| IF IT'S TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE BOREDOM |
| Part Two |
| (AGENTS 34 AND 45 ARE ON THEIR FRONT LAWN, TRYING TO SELL HOME-MADE LEMONADE TO PASSERS-BY. IT IS ACTUALLY A PITIFUL SIGHT SEEING TWO GROWN ADULTS TRYING TO SELL HOME-MADE LEMONADE TO PASSERS-BY, AND SURPRISING THAT AGENT 34 WOULD TAKE PART CONSIDERING THE NATURE OF HER CHARACTER IN THE PREVIOUS TWO ADVENTURES.) AGENT 34: Phew, sure is hot today. AGENT 45: Yeah, I'm feeeling [sic]. AGENT 34: Forget it 45, no-one will appreciate that complicated joke. (A HEAVILY PREGNANT WOMAN, JANICE, COMES UP TO THEM. IT IS NOT KNOWN IF SHE WAS HEAVY BEFORE SHE WAS PREGNANT.) JANICE: Hello, my name's Janice, and I'm pregnant. AGENT 45: Pregnant? How did that happen, then? (AGENT 34 AND JANICE LOOK EMBARRASSED AND ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN THE FACTS OF LIFE TO AGENT 45. THE AUDIENCE, MEANWHILE, TWIDDLE THEIR THUMBS AND WONDER WHERE THIS STORYLINE IS HEADING. SOME CYNICAL, SEEN-IT-ALL-BEFORE PEOPLE MIGHT THINK THAT THEY'LL ALL BE TRAPPED IN A LIFT AS JANICE GOES INTO LABOUR, FORCING THE AGENTS TO DELIVER THE BABY, BUT WHO KNOWS, WE HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.) AGENT 45: So that's how! Saucy devil. JANICE: Yeah, well, getting back to where this storyline is heading, I'm feeling a little faint, and I was wondering if I might purchase a beverage from your temporary watering-hole. (THE AGENTS BLINK IN SYNCHRONISATION. THEY ARE CONFUSED.) JANICE: I sense you're confused. AGENT 34: No, you just read the parenthesis. JANICE: Ahem, well, what I mean is, I'd really like a drink. I can pay, I have money coming out of my ears. (AGENT 34 REACHES INTO JANICE'S EARS FOR THE CORRECT COINAGE AND PASSES HER A PAPER CUP OF POORLY-MADE LEMONADE.) JANICE: Mmm, you know I like poorly-made lemonade. Really hits the spot. (AGENTS 34 AND 45 THINK HARD.) AGENT 45: No, can't make a pun out of "Really hits the spot". Can you rephrase it? JANICE: Er... okay, that touches the parts I can't reach. AGENT 34: What, like your left elbow with your left hand? AGENT 45: Aha! You see? You see what she said there? (THEY ALL FALL ABOUT LAUGHING, PERHAPS A LITTLE TOO HARD, THE JOKE WASN'T THAT FUNNY. SUDDENLY, JANICE STAGGERS AND SITS DOWN ON THE TABLE.) JANICE: Ohh, I feel a little odd. I don't know what's come over me. AGENT 34: The baby! It's ready! AGENT 45: How do you mean? AGENT 34: Well, it has to be given birth... AGENT 45: You didn't explain that bit to me... (AGENT 34 AND JANICE LOOK EMBARRASSED AND AGAIN CONTINUE THEIR TALK ON THE FACTS OF LIFE.) AGENT 45: Oh, right! Saucy devil. JANICE: I'll, don't, won't, there's, it's... AGENT 34: She's started her contractions! We've got to get her to a hospital! AGENT 45: Let's carry her there. AGENT 34: No, let's take the car. It'll be easier, methinks. CONTINUED ON PAGE 3 |