Mage: Epic Fantasy Quotes: Jun. 2001 – Aug. 2001
As the extreme preponderance of quotes on this page ably
demonstrates, this was one of the best, angstiest, and most consistently enjoyable
games I’ve ever played in. I’ll always
remember the freaky cat noises on the Island of Hospitalers, the equally freaky
halfling necrophilia (because, apparently, an island covered in dripping chunks
of human meat IS the ideal setting for a romantic encounter with your dead
husband), fun OOC moments with barbequed wench and manch, eggbeaters, and
Chilly Dilly, and, of course, the ever-growing Cabal of Destruction
Unintentional Death Toll (200 people, 4 boats, 2 islands, 1 cloud, 1 random
room!). I played Oriana Gladwell, the
Angst Halfling (an Assassin out for revenge on the man who killed her husband). My fellow freaks were Al’Marth, a tanak
(Labyrus); Taetia, formerly known as D, who is also an angst-ridden tanak
(Tyson); Koi, an elf with (you guessed it) more angst (Asmodeus); Rahab, a
mysterious young girl (Nykki). Our
incredibly evil yet awesome ST was Eric, aka Eclipse. To find out more, go here for some logs (we
were the Saturday night group). We’re
on hiatus at the moment, but we’re all hoping to pick up where we left off in summer
2002.
Oriana says, “Note to self: Kill D.”
D says, “Breaking that rebellious spirit will be most pleasing.”
Oriana says, “Breaking your neck will be even more pleasing.”
Eclipse breaks out the popcorn and watches the firefight…
Eclipse says, “All around the ship, it is an endless…well…ocean.”
Eclipse says, “Captain Ahab is an unpleasant-looking figure with a peg leg and three days of stubble.”
Oriana says, “You know your ST is an English major when…”
Koi says, “If a whale becomes involved in this…I’m outta here.”
Eclipse says, “You’re in the sticky vat the way six people share the last bed in a hotel.”
Eclipse says, "'Yes, ma'am? What is our current destination, ma'am?!' You never thought you'd HEAR an exclamation mark in a question until now."
Oriana says, “Great…I’ve been brainwashed by the worst-kept-secret organization in Malakai.”
Eclipse needs to stop drinking Mountain Dew before Bambi shows up in the hold…
Eclipse says, “Why is it that Beth’s games try to be light and end up dark and brooding, and MY games try to be dark and brooding and wind up being funny?!”
D says “Whoohoo! Angst-eriffic!”
Oriana says, “Don’t worry, you just missed a whole lot of angst…and Captain Ahab.”
Eclipse says, "Ahab is FAR more dangerous than Moby Dick could EVER be..."
Oriana starts to giggle uncontrollably
Eclipse says, "Especially if you're in a fishing boat."
After being on a boat for a few days:
Al’Marth says, “I think I have scurvy.”
We happen across a couple having sex in the woods:
Koi [to Rahab]: Eyes forward, girl...those two are having a private conversation...we should not interfere.
Oriana says, "That's one way of putting it."
Trying to get the compulsively lying tanak to tell the
truth about his knowledge of a city:
D says, "I order you to tell me the truth. What do you know about where we can stay?" (That's not going to make his head explode, is it?)
Eclipse says, "It might force him to kill himself unless he pleads the Fifth..."
AlMarth keeps his mouth firmly shut
D blinks a bit. "Tell me the truth. Now."
AlMarth says, "The truth is, my name isn't really Jim."
Eclipse says, "It's like torturing a man who doesn't know what you're trying to find out - his answer keeps changing like a Magic 8 Ball."
AlMarth continues to tag along with D
D says, "I'm going to have to do something with you, aren't I?"
AlMarth says, “Maybe.”
D sighs, waits for the acolyte to get out sight, then hauls AlMarth into a storage room, energetically violates him, then walks off, leaving him breathless. "There, now shut up.”
Eclipse says, "PLEASE tell me that was ooc, tyson!"
AlMarth says, "Energetically violates?"
Eclipse raises an eyebrow. "So, the cats are shagging in the closet, eh? What are YOU doing about this, AlMarth?"
AlMarth says, "Hey. She's female, I'm male, and extraordinarily ugly, this is the one way I can get any. I sit back and enjoy it."
D says, "We're both extremely ugly. Hopefully it's dark in there."
Eclipse says, "One of the Epagans notices the din, but decides not to get involved. 'I must not judge. I must not judge. I must not judge...'"
Oriana tries to ignore the freaky cat noises coming from the closet
Eclipse says, "Shit, D, another Botch. You are obviously too busy resisting the desire to snuggle to think clearly, or something."
D says, "Snuggling is like work. I just don't do it."
D pages Eclipse: I’m not going to have a bunch of butt ugly kittens, am I?
Eclipse pages D: Wouldn’t YOU like to know…
D says, “Eric, instead of pizza, can I have barbequed wench?”
Oriana says, “Where do you find barbequed wench anyway? Hannibal Lecter’s Fine Meat Emporium?”
D eats some of her barbequed wench. Almost all of it remains. (repeat ad infinitum)
D says, “More wench!”
D says, “My wench is empty.”
Oriana says, “Hey! Stop eating your fellow players!”
D says, “Can we have a wench vending machine in the lobby?”
Oriana wonders what the male equivalent of a wench would be...
D says, "Stable boy?"
Zyka says, "Yum."
D says, "Postman?"
Zyka says, "Even better"
AlMarth says, "Manch?"
Zyka says, “Hey Eric, can I have some sauteed manch?”
Oriana says, “Serving suggestion: Eat with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”
D says, “Can I have a Munchkinabob? Still screaming?”
AlMarth says, “You peel them out of the +5 full plate to eat them.”
Oriana eats some of her manch. Almost all of it remains. (repeat ad infinitum)
AlMarth isn’t likely to shut up
Eclipse says, “Well, maybe if D screws you again…”
Oriana is already getting screwed by D on a regular basis…well, not physically anyhow…
D says, “Yet.”
Eclipse says, “Tag-team lying, now.”
D says, “Ah, the Evil Olympics.”
Zyka wonders why *your* cabal gets all the sex
D says, “Because we’re angst mongers.”
Trying to lie to Princess Iphigenia, and doing so very
poorly:
Koi says, “Who says I have to tell her a real name [of a country]?”
D says, “People do that all the time. That’s why there’s a France on the map.”
D talks Al’Marth into shaving his entire body:
Eclipse says, “D, now you can lick the lucky kitty all you want without getting furballs!”
Oriana looks up at the sky as the angst level shoots through the roof
Eclipse says, “But at least it’s GOOD angst!”
Oriana says, “Good angst! You get a biscuit!”
Eclipse says, "Ahab jumps out of the crow's nest above you, nearly breaking his neck in the fall. He tries to kneel weakly in spite of his broken legs, fawning over your every word."
Oriana says, “This game just gets weirder and weirder…”
Eclipse says, “No, Ahab just gets weirder and weirder.”
D says, “Ahab is upsetting.”
Oriana has a horrible feeling that her nightmares will be featuring Ahab from now on...
Eclipse says, "I consider my job well done if I give my players nightmares about my game."
D says, “Am I in my room yet?”
Oriana says, "No, on your way to your room you fall into the EEVIL Zone, where awful nasty spiteful characters go. Oh wait...I was dreaming again.”
AlMarth takes his robe off and throws it into the fire. "Oops."
Oriana says, "So I'm now standing next to a shaved naked Tanak? Ewwwwww."
Rahab has arrived.
AlMarth eats some of his BBQed wench. Almost half of it remains.
Rahab says, “I walked in on THAT?”
AlMarth says, "Can we just say no creepy sex, period?"
Oriana says, "I think that rule already got broken last session"
D says, "Hey, what’s wrong with consensual creepy sex?"
AlMarth says, "It's...creepy."
Koi does go looking for the kid. After all, the place caught fire, we were attacked…and we had to beat up an angel…
Oriana says, “Pants Demons 2, D 0.”
D says, “Woohoo! I’m starting to piss off an Epagan!”
D points at Ahab. “Mommy, make the bad man go away!”
Iphigenia sucks away all of D’s strength and stamina:
D says, “I can’t feel my tail…”
Hugon says, “waves to Enola”
Hugon forgets his colon
Oriana says, “Eeeeew! That sounds so wrong!”
Enola Galen says, “Strike her down and your journey to the dark side will be complete. Or maybe not. Strike her down anyway.”
Eclipse says, “The night passes quietly, with only the occasional sound of a cracking whip stirring the air.”
Enola Galen says, “D & Al’Marth?”
D pages, “Okay, I’m probing around for minds, Oriana and the others in specific.”
Eclipse pages, “You don’t detect them. But you do detect a powerful and terribly intelligent mind with tentacled arms.”
D says, “Koi, I didn’t know you had tentacles.”
D closes her eyes. “I still see the tentacles…”
Eclipse says, “No, you see your own eyes looking back at you like reflections in your eyelids.”
D says, “Koi…I’m staring at me. Make me stop.”
Eclipse says, “Okay, Cthulhu/Koi is no longer a tentacled Elder God.”
Oriana says, “Awww…too bad.”
D says, “So we’re playing bad cop/worse cop now?”
Koi looks at Ahab closely. “Stop singing.”
Eclipse says, “ ‘Can’t stop! Land serpents will eat me, sir!’ he sings.”
Hugon continues leeching away D’s good mojo
D bites down hard on Hugon’s jugular and begins sucking it back
Oriana hopes never to hear the phrase “suck my mojo” again…
Eclipse says, “Koi, you find Santiago’s underwear drawer. Congratulations.”
Koi tries on a pair.
Koi says, “Err…I mean…wait…”
Oriana says, “What? Drop the hammer on Santiago’s underwear?”
Eclipse says, “Your hovercraft is now full of eels, D. They start slithering up your leg.”
Eclipse says, “Ahab says, ‘There is enough water for five people for five days, sir! Which means we will only have to drink our urine for two days, sir! That is why we run with a crew of two men, sir!'"
D says, "Did he say.. Drink our urine?"
Eclipse says, "Yes. He most certainly did..."
D says, “Hey, Iphi’s got Life! Could she make us piss vodka?”
Eclipse says, “This is like the Odyssey, only evil.”
D says, “Our new motto is, ‘Kill ‘em all, and say they resisted arrest.’”
Eclipse says, “It appears that D and Koi have stolen a fishing boat for an ocean voyage.”
D says, “Dammit, it was a yacht last night.”
(Perplexed over the boat.)
D says, “It shrunk in the wash.”
D says, “Really, it happens to every sailor at least once. You go to bed with a bigass yacht, and wake up with a dinghy.”
D says, “Oriana doesn’t have enough Mind to do all this.”
Eclipse says, “You don’t say…”
D says, “My hands, my hands, somebody stole my hands!”
Al’Marth says, “I’d make a rousing speech to unite the cabal and cheer everyone up, but I can’t tell the truth without a willpower roll.”
D says, “The goddess of the whores is named Doxy?”
Koi ponders. “Hmm…fought an angel…a banshee…punched a lot of people…”
D says, “If Cthulhu attacks us, we’ll be sunk in moments!”
Eclipse says, “If a giant albatross SHITS on you, you’ll be sunk in moments.”
Al’Marth has arrived.
D says, “Lucky kitty!”
D licks Al’Marth
Oriana says, “Eeeeeew!”
Al’Marth says, “At least do it ooc!”
Oriana says, “Ah, the Cabal of Evil Intentions becomes the Cabal of High School Guidance Counselors.”
Looking for a cabal name:
Al’Marth says, “Orgy of the Damned Guidance Counselors?”
Oriana keeps forgetting about the extreme crappiness of the boat she convinced everyone else to steal…
D says, “Even my Avatar is pissed at me.”
Koi will just feed himself to the dice...that’ll be very heroic.
Eclipse mutters. “Why do the names of my villains and villainous organization always get mangled?”
Koi says, “Because you don’t name them Bubba.”
Taetia says, “What exactly is my Avatar trying to do to me?”
I get frustrated about sleeping through an interesting
scene due to the Deep Sleeper flaw:
Oriana wants to be kicked in the head, damn it!
Much later in the scene…still sleeping…:
Oriana says, “Why won’t somebody kick me in the head?!”
Koi says, “How did Oriana’s husband put up with the snoring, I wonder?”
Taetia says, “By kicking her in the head?”
Al’Marth starts singing the “Gilligan’s Island” song.
Taetia says, "Vernon, Ahab, Iphigenia, Me, Oriana, Koi, Rahab...OH MY GOD THERE’S 7 OF US! We made the cardinal mistake of being 7 people on a small boat!"
Taetia says, “At least we’re out of the infinite ‘Yer a spy! No I’m not!’ loop.”
Rahab obeys, trembling
Eclipse says, “THAT’S the kind of thing a GM likes to hear!”
Eclipse says, "Ignore Shan. It's safe to say he's dropped. Maybe you killed him as an example when he broke the mast..."
Koi likes that idea. ;)
Taetia says, "Hopefully in a horrible fashion…Exposed him to Santiago's underwear"
Eclipse says, "Do you really need anymore Corruption Points?"
Taetia says, “Variel is trying for the asshole of the year award.”
Eclipse says, “You know what they say about turnabout, don’t you?”
Koi says, “Err…it sucks?”
Taetia says, “Bad Koi! No quintessence!”
Rahab says, “I’m just –waiting- to see what my Avatar has to say about all of this…”
Eclipse says, "The door splinters into sawdust. Rahab is rolling on the ground nearly naked, her skin a mass of burns."
Taetia says, “Hi.”
Eclipse says, “Hi?!?”
Taetia says, “This is the third boat we’ve had in under a week. I wonder what will sink this one.”
Eclipse says, “ANGST AWAY!!!”
Hugon crawls over to Tyson and starts injecting his Mojo into him.
Taetia says, "Eeeeewww! Stop it! I don't you injecting ANYTHING into me!"
Eclipse says, "Yeah, only AlMarth is allowed to do that..."
Taetia says, "What I need is Prime 7. Then EVERYONE will suffer for my scourge."
Later…
Taetia says, "What I need is Prime 9. Then entire personal universes will suffer for my scourge."
Later…
Taetia says, "I need Entropy 7/Prime 7. Then entire species will suffer for my scourge.."
Koi steals Taetia's mojo.
Taetia says, "Give it back! Or I'll make Eus give you one of his..Injections."
Koi eeps...gives a little back.
Taetia kicks Koi's ass and sucks the Good Mojo back out of him
Rahab says, "Oooh...I'm not going to say a word."
Taetia says, "What game would be complete without homoerotic innuendo?"
Rahab is just chock-full of baby angst tonight
Rahab closes her eyes, sobbing quietly. "Koi...I'm a Bad Girl."
Eclipse says, "And _I_ am an Evil GM."
Taetia says, "And _I_ am playing with something that could kill us all."
Taetia calls out, "If you see a blue, glowing sphere, whatever you do, don't step on it! Or taunt it!”
Eclipse says, "Okay. Fine. Your ship is now missing the entire bow."
Taetia says, "Is that bad?"
Koi says, “Umm…okay…stupid question I know…but are we sinking now?”
We abandon the sinking ship—the third in a week—and end
up in a lifeboat:
Taetia says, “Now let’s have a race. First one to hole the lifeboat wins.”
Taetia says, “4 floating devices. 3 down. 1 to go.”
Taetia says, "Hmmm. Set back the entire cabal, sank ship number 3, killed 200 people, picked up another corruption point, pissed off the Epagan, and made the gods rewrite the laws of physics. I accomplished so much in tonight’s game."
Taetia says, “Sigh. I was almost the harbinger of Magical Thermonuclear War.”
Oriana says, "Jeez...I leave you guys alone for one session, and you kill 200 people and nearly begin magical thermonuclear war. This is why the world needs more gamer chicks."
Eclipse says, "I make a point of blaming Tyson for everything bad that happens to this cabal. It keeps everyone from pointing their fingers at ME..."
Eclipse says, “That’s it. Blame the SUPREME BEING for your hardships.”
Taetia says, "Oriana's the only one here that hasn't sunk a ship. Give into the dark side Oriana. Sink the lifeboat."
Taetia says, "Don't worry. I have a plan."
Koi says, "Blow up this boat too?"
Taetia says, "Only if I botch."
Taetia says, "What, you act like summoning Dread Cthulhu from sunken Ry'Leh is actually dangerous."
Eclipse says, "I try not to make assumptions when they don't fit my sense of humor..."
Eclipse says, “[The boat] makes touchdown on the beach, lurching to a stop in a way that would make you all wish the seatbelt had been invented if you knew what a seatbelt was."
Oriana says, “Remember, Taetia, just say ‘no’ to evil!”
Taetia says, “I’ve been good! I haven’t done anything evil for two sessions at least!”
Department of Bad Ideas: Taetia visits a very Static node:
Eclipse says, “Your knuckles stop just short of the door, and you feel your entire body freeze up.”
Taetia says, “I throw a rock at it.”
Octavius says, “Is there a deity of foolish people?”
Eclipse says, “Epaga...”
Enola Galen says, “Anything that rolls 10d10 and isn’t a PC is never good.”
Oriana says, “But in this group, if it’s a PC and rolls 10d10, that isn’t good either.”
Taetia says, “Hey, Koi? What’s got feathers, breasts, and very large claws?”
Taetia has this odd urge to open a window and scream, “I am the Angel of Death! The time of purification is at hand!”
Eclipse says, "Well, Koi, I DID give you WP not too long ago. Don't know why you spent it all. Does it burn a hole in your pocket or something? Do you think that just because you earn Willpower it means you have to SPEND it? Hmm?"
Eclipse says, “A GM’s fondest wish is to make players whimper even between sessions.”
Eclipse says, “The werebear rears up and says, ‘Three months is a long time.’...Oh. Hi, Eus.”
Eclipse pages Koi: "Typical night for the Cabal of Destruction. Plan, argue, plot, argue, fight, argue, resolve, argue, and then back to plan..."
Taetia says, “So, poison, lightning, fire, what?”
Oriana says, “Some combination of all three? Oops, Rule 0.”
I jump through a flaming hole in the wall:
Taetia says, “Come one, come all! See Oriana the trained halfling! Watch as she makes death defying leaps through flaming hoops!”
Taetia says, “You’re pretty buff, for a midget.”
Koi tries to jump through the hole, botches, gets stuck, and is nearly hit by Taetia’s poison daggers:
Koi says, “That would be an interesting way to die...”
Oriana says, “Stuck in a flaming hole with poison daggers stabbing you in the ass?”
I do 7 damage to a guard’s lower body:
Oriana says, “So is the guy dead, or what?”
Eclipse says, “His armor soaked some of the damage, but he won’t ever be having children...or sex, for that matter.”
Oriana ohdears...
Enola Galen says, “That’s what makes halflings such scary fighters.”
Eclipse says, “Blinded by the blood in your eyes from your earlier attacks, your blade hits the wall with a clatter instead of hitting a guard with a squish.”
Oriana says, “Okay, squish = good, clatter = bad...”
Koi hmms. "Do isn't turning out to be all that spiffy. I'd be better off with a knife."
Oriana says, "Yeah, but spiritually you're more centered than the average guy waving a big stick around, so it's kind of a moral victory for you."
Oriana says, “Woohoo! Next turn I’m going to bite his ankles! It’ll do just as much damage!”
Taetia says, “You hit pretty hard. For a fancy lad.”
Oriana says, “What is this? Purity envy?”
Taetia says, “Octavius sacrificed his cherry for the good of the world.”
Taetia says, “When did I become a limp wristed sissy girl?”
Eclipse says, “The armor slows down your blade slightly, but not enough to keep her legs attached. Severing two major arteries tends to put someone down in a matter of seconds...”
Oriana says, "Mwahahahaha. I will not rest until all my enemies are short like me..."
Oriana says, "Oriana is like me...we both notice a lot of interesting things, they're just never the obvious ones most other people would THINK we should be noticing..."
The horrors of the Chilly Dilly, which was a chilled pickle sold at drive-in movie theatres in the 1950s. Oriana and Hugon saw an ad for it that contained about a zillion phallic symbols, and made the mistake of telling the story to the gaming group:
Oriana says, “They might as well have made their slogan, ‘Buy our pickle and you’ll get laid.”
Hugon says, “Cross-game Chilly Dilly action?”
Taetia says, “The Rune of Chilly Dilly. Where would we have to insert it to get the benefits?”
Eclipse decides not to tell Taetia where to stick his Chilly Dilly…
Taetia says, “Because I would?”
Taetia says, "No purity sex for us."
AlMarth says, "Purity sex, now that's a new term"
Oriana says, "You mean we usually DON'T get Purity for meaningless sex with the King of Cats? Aw, you're no fun."
Taetia says, “Hmm…I wonder if we could combine the King of Cats, a Time effect, and a Chilly Dilly into a Purity Dispenser.”
Oriana says, “Oh no, I think I killed the plot!”
Iph, "I just talked to a Lantern. It says it knows someone who might be able to help us. Anyone ever hear of the mage Nyarlathotep?"
Oriana begins to twitch uncontrollably
Taetia says, "YES! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhatgn! Cthulhu fhtagn!"
Oriana lol's as Taetia has a seizure...
Eclipse says, “Taetia, why don’t you tell the class what a mage can do with Spirit 9?”
Taetia says, “And the shrub is the black goat with tentacles, right?”
Taetia says, “Pack yer bags boyz and girlz, cause we’re going ta Hell!”
Taetia says, "Oh, we might as well fill you in on what happened during your absence. We chatted with Iphi, she talked to some spirits…Oh, and we accidently summoned Nyarlahotep."
Taetia says, “This node isn’t going to try and eat me, is it?”
We meet Nyarlathotep, a Euthanatos who is constantly smoking a cigar:
Eclipse says, “He sucks some smoke. It begins to rain…egg beaters.”
Al’Marth says, “Do the eggbeaters wake anyone up?”
Oriana says, “Probably not me…Unless one of the eggbeaters grows feet and starts kicking me in the head.”
Nyarlathotep, "I want a pound of flesh and a signature in blood from each of you. I'm a bit below quota this month."
Taetia says, "Excuse me?"
Enola Galen says, "Are these typical Euthanatos chat-up lines?"
Taetia says, "This isn't fair! They get James Bond. We get the Odyssey. They get Tybalt. We get someone who wants to cut chunks out of us."
Taetia says, “So. He wanders the Earth, giving random sterilizations?”
Taetia says, “Okay, who hung the ‘Screw Me’ sign on our cabal’s back?”
Eclipse says, "Nyarlathotep takes another drag from his cigar. You hear several oinks as a flock of pigs fly overhead."
Al’Marth says, “I got to get me one of those cigars.”
Enola Galen says, "You get the mutilating Elder God, we get an omnipotent GM Avatar who makes our wishes come true. Someone has some real bad karma."
Enola Galen says, “Smoking can be bad for your health…and your soul…and the laws of probability…”
Al’Marth turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little beaters spin together. (repeat many, many times)
Eclipse says, “That’s what you get for smoking dried faeries.”
AlMarth says, "Cthulhu brand cigars, the only cigar that contains real genitalia!"
Taetia says, "I'm an illiterate savage. I prefer to use books for wiping and tinder."
AlMarth whips out his eggbeater
AlMarth says, "that sounded so wrong"
Koi laughs. "Man...not in public."
Taetia says, "Most people, when hit by lightning, don't tend to yawn and go "Oh. It's lightning. What's on TV?""
Taetia says, "And the arrow fairy collects the arrow out of midair, and leaves AlMarth a shiny new penny."
Taetia says, "Mighty arrow fairy, help me in this, my hour of need!"
Taetia says, "Goddamn worthless bitch! Fuck you, Arrow Fairy!"
Eclipse says, "So now we're down two mages with Forces 3. The healers are botching like modern surgeons on crack. And that leaves the halfling and the lucky kitty with the short bow."
Octavius says, "I know how to get rid of Mr. Owl. Throw him a tootsie pop and that will occupy him for at least a round."
Eclipse says, "How many licks will the cabal take before the players turn on the GM?"
Al’Marth says, “How many licks does it take to finish up a Chilly Dilly?”
Enola Galen says, “Chilly Dilly?”
Oriana says, “You DON’T want to know…really.”
Taetia says, “Since Nyar had all that Jhor, would he have qualifed as having a Chilly Dilly?”
Eclipse says, “Why do you think he was puffing on that cigar?”
Al’Marth says, “He likes genital fumes.”
Enola Galen says, “My first thought was that it sounded like an ice cream flavor…”
Taetia says, “Genital fumes? That sounds like an ice cream flavor? Remind me never to eat English ice cream.”
Eclipse tries to climb back into his chair, slips, and falls back onto the floor laughing. "You folks are killing me tonight."
Taetia says, "Maybe thats why he wanted our genitalia. He’s an ice cream maker. Also explains why he has a chilly dilly."
Oriana takes a bow. "Thanks, folks. I'm here 'til Thursday."
Enola Galen says, "Hey, Manch, Wench and Genital Fume Ice Cream. We can release a themed cookbook to go with the soundtrack album soon."
Taetia says, "Dammit, we just saved her, she can't explode! Besides, do you know hard it is to clean healer splatters out of fur?"
Taetia says, "Nyarlahotep, the Chilly Dilly Man: He puts the 'cream' in 'Ice Cream.'"
Taetia says, “No! Bad AlMarth! No poontang! (pause) I can’t believe I just said that…”
Eclipse says, “The Epagan is ticking.”
Taetia says, "Call the SWAT team, and have them send over the bomb squad. And alert Chilly Dilly. Somebody needs to defuse the Epagan."
Hugon says, "Eus never really leaves...he's like a parasite, sucking your Mojo while you sleep..."
Taetia says, "And that, children, is the real reason behind nocturnal emissions. You owe me for sheets, biatch. And pillow cases. And curtains. And carpeting."
Hugon says, "The fact that there is real Mojo Sauce in existence frightens me...and the fact that I've seen it..."
Taetia says, "What’s it taste like?"
Enola Galen says, "And are you supposed to spit or swallow it?"
Taetia says, "Swallow of course, or you miss the entire point of sucking it out in the first place."
Al’Marth says, “This is a roleplaying game, not a place for sexual experimentation!”
Cheshire_Moon, "Haven't you gone mad, yet? It's so much easier than fighting the guardians of the sacred grove. Pleeeeaaasse go mad for me...
Taetia says, "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt."
AlMarth says, "that would be an interesting t-shirt"
Oriana says, "I went mad in the Chaos Zone, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt?"
Eclipse says, "Actually, it would just say, 'Gurgle drool. Get the maggots off. Gurgle.'"
Al’Marth says, “If the moon pisses me off much more, I’m gonna moon the moon.”
Taetia says, "It's a pity your fur’s growing back.. I thought you were sexy without it. Oh well, shall we venture onwards?"
AlMarth says, "You did!?""
Taetia purrs "Oh yes. Very."
After Taetia gets Scourged into appearing as a giant floating hourglass to everyone around her:
Taetia lifts off and proceeds in a southerly direction
Rahab says, “Ooh! Time flies!”
AlMarth sticks as close to Taetia as he can
Eclipse says, "He's sticking closely to a schedule."
Taetia says, “A giant hourglass told you that you were sexy. How soon until we begin to descend into Marauderhood?”
Taetia says, "Now, if only I could work Genital Fume ice cream, Nyarlathotep and Chilly Dilly into the time gags…"
Al’Marth says, “It’s time for ice cream? Okay, that was pretty weak.”
Taetia says, "Yeah, the hourglass says it's ice cream time. I'll call the Chilly Dilly man and order some double fudge genital fume ice cream. It's quite good. He puts the 'cream' in 'ice cream'…That was even weaker."
Taetia says, “What watches?”
Eclipse says, “Taetia, you’re all the watches the cabal has, at the moment.”
Eclipse says, "Oh yes. That, too. The hourglass wakes up in the middle of the night screaming at the moon to stop smiling at the Nyarly dude sterilizing her with a cigar."
Taetia says, "I've become an alarm clock! A loud one tuned to a really odd channel too."
Eclipse says, "Or at least an alarmed clock..."
Rahab says, "Does she go TickTickTickTick?"
Eclipse says, "No, that's Iphigenia..."
Taetia says, "We've got ticking clocks, and screaming clocks, but not clicking screaming clocks."
AlMarth says, "So we have a time bomb, and an Alarm/alarmed/alarming clock"
Oriana laughs. A lot.
Taetia walks around, kicking people awake
AlMarth says, "A kick from time wakes 9?"
Taetia spends the morning following Iphi around like a really odd dog.
Eclipse says, "She's got too much time on her hands."
Taetia says, “And that’s how you keep cats out of trouble. Give them eggbeaters.”
Eclipse says, “The wench is mine! Arrr!”
Taetia says, “We must worship the eggbeater!”
Who do you blame when Taetia and Al’Marth bring the game to a screeching halt by playing with eggbeaters?:
Eclipse says, "Blame the forces of chaos that caused it to rain eggbeaters in the first place! ...oh wait...that's me..."
Taetia says, "It's not fair! They get the Fae House of Deranged Blasphemous Sex. We get a chaos zone. Something bad should happen to them."
AlMarth says, "let them meet us"
Taetia says, “I’m so disappointed we didn’t land on a witch and get greeted by halflings…”
Taetia pouts, in a chronological sort of way
AlMarth says, “So, what we see is an hourglass shooting a seagull with a lightning bolt?”
AlMarth follows, with his eggbeater out in a threatening looking pose
Taetia says, “You’re so cay-oote when you try to look threatening.”
Koi whimpers. “I’m getting probed all over…”
Eclipse says, “Just be glad Tybalt isn’t here to probe you…”
Taetia says, “Bend over, and we’ll summon the bear-spirit.”
Taetia says, "Huh. Koi's going mad, AlMarth's is freaking over dragon looking clouds, and someone summoned a daemonic army. Yes, leaving is good."
Taetia says, "So many weird things going on, and I'm not involved in even one of them! The world must be ending."
Eclipse says, “Where exactly are you people going?”
AlMarth says, “The hell away from the dragon.”
Eclipse pages Taetia: "You arrive in the burnt-out stone building. The interior looks like it was once a temple, but its walls and floors are now covered in pentagrams drawn in blood. Dried organs and meat cover everything as though a flock of cattle exploded in here.”
Taetia says, “Cattle come in flocks now? Are these wing-ed cattle? I’d hate to wash my car near a flock of wing-ed cattle…”
Taetia says, “Mental note: Genetically engineer flying cattle. Buy stock in umbrella company.”
Hugon says, “Mental note: Write the book ‘When Cows Fly’ 4 months before Tyson completes project.”
Eclipse says, "Koi and Oriana, the dragon-shaped cloud is now completely grey and a little flatter. It grins at you, baring wispy and sharp teeth. Then, it begins to rain on you."
Taetia says, "Eeewww! Dragon wee!"
Taetia says, “I’m attacking a cloud. This is a new low.”
Hugon thinks he needs to give Taetia another injection...that wasn't a proper botch.
Taetia says, "Damn it, Al's the one who's into inserting foreign objects into inappropriate places!"
A few lines later, while trying to melt the cloud...
Taetia says, "Is it still big?"
AlMarth says, "WHAT!?"
Eclipse [to Taetia]: It's a cloud!
Oriana says, "You have no idea how bad that sounded out of context, Tyson..."
Oriana says, “Yes, a cloud looked at us funny, so we decided to kill it. It’s a new low for the Angst Cabal.”
We kill the evil cloud, and destroy the entire island in the process:
Eclipse says, “This is not one of those stories you tell your buddies back at the Adventurers’ Bar and Grill…”
Eclipse says, “You could always burn down the opera house or look for another cloud to pick on.”
Taetia says, “That cloud had it coming.”
Eclipse says, "Argue, find a ruin, argue, kill a cloud, argue, plot, argue, plan...Gotta love the Cabal of Destruction. They're like a juggernaut once they get rolling, but they're like a dragon in a 20 x 20 x 20 room with human-sized doors the rest of the time..."
Rahab pages Eclipse: "Anything I could do with 3 life and 2 prime to help [Koi] out?"
Eclipse pages Rahab: "You could give him a bouquet of flowers to brighten his day?"
The Cabal of Destruction’s Unintentional Death Toll:
Taetia says, “4 boats, 200 people, an island, and a cloud.”
AlMarth says, "I dunno, but [Koi’s] spiritual pants are too short"
Taetia says, "Take off your pants, Koi! Let us see if everything is getting bigger."
Koi needs a seamstress with Spirit 4!
Eclipse says, “Ever seen Hitchcock’s ‘The Clouds?’”
Eclipse says, "All it did was rain on you. It's a cloud. That's what it does!"
Taetia says, "But it did it in an offensive way."
Oriana says, "Yeah, it was EEEEEEVIL rain!"
AlMarth says, "I wonder what they'll say when an hourglass, a spiritually growing guy, a child, a midget and a shaved tanak show up in town."
Enola Galen says, " ‘The circus is here!’ "
You know you’re in a Z’wad campaign when…:
Eclipse says, “This area seems to be mostly free of human meat.”
Eclipse says, “Deep down, I’m a sick, sick puppy.”
Octavius says, “And that puppy needs to be put to sleep.”
Rahab goes looking for a tree with no human flesh dangling from it.
Oriana can't believe anyone even had to SAY that phrase...
Taetia says, "Undead pirates, come to bury their ill-gotten booty by the light of the full moon! Those poor women."
AlMarth says, “There’s seven [wraiths] on shore, they’re doing aerobics.”
Taetia says, “Dead men don’t do aerobics.”
Octavius says, “Cool, an undead beach party.”
Taetia says, “At least they don’t have to worry about getting sand in their undies.”
AlMarth says, "These ghosts are nothing to worry about, they're just here to have a good time."
Eclipse says, "Yes, and the harpies were getting ready to do some serious quilting, too..."
Koi makes his way back toward camp, looking singed...burned.
Taetia says, "Evening Koi. Have an interesting night?"
Oriana says, "Return of the pants demons?"
Eclipse says, "The monkeys tried to sacrifice him to the volcano god, don't you know."
Oriana says, "Hey hey, we're the monkeys...and people say we monkey around. But we're too busy sacrificing elves to the volcano god to put anybody down."
Oriana says, “Well Koi, you should know – there are a bunch of ghosts playing volleyball with a human head out on the beach.”
Oriana says, "Just a typical night in the Cabal of Destruction. After all, if there wasn't at least one inter-cabal magical battle, it wouldn't be Saturday night M:EF!"
Eclipse says, "You ain't kiddin'!"
Eclipse says, “You guys don’t need the Chaos Zone. You’re your own Chaos Zone.”
Taetia says, "I'll do what I damn well please, and if you don't like it, you can go suck on Hemlock's left testicle for all I care."
Rahab says, "Mmm. Salty."
Taetia says, "Hemlock's Chocolate Salty Balls!"
Eclipse says, "First person to say something about Hemlock's Chilly Dilly dies!"
Taetia says, “Mmmm…salty…and the other is sour…and a bit chilly.”
Taetia says, “Does Hemlock make ice cream, too?”
Eclipse says, “*default GM response*”
Taetia says, "Yes please. Genital Fume Icecream, Rahab's banana's, Hemlock's chocolate salty balls, and a chilly dilly on the side."
Taetia says, "3 Arete? 8 Freebies. Forces 3? 3 sphere dots. Intra-cabal warfare? Priceless."
Taetia says, "Shuffleboard, volleyball, world domination.. Sounds like a resort club for Republicans."
Eclipse pages Taetia: "I am your true master, D. I am Hemlock, Lord of the Daemons. All who do not kneel before me in life lie at my feet in death."
Taetia says, "What do you say to a statement like that? ‘You're not as big as I thought you'd be?’ ‘Where’s your other three heads?’ I know…‘Please don’t maim me.’ That’s always a favorite."
Taetia says, “Even if I die, at least I’ll go to my grave knowing I died telling the god of demons to fuck off.”
Eclipse says, “10-megaton Angst-fission bomb.”
Eclipse says, "Hemlock is forever being told to fuck off by my PCs. One day, someone is going to push him too far..."
Taetia prints some T-Shirts saying "My Avatar had sex with Hemlock, and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt." But anyway, back to the plot.
Octavius says, “Sell your soul and win a prize.”
Taetia says, “Look for the testicles...I meant tentacles!”
Taetia says, "We're the Committee for the Advancement of Equal Rights for Evil Gods, and we find one "Koi's" Attitude towards one "Hemlock", highly offensive! Bigot! Unleash the lawyers! Give that child a subpoena!"
Koi says, "Nooo! Not the Lawyers!!"
AlMarth pulls out his eggbeater and gets ready to mess up Ben’s face with it
Koi says, "Damn it, I need a lightsaber."
Taetia says, "You've got prime 2.. You've got forces.. You've got a lightsaber."
Oriana says, “Don’t taunt the dark god, Koi.”
AlMarth says, "Shouldn't Ben be saying something more along the lines of ‘AUGHHH!’?"
Eclipse says, "Bite me, Al. It's more dramatic my way."
AlMarth says, “Dangit, I wanna eggbeat Oriana’s lost love!”
Rahab says, "Yeah, we're the dynamic duo - Koi insults, I browbeat."
AlMarth says, "I eggbeat. And lie."
Taetia says, "I hit them very hard with sharp, heavy objects."
AlMarth says, “Anyway, so I hit him, and Oriana has a Husband Frappe, right?”
Oriana says, "There goes my master plan for annihilating Variel and myself in one stupendous burst of angst. If I do that, I'll have a hell of a silent treatment waiting for me in the afterlife..."
Octavius cheers "Koi, Koi. He's our man. If he can't do it, no one can.”
Taetia says, "Wrong, it's ‘Koi, Koi. He’s our man. If he can't do it, we'll get someone who can and isn't a worthless fancy lad."
Eclipse says, "And Ben's status moves up from Angsty Temptation to Angsty Liability."
Eclipse pages Taetia: "A voice whispers in your ear, 'Do you still wish to defeat Variel, Taetia?'"
Taetia pages Eclipse: "Is it a good voice? Or an evil voice?"
Eclipse pages Taetia: "It's a pleasant voice."
Taetia pages Eclipse: "Which means it's evil.”
Oriana says, “C’mon boys and girls. Join the friendly angst brigade.”
Taetia says, “What’s this? Don’t halfling ghosts get to play volleyball?”
Oriana says, “Damn it Tyson! Stop making me laugh when I’m trying to be angsty!”
Hugon says, “A boat? You mean those things that sink in the water?”
Taetia says, "Ben the pintsized halfling, was a very tiny ghost. And if you ever saw him, you could even say he was a midget. All of the others ghosties, wouldn't let him play in the ghost games, like volleyball!"
Taetia says, "What? After all that? Whatever it was doesn't even give me a ride? Bloody spirits.."
Oriana says, “Ah, the first miracle of Rahab. The feeding of the…12 malnourished halflings. Okay, so it’s not as impressive as some other people’s miracles…but it’s a start.”
Koi grins, starts collecting leftover fishes and loves.
Koi says, "loaves...gah"
Rahab says, "Awww...it's Koi the love-collector."
Eclipse says, “[The huge, gaping maw is] devouring the other side of the island in the sense of IT'S COMING THIS WAY. Ben and Oriana come out of the woods at a run."
Taetia says, "Ben hastily pulling up his pants?"
Oriana says, "Is that any of your business?"
Oriana says, “Oh yes, because an island covered with dripping chunks of human meat is the ideal setting for a romantic encounter.”
Taetia says, “D, the tanak formerly known as the tanak formerly know as D.”
Oriana says, “Not that I don’t trust your Forces, but he DID sell his soul for me…”
Koi says, "1 wp, 1 quin and a prayer then."
Eclipse [to Koi]: To whom?
Koi grins. "Anyone listening."
Taetia says, "Wrong answer…"
Oriana says, “He sold his soul for me. That would be really romantic if it didn’t suck so much.”
Al’Marth says, “What’s the fun in gaming if I can’t munch on wench?”
Discussing the previous night’s game:
Eclipse [to Oriana]: Spahk was fun. I got a bit carried away at times, though.
Oriana says, "A LITTLE carried away?! All of their HEADS exploded!"
Hugon says, "Hmm, I wonder...since my character understood and experienced everything, couldn't he have infinite XP? *snicker wishful thinking*"
Oriana says, "Do you want your head to explode *again,* Eus?"
Eclipse [to Hugon]: *default GM response*
Hugon says, "Hey, had to at least make the good old PC effort and try."
Hugon says, “Our HEADS exploded, we’re tossed into the place we heard horror stories about, and you don’t call it angst?”
Eclipse thinks it's dangerous to use ship terminology to describe ANYTHING the Cabal of Destruction uses for transportation...
Al’Marth says, “So we’ve flooded one island, destroyed another…I’m sensing a pattern similar to the boats.”
Taetia says, "Ok then. 200 people. 4 boats. 2 islands. 1 cloud. Happy?"
Eclipse says, "Not yet... I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU PARTICIPATE IN THE DESTRUCTION OF AT LEAST TWO MORE ISLANDS!!!"
Eclipse says, "Maybe you could make the Landworm your pet so it will follow you around, eating every island you find."
Taetia says, "Can we do that?"
Eustacio dropped Beth Kinderman.
Beth Kinderman has left.
Oriana says, “Stop it! You bitch, you cloned me!”
Taetia says, “Eus, can I have a Beth clone? I’ll give you 5 bucks.”
Taetia cuddles the Cloud Dragon.
The horrors of OGR’s NPC creation command:
Al’Marth picks up Ben
Al'Marth says, "I got your husband!"
Taetia says, "Sell him to the hot dog man!"
Eclipse says, "Stop that."
Oriana laughs
Oriana says, “Make them stop playing keep-away with my husband. *whimper*”
Taetia says "Hey Ben, you were dead. Any otherwordly wisdom or knowledge that could help us out?"
Ben says "Not unless you're interested in a travelogue about Hell..."
Taetia says "No, not really. I'm sure I'll learn all I need when I die."
(Referring to Al’Marth’s seance) Taetia shrugs "Whatever. It should be good to pass a few hours, until the sun goes down."
Ben says "You're not the only one looking forward to it, Taetia..."
Ben grins.
Taetia says "Going to hell, or nightfall?"
Ben says "Both."
Taetia says, “Warning: Do Not Feed The Supreme Being.”
Taetia says, "He's going to inject you with Eclipse' Special Sauce. Made of the finest genitalia, chocolate salty balls, and chilly dillies, guaranteed to cure whatever ails you."
The vending machine creates some mountain, which Eustacio consumes quickly.
Oriana says, "YOU EAT A MOUNTAIN?!"
Taetia says, "That is going to HURT coming out!"
Eustacio says, "Okay, it doesn't do multiple words yet..."
Eclipse says, "EVERYONE wants to be a Landworm!"
Vending Machine has left.
Oriana says, "Ohhhhh...vending machine go bye-bye."
Eclipse says, "Vending machines that walk away, now? This place is almost as bad as the Chaos Zone. Well, not really..."
Eclipse says, "'Haven't I already answered your second question with my two answers?'"
Taetia says "No. There was also asked the best way to use Variel to kill Hemlock."
<OOC> Eclipse says, "Cheesecake, salt, and hosing PCs."
Taetia says, "I know, I know. In the wrong hands this amulet could cause indescrible havoc and destruction." Taetia holds up his hands. "These hands look wrong enough."
The vending machine creates some Tyson, which Eustacio consumes quickly.
Taetia says "All that squeaking was getting on my nerves. Sounded like two frikken rats in a tin can. "
Taetia says, "A chance to kiss the Supreme Being? I couldn't’ve missed that…Only would've been better if he'd stayed around long enough to shag."
After we retell the previous events of the game:
Koi says, “Why does the term out of the frying pan and into the fire come to mind?”
Oriana says, “And I got laid.”
Ben says, “So did I.”
Taetia says, "I love my sound system. I can feel my bowels vibrating."
AlMarth says, "I can feel your bowels vibrating...not much of a love song"
Taetia says, "I have legendary dexterity! I make Olympic athletes look like pigeon toed rednecks, and I FALL DOWN THE STAIRS?!"
Rahab watches Koi attempt to make a statue his bitch and fail.
Koi says, “Yeah, well, you know me…I’ll punch anything once.”
Taetia floats down again and gives AlMarth a toe curling, heart-thumping, white hot passionate kiss.
Koi says, "I'd imagine Al get's a dodge on that. ;)"
AlMarth grabs Taetia's ass
Rahab thinks he just forfeited it.
Taetia says, "This is why Forces is a happy thing."
Koi says, "right until the wraiths attack"
Eclipse says, "Or until you're stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean
with no food or water..."
Taetia says, "Then we could make our boat fly again."
AlMarth says, "DON'T SAY BOAT"
Taetia says, “Super flying kitty…ATTACK!”
Taetia says, “Don’t fuck with the flying kitty bucky boy.”
Oriana says, "I could tell YOU some things about what
Eus has in store for tomorrow, Tyson...he spent most of a 90 minute phone call
running his evil plans by me..."
Taetia says, "All 90 minutes concern me? Or just the
group in general?"
Oriana says, "The group in general, though you were a
major part of it..."
Taetia says, "In a good "cause of it" way, or
a bad, "This'll be fun to do to him" way?"
Oriana says, "Yes.
<evil grin>"
Taetia says, "That is one of the most annoying habits.."
Taetia says, "My hands shake, my eyes are yellow, I twitch spasmodically and jump at sudden noises, but I've got enough caffeine surging through my bloodstream to counteract a cobra's venom. Hell, if someone shot me to death, it'd take a few days before the caffeine wore off enough for me to notice."
Taetia screams "SPOOON!" and pounces on the Lucky
Kitty
AlMarth says, "Pounces…Not this again"
Enola Galen says, ""And next on Fox...When Tanaks Attack!"
Taetia says, “We haven’t made freaky cat noises in the longest time.”
Koi whimpers.
Eclipse says, “Please refrain from seducing the supreme being, okay?”
Taetia says, "Why not? Peter Parker turned into Spiderman from being bit by a radioactive spider. Just imagine the power you'd get from being shagged by the Supreme Being."
Enola Galen says, “You do realize you’ll reach his inner sanctum and he’ll turn out to be on holiday?”
AlMarth says, "Shut doors! my arch nemeses"
Hugon says, "Gah, shut doors are easy."
Taetia says, "It's the open, unlocked ones you gotta be
wary off."
Oriana laughs
Enola Galen says, "Turn it into cheese."
Taetia begins to rub against Eclipse, discharging negative
mojo into him
Oriana says, "IC? You summon Eclipse just to rub up
against him?"
Taetia says, "OOC. I wonder what'd he hose me with, if I summoned him and ordered him to pleasure me.."
Oriana loves the way Eclipse ignores the laws of physics for his own entertainment…
Taetia says, “In case of nuclear explosion, duck and cover.”
The Cabal of Destruction’s final unintentional death
toll:
Taetia says, “200 people, 4 boats, 2 islands, 1 cloud, 1 random room.”
Taetia says, "Oh. Fuck me."
AlMarth says, "we did that already"
Taetia says, "Yeah, but I didn't enjoy it."
AlMarth says, "That's not what it looked like to
me"
Taetia says, "Trust me, when a woman says it's a good
size, she means it's small. And yes, size does matter."
AlMarth says, "You...You were FAKING it?"
Taetia says, "I did it just to shut you up,
remember?"
Taetia says, "Don't tell me you didn't even notice the
sarcastic tone of my moaning?"
AlMarth says, "I was a little busy at the time"
Taetia says, "Little.. how appropriate.."
Taetia says, "Judging from your performance, what
exactly where you concentrating on?"
AlMarth says, "The task at hand"
Taetia says, "Really? Coulda fooled me."
Taetia says, “You know, if I made a habit of looking more than 15 seconds into the future, I’m sure I’d be worried.”
Oriana says, “I’m a strong-willed midget bitch.”
Hugon says, “And so is your character.”
Oriana says, "Woohoo! Tag-team, trans-time-zone, Tolkien-inspired metal karaoke!"
Rahab says, "Kill him, Koi!"
Oriana says, "The 5 year old is saying this?! My God, the angst overwhelms me."
Taetia says, "Ahab, I don't suppose you have a ship
docked here?"
Oriana says, "No. More. Boats."
Oriana considers the fact that she's 3 for 3 with bizarre
freakish sexual encounters for her Mage characters..."Though this is by
far the weirdest...well, okay, the fact that my Virtual Adept slept with a
Nephandi construct comes really close..."
Eclipse says, "Oh dear..."
AlMarth says, "ummm, that ain't right"
Oriana says, "If it's any consolation, I didn't know it
at the time..."
Taetia says, "Didn't know you slept with him? What did you think you were doing, playing ping pong?"
**Here begin the
Infamous Phallic Eggbeater Jokes**
Taetia says, "There are soooo many connotations I could
get into, guys having eggbeaters and being glad, Beth not having one and being
glad of that…"
Rahab made the eggbeaters for them. What does that mean?
Eclipse says, “Suddenly, the fact that I made eggbeaters rain from the sky takes on an entirely different mental image…”
Taetia turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little beaters
spin together.
AlMarth says, "turns the crank-huh"
Taetia says, "Suddenly, that message seems very ominous and not a little painful."
Taetia says, “Hey Beth, wanna play with my eggbeater?”
Taetia turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little beaters
get caught and won't spin properly.
Taetia says, "I guess I'll just have to play by mysel - Hey now, what happened to my eggbeater?!"
Taetia says, "Rahab, you mean woman, you broke my
eggbeater." Taetia sniffs
AlMarth says, "I wonder what this is a euphemism
for"
Oriana laughs
Rahab didn't either. Maybe you wore it out.
Taetia says, "Eeeewwwww. Eclipse, did you touch my
eggbeater?"
Taetia turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little beaters
get caught on each other and won't spin properly.
Oriana says, "It's a great mystery...who Bobbitted the eggbeater?"
Taetia says, "I just don't feel like a man with a
broken one."
Oriana says, "dude, your character's a woman. Maybe you shouldn't?"
Taetia says, "That opens an entirely new line of thought about possible uses for this eggbeater."
Al’Marth flaunts his functioning eggbeater.
Taetia turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little beater holders spin fruitlessly. Taetia says, “I’ve been rendered impotent!”
Naphtali says, "I think it's closer to
castration."
Taetia says, "But I don't want to be an eunuch!"
Oriana says, "Aaaaaah! Eggbeater envy!"
AlMarth turns the crank on the eggbeater. One of the little
beaters goes limp and makes a flubbing noise.
Taetia snickers
AlMarth says, "WHAT"
Oriana says, "A FLUBBING noise?!"
Taetia says, “Could someone please reinvigorate our eggbeaters?”
Taetia says, “Are these strap-on eggbeaters?”
AlMarth turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little limp
beaters flub uselessly.
Taetia says, "Hehe, you're all limp!"
Oriana says, "YUCK!"
Oriana says, “I am definitely NOT an STD!”
Taetia attempts to turn the crank on her eggbeater. A new
one sprouts from the empty space.
Taetia gasps!
Taetia says, "Thanks Rahab! I love my shiny new
eggbeater!"
Rahab doesn't know what you're talking about.
Taetia turns the crank on her eggbeater. The little beaters go feral and attempt to eat her face.
Taetia says, "Oh my god!"
Oriana says, "Stop it before it kills again!"
Taetia says, “Now, THIS is a manly eggbeater.”
Oriana says, “Warning: Do not taunt the eggbeaters.”
AlMarth turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little baby beater sprouts spin together.
AlMarth turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little baby beater sprouts giggle happily.
AlMarth says, “my eggbeater just giggled”
Oriana says, “Are we Marauders yet?”
Taetia turns the crank on her eggbeater. The little beaters make goo-goo eyes at each other.
AlMarth says, “Little baby beater sprouts…”
Oriana says, “Sounds like a bad all-girl punk band.”
AlMarth turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little adolescent beater sprouts spin together.
Oriana says, “*sniff* They grow up so fast.”
Taetia says, “Umm…mine eggbeater is humping itself.”
Yes, still referring to an eggbeater...
Taetia says, “Is this incest or masturbation?”
AlMarth turns the crank on the eggbeater. The little
adolescent beater sprouts sulk quietly.
AlMarth says, "Doctor...my uh...eggbeater
is...well...sulking"
Oriana says, "Does it have halflings?"
Taetia turns the crank on her eggbeater. The little beaters
sprout baby eggbeaters.
Oriana says, "Mazel tov! it's a boy!"
Taetia says, "I'm so proud!"
Taetia turns the crank on her eggbeater. The little beaters
and the baby eggbeaters spin together.
Oriana says, "That would be one screwed up looking
eggbeater."
Taetia says, "HAH! I've got 4 beaters, you've only got 2! Guess who's more of a man!…Hey baby. I’ve got a 4 headed eggbeater. You interested?”
Taetia turns the crank on her eggbeater. The little beaters and the baby eggbeaters spin together with a fwapping noise.
Oriana says, “Fwapping? What is the sound of one eggbeater fwapping?”
Taetia turns the crank on her eggbeater. The baby eggbeaters
bud and fall off.
Taetia says, "Oh god! Pieces of my eggbeater are coming
off and assuming eggbeater form!"
AlMarth says, "We're witnessing the miracle of birth"