get raped.  I'm not denying that.  So don't get too complacent due to my arbitrary use of pronouns.

 

 

Copyright (c) 2000 by Beth Kinderman.  This is my original work, so please respect it.

 

 

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