| IF IT'S TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE BOREDOM |
| It's time for some more secret agent chicanery with Agents 34 and 45. Honest. Well, not honest, actually. Fact is, it's not easy finding employment when you're a secret agent. You can't chase international villains if they haven't done anything criminal for a while, but are still called villains simply because they look suspicious. That's why we join Agent 34 and Agent 45 at home, not doing much at all. And remember, if you want to see them back in action, you're going to have to steal a Russian satellite and sell it to Cuba. So sit back and yawn for... IF IT'S TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE BOREDOM! |
| (SCENE: THE HOME OF AGENTS 34 AND 45. AGENT 45 LOUNGES IN A CHAIR WATCHING TELEVISION WHILE AGENT 34 GETS UP AND REPAIRS TO HER DESK IN ORDER TO REPAIR HER DESK. IT IS ALL VERY BORING, HENCE THE TITLE.) AGENT 34: Pass the saw, will you. I'm too bored to get it. AGENT 45: Heads up! (AGENT 45 UNWISELY THROWS THE SAW OVER THE BACK OF THE CHAIR. IT LANDS MERE INCHES AWAY FROM AGENT 34'S LEFT EAR.) AGENT 34: Yow! What's wrong with you? AGENT 45: Don't forget your screwdriver! (AGENT 45 THROWS THE SCREWDRIVER OVER THE CHAIR, AND IT LANDS IN AGENT 34'S MOUTH. DON'T WORRY THOUGH, READERS, IT'S A PUN JOKE, BECAUSE THE SCREWDRIVER IN QUESTION REFERS TO THE COCKTAIL ALSO CALLED A 'SCREWDRIVER', SO ALL THAT HAPPENS IS AGENT 34 HARMLESSLY DRINKS IT, HO HO.) AGENT 34: Cheers, I needed that. Oh, I can't be bothered to fix my desk, it was only a small joke in the opening stage direction, anyway. Oh, I'm so bored, if only something interesting would happen... AGENT 45: In that case, I've got a surprise for you! AGENT 34: Yeah? Something cool? AGENT 45: Well, lukewarm. I've got some digestives! AGENT 34: Sigh... that's not very interesting... AGENT 45: Yeah, but I've also got some rich teas as well! AGENT 34: RICH TEAS? Cor, yummy! Why didn't you say so? (AGENT 34 LUNGES FOR THE PACKET AND STARTS MUNCHING ONE.) AGENT 45: Hey! That really takes the biscuit! AGENT 34: I'm better than you are at everything, you're really bad at stuff, mock, jeer, deride. AGENT 45: Oh, now she's started scoffing. You're a real rich tea demon, you know that, don't you? AGENT 34: Sorry. AGENT 45: Sometimes you just don't get it. AGENT 34: I'm too bored to get it. Didn't I already say that in my first line of dialogue? AGENT 45: Yeah, it didn't make much sense then, either. But I don't know, maybe we could use this hiatus to our own ends... AGENT 34: Saucy devil. But do tell. AGENT 45: Let's sell some lemonade on the front lawn like fat American children do in fat American movies. AGENT 34: Is that the best you can do? Sometimes I wonder why I married you... AGENT 45: Do you have to point out that we're married in all our adventures? AGENT 34: Contractual obligation, sorry. AGENT 45: Yes, well, while the cat's away, the mice will do some playing of some kind..! Bring on the lemons! CONTINUED ON PAGE 2 |