| MY DINNER WITH AGENTS |
| Agents 34 and 45 have been rather quiet since their world-famous Corbis raid in April. However, the time has come for another mission to be assigned to them, a mission which could result in a loss of life, and insurance. Once again working for PLANET MORON, we've sent Agent 34 and Agent 45 to a restaurant in London (possibly the Montreal) to have dinner with the notorious crime boss Effendi, to gain information on crimes such as a proposed bank raid, an insurance scam and taping music off the radio. Will they succeed? Or will it be another long-winded script where most of the jokes are to be found in the parenthesis? Stay tuned for... MY DINNER WITH AGENTS! |
| (SCENE: A BUSY LONDON RESTAURANT. AGENT 45 WALKS IN AND HANGS HIS HAT ONTO A HATSTAND THAT DOESN'T EXIST. AGENT 34 FOLLOWS HIM IN AND, MUTTERING, SHE PICKS UP HIS HAT FROM THE FLOOR.) AGENT 34: What is wrong with you? Are you insane? AGENT 45: Not anymore! AGENT 34: Now listen. We're here to talk with Effendi, the crime boss, to get information out of him. We'll use the names Jenny and Tommy. AGENT 45: Why? AGENT 34: Because he might suspect something if we refer to each other as Agent 34 and 45. AGENT 45: I see. Which of us is Jenny and which of us is Tommy? AGENT 34: Exclamation of disbelief! I'm Jenny and you're Tommy! You're a man, aren't you? AGENT 45: Hang on, I'll just check. (EMBARRASSINGLY, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWDED RESTAURANT, AGENT 45 'CHECKS'.) AGENT 34: SIT DOWN, YOU IDIOT! (AGENTS 34 AND 45 SIT DOWN.) AGENT 45: How will we know who's Effendi? AGENT 34: I think we'll know. (SUDDENLY, A LOUD CLAXON GOES OFF BY THE DOOR. EVERYBODY TURNS ROUND TO SEE A FAT FAT-MAN IN THE DOORWAY. HE WEARS A FAT-SUIT MARKED 'I AM EFFENDI, A CRIME BOSS'. HE HAS THE SAME WORDS WRITTEN ON HIS LIPS IN INK. A WAITER GOES UP TO HIM.) WAITER: Who are you, sir? EFFENDI: Read my lips. WAITER: Hmm. I see. This way, sir. (THE WAITER LEADS EFFENDI TO THE AGENTS' TABLE IN THE SAME MANNER A MAN MIGHT WALK A DOG, ONLY WITH A MORE EXPENSIVE-LOOKING LEAD. EFFENDI SITS DOWN.) EFFENDI: Ah, hello, you must be people. AGENT 34: Yes, we're also your contacts. EFFENDI: Oh good, I thought I'd lost them. (EFFENDI ATTEMPTS TO PICK UP THE AGENTS AND PLACE THEM INTO HIS EYES. THE AGENTS SQUEAL, WHILE A RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER WALKS BY WITH A PLACARD SAYING: 'WHAT AN AWFUL JOKE'.) EFFENDI: Oh, I'm sorry. I hope you can take an awful joke. So, what are your names? AGENT 34: I'm Jenny. AGENT 45: And I'm Agent Tommy. EFFENDI: Excuse me? (AGENT 34 KICKS AGENT 45 UNDER THE TABLE.) AGENT 45: Uh, but my friends just call me Tommy. Yes. CONTINUED ON PAGE 2 |