 |
| LADIES JUMP ON CAR The sweaty ladies club met this lunchtime to shout about their big coats. We were very disturbed to see Bes Nis, who killed a jammy cat for fun. Bes always thumps the new members before clucking like a bizarre hen. Her happy delicacies include a spinning monkey atop a flaming giant. She will be destroyed next year. THERE'S MEN IN MY GARDEN At its obvious meeting recently, the Ipe garden club split some swimmers open for profit. The spooky show schedules are available from a seething man in a shiny hat. Be sure to kick any gardeners you see quickly with an abstract boot. HOLE, THEN MORE HOLE Holes have sprung up like warm leaves in a rusty boat. But they will soon be gone if Jav council get their wicked way. Over the past few months the council's haughty plans have stunned bearded residents, but compensation will be made available for greasy people who can prove they were born in a lorry. WHERE ARE THE VENDING MACHINES? The sparkly turnout for the Jix raffle was strikingly dull. Luckily, some pathetic passers-by juggled with bones until some slippery prizes could be found. These prizes include: charming hose, sorrowful mouse, chirpy slug and saucy sausage. IDIOT DESTROYS WILDERBEAST An angry idiot has flattened some houses in a bid for bright glory. This was proven by his nasty smile and golden shoes. If anyone has any incorrect info, they can contact Huc Zar and scream at his curly locks. "I do hope everything will turn out alright!" sings plaffy glop. MORE NEWS NEXT TIME! |
|