I woke up shaken from a dream one day. I had fallen from an endless sky and approached a bottomless pit of despair. It was obvious what this was a metaphor for. The act of the heart skipping too many beats, palpitating in rhythm with drumming in my mind over the thoughts of someone I�d never known I always knew. The dream of the great fall of course symbolized my first fall from a place I�ve never been and meeting an ultimate demise. I�d managed to avoid for the best of my life giving in to the temptations of the heart. Any thought of love ever to cross my mind I�d managed to suppress deep in the black hole of my frozen-over heart. I never saw the point in giving in. After all, falling in love is nothing more than dropping into a six-foot deep hole in the ground and I am too emotionally drained to claw my way out of the grave I created for myself through the suicidal act of loving� longing. How long my journey was as I fell. How high my hopes were from the hints I received as I descended down like heaven�s tears in a flash of lightning, plummeting to my death� though I am still unaware if my demise did occur. For as any man would do in the face of death, before I could discover if my dream would come true� I woke up. Though, I recall at my awakening from my fall from grace a pain deep in the left of my chest. And with every skipped heartbeat, my pain then grew stronger until it forced the flood of my tear ducts. And soon my bottomless pit became an abyss of tears I had cried. And soon I found myself drowning in a puddle of my own fear of commitment, trying to escape the fact that it was not at all difficult for me to love another� but the dread of not receiving their love in return. And from this thought, I could not escape with the simple task of waking up.
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10/4/01