| Hitting the ground running too fast, it's... |
| PLANET MORON |
| THE CAST: PAUL AND WOODSEY Welcome to the refuge of two people who have too much time on their hands. Plus, they have been DISAPPOINTINGLY REJECTED by a MAJOR BROADCASTING COMPANY and are understandably VERY (very) BITTER. A new page in our lives beckon - quite literally in fact as on the soon to be worshipped day of Sunday 6 August 2000 ( At around 7:26 and 32 seconds if you're at all interested ) this pivotal page begun its life under the ill-thought name of Planet Moron (We were originally going to call it " Don't worry, we'll think of a name later " but it plagiarises the name of a radio serial). So you'll want to be given a reason for wasting your time here (we don't need one,of course, that's the benefit of being teenagers). Well, we don't have one to hand but as soon as we think of one, shucks, you'll be the third to find out. Interestingly, our column has the topic of 'Alternative lifestyle which we were forced to type in by the evil pigeonholers that are Yahoo! Luckily, it is almost hilariously non-committal and we will write whatever we choose. Suddenly it makes so much sense. But first, some GROUND RULES. As People Who Know What's Going On (PWKWGO) we realise that the Internet is a big old scary place (we are informed by so many adverts for (ahem) "Child-Friendly Sites") and features terrifying pictures of OLD DEAD MEN, we have decided that it is necessary for some discipline. No seriously. So here is our 4-point plan to our own special sense of humour. A) No pointless swearing, sex, violence, pictures of OLD DEAD MEN with OLD DEAD FERRETS, because frankly a million sites offer up this as an excuse for humour (yes, that's certainly scraping the barrel. I very much doubt we'll ever stoop to that (trucking - Woodsey) rubbish - Paul) B) Our pledge to try to make this work. Obviously, we will update it as often as we can. But - hey - y'know, if we get bored, well.... we think you know what will happen.... pictures of OLD DEAD MEN with OLD DEAD FERRETS in ABANDONED WINDMILLS (Hmmm... - Paul). So you'll be wanting to be knowin what's goin' on in this here part o' town (Erm, probably....? - Woodsey). Well, here it is: |
| Sitting on the beaches, looking FEATURES at the |
| Immediately we can see two original staples of PLANET MORON, not only has the cast list remained on the front page to this very day, but ubiquitous capital letters abound (in case you're wondering, it's more than likely I was influenced in this respect by old copies of Future Publishing's gaming magazine AMIGA POWER, or more specifically the writing of Jonathan Nash). |
| We end meaningfully with a misquote from a Stranglers song and a slightly-odd ordering of text because nether of us understood GeoCities at this point. We never even got around to linking FEATURES to, er... anywhere at all, in fact. This is probably why we decided to jettison this dreadful attempt at humour to the recycle bin and start afresh in 2001. Which kind of makes this retread page a bit pointless. BUT THESE WERE THE VALUES ON WHICH PLANET MORON WERE FORGED. |
| Brackets and mangled syntax appear to be the order of the day in this first draft. Note also how we were indeed genuine teenagers back at this point, rather than simply having the mental age of teenagers. |
| Ah, the OLD DEAD MEN joke, that takes me back. Note also that it refers to a '4-point plan'. |
| And yes, true to the professional fact-checking nature of early PM, we follow it with only 2 points. Man, we were crap. Sidenote: This section actually underwent some hefty editing (possibly we believed that a huge essay on the front page of our site wasn't going to entice people in, but it still comes in at 8 paragraphs), the original text of the OLD DEAD MEN joke is available here. |
| pm |