| Who do you think you are Cassanova or somethink? |
 |
|
| Right then women next. Now for those of you who don't know what a bird is then let me inform you they're the short things with long hair and sticky out chests. But seriously alot of blokes want to know about my sucess wiv the ladies. well fashion is one part as you'll know having read my fashion page...... haven't you boy.... yes? good boy. anyway besides looking the part there are several ways to woo the ladies and in this part I might give you a few of my secrets if you're lucky you muppet. |
 |
| No doubt about it the women love me, oh yes they do. Now follow a few of my guide lines below and you might be as good a women charmer as meself: |
| 1. First things first APPEARANCE: now along with your clothes which I have mentioned your general appearance is crucial. it's best to always look as though you 've been told your gonna die in ten minutes that way women think you're emotional see an you look 'ard 2. AFTERSHAVE: Ah yes aftershave. Now alot of blokes bang on about designer tripe, but trust me it ain't worth it. I meself like Rhino for man by BO, they're a small company so very cheap in fact I might be able to get you some on the shy like you know. 3. TEMPERAMENT: Your temper is crucial, when you're trying to court a woman for the first time be cool, relaxed,. affectionate, but once you've married the slag make sure she knows her place, by throwing your socks and pants at her and saying 'Wash those for tomorrow you tart.' never under any circumstance show a sign of negativity because this makes 'em think you're not a man, always be prepared to give 'em a slap to keep 'em in line 4. KIDS: Unless you're firing blanks you're going to have the cow pregnant within a week of the marriage if not before, and rememeber once the bitch's banged out a couple of kids they're her responsibility after all that's what women are for and don't be afraid to tell 'em either. 5. AFFAIRS: These are crucial to the survival of the marriage. Make sure the little woman knows that you are likely to have an affair that way it won't be as much of a surprise when it does happen. Pick an easy but ugly bird, and bang her for a while. Inform the missus that you needed a break from the stress at home, that way she'll think it was her fault and'll be begging for you. 6.DIVORCE: Ah yes the orrible word itself. Well make sure you get all the money and lumber 'er with the kids. Then scarper and never see her again, before repeating the entire process all over again. |
| It's a well known fact that if you want sucess with the ladies you've got to have chat up lines women love 'em and instant respect is born out of 'em here I give you a definitive couple to 'elp you, I guarantee these are the only ones you'll ever need |
 |
| 1. Is that a ladder on your tights or a stairway to heaven. 2. Fancy coming back to my carlot? 3. Get you're coat love you've pulled |
| What to say to a lady: * 'ello babe * I've got a carlot * You look lovely * PAAAAAT!!!! * No one get's one over on Frank Butcher * Let's go to Maaaanchester * I've never seen that woman in my life * Affair..... what's an affair? * Ha Ha Ha 'ave some of that!! |
| What not to say to a lady( from experience) * Shut it slut * I've got a big dick * How do you look.... wiv your eyes(ha ha classic) *I love you Pat..... uhh I mean Peggy *Let's go for a shag * Yeah of course I've been shagging that bitch *Get out of it slag!!!!!!!!! |
| Follow these guidelines and you too could be as big a hit with the ladies as me, but I can't promise nothink I mean my style is natural, after all you can't turn a skoda into a Cortina, can you? |