My best friend had a deity. I swear, it�s true, I saw her. She�d give him orders left and right then bitch at him for doing it wrong. �You never believe in me! Don�t eat my apples! I�ll drag you away from Gilligan to Temptation Island, but don�t you stare at anything � and you�d better not be using Onan�s hand later!� And if that weren�t enough, she�d she was one vengeful thing, always thinking she was right about everything, putting herself on pedestal beyond reach. And don�t even think about telling her she�s wrong or she�d damn you to a fate worse than purgatory. Sure she had her moments, but if you caught her at the �wrong time,� you�re screwed. I�m glad I never had a� oh, I�m sorry, did I say deity? I meant girlfriend. Well, she may not have been a goddess, but she seemed to think so� and I wasn�t going to argue. Hell hath no fury like a woman PMS-ing. Besides, if these common threads don�t prove that God is a woman, I don�t know what will.
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8/10/01